Let me tell you the inspiring story of my old phone, Jesus.
Jesus wasn't the best phone, but he wasn't the worst either. Jesus could call and text and tell the time, which is basically all I use a phone to do at any given time. One day, my dryer made some horrible knocking sounds. It was like someone stuffed a rock in there or something. Upon taking my clothes from the dryer, to my utter surprise and moderate dismay, I found Jesus sitting very lonesomely. "Oh, it must be broken." I thought. Jesus had other plans. "Nay!" he cried, turning on as if nothing had happened. "Not water nor heat may banish me!" The display on the outside (Jesus was a flip-phone) now had a few broken lines of pixels, and the inside screen's colors occasionally grew a little too bright, but on the whole, Jesus worked just fine.
The next major hurdle in Jesus's life was, unfortunately, due to abuse. I had this lady friend who, for whatever reason, could not take 'no' for an answer as far as talking on the phone went. So Jesus would buzz incessantly on my desk, saying, "She's calling again, man. You gonna pick it up?" Eventually, me having a relatively short fuse, I picked Jesus up and spike him into the ground. I spiked him so hard he flew about ten feet to the far wall of my basement, then made a full return trip. He simply turned off and on again, as if to say, "Fuck that, I wasn't going to stay awake for that."
The only other noticeable damage Jesus took was when I accidently bumped his front screen into a table corner, cracking the protective bit and revealing the now-vulnerable display beneath. My friends and I would occasionally test Jesus's strength, including tossing him long distances, chucking and dropping him from great heights and other challenges that Jesus would undoubtably and steadfastly overcome.
Jesus was a trooper, and never broke. Not once.
Until we beheaded him (which took a considerably long amount of time) after I got a new phone and he became essentially useless.
