Is the question, "Are you gay?" offensive?
- Thread starter CrimsonBlaze
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No. Not an insult unless you're a homophobe, or think being gay would be worthy of insulting.Harry Mason said:
It'd be like some similar situation and someone saying "What are you, black??"
"...No."
I'm not a racist, so I don't give a shit if someone (intentionally or otherwise) gets my race wrong. I'm not a homophobe, either, so I really don't care if someone gets my sexual orientation wrong. Unless you have some other problems, it is not an insult. If so, for some magical reason, explain how. For real.
It's not that offensive. However if the person being asked was straight, they would be pissed probably. Kind of like how if a fat woman is asked if she is pregnant when she is in fact not.
Really it all depends on who is being asked and whether they consider it offensive... Usually if they say no the it usually is considered though.
Really it all depends on who is being asked and whether they consider it offensive... Usually if they say no the it usually is considered though.
Call me Mr. Original here, but i think it really all hinges on "how" you ask and not "what" you ask.
Firstly, it's kind of a personal question.
Secondly, assumptions do more harm than good.
I've been in similar situations (both wondering if somebody is gay and being asked if I'm gay...but this is high-school we're talking about) and it will always be a slippery slope. Oh sure it's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, but it's almost never pulled off in a mature manner, more in a "WHAT THE FUCK, ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?" way.
Secondly, assumptions do more harm than good.
I've been in similar situations (both wondering if somebody is gay and being asked if I'm gay...but this is high-school we're talking about) and it will always be a slippery slope. Oh sure it's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, but it's almost never pulled off in a mature manner, more in a "WHAT THE FUCK, ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?" way.
Like most things to say in this life and human interactions, it all depends on the context.
If you have been dating someone for a while and they ask it out of the blue, then yes, it might be considered somewhat insulting.
However, if there's a reason behind the question (E.g. you are not only asking out of curiosity but you have a point to make regardless of the answer). Then I don't see a problem with it.
I have always found simpler to ask certain things that might be considered offensive in a "watered down" comedic way: Instead of "are you gay?" you could ask: So, what do you like, men, women, zebras?
Again, it's not the question itself, it is how you ask and why you ask it.
All the best.
If you have been dating someone for a while and they ask it out of the blue, then yes, it might be considered somewhat insulting.
However, if there's a reason behind the question (E.g. you are not only asking out of curiosity but you have a point to make regardless of the answer). Then I don't see a problem with it.
I have always found simpler to ask certain things that might be considered offensive in a "watered down" comedic way: Instead of "are you gay?" you could ask: So, what do you like, men, women, zebras?
Again, it's not the question itself, it is how you ask and why you ask it.
All the best.
No more so than asking: Are you straight?
More over...why do you even want to know this; less you're interested in having sexual relations with someone.
More over...why do you even want to know this; less you're interested in having sexual relations with someone.
As others have said, it really depends on context. But I have been asked once, and I wasn't offended. (Spoiler: I'm not.)
Well, I was dating a girl for a few weeks (nothing serious, but we were exclusive) and before our last date, she got a little alcohol in her and started telling me about various sexual encounters with women that she had years ago in great detail. At first, I thought that she was tipsy and just saying things and if anything, she experimented in college.kebab4you said:
The next day, I asked if she "liked girls," and she said that she did. She went on to say that she had been hiding her sexuality for a while and believed that if she dated enough guys, she would be attracted to them. I told her that if she was gay, she should not be ashamed of it. We broke up, but I bare no ill will towards her.
I think it's something that can easily come off as rude if you ask it. You may only be curious, but regardless of their answer the other person could become insecure about what might make you think that they are a homosexual (since many equate homosexuality to being too masculine or feminine for their respective gender) or they could get defensive because they have been asked this by others in the past who meant to make fun of them.
Sexuality is a sensitive issue and if the other person knows you well enough that they would know you mean nothing by it then go ahead and ask, but otherwise it's just best to keep talking to that person and learning more about them from what they feel comfortable telling you.
Sexuality is a sensitive issue and if the other person knows you well enough that they would know you mean nothing by it then go ahead and ask, but otherwise it's just best to keep talking to that person and learning more about them from what they feel comfortable telling you.
Well no, it's just asking someone what their gender preference is. It's just as offensive as asking someone their age.
as a bisexual male, i often have a problem especially when meeting new people, because i do definitely want to make that part of my identity clear, but i don't really want it to color first impressions people might have of me. I'd rather people think of me as a person first and as a bi dude second, and so people asking this question is great if it's well-meaning (i can usually tell 
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