Is the question, "Are you gay?" offensive?

[comet5002]

It is offensive. If you don't know if a person is gay or not, that means they're still in the closet, which means they don't want anyone to know. Or the person would just be straight, and I can't see anyone just going up to someone and saying "Are you gay?" completely randomly and innocently without any sort of reason to ask.

Example: I do musical theater, and I am a straight male. I get asked ALL THE TIME if I'm gay because of a stupid stereotype, and yes, it is insulting.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

I don't think it is offensive. Would you be offended if someone asked you "Are you straight?" Probably not. The only people I can see getting offended by this are insecure males who get asked that and think the question implies you are doubting their masculinity.

Well, that's pretty much why the question is asked in this day and age, because they are doubting your masculinity, so yes. I think it could be considered an offensive question.

A question doesn't have to offend the person you are asking for it to be offensive.

 

[chadachada123]

An easier way to ask is, if you at least somewhat know the person, is if they're bi or gay. Including bisexuality in there makes it seem far more innocent than accusatory.

 

[Blindswordmaster]

The question, "Are you Gay?" is only offensive if it's bad to answer yes. Let me ask you this, original poster, Is it bad to be gay?

Utterly untrue. It depends on the implications from the one asking the question. If they imply when asking that it's bad, yes that would be offensive. And it depends why they're asking. If they're just stereotyping, yes, that's somewhat offensive.

I disagree, it's a simple binary question. You answer yes or no. We can't count inflection, because that can make anything sound bad, so we're just talking about the question itself. Which is harmless.

We're talking about the real world where inflection exists I assume.

Yes, but you can't judge weather a question is offensive based on someone's inflection when asking it. I can make a blowjob sound bad with the right inflection. You must judge the question based solely on the arrangement of words. I would also like to say that text doesn't really have any inflection.

It's nonsense to assume it is perfectly neutral because in the real world it isn't. So instead of making an inaccurate and useless blanket answer you qualify it.

And even if it was in text, there is the context.

No, if we're not going be reasonable we 'must' try to avoid being overly simplistic and only judging it on the arrangement of words. It's not as if it's impossible to give general guidelines.

Please explain to me why the question isn't perfectly neutral. Haven't we, as a society, learned to accept people for who they are? Asking "Are you gay" is just as innocuous as asking "Do you like the Bears".

Please read my post again and this time don't mentally insert things I didn't say.

Sorry, let me try this again.
"It's nonsense to assume it is perfectly neutral because in the real world it isn't."
Please explain this line to me. I'm afraid I don't understand it.

Let's see... in the post right before we were just talking about inflection. So it would seem pretty obvious that inflection is not going to always be neutral. Maybe it can be. But it's nonsense to just assume it will be. You get an answer that is rather worthless for the real world if you ignore inflection, context, etc.

Right, but the point of this discussion is to determine whether or not the question itself is offensive. In order to reach a reasonable conclusion of the basic nature of the question, we cannot consider inflection, as it is an infinite variable. One can ask a question a million different ways without changing the wording of said question, some will be offensive, others won't, therefore it's impossible to take that into consideration when discussing the question, if we want to reach anything resembling consensus.

The question was "Is asking someone 'Are you gay?'" offensive. The correct answer depends on circumstances.

In order to reach a reasonable conclusion you need to not do something senseless like ignore the real world. Calling it an infinite variable just goes to show you failed to read the part where I said 'general guidelines'.

You're trying to reach consensus at the expense of making the answer inapplicable to real life.

Fine, then this entire discussion is pointless. I'm trying to explain that asking someone,"Are you gay?" isn't offensive when considering the question itself. Of course, one could ask the question in a way that is offensive, that's a given. The original question is "Is it offensive to ask someone,"Are you gay?". The answer is no. You are asking, "Is it possible to be offensive while asking someone,"Are you gay?". Of course it is.

 

[Caverat]

It is as offensive as asking anyone anything about themselves that is none of your fucking business.

Should people take offense? No, I think people who take offense to anything are over-reacting. But I understand folk who don't like people prying into their lives, and would advise not to be a nosy fuck-knuckle.

 

[chadachada123]

It is offensive. If you don't know if a person is gay or not, that means they're still in the closet, which means they don't want anyone to know. Or the person would just be straight, and I can't see anyone just going up to someone and saying "Are you gay?" completely randomly and innocently without any sort of reason to ask.

Example: I do musical theater, and I am a straight male. I get asked ALL THE TIME if I'm gay because of a stupid stereotype, and yes, it is insulting.

"If you don't know if a person is gay or not, that means they're still in the closet." With all due respect, that's extremely stereotypical for you to say.

Sexual orientation doesn't need to be displayed openly, and it's perfectly possible for a person to be out of the closet but have their sexuality be unknown until someone asks. On top of that, there's no way to know without asking if someone is bisexual, homosexual, or heterosexual.

Your post implies (though you may not have meant to) that a gay person that's out of the closet must act flamboyant about it, or otherwise make their sexuality obvious. I know many a gay or bi person that doesn't act like a stereotype out of the 80s, and many straight people that would be stoned just for leaving the house with the way the act (were this the 80s).

I'm been asked if I was strictly heterosexual or not before, both by males and females, and I simply give them my honest answer. I don't take offense when they're truly curious, because how else would they have found out? How else would a girl unsure of my sexuality discover that I am strictly heterosexual unless she asked?

 

[Tselis]

It depends on the context of the conversation it comes up in.

 

[Asaliaem]

Like most people are responding, it depends. I work with kids and they on occasion ask because I wear my hair long. They're generally incredibly respectful about it, which is cool. They always seem embarrassed when I say no, possibly because they realise that I may take it as an insult. If I don't get insulted when kids ask me if I'm a girl(because of the long hair), I'm not going to be insulted if they ask me if I'm gay. I really need to just start responding with 'Does it matter if I'm straight or gay?' and leave it at that.

 

[comet5002]

It is offensive. If you don't know if a person is gay or not, that means they're still in the closet, which means they don't want anyone to know. Or the person would just be straight, and I can't see anyone just going up to someone and saying "Are you gay?" completely randomly and innocently without any sort of reason to ask.

Example: I do musical theater, and I am a straight male. I get asked ALL THE TIME if I'm gay because of a stupid stereotype, and yes, it is insulting.

"If you don't know if a person is gay or not, that means they're still in the closet." With all due respect, that's extremely stereotypical for you to say.

Sexual orientation doesn't need to be displayed openly, and it's perfectly possible for a person to be out of the closet but have their sexuality be unknown until someone asks. On top of that, there's no way to know without asking if someone is bisexual, homosexual, or heterosexual.

Your post implies (though you may not have meant to) that a gay person that's out of the closet must act flamboyant about it, or otherwise make their sexuality obvious. I know many a gay or bi person that doesn't act like a stereotype out of the 80s, and many straight people that would be stoned just for leaving the house with the way the act (were this the 80s).

I'm been asked if I was strictly heterosexual or not before, both by males and females, and I simply give them my honest answer. I don't take offense when they're truly curious, because how else would they have found out? How else would a girl unsure of my sexuality discover that I am strictly heterosexual unless she asked?

Sorry, perhaps I wasn't being clear enough. I wasn't trying to imply that people who are "out" must be flamboyant and flaming. I worded it poorly. What I meant is that I personally have never had to ask if someone was gay before. All the gay people I know have either told me, or I have seen with their significant other or I have just figured it out. I was drawing from personal experience when I said that.

I guess I'm just not understanding the whole concept of asking if someone is exclusively one thing? I once asked out a girl who was a lesbian, and SHE told ME she was a lesbian. If a person is gay, they like the same gender, if they're bi, they like both. I don't see why the question would ever even come up.

Maybe that's just you personally then. I don't like being asked of my sexuality because of my hobbies and interests and it's gotten to the point where it's tedious and annoying.

 

[chaosyoshimage]

I hope it isn't. I'm never going to find anyone if it is...

 

[Vicarious Reality]

Personally, I would want to know if a girl I'm dating is gay

Most women are rather gay, LOL

 

[kyle_silver]

No I don't personally find this question to be offensive, maybe a little personal, but not that offensive.. I would answer it, depending on their tone and how they say it. I would recommend that you filter your question through common sense.

 

[WolfThomas]

I don't think it's particulary offensive, but it's probably not the most tactful way of asking. "What is your sexual orientation?" while seeming a bit forced gets a more accurate answer, eg hetero/home/bi/pan/asexual or "I don't know, but..."