joke post
- Thread starter Varun Garuda Maharaj
- Start date
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O.keybird said:
M.
G.
Thank you for that.
Here, have some Ham Gum.
OT:
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand Binary, and those who do not.
a bit of a "mature" joke
this reporter is doing an article on the south, so he finds this red neck hill billy and starts interviewing him.
he asks "so, tell me a good story that's happned in this town"
the hill billy replies "this one time, a sheep got lost, so we all formed a search party, found it, took turns having sex with it, then gave it back."
the reporter says "i can't print that, tell me another"
the hill billy says "this one time the yokels daughter got lost, so we all formed a search party, found her, took turns having sex with her, then sent her home."
the reporter says "i can't print that either, tell me a sad story"
the hill billy looks down and says "i got lost once."
he asks "so, tell me a good story that's happned in this town"
the hill billy replies "this one time, a sheep got lost, so we all formed a search party, found it, took turns having sex with it, then gave it back."
the reporter says "i can't print that, tell me another"
the hill billy says "this one time the yokels daughter got lost, so we all formed a search party, found her, took turns having sex with her, then sent her home."
the reporter says "i can't print that either, tell me a sad story"
the hill billy looks down and says "i got lost once."
Woman and a man are in a bar.
Man takes a drink and says to the lady, "with this drink, i bet you $10 i can jump out that window, then fly back in"
*Accepts*
He does it, the lady, astonished, asks how. He replies: "I drink magic beer"
*NEXT DAY*
She sees him again. Still unconvinced, she makes the same bet with him except doubles it.
He completes the bet and wins $20
She quickly says to the bartender: "I'LL HAVE WHAT HE'S HAVING"
She recieves, drinks, then falls out the window to her death.
The bartender leans over and says: "You're a real jerk when you're drunk superman"
Man takes a drink and says to the lady, "with this drink, i bet you $10 i can jump out that window, then fly back in"
*Accepts*
He does it, the lady, astonished, asks how. He replies: "I drink magic beer"
*NEXT DAY*
She sees him again. Still unconvinced, she makes the same bet with him except doubles it.
He completes the bet and wins $20
She quickly says to the bartender: "I'LL HAVE WHAT HE'S HAVING"
She recieves, drinks, then falls out the window to her death.
The bartender leans over and says: "You're a real jerk when you're drunk superman"
Warning: Possibly Racist Irish Joke in spoiler.
So, an Irish guy walks out of a pub.
-Bows- Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.
A man walks into a pub and orders three pints of beer.
The bartender looks at the man, a bit confused, and says, "Do you want to pre-pay for the other two sir?"
The man shakes his head and replies, "No, I would like all three rounds now."
The bartender srugs and brings the man three seprate pints of beer. The man drinks them down, one at a time, pays for the drinks, and leaves.
The next day, the man returns, and does the exact same thing. This continues for two more days until the bartender finally works up the never to ask, "Sir, why do you order three pints at the same time? The beer tastes better when you get the other two fresh..."
The man replies, "Oh, no sir. You see, I have two brothers and they both live far away from here. We swore with eachother a long time ago that we would always go drinking togeather, so in order to honor this tradition and our promise, we all agreed to order drinks for the other two whenever they wern't there."
The bartender nods, and several of the regular pations of the pub nod as well after hearing the mans story.
Months pass and the man becomes a regular at the pub. One day, the man comes in and orders only two pints of beer. The pub falls silent and the bartender gets the man his drinks and says in a sollum voice, "I'm sorry for your loss..."
The man looks at the bartender in confusion and says, "why? I haven't lost anything."
The bartender, now confused, replies, "But you ordered only two drinks..."
The man laughs and says, "Oh no! No one has died! I just gave up drinking!"
So, an Irish guy walks out of a pub.
-Bows- Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.
A man walks into a pub and orders three pints of beer.
The bartender looks at the man, a bit confused, and says, "Do you want to pre-pay for the other two sir?"
The man shakes his head and replies, "No, I would like all three rounds now."
The bartender srugs and brings the man three seprate pints of beer. The man drinks them down, one at a time, pays for the drinks, and leaves.
The next day, the man returns, and does the exact same thing. This continues for two more days until the bartender finally works up the never to ask, "Sir, why do you order three pints at the same time? The beer tastes better when you get the other two fresh..."
The man replies, "Oh, no sir. You see, I have two brothers and they both live far away from here. We swore with eachother a long time ago that we would always go drinking togeather, so in order to honor this tradition and our promise, we all agreed to order drinks for the other two whenever they wern't there."
The bartender nods, and several of the regular pations of the pub nod as well after hearing the mans story.
Months pass and the man becomes a regular at the pub. One day, the man comes in and orders only two pints of beer. The pub falls silent and the bartender gets the man his drinks and says in a sollum voice, "I'm sorry for your loss..."
The man looks at the bartender in confusion and says, "why? I haven't lost anything."
The bartender, now confused, replies, "But you ordered only two drinks..."
The man laughs and says, "Oh no! No one has died! I just gave up drinking!"
Oh wow, that's embarrassing. Yes, I meant his "left side".Hazy said:D'ya mean "Left side cut off"?Wakizashi74 said:
The classic:
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
