Jim & Yahtzee's Rhymedown Spectacular: A Tale of Two Poets

Tim Chuma

New member
Jul 9, 2010
Great first show, poetry does not have to rhyme these days but if you want it to then that's OK by me.

I once saw a poet spread wax on their face with a knife, was interesting.

I wonder if Yahtzee could beatbox?

Daft Ghosty

New member
Sep 25, 2010
That was great, but I did find myself having to look at something else while Yahtzee did his bit. Seeing him in the flesh is to distracting. Once I did that, in my minds eye, he was a stick figure once again, and all was right in the world. =) Maybe Yahtzee could animate his parts =) haha

Rock on. More of these would be great. Both Jim, and Yahtzee rocked.


New member
Apr 3, 2013
rembrandtqeinstein said:
Am I the only one who imagined the Jim and Yahtzee doing this in the empty warehouse and the audience was some poor bastard stripped naked and duct taped to a chair?

Because that would make a pretty awesome scene in a tarantino movie.
I thought torturing people with poetry was something Vogons did, not Tarantino characters.

And Yahtzee, one point for having funny faces, minus one point for not staying in metre.


You Gots to Chill
Sep 10, 2012
I don't write poetry as much as I used to, but a show based around that concept is great! I'll definitely be tuning in for more of this.


New member
Jan 21, 2013
Thoroughly enjoyed this. Clever pointed and well played. Yahtzee did an excellent job building up to the expected jab, and Jim had a good concise series of tied together points.


Elusive Paragon
Aug 31, 2012
This was so much more than I expected when a new feature was teased a week(?) ago. The gripes are still the same from both of them but put into poetry and you've made some magic.


New member
Aug 25, 2009
"Technology Races On"
by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw

I went into a dealership to buy myself a car
And a wholesome-looking salesman came to greet me at the door
I said, "I'd like a car that wouldn't have to travel far.
Just a basic sort of vehicle; twenty thousand, maybe more."

The salesman said, "You know, I have the perfect car for you!
A sleek and daring motor for the manliest of men!"
Then he stood and stared at me and made no further moves
So I coughed expectantly and hinted, "Could I see it, then?"

"Oh, I can't show you it, but you have my guarantee."
And this is where the situation started seeming "if-y"
"How are you going to sell me something you won't let me see?!
For all I know, it's made of snow or shaped like a giant 'stiffy'!"

"Well, it isn't," was his counterpoint; "It actually looks cool!"
"I still don't care unless you've something tangible and real!"
So he took me to his office and he sat me on a stool
And, from underneath his desk, he produced a steering wheel

"Here's what you control it with," he said with eyes a-gleam;
"The cutting edge of tech; it really is the dizzy height!
In the middle of the wheel, you'll see a little sensor screen;
To turn the car, you wave your hand to the left or to the right!"

"Wait, what?!" I interrupted, eyes widened and unblinking
"I'd've thought you turned the car by turning the whole wheel."
He scoffed, "Sounds like you're just not up with current thinking!
This way cuts out the middle man for a more immersive feel!"

"That's ridiculous," I said. "And what's that little switch?"
He looked at what I pointed at, grinned and exclaimed, "Ah!
We've integrated social media to make your driving more enriched!
It sends to all your Facebook friends a link to where you are!

"And when your friends press theirs, you'll get their links, too,
With a loud, obnoxious bell that'll only slightly damage hearing!
A stream of what they're doing will obscure most of your view
And you can activate remote control and take over their steering!"

"STOP!" I yelled and, from his trance, he was finally jarred
"I don't care about gimmicks or fucking Facebook integration!
It seems to me this car is just trying way to hard!
It's innovating only for the sake of innovation!"

"What do you want to know? Let me try to talk you 'round."
He crossed his legs and touched his chin and tried to look attentive
"I want to know how fast it goes, if functionality is sound,
If it handles well on corners and isn't too expensive."

"You should've asked me sooner! It's the fastest of the fast!
Half the speed of sound and the fuel tank holds loads!"
"Is that on normal roads," I asked, interest peaked at last
He wrinkled up his nose and said, "It doesn't run on roads!

"It only runs on special tracks more suitable for races.
Our market research shows that that's what all the kids revere.
They're new and cutting edge and lead to lots of funky places!
They've not all been installed yet but give us one more year!"

"I kind of like the current roads and the places where they lead."
He "tut"ted condescendingly and spoke with some derision:
"Backwards compatibility was sacrificed for speed!
It's a quaint old-fashioned notion with no place in our grand vision"

I got up without a word and kept my emotions masked
But something made me stop as I was reaching for the door
I turned. "What do you call this car," I tentatively asked
"It's called the PS4! It was a clever metaphor!!"


Mar 27, 2011
Yes, yes! This was all incredible! I can't wait to see more, which there better be.


New member
Jan 12, 2012
Yahtzee, your poem and delivery were outstanding! You are much more than an enjoyable snarky critic afterall...

Sir Pootis

New member
Aug 4, 2012
There's not really anything I can say that hasn't already been said, but Yahtzee's audio quality seemed a bit grainy.


New member
Mar 19, 2013
Aaah, sweet sweet memories of Zero Punctuation: Wolfenstein. One of my favorite videos of all time!

And now we're going to have this stuff coming on a weekly basis from Yahtzee the legendary game critic (the man responsible for bringing me to the Escapist, and also responsible for my internal organs exploding) and Jim, the likeable fat guy who brings us truths from above?



New member
Feb 24, 2011
Ha! Even yahtzee with car analogies. I guess no body's perfect.

I'll give him 1 for good poem though.


They will not take our Fluids
Jun 5, 2008
Poets pointing out retarded shit? I'm really really loving it! This will probably be a hit, and can be used to sharpen your wit, as you tell these pubs/devs to sit, or cast them to the fiery pit.

Eh, I tried.


Apr 17, 2008
Beating on some dead horses are we? Seems like I remember these topics from numerous previous articles and videos on this site alone - not to mention the rest of the internet. Well, this gave me a chuckle, so you get a cookie :)


New member
Dec 19, 2009
If this turns into a series, its going to take a long time to get used to actually seeing Yahtzee.