Jimquisition: The 100% Objective Review

Jimothy Sterling

New member
Apr 18, 2011
5,976
0
0
Jim, you once said that only a banana can give an objective game review, and Yahtzee once said that he is a banana, does that mean that Yahtzee gives 100% objective reviews?
 

Toblo1

New member
Jun 1, 2014
66
0
0
Damn. I was hoping Jim was going to do this week's vid on the Slaughtering grounds meltdown that is currently ongoing.

Um.... didn't Jim already do this? Like on Polygon?


Captcha: Join the millions.
No thanks, I think I won't......

Edit: Ok, I get the fucking joke, but still.... We don't need more potshots at FFXIII. It's filled full of holes already.....
 

Magmarock

New member
Sep 1, 2011
479
0
0
I get the message but this video was a bit disappointing. I know you've got a point to make, but I think you could've made it in a more entertaining way. Don't copy the mistakes of the industry, even to make a point.
 

RaikuFA

New member
Jun 12, 2009
4,371
0
0
Wait, Jim. Didn't you once say you were God?

And you just said God isn't real?

Then that means... YOU AREN'T REAL?!?!?!
 

Eric the Orange

Gone Gonzo
Apr 29, 2008
3,245
0
0
Toblo1 said:
Um.... didn't Jim already do this? Like on Polygon?


Captcha: Join the millions.
No thanks, I think I won't......
I get the feeling you posted this before actually watching the video.
 

Colour Scientist

Troll the Respawn, Jeremy!
Jul 15, 2009
4,722
0
0
I appreciate the attempt at objectivity but this video really was really lacking in ethics.

Something something collusion something narrative.
 

Bedinsis

Elite Member
Legacy
Escapist +
May 27, 2020
541
78
33
Country
Sverige
Oh please, this review is completely drenched in bias:

* Mr. Sterling's choice to mostly show cut scene footage is a clear choice to give a better impression on the public since the cut scenes are FFXIII's strongest selling point. I also think he deliberately choose the best looking cut scenes.

* His choice to even acknowledge that there are upgradeable weapons as opposed to the other surface level features proves that he's on Square Enix' paycheck.

* His lack of FFXIII-music betrays that his overlords at Square Enix didn't think the music would help sell the game. Oh, and I think I heard FFIX music in there, clearly a ploy to remind us of a FF game with better music, leading us to a better impression of the game.

In conclusion,
shame on you, Mr. Sterling.

(Oh and in case it wasn't abundantly clear: this comment is not to be taken serious.)
 

silverleaf81

New member
Oct 2, 2009
160
0
0
Its like half the episode was narrated by a Sterling action figure.

Oh, uh...thank god For Jim. (F*cking Sterling son!)
 

Uriel_Hayabusa

New member
Apr 7, 2014
418
0
0
Magmarock said:
I get the message but this video was a bit disappointing. I know you've got a point to make, but I think you could've made it in a more entertaining way. Don't copy the mistakes of the industry, even to make a point.
Agreed. It's easy to see what Jim was going for but the joke went on for too long and kept going in circles. Still, the message was a good one.
 

Jimothy Sterling

New member
Apr 18, 2011
5,976
0
0
Toblo1 said:
Damn. I was hoping Jim was going to do this week's vid on the Slaughtering grounds meltdown that is currently ongoing.

Um.... didn't Jim already do this? Like on Polygon?


Captcha: Join the millions.
No thanks, I think I won't......

Edit: Ok, I get the fucking joke, but still.... We don't need more potshots at FFXIII. It's filled full of holes already.....

Got the feeling he did this (which is a rehash of a review he did for dtoid a while ago) as filler, precisely to do a slaughtering grounds video somewhere down the line this week. It all happened yesterday and this morning, which won't probably be enough time to get a script going. He did state he'll do a Jimquisition on it, though.
 
Jan 27, 2011
3,741
0
0
sooooo TLDR: all reviews will have some bias in it (so what?) or they'll be boring speils that tell you nothing.

Also, some people are idiots and think that publishers should never ever ever be told they're doing something wrong or stupid.

TLDRTLDR: Some people are stupid.

Did I get that right?
 

FFMaster

New member
May 13, 2009
88
0
0
[edit] removing cause i suspect pointing out the things i was going to point out will count as derailing despite being topically relevant
 

doggy go 7

New member
Jul 28, 2010
261
0
0
aegix drakan said:
sooooo TLDR: all reviews will have some bias in it (so what?) or they'll be boring speils that tell you nothing.

Also, some people are idiots and think that publishers should never ever ever be told they're doing something wrong or stupid.

TLDRTLDR: Some people are stupid.

Did I get that right?
You forgot the bit where he's lampooning publishers for making the same thing, and in some cases, literally re-releasing the same game, and pretending it's new and exciting content that's worth £60 or $70
 

Jimothy Sterling

New member
Apr 18, 2011
5,976
0
0
*sits down with my dinner* Yes, everything is going to plan. Soon everything will be the same! And then I can take over the world with a truly imaginative game! Muwahaahahaahahaahahahaha *pets evil white cat* It's all about ethics isn't it Sir Reginald Von Crooksley? Yes, ethics and my domination of the games industry! Soon, everyone will know my name!

*drops soup on the floor* Oh, damnit.
 

Spanglish Guy

New member
Sep 8, 2014
112
0
0
Thank God for you, Jim Fucking Sterling Son!

I remember reading your objective review a while ago, it was brilliant.
 

Barbas

ExQQxv1D1ns
Oct 28, 2013
33,804
0
0
That's all good, but you need a sticker on your podium that says 'OBJECTIVE' on it if you want to really prove anything. Bonus points if it's a big, red bumper sticker. We won't believe you otherwise.

 

Demagogue

Sperm Alien
Mar 26, 2009
946
0
0
So apparently I'm a little out of the loop... where did this whole published running games media thing come from?