Laws you'd make

[Telumektar]

The soundman rejects
I would outright ban the usage of "fartcans" or bazooka-like exhausts on mopeds and cars, I don't need to hear those pieces of shit screaming from a mile after they pass in front of me, weeeeeeeeratatataatatatataaaaa.
In fact I would not allow any kind of noise above 100 dB within a 100 meter radius from populated areas unless there's no possible alternative, e.g. heavy machinery or cargo vehicles, roadworks, cleaning services, twin-turbo V12 [or equivalent Wankel] engine in a proper sports/super car.
All those who don't adhere to this law are prohibited from buying helmets and/or using seatbelts or any kind of safety gear.

Not littering on the street, or else...
People who litter on the street must be automatically slapped in the nape with the highest force possible, this movement must be accompained by a multiplicity of insults and menaces always backed by ethical concepts reffering to "what a fellow citizen should or should not do" in order to undermine his/her individualism and make a better person of said human. The following is more or less what punishers should aim for: "Do you do that kind of shit in your own home? On your knees maggot! I want to be able to see the sky reflected on that pavement!"

Darwin's law
Retarded people who do retarded things (I'm talking about non-special people who excel at fucking up) must be encouraged to repeat those actions unless they endanger other non-retarded people. In this way we could gather thouthands of idiots in simmilar activities making their existence shorter and thus lowering the possibilities of one of their fuckups actually hurting/killing a non-retarded person.

Not on my lawn
Anyone using an area for something it's absolutely obvious it's not for should get punished.
For example, joggers walking or running on the cycle lane, cyclists/delivery guys riding on the walkway or riding the wrong way on a street, cars and bikes parked wherever and however the fuck their owner's thought so. The punisment should be applied to their means of transport, a swift mauling to a leg or arm should suffice. Supercar owners are not excepted, in fact they get double.

 

[MarcFirewing]

1. Thou shalt not leaveth thine home with no bladed weapon.
2. Thou shalt demolish all forms of firearms.
3. Thou shalt taketh thine woman and commandeth her to maketh thee sandwiches.
4. Thou shalt do battle in complete honor
5. Thou shalt enjoy a good smoke of herb to end the day

...

Yeah I dunno. I'm just a wee-bit crazy tonight

 

[Android2137]

Ok found those crazy iTunes terms for anyone who is interested.

...

Spoiler: For iTunes

THE APPLE SOFTWARE IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES OR OTHER EQUIPMENT IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF THE APPLE SOFTWARE COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE.

Enjoy

Whaaaaat?! B-But then I can't share my horrible taste in music with all of my pilot friends! And nothing is more invigorating to comatose people than death metal!

OT: People get paid according to contributions they make to society. No more athletes and entertainers getting paid billions while teachers and menial workers barely scrape by. Teaching the next generation is an important duty and jobs like garbage men are so unpleasant that they deserve the pay raise!

 

[Drafon]

If you flame or troll anyone, in any manner, whether verbally, through the Interwebs, physically, or some other form, your mouth shall be ripped off.

Murder, rape, treason and arson in the case where someone died or monuments of any kind were destroyed or damaged shall lose any kind of statute of limitations and all carry a death penalty.

Anyone wishing to learn swordsmanship will be required to obtain a license and carry a toy lightsaber on them at all times.

If you drive like a moron, you get charged through the asshole for car insurance.

If you fuck up at work and place a password protection no one can hack on a document everyone needs, you don't get paid until you fix the damn thing.

Premarital sex without any kind of contraception or protection from STDs and STIs results in castration or hysterectomy, contingent of the gender of the offenders.

Anyone who exhibits unwarranted hatred of anyone based on religious, racial, sexual or any other kind of believe or personality trait, gets sent to a gulag. Sentence ends when you have an epiphany about what you did.

RPGs need to be built around my ideals. The kind of dynamic story of Riviera the Promised Land, the kind of sex jokes you can find in Ar Tonelico, the moral choices of Alpha Protocol and KOTOR.

 

[viranimus]

1: Legalize it.
2: You break it you fix it (or replace it)
3: No one named or related to the Bush family can be allowed the presidency for the next 100 years.

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Anyone who makes those "You are the 1,000,000th visitor to a site" ads, or lying ads of any sort, will be sent away to gulag.

Gun ownership will be allowed fully

Anyone who enters a home without permision may be shot on site, without warning or order to leave. Their estate will then be given to the person who shot them.

Property may be protected with lethal force, no matter how small it is, even in public places. Theft would die out, in ways more than one, if you are allowed to shoot someone dead who steals your purse.

 

[Waverider]

Easy. Here's my top three.

We put someone in charge of the Music Industry (his/her title should be the Lyricmind) and have them make sure that terrible music doesn't make it past the youtube phase. In addition, Disney's music arm is immediately and permanently shut down.

We count the number of gun-owning households in america in the next census. If the number of households with guns are the minority, we take them away (compensating the households based on their firearms' value) and ban guns forever. If the number of households with guns are the majority, we pay the big gunmakers to supply every household in america with a gun, perhaps two. Either everyone has one or no one has one.

Third: scientists will operate unrestricted. The only thing they will not be allowed to do is cause direct harm to human beings. I don't mean a blob of five hundred cells that's three days old grown in a petri dish. I mean human beings. We aren't getting any closer to understanding our world with whiny conservatives going on about how we shouldn't kill unborn babies, who then go on to say that our involvement in the middle east is in any way justifiable.

 

[Singularly Datarific]

Any and all suing attempts must first pass a "Common Sense Jury"

That already happens. Most frivolous lawsuits are not even considered by lawyers, who are required by law to make "reasonable inquiry" into the case to determine good faith and reasonableness.

Also- illegalize political parties. We cannot be a decent country if everyone is busy yelling at each other over how it should be run (isn't that the whole point of this 'state' system?).

Fighting is an evadable aspect of democracy. Different people want different things and they usually conflict with one another.

I get what you mean, unfortunately. I just mean that these things do have some idiotic extremes.

A more serious law should get rid of Lobbying. Good God that should be illegal. Basically, I want overpowered things neutered, and vice versa. Not communism, but the current state of things gives too much power to companies, and too little to the people. Congress has already approved multiple increases of authority to the President in the last decade, and the American people is just too damn content to do anything about it.
I suppose I can sum up everything I have to say with being sick of rich people only caring about getting richer.

Gun ownership will be allowed fully

Anyone who enters a home without permision may be shot on site, without warning or order to leave. Their estate will then be given to the person who shot them.

Property may be protected with lethal force, no matter how small it is, even in public places. Theft would die out, in ways more than one, if you are allowed to shoot someone dead who steals your purse.

You totally can do that in Texas. (+1 point)

 

[Nieroshai]

I'd hire a personal group and make their job solely to slap stupid people across the nation.
If they think you did something stupid, they can slap you.

Also, Bacon is now the new national food, and must be consumed at least once a week. No exceptions.

I slap you.

 

[Nieroshai]

I'd make church and state separation mean something. No more Christians forcing their religious views on the entire country.

Ah yes, because the norm ISN'T Christians being told every time they speak or even discreetly cross themselves in public that they need to shut up, sit in a corner, and self-flagellate until they're REALLY sorry for the Inquisition. Exaggeration of course, but the principle holds.

 

[Eldarion]

I'd hire a personal group and make their job solely to slap stupid people across the nation.
If they think you did something stupid, they can slap you.

Also, Bacon is now the new national food, and must be consumed at least once a week. No exceptions.

I slap you.

Did you edit or is my quote notification broken?

 

[William Ossiss]

3. No Child Left Behind would be immediately abolished (because I do live in America, and I hate this thing with a burning passion of a thousand summer suns).

because its ineffectual?

OT: kidding:
1. rap is outlawed. if you play it, write it, etc.. it is punishable by death.


serious: communism is now the government of the world. i mean, look at where consumerism has gotten us. sky rocket gas prices, fat obese americans...

 

[Nieroshai]

I'd hire a personal group and make their job solely to slap stupid people across the nation.
If they think you did something stupid, they can slap you.

Also, Bacon is now the new national food, and must be consumed at least once a week. No exceptions.

I slap you.

Did you edit or is my quote notification broken?

No editing performed. Darn it, my quip lost all vestiges of hilarity it may or may not have had!

I'ma go cry in the corner now.

 

[nYuknYuknYuk]

I'd replace all laws with a law I call the Justice Law. It overrides all written laws and somebody breaks it by being unjust(or being a douchebag). Simple as that. If the jury voted your action unjust, you go to the slammer. No more stupid loopholes that corporate assholes can sneak through with their greasy lawyers. That pisses me off to no end that if people can find a loophole in the written law, they can do blatantly unjust and morally wrong harmful things and hide behind their cool face saying "u mad bro?".

 

[Belated]

*Innocent until proven guilty, but for real this time. I would abolish juries, as jurors don't know the law well enough to be trusted with somebody's fate. The punishment for accepting bribes as a judge of criminal court or higher, would be death carried out by myself.

*Police officers hired and chosen by the government instead of the local PD. As an officer, owning up to your mistakes, admitting you got the wrong suspect, and NOT trying to convict someone you know isn't guilty, would reflect positively on your performance record.

*All lawyers are appointed by the government, not hired individually by the plaintiff or defendant. (The problem is, the legal system is for sale right now. The side with the most money is the side with the best chance at winning. These first three laws would aim to change that.)

*When you buy digital data, it belongs to you, period. No more of this "we are licensing you to use it" crap. Microsoft and Sony would no longer be allowed to license DLC to a certain console. Instead it would be usable on all consoles, so long as it's your account.

*Backing up DVDs would be legal again. Selling software to crack DVDs would be legal again.

*Credit card companies required to stop charging you interest on purchases the moment the interest you accrue is twice the original purchase cost. Anybody in debt would be relieved of any interest that exceeds 200% their original debt.

*Caps on how much oil companies can charge for oil.

*Outsourcing would be illegal once your company's yearly profit reaches and breaches a certain amount. This also includes tech support.

*Freedom of speech means ALL speech. Legal to depict literally anything, even if you are the last person on earth who agrees with your content, as long as whatever you are depicting does not violate another individual's rights.

*Heavy amounts of health, safety, quality control, and wage regulations for most kinds of business.

*Marijuana and prostitution legal and taxed. Everybody imprisoned solely on marijuana or prostitution charges would be released.

 

[CaptQuakers]

The "Stone Cold said so law"

If anyone says that as a response to a question It's the right answer.

oh and I would outlaw religion apart from worship of me

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

*All lawyers are appointed by the government, not hired individually by the plaintiff or defendant. (The problem is, the legal system is for sale right now. The side with the most money is the side with the best chance at winning. These first three laws would aim to change that.)

Don't you think that would de-incentivise people from becoming lawyers, or working hard on the cases they get? Then again, you could just make laws requiring hard work

OT: If I could, I would appoint myself supreme dictator over the earth, with unlimited powers. I can over-ride any and all laws/judicial decisions. I would have the power to settle any lawsuit in any way I saw fit, and punish any party as I decided. I wouldn?t use this power often, but only when I was really needed.

Also, pirates will be sent to the moon, unable to use any computer for the rest of their lives.

Edit: I would also change the bill of rights to say "Citizens have the right to say that [My Name] is awesome"

 

[psilontech]

Breeding Licenses.
If you won't meet certain criteria to breed, you aren't allowed to.
Accidental or intentional pregnancies without a license can be dealt with in one of two ways:
A) Abortion
B) Ignore A., breed but face massive fines and forced sterilization utilized on both guilty parties.

 

[Levi93]

I'd probably get rid of media coverage on celebrities, yeah they've had an affair, at least now I do but I didn't need to and so what, you don't need to let the whole world know because it's none of their business either and I'm sick of people like Katie Price who has milked the UKs media for god knows how much money over the last couple of years with the same fucking story.

Then I'd probably put some restrictions on religeon, you can
use religeon as a reference on how to lead your life but nothing more, the moment your religeon starts leading to extremist or militant behaviour you'll be removed from society. (protests are still aloud as long as they remain peaceful)

Then i'd sort out discrimination, discrimination against any person is a serious criminal offence, if you're caught doing discriminating acts (this includes religeon) you'll serve time in jail, any where between 1 month and 6 months.

Legalise marijuana but it will be subject to relevant taxes, but it can only be smoked or consumed in designated ares or private places such as in coffee shops or in your own home, if you're growing it for personal use you must declare it to authorities and hold specific licenses for the growing of marijuana and the amount you're growing.

Then we get onto marijuana addiction, from my experience addiction is cause by a lack of moderation (this applies to a lot of drugs) therefore there will be a limited amount you can take every month and if you exceed this amount you'll be subject to a fine, uncertain on the amounts atm.

Might edit more in later

 

[Belated]

snip

Don't you think that would de-incentivise people from becoming lawyers, or working hard on the cases they get? Then again, you could just make laws requiring hard work

Nah, lawyer would still be a well-paid position, and good performance would lead to promotion.