It's time to settle this debate once and for all.

Recommended Videos

Fieldy409_v1legacy

New member
Oct 9, 2008
2,685
0
0
lax4life said:
Is the woodchuck modified in anyway? Say it now has a chainsaw for arms and is fuelled by human flesh?
The woodchuck can't be modified, because then you get into the philosophical question of what a woodchuck is, it's body or it's soul? transwoodchuckism, when woodchucks use technology to become more than mere woodchucks. When does a woodchuck stop being a woodchuck as you add more cybernetic enhancements? When does it lose it's woodchuckity? It's souls? Is a woodchucks brain implanted into a twenty ton wood chuccker 9000 still a woodchuck? If you replace all the parts of a boat is it still the same boat?

Mechanical assistance is okay in my book however. A woodchuck can use a chainsaw just not be a chainsaw. I asked if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Not something beyond woodchucks. No woodchuck 2.0
 

Ten Foot Bunny

I'm more of a dishwasher girl
Mar 19, 2014
807
0
0
But what if the woodchuck chucks wood to rebuild its home, which is only washed out once a year by spring snow runoff? Logically, that would mean the woodchuck would chuck wood once a year as well.

Since groundhogs (a.k.a., woodchucks - a derivative of the Algonquin name, wuchak) are usually born in April or May to parents who were feeling frisky after their winter hibernation, the young rodent doesn't build its first home, but rather settles into an abandoned den. That means it loses a year - subtract 1. Now if the average lifespan of the groundhog is four to five years, and taking into consideration that it loses a year, the answer MUST be 3 or 4.

What unit of measurement, you ask? Irrelevant, I say! Because I'm right and you're all wrong.

Neener neener.

[/illogical_smartass_mode] ;)

Zachary Amaranth said:
You know who disliked squares? THE NAZIS! You never see one of their tanks run on square wheels, do you? And do you know who was in charge of the Nazis? It was....I forget, but I think his name started with an R!
I believe his name was Reichmaster Kartoffelkopf. Legend has it, he was so versatile that he could change every part of his face at will, and all of the spare parts were kept inside a hollowed-out compartment in the vicinity of his buttcheeks. Hitler was little more than R.K.'s puppet, a fact that history has forgotten due to the sheer terror the almighty Kartoffel exuded whenever he entered a room. The mere act of writing about him sends a shiver down my spine!
 

DeaDRabbiT

New member
Sep 25, 2010
139
0
0
I wouldn't hold your breath on getting to the bottom of this mystery any time soon. Before you know it a bunch of woodchucks are going to start talking about how chucking wood is highly insensitive to other woodchucks and that they are part of a despised underclass of woodchucks that should be ashamed to have ever chucked wood in the first place.

So my guess.

They chuck one wood too many.
 

briankoontz

New member
May 17, 2010
654
0
0
I think the stupid levels of insanity are designed to make the discussion seem important. It's like when a child throws a tantrum - once the adult is sufficiently embarrassed it will give the child what it wants.

Or we could just spank the child. Hopefully I'm not mean for saying that would be more satisfying.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
24,756
0
0
Ten Foot Bunny said:
I believe his name was Reichmaster Kartoffelkopf. Legend has it, he was so versatile that he could change every part of his face at will, and all of the spare parts were kept inside a hollowed-out compartment in the vicinity of his buttcheeks. Hitler was little more than R.K.'s puppet, a fact that history has forgotten due to the sheer terror the almighty Kartoffel exuded whenever he entered a room. The mere act of writing about him sends a shiver down my spine!
Who's this Hitler guy everyone's so fixated on?

Not The Bees said:
Tesla. It always comes back to Tesla. Just because he went back in time and let loose the black death and killed so many people, everyone vilifies him and he loses all credibility. I think that's very hypocritical.

And every earthling should fear the Vogons. They already came for Emily Dickinson. They're coming for me. They're coming for all the bloggers. They're probably coming for you too.
I'm more worried about the Lizard People. My blog is decidedly against their cold-blooded agenda. Literally, cold-blooded. If you're an endotherm, you can't even go outside unescorted.

And don't get me started on the lobsters....
 

Fijiman

I am THE PANTS!
Legacy
Dec 1, 2011
16,509
0
1
If a woodchuck could chuck wood then it would be able to chuck up to about 15 pounds an average of about five yards away.
 

NateA42

New member
Jun 12, 2014
111
0
0
Woodchucks ain't no queer ass homos; I reckon if it were though then it could chuck at least 5. That be the highest number I know of, anybody even.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
24,756
0
0
Not The Bees said:
You only worry about the lobsters because they can read your mind. But so can the trees, and no one ever complains about them. I find that to so iRONic.
Hey, trees are people, too. I don't know why everyone treats them so bad. I mean, when's the last time you saw a tree harm anyone? Meanwhile, we make philosophical inquiries about whether or not their demise makes a sound!

Well, I hear it! It makes a sound *taps chest* in here!
 

Callate

New member
Dec 5, 2008
5,114
0
0
Is the hypothetical woodchuck altered in any way, other than the addition of the previously unknown ability to chuck wood? Could said woodchuck undergo training and a regimen of steroids to optimize its chucking capability, recognizing the long-term hazards to the woodchuck's health, well-being, and ability to re-integrate among other woodchucks?
 

Fieldy409_v1legacy

New member
Oct 9, 2008
2,685
0
0
Callate said:
Is the hypothetical woodchuck altered in any way, other than the addition of the previously unknown ability to chuck wood? Could said woodchuck undergo training and a regimen of steroids to optimize its chucking capability, recognizing the long-term hazards to the woodchuck's health, well-being, and ability to re-integrate among other woodchucks?
If the woodchuck were to start using steroids I do believe it wouldn't want to enter into any wood chucking sessions because cardio hurts it's gains. It would rather spend that time complaining about Crossfit.
 

florzk

New member
Feb 5, 2011
14
0
0
No, no, no, you're all going about this problem the wrong way: the REAL question isn't about how much wood it would chuck, but rather a call to action to find a way to motivate one of the lazy buggers to actually chuck some goddamn wood.
 

Coppernerves

New member
Oct 17, 2011
362
0
0
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
24,756
0
0
Not The Bees said:
*recoils in horror* They got to you too?! My god, I knew the bushes were putting out chemicals and pheromones trying to recruit, but I didn't think it had started working yet.

But it's true now. And it's working. You've already started to feel it. Let me guess, you've already started to feel the need to dismantle the tall buildings because they "block the sunlight?" Or just sit there and blow at the trees on windless days, because they "might be hot."

I had hope for you Zachary... *shakes head* I had so much hope for you.
See? That's the kind of attitude I'm talking about. Got to me? I went to them? Why can't I make my own decisions in life? Always with the assumption that I was coerced, because I didn't know better! The trees are nice!
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
24,756
0
0
Not The Bees said:
That's what they WANT you to think! They've poisoned your mind! They sent the ants in with tiny nano machines to implant the roots and seeds of what will become your ultimate tree demise. You are just a pawn in their game.

You best give your self a labotomy now, if you know what's best for you.
So you're not only insulting me, you're insisting I cut my labs off?
 

NoX 9

I Want A Hug!
Jul 2, 2014
82
0
0
Zombie_Fish said:
Apparently this is actually the right answer. It's from a paper called 'The Ability of Woodchucks to Chuck Cellulose Fibers [http://scientopia.org/blogs/scicurious/2012/10/05/friday-weird-science-how-much-wood-could-a-woodchuck-chuck/]'.

Science!
A fairly dodgy paper that I would personally be a bit careful putting too much trust in, but yeah. Close enough I suppose! I think a longterm study on a larger sample is required to determine this important question once and for all.
 

Ramzal

New member
Jun 24, 2011
414
0
0
I was hoping we'd settle this debate with a rap battle to the (pride) death. Sigh... I wish more debates would be solved this way.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
24,756
0
0
Not The Bees said:
Well the other option is to cut off another part of the anatomy, and if you would rather do that... but that might be much worse. I have heard that part of you hurts much worse.
That might not be as big a problem as you think, but...STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME!
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
24,756
0
0
Ramzal said:
I was hoping we'd settle this debate with a rap battle to the (pride) death. Sigh... I wish more debates would be solved this way.
What would it be? Woodchuck vs "Dramatic Gopher?"
 

Zombie_Fish

Opiner of Mottos
Mar 20, 2009
4,584
0
0
NoX 9 said:
Zombie_Fish said:
Apparently this is actually the right answer. It's from a paper called 'The Ability of Woodchucks to Chuck Cellulose Fibers [http://scientopia.org/blogs/scicurious/2012/10/05/friday-weird-science-how-much-wood-could-a-woodchuck-chuck/]'.

Science!
A fairly dodgy paper that I would personally be a bit careful putting too much trust in, but yeah. Close enough I suppose! I think a longterm study on a larger sample is required to determine this important question once and for all.
Given that it was published in a journal called 'The Annals of Improbable Research', I think we can safely trust in their margins of error being absolutely massive. =P