Know your Bioware Characters..

[Kollega]

This one is old. Also a very lame article.

It's Cracked. Their "satire" is not better than satire of GTA IV.

Spoiler: ME2 spoilers about Jack, if you are THAT worried.

Also i like how Jack - whose childhood consisted mostly of getting tortured and experimented upon by Cerberus and left her with mental scars the size of Grand Canyon - is placed in "*****" category.

But then again, it is Cracked. Not exactly most sensitive people in the world.

 

[Meggiepants]

Also, Miranda should be in the "*****" section, not Jack.

Agreed. Jack is disturbed, as in the woman needs some serious therapy. *****? Not exactly. I was thinking that if I ever did play a male in ME2, I could not romance Jack. It would just be too twisted for me. I've known people like that, obviously not exactly like that, but seriously damaged individuals. A roll in the hay with a dashing commander isn't exactly a recipe for sanity for these people. But perhaps I delve a bit overmuch into the realm of reality here. Miranda on the other hand, fits a lot of those stereotypes they put up there.

And NEITHER of them are one iota like Alistair (who may be a god among men)

I actually have issues with Alistair even being included in this list for a number of reasons, and not just because I have an unhealthy obsession with a pixelated character. He isn't really like Han Solo. Carth fits that role more than the rest. Kaidan isn't really Solo at all. Alistair is more like Xander from the Buffy series. He's super righteous, loyal and totally not a scoundrel. Solo is a scoundrel through and through. Just because someone is capable of making witty one liners does not make them Han Solo.

I realize the article is satire, but it falls flat for me.

 

[blindthrall]

Judging by responses, I think this article trod some toes. But whoever wrote it hasn't finished ME2, since there's a 'Robot' classification that had HK-47, but no Legion.

This makes me want to start a poll...

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Ah, cracked. The only website I have spent ten hours on, no breaks, for bathroom or anything.


I believe it shall happen again.

 

[GloatingSwine]

No you cannot sex the blue alien in KOTOR and she was supposed to be streetwise, not naive.

And thank god for that. She's 14.

Jack Thompson would have had conniptions.

 

[GloatingSwine]

NOT CAMPBEL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, yea Bioware charicters fall into catigory that are repeated. how ever the ***** catogory has one problom, Jack should be in sociopath and Miranda should be in *****. also miranda does have the big boobs, jack not so much.

None of their "*****" characters are the best endowed. They're just wearing the least. Well, except Silk Fox. Who wasn't even all that bitchy.

 

[Theron Julius]

You forgot the annoying loyalist: Bastila and Miranda. Not quite bitchy enough to classified amongst the *****, but definitely not in the Naive Minx.

By the way, Wrex is not a sociopath, he's a sexy beast.

 

[Sylocat]

Gee, this topic hasn't been done to death 15 times over...

 

[Tarkand]

While there's definitely a trend in Bioware characters, this is a very poorly made attempt at classification.

Wrex isn't a psychotic maniac, he's an honorable warrior who keep his killing instinct in check. He's typical example of 'the proud warrior race' and share more in common with Sten from Dragon Age than the two character he's paired with.

Also only one of the 3 'wise mentor' character actually dies.

I'm going to stop there I guess, but there's something wrong with pretty much everything. Not to mention they only cover 4 archetypes (there's a lot more).

I mean, don't get me wrong, Bioware DOES re-use archtypes... but this is one of the most half-assed attempt at exposing I've seen in a while...

 

[Jenova65]

Also, Miranda should be in the "*****" section, not Jack.

Agreed. Jack is disturbed, as in the woman needs some serious therapy. *****? Not exactly. I was thinking that if I ever did play a male in ME2, I could not romance Jack. It would just be too twisted for me. I've known people like that, obviously not exactly like that, but seriously damaged individuals. A roll in the hay with a dashing commander isn't exactly a recipe for sanity for these people. But perhaps I delve a bit overmuch into the realm of reality here. Miranda on the other hand, fits a lot of those stereotypes they put up there.

And NEITHER of them are one iota like Alistair (who may be a god among men)

I actually have issues with Alistair even being included in this list for a number of reasons, and not just because I have an unhealthy obsession with a pixelated character. He isn't really like Han Solo. Carth fits that role more than the rest. Kaidan isn't really Solo at all. Alistair is more like Xander from the Buffy series. He's super righteous, loyal and totally not a scoundrel. Solo is a scoundrel through and through. Just because someone is capable of making witty one liners does not make them Han Solo.

I realize the article is satire, but it falls flat for me.

Don't worry about the Alistair thing, we all have it ;-)
And am I only one who thinks if you are really trying to find Carth Onassi in the ME universe then, erm............. Oh, hello Thane, you remind me of someone, I can't quite put my finger on who though
And the person who reminds us of Han Solo imo is clearly Atton Rand an Obsidian written character!

 

[Altorin]

2. the image was made before ME2, and it uses the qualifier "most always"

i respectfully wish you to relook at ***** tier second pic. and guess who's there

Minor Setback, but I got it. That image was taken from early promotional trailers. I know for a fact the image is older then ME2. Jacob wasn't in the early promotional trailers, but Subject Zero definitely was.