Jokes about Dragon Age 2

[DN83]

While I was playing Dragon Age 2, several thoughts came to mind about the changes they made. While I don't like them, I found myself making jokes about what was in the game. Here are some:

The real reason Alistair wasn't in the game was actually because whenever new enemies appear, they swoop down from above.

Whoever made it so the characters decide what they wear obvously forgot to give Isabella pants.

Qunari are so advanced that several hundred years ago, they had a nuclear war and wiped out all their advanced technology. That is why we see the most advanced race in the known world covered in paint and using spears.

The real reason Anders hates the Templars so much is that they're the ones who took away his kitten. When a cat scratched a Templar they just "happen" to be demon-possesed abominations.

If you have any better jokes, post them.

 

[Pilkingtube]

Anything remotely similar to "Carver: Rivalry +9001".. it's funny because it's true.

Every.
Damn.
Time.

 

[godofallu]

"There is Auto-Attack on consoles" Heh April Fool's. Lol.

 

[Judgement101]

"On console there is a glitch for inf. xp" Oh wait....THATS TRUE?! OH SHIT! Be right back!

 

[RatRace123]

The hottest female character is your own sister.
Ouch.

 

[Zetsubou-Sama]

The ending.

 

[MercurySteam]

Bioware did a big poo on their fans. Hehe get it? ( the poo is Dragon Age 2)

These jokes are fucking terrible. Please, for the love of The Escapist, stop.

OP: Listening to the conversations between characters and some of the things Hawke say are priceless. The voice acting is brilliant.

 

[major28]

People refuse to stop bashing this game and just move on

Haha, its funny because its getting annoying.

 

[Rayne870]

I have a running joke against my girlfriend about her not being able to open chests.

"hey look it's one of those things you can't open"
"I wonder what is inside this box"
"Sucker, you rolled a mage!"

 

[Judgement101]

The hottest female character is your own sister.
Ouch.

So I'm not the only one who thought that! Ummmm my captcha just gave me a w blended into a v combined with a Q and then the other word is a triangle...........

 

[Shoggoth2588]

"What would I do without my trusty Dwarf? I'd cry myself to sleep."

"Oh, don't do that. I can't stand to see a human cry"

---

"Sorry it took me so long, all you humans look alike."

"Well, we can't all be short, round and, bearded."

 

[AceAngel]

My wife's labor lasted longer then this game, and placenta fluids had more personality...

 

[Rayne870]

My wife's labor lasted longer then this game, and placenta fluids had more personality...

"Duh" comes to mind. Labor can often be a very long process, up to 2 days even, and placenta fluids are essentially human goo.

 

[A Weakgeek]

The hottest female character is your own sister.
Ouch.

I understand this is a joke but I must come here and say: Lady Hawke!

 

[Soviet Heavy]

From the Bioware forums, anytime Stanley Woo locks a DA2 thread.

"End of Line"

It should become a meme or something.

 

[The Arc of Eden]

"One day i will kill you all... Because that is what the Qun demands."

"Mages are so Overpowered. Look, it's the beginning of the game and I'm already making it rain fire upon my enemies."

"A whole lot of good rogues do to detect traps. Here i am in the middle of a 4-way flamethrower Bar-B-Que and all Isabela has to say for herself is 'Watch your step'"

I play on a standard def TV and this game was clearly tailored to wide-screen HD only. As a result, during cutscenes, characters flicker in and out of existence as if civilization is controlled by a magical on/off switch... And there Bioware's shoddy programing, in the doorway flicking the switch like a 6-year old with A.D.D.

 

[Sniper Team 4]

Isabella's comment to Merrill regarding men vs. women.

"A man is good for one thing. A woman is good for six."

"Really? What six?"

"ISABELLA!"

Is it bad that it took me a few seconds to get the joke?

 

[Magicman10893]

At several points I could hear the spiritual guidance of Adam Sessler from X-Play showing a clip of something me or my companions said and twisting it to suit a complaint about the game. Like when Isabela said, "Haven't we been hear before?" when I entered a building that a mission took place in a couple years ago, which was actually a continuation of that quest, and I literally heard Adam Sessler's voice saying, "You'll be asking yourself that very same question plenty of times when you find yourself in the same dungeon, same mansion, same cave, and same mine for the 15th time."

 

[Risingblade]

For someone who's suppose to want to help mages Anders sure helps me kill a lot of them

 

[damarque8]

Make it a drinking game out of everytime they say, "A year." Or, "This last year." Or anything like that.