Is there something wrong with me?

[Thundero13]

Listen it sounds like you're asexual, there's nothing wrong with that, and consider yourself lucky you don't have to go through the pain of being in love, you just be whoever you think you should be and don't let ANYONE drag your spirits down, if you don't want a boyfriend then just don't get a boyfriend.

 

[Stephanos132]

Your story reminded me of a tale I read where a young lady (in a position vaguely similar to yours, minus mention of meds) was at home for christmas with her family, and the females of the clan took every opportunity they could to undermine her and try to reduce her to their level (she was at uni, thoroughly uninterested in cosmetics and soap operas, not bone revealingly slim (she had lost a fair bit of weight, go figure) single etc. Basically not the, according to them, acceptable role for a lady. They just more or less wanted her to be a baby factory.). Understandably pissed off, she went to the kitchen, where all the males were (I doubt it was a coincidence that the men were hiding from the women after that revelation) and, on telling them what she went through, they were more or less the complete opposite (congratulating her on her achievements, telling her to keep it up, general uplifting stuff).

Where was I going with this... Oh yea, your mum is being a bit silly (understatement). Just keep being you. If you worry about your weight, go for a jog (which has the added advantage of giving you an additional good feeling anyway). But only if YOU feel it needs doing. No-one should tell you how to be. If you're broadly healthy and able, then great. Someone will drift along and fancy getting in on the action, so to speak, sooner or later. No point hurling yourself at people in the vain hope of getting your mum off your back.

 

[Something Amyss]

No, there is nothing "Wrong" with you.
If you need the medication then you need it, nothing you can help.
and you need to talk to your mom, and let her know how her Criticisms make you feel.

And if having a relationship is that important then yes you should take initiative.
Even though you will be rejected, if you don't try then you will never find someone.
If you just act like yourself then one day im sure you will find someone.
And if a relationship isn't really that important to you right now, then don't worry about it.

Im 19 and never had a girlfriend but i don't let it bother me, even when im criticized about it.

*applause*

Well handled, man.

 

[Sikachu]

Holy crap, I just typed all of this, and it didn't post.
Prepare for a wall of text. I'm sorry about all of this, I'm just really depressed (already in counseling) right now.

First, let me start off by explaining how this whole problem started. My mom is one of those people who's constantly trying to improve people (specifically me) through harsh, negative criticism. Recently she read that antidepressants may cause weight gain, so her newest idea is that I should stop taking my Prozac so I'll be able to find a boyfriend. She says that there's something wrong with me that I've never expressed an interest in getting a boyfriend, and that if I lost the weight, I could find one easier.

I know she's out of her mind, but abusive relationships are hard to get out of, especially when it's your parent. I have no intention of stopping my medication, however.

I've never been upset about being single. A relationship has just never been high on my list of priorities. But after spending a whole Thanksgiving vacation with her, it's really hard to get it out of my head.

I'm 21, and I've never been on a date or had a boyfriend, or anything like that. Part of it is that the only person who's ever expressed interest in me is a guy who believed that he had magic powers. Is there something wrong with me that no sane person has ever expressed interest, and that I've never taken the initiative? I am over weight, but I'm also funny, smart, and always do my best to help others. Sometimes I feel like it's because I'm so unattractive that subconsciously, I assume that every guy is out of my league.

Short version: What's wrong with me? Why am I not good enough for anyone? Should I Sparta-Kick my mom in the chest? (joke- I'm a pacifist)

Again, I'm sorry for the wall of text, I just needed a vent.

EDIT: A few people have brought up my dad. He's actually really cool, I've never had a fight with him, and I don't even remember him ever yelling at me as a kid. (My mom did enough for both of them.)
Also, my sister is my best friend, which makes it really hard for me to think about leaving permanently.
Also, I just wanted to add that this version of my mom is an improvement over the one I experienced in my childhood. I remember a solid month where she referred to me as "it."
EDIT 2: I have tried talking to her about it, I've been trying my whole life. Nothing gets through to her. She knows quite well how much she's hurting me.

Cart before the horse. Don't be offended, but you're unattractive because you assume every guy is out of your league. Accept yourself as you are (and if that means accepting you're fat, so be it - if you want to do something about it, do it positively rather than out of guilt or some misplaced sense of it being unacceptable, and if you don't then accept it just as you accept your skin or hair colour - SHIT LOADS of people find bigger girls more attractive, and there's a huge number who are indifferent about weight) and other people will like you too. I've never really been out with an over-weight girl before but this one girl at work flat knocked me on my arse by smiling at me today - had butterflies all day wondering if she's interested or just friendly (don't what that adds really, but there it is). No guy is out of your league, leagues are for juvenile pussies too insecure to go out with whomever they happen to click with. They don't exist in the adult world.

You should be wary of decidedly not coming off your anti-depressants. I wouldn't presume to diagnose you, you may well need them for now, but try to plan for a future without them. Your lack of interest in sexual activity (I'm not about to be heteronormative about it) could (COULD not IS) be a side-effect of the prozac - it is a relatively common thing with most SSRIs.I've been there with a few friends who have been in similar situations and it seems to be the case that the ones that feel better most quickly tend to be the ones that look at the drug as a temporary thing that they will come off.

Finally, a note on your mother. FUCK YOUR MOTHER. Seriously, I know it's hard - kids are wired to be attached to their parents and value their opinions but it sounds like that ***** needs a long hard cold shoulder. You don't need her approval or even for her to like you, and that your relationship is at is is her fault for being a selfish and self-obsessed ****. Forgive me if I've inferred too much here but that woman sounds like a poisonous cow. Don't take my advice though, just think to yourself if you would be better off if you killed off any feelings you have about her in your heart and she just didn't exist to you. Just make sure you know it's an option. Bad parents do not deserve their children's love, and sometimes you have to protect yourself by cutting them out. I'm not saying that's definitely the case here, but you know the facts, you can decide. That would involve moving out of her house though - you really should start looking into that. You'd be amazed how much freedom and self-respect a person gains when they start to become independent.

And don't apologise for the wall of text, you broke it up into paragraphs and it was easily digestible.

EDIT: Additional thoughts...

Who was the fucking moron who prescribed you prozac at your age? It doubles the likelihood of suicide amongst depressive under 24 and is shown as no different to a placebo for anything but a major depression (not that I know how bad your depression is, but you do so you can decide). I'd strongly advise seeking a second opinion, and perhaps looking into a different anti-depressant.

You are probably also not self-centred enough. I know that sounds strange, but you have to look after yourself because if you don't, no-one else will. There are needs and desires that you have that you're probably minimising in order to be helpful to others or be there for them or make them happy. You are important, and your happiness or enjoyment or convenience is at least as important as anyone else's. Consider whether you put yourself first often enough.

"Wrong" is the wrong word when it comes to not having expressed sexual interest by your age, 'unusual' would be better. It is unusual, but who gives a fuck about that? You'll get a boyfriend (or girlfriend - I somehow doubt that if you have any latent homosexual feelings that your mother would nourish the self-confidence to bring them to the surface) when one damn well happens to come along. There's no rush, and pressure really won't help.

 

[Charisma]

For the OP:

Spoiler: Don't read this if you are feeling sensitive right now, or if you are generally sensitive to brutal honesty.

Forget your mom; your mom has nothing to do with the real problem. She sounds like a *****, and you're probably going to have to escape from her at some point if you want to grow, but instead focus on discovering the bigger problem.

IE, your weight. It rings very true to me that you aren't interested in relationships because you feel every guy is out of your league. It rings true for two reasons; #1 it's a simple and logical explanation, and #2 you were the one who thought of it.

There is only one path you can follow to achieve real growth and healing, and that is to organically, naturally, lose the weight. And the only way to do that is through very, very hard work.

No diets or pills will help you. They are designed to prey on the insecurities of people exactly like you. Don't let them steal your money.

It will be hard; the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. But if you keep your eyes on the prize, and remember that if you do make it, then you will have a powerfully strong sense of self, knowing that you did one of the most difficult things people do. Jared from Subway became famous because he lost however much weight through perseverance and work. You will truly be a great catch, because not only will you be very attractive, but you'll also be tough and independent. The whole world will be your oyster.

And keep in mind that you're only 21. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't sweat it if you aren't skinny in a year. Maybe taking it slow is the way to do it.

If you can drop however many pounds, on your own, for no one in the world but yourself, then your mom will be a drop in the bucket. She'll be nothing. Just a bad memory.

Just something to think about.

 

[DarthFennec]

If you don't want a boyfriend, there's no reason to think you need one, and there's no reason to let your mom tell you that something's wrong with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. You're probably very beautiful, and even if you aren't, listening to your mom in this case isn't going to fix it. Personally, I would rather have a fat girlfriend than a depressed one.

As for your question, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Maybe you're looking at it the wrong way. You ask why nobody's ever shown an interest in you. I ask, have you ever shown an interest in anyone?

The first reason I ask is, I don't see why a relationship would be important to you if there's nobody specific you'd like to have one with. And with the `any guy that wants me' mindset, you could get in some pretty deep shit.

The other reason I ask is because of my personal experience with my first girlfriend. I never would have noticed her at all, if she hadn't shown an interest in me first. What I'm saying is, you don't seem like a whore, and you don't seem like you've gone after anyone in the past, therefore it makes perfect sense to me that nobody has decided to ask you out.

That's just my opinion though. I wish you the best ^_^

EDIT
Oh yeah, and get the fuck away from your mom. Sorry, but she's obviously bad for you, and you shouldn't have to put up with that.

 

[Sikachu]

I appreciate your concern, but that only happens in a tiny fraction of cases, and antidepressants do far more good as opposed to the risk. It is important, though for people to watch for and recognize that side effect. However, I've been taking these medications for the past eleven years with no major issues.

Seriously, you need some new doctors. Can you imagine yourself one day stopping taking it? Because if not, it isn't making you better.

 

[Cain_Zeros]

Yes, there is. You're starting to think your mother might be right. By which I mean there isn't, really, and you shouldn't let her get to you. Some people just aren't interested in dating.

 

[Sonofadiddly]

I think your instinct is correct. Children of critical parents will internalize the negative voice and believe the bad things their parents say about them. And when you believe that you are bad and undesirable, you are likely to put out a wall that keeps people away so that you can confirm your essential belief, which is that no one will like you for who you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You just have crappy parents. On top of the medication, I would suggest either therapy or a good self-help book that will teach you to banish the negative voice of your mother and to love yourself.

I know what it's like to have overly critical parents. It's a huge drain on the self-esteem. But I got some help myself, and am now recovering. I didn't have a boyfriend until after I started therapy. Good luck with your own journey.

 

[dmase]

I wouldn't go off your meds if you need them but if your saying your feeling self conscious because your overweight you could try getting in shape. Its proven that working out improves self esteem even if you don't see any results it makes you feel a little bit more self confident.

You don't really need to go actively seek a boyfriend but making yourself more socially available would help. Not that i know if you are sociable or not.

 

[PurplePlatypus]

I?m 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I?m fine with it, I don?t see what the rush it to be honest. If you?re fine with it then there is no problem.

I think it would probably be harder finding one while suffering from the worst part of your depression. Besides you could lose wheight while still on your medication if you really wanted to.

The thing that is wrong with you is already being handled, don?t give into your mam and destroy all that because of her silly whim. To be honest there may be something wrong with her more than you if she does this kind of thing often.

 

[Astoria]

Nothings wrong with you, it sounds like your mum is the one with the problem. Have you tried talking to other members of your family about this? Maybe they can help stand between you and your mum's abuse.

With the boyfriend thing don't worry about it. I have a friend who's also worried about the whole never had a boyfriend thing but she is one of the nicest people I know and I don't think anyone's good enough for her anyway you'll find the right person when it's time I wouldn't be worried about your weight unless it's at a point where you struggle with simple things or it's causing health problems. Everyone's different.

Just enjoy what you can in life and it'll all sort itself out, you just gotta keep at it good luck.

 

[GrimTuesday]

I would say that the real issue here is that you have allowed your mother to mess with your head for far too long. I'm also over weight and have a lot of family members who make snide comments about my weight and the fact that I've never had a girlfriend so I know how shitty it can make you feel. I've always just held to the principle that they are just assholes who have no right to judge me on how I live my life. Your mom is the same way. I would say that you need to get away, as far away as possible because from the sound of it your relationship is toxic and only brings you more pain.

And if it makes you feel any better, just from reading the comments you've made that I have come across, you seem like an awesome person who just needs to be more confident in herself. Just don't let the world get you down and live life the way you want to and if that means becoming a nun or just being single forever so be it.

 

[Infernostrider]

imo, there is nothing wrong with you from what i can see. everyone handles things differently, so i honestly can't say much about your mom either for that matter.
however, for you personally it's obvious that she's not doing her job as a mother very well, if at all. you say that you can't leave permanently because of your sister, but sweety..you're moving out eventually, and you won't lose contact with your sister when that happens, so you probably shouldn't let that stop you. you will be fine, keep seeing your sister, and she'll get out when it's time for her aswell

now, about the attention from boys bit... it basicly comes down to people being really shallow. nobody will admit it, nobody will say they care about looks, but they do. we do. i do. everybody does. you see a guy you never talked to before who is the epitome of ugliness for you, and you will not go to him to strike up a conversation just because he "might be right for you." which he very well might be. he might be the one for you, even. and thats the same for everybody. You said it yourself; you're over weight. that probably shows, and thereby deters people. People who already know you and know what kind of person you are are less likely to find interest in you in a romantic way because a: they already don't like you and don't want to find out if that may ever change, or b: they are already your friends and the thought just never enters your mind.
The only remedy to this is to just really be out there. to actively search out companionship. you can't wait for prince charming, or even just a fling, to happen along unless you're a supermodel of some sort (this goes for us guys aswell, trust me, and even then it's not always true). if you aren't interested in the matter yet, due to priorities or not being ready or whatever (it isn't important why, i guess) then it is entirely up to you. love may still find you, and when it does you'll probably go for it. if not, and you're happy with that? fuck what your mom says. fuck it hard in every hole it has. repeatedly. leave it drenched in manfluids and blood in the gutter.

do your own thing. do what feels right. but if you believe you would feel better with a love in your life, be it male or female (from the context of your post i'm guessing it'll probably be male, but you never know right? at least i don't, about you ^^), then go find somebody. use datingsites if you don't like going out and walking up to people. be out there, be outgoing, be the center of attention and all that is good will come to you ^^

good luck, and if ye ever need to talk ye can pm me ^^ (or, you know, keep posting on this forum )

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

I just wanted to clarify a few points: I don't have bad parents, I have a bad parent. My dad is super chill, the only time I've ever heard him yell was in an Easter play at church. He tried his best to defend me when I was younger, but he wasn't home a whole lot. We didn't have much money, and he usually had two jobs, and massive amounts of overtime to support us. He still sticks up for me when things get really bad, but I don't think he realizes the full extent of what's going on. I don't want to burden him with it, either, the guy has a lot of other things to worry about, and, as an adult, I should be able to handle it.

Also, they started me on Prozac over ten years ago, before all of the suicide studies were done. Besides, it's always seemed to help, and I've never had any major issues.