being controlled, presumably.The_root_of_all_evil said:
take your bets! 1000:1 that it'll be covered in spikes!
Let's Play Dwarf Fortress: Syndrome Conundrum
- Thread starter Internet Kraken
- Start date
take your bets! 1000:1 that it'll be covered in spikes!
he didn't say you were useful, just more useful.
meaning you won't be destined for hauling! hooray! ;P
meaning you won't be destined for hauling! hooray! ;P
could we have another look at the list of people wanting to be dorfed? I'm curious as to who wants to be one.
(and how far from the top I am
)
(and how far from the top I am
)only if you give us the exact decimal value of pi GL with that.Shootandrun said:
[/endjk]
TBH this is the best non-video LP ever, and it probably surpasses all of the vidoe ones.
heh. I reckon this is gonna be boatmurdered no.2, involving magma floods, epidemics, syndromes, goblins with actual intelligence and elephants. lots of elephants.
Oh, and BTW, I used your mods. the momons raped my dogs.
Oh, and BTW, I used your mods. the momons raped my dogs.
The cat walked through the wasteland, its light steps leaving almost no imprint on the arid sol. It had traveled for months, but the salty sea breeze brushing against its nose signified that it had reached its destination. As it moved closer to the shore much of the soil was covered in dried blood. Rusting armor littered the field with the bones of its former inhabitants baking in the sun nearby. In the distance the fortress came into view, the sole structure to be found out in the wastes.
At the entrance to the fort the words "Reveredtour" were etched into the wall, though it appeared to have been defaced several times. The cat proceeded along the bride into the fort proper. Inside it could see many dwarves moving about, though others simply sat next to a statue in the entrance. The cat wandered about for a few minutes before two of the dwarves suddenly picked it up. One of them inspected the creature for marks of ownership, ignoring the message the cat held in its mouth.
OhJohnNo: "Hm, doesn't appear to be a tag on this one. That means it's dinner! Good thing to. I'm sick of eating elk bird."
ColeusRattus: "Hold on, it's a messenger cat! Didn't you notice the note in its mouth?"
OhJohnNo: "Does that mean we can't eat it?"
ColeusRattus: "Nah, you just need to give Stinthad the note first."
OhJohnNo took hold of the note and began searching for Stinthad. He figured that she was probably in her office. The door had been torn down several months ago in some fit of rage so he simply walked in. He ascended to the top floor to find Stinthad sitting in the corner, her gaze fixed on an odd armor stand. OhJohnNo opted to throw the note at her from across the room rather than risk upsetting the cave crawler lying at her feet. The note hit Stinthad in the face, snapping her out her trance. She looked around in confusion for a few seconds before reading the message, and when she saw who it was from her hands began to shake.
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3rd Galena, 1057, Late Summer
So...apparently I can mine the adamantine. Bim gave me the go ahead and do so. In fact, he's ordering me to do so in a not so subtle way. There's no reason for me not to mine the adamantine.
So why the hell do I feel so bad about doing it?
I mean sure the adamantine vein in the capital collapsed and killed about 50 dwarves but that was just a one-time incident, I think. It's not even that though. Something about it just feels wrong to me. Like I'm making some terrible, irreversible mistake.
Oh well, no sense dwelling on that I guess.
We'll start of small, chipping away at this tiny chunk of adamantine. No reason to plunge right into the main vein yet. I'm not sure what we would even do with that much adamantine anyways.
6th Galena, 1057 Late Summer
Oh god, last night I had a horrifying dream! I walked into my office to find the place trashed! Everything had been torn apart, the windows smashed, and worst of all blood was dripping down the staircase! I rushed to the top floor and saw poor Ingiz lying on the floor, his body cut open and blood pouring everywhere!
But I know this wasn't just a dream; it was a warning.
For on the walls, written in the blood of Ingiz, was a word. A word that carried a clear meaning. A word that I knew would somehow avert some horrible crisis.
ARMORSTANDS! MAKE MORE ARMORSTANDS! IT'S THE ONLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION!!!!
10th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
Production has begun on the armor stands, so I am confident that whatever crisis we face next will be solve through them. I'm not sure how armor stands are going to do that but...come to think of it this doesn't make any sense. Maybe I was overreacting.
Well we have bigger problems to worry about right now. Mainly, the abyss not being as safe as I had thought. One the woodcarpenters encountered a particularly nasty creature whilst chopping down some trees. Rather than try and fight he fled, which is good since the creature in question is a death pod.
Kraken's notes: Death pods are a creature exclusively found in the abyss and with good reason. While most enemies in DF kill dwarves simply by bashing their faces in, death pods pose a different but deadly threat. In combat, they don't fare better than their cousins the ooze pods and in fact do worse since they lack a spit attack. However, when their skin is torn open they release a truly terrible gas. When inhaled, this gas kills you. It causes almost instant necrosis of the nervous system, and though it is possible to resist this odds are any dwarf caught in a death pod blast will be dead very soon. As such attacking them with melee troops is suicidal. You need to use archers or traps, and if neither are available you can always send a useless dwarf down to beat it to death.
According to the bestiary, death pods are filled with this awful substance that causes any dwarf exposed to it to die in a most gruesome manner. Fortunately it's a purely for self-defense, as the death pod has no way of releasing the gas unless it is harmed. But we can't have this thing shuffling about near the fortress! Some hungry pet or drunk dwarf might hurt it and expose themselves to the gas. Of course I can't send the Immortal Rags to kill it without them all dying. Hm...this looks like a job for Irridium!
13th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
Toasty Virus stopped ranting like a lunatic, which signified that he had finished working on this artifact. Turns out it was a stylish vest made out of octopre skin! It looked really nice. Good decorations, pleasant colors, however...
...it's another artifact ruined by bloody spikes. It'd be bad enough if the vest had spikes on the outside, but these spikes are actually on the inside of it. So you can't wear this vest without impaling yourself with several sharp silver points. It's like some kind of bizarre torture vest that you would force someone to wear if you wanted to punish them with immense pain.
Anyways, the mining of the adamantine has gone well. The raw adamantine was extracted without issue and now needs to be refined by the crafters before it can be used. I decided it best not to tell Goden about this and wait for her to find out on her own. I would have expected her to notice by now but oddly enough I haven't seen her lately. I wonder what she's up to.
17th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
A human caravan has shown up, as is typical for the end of summer. With nary a goblin in sight I believe we may be able to trade with them this year. We've got a mountain of stone crafts at this point so it's not like we're lacking in goods to trade. Perhaps we can use them to solve our current alcohol shortage.
24th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
Dammit! I knew it was too good to be true! The goblins were just hiding from us again, waiting to ambush us when we lowered our guard! Those damn green- wait...are those...kobolds?
Holy shit those are kobolds. We're being attacked by kobolds. I...I don't know if I should find that funny or insulting. Either way, I don't think we have much to fear from kobolds. I mean come on, they're even shorter than us!
Root certainly isn't going to listen to me if I tell her not to attack anyways so I might as well give the order.
26th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
So I learned something important today; do not underestimate kobolds.
Or rather, don't underestimate them when your soldiers make a bunch of incredibly poor decisions. Things started off well enough. The kobold spearman who was leading the group had managed to make it into the fort itself, which was a cause for concern.
The soldiers came rushing out to slay the kobold, however Ingiz had already taken care of this. By eating the kobold spearman. Alive.
He's going to be coughing up armor for weeks now. Well upon seeing a simple beast slay one of the invaders with ease, the soldiers were inspired. They believed they could crush the invading kobolds, and charged forward at the bowmen now advancing across the bridge.
THIS WAS AN INCREDIBLY POOR IDEA!
A kobold with a melee weapon might be a joke but crossbow bolts still hurt regardless of who fire them. They hurt a lot, as the soldiers unable to block or dodge them soon found out. Commander Lewism was riddled with so many bolts that he was actually pinned to the ground. The soldiers quickly realized the mistake they had made and tried to fall back, however by now the kobolds had severely wounded several of them. To make matters worse, kobold reinforcements showed up.
Things were not looking good. Most of the soldiers were either writhing in pain or vomiting. The kobolds advanced completely fearless, something rarely seen in kobolds. The only figure that stood between them and Reveredtour was Chaza, a new recruit with a complete lack of fear and high tolerance for pain.
While others had fallen back she still marched forward, ignoring the pain the bolts covering her body were no doubt causing. She alone kept the kobolds at bay, and in fact was the only one still on the bridge.
I looked at my options. Chaza would no doubt fail to hold them off much longer, at which point the kobolds would advance forwards and potentially kill most of the weakened soldiers. We could not afford such losses. With most of the kobolds still standing on the bridge, I knew what I had to do.
I ordered the lever pulled.
They all plunged into the waters below and suffered the typical fate of those that had entered the moat. And sadly, Chaza was among them. I like to think that she wouldn't resent me for this. She must have known the kobolds would have killed her. By standing on the bridge she allowed us to kill them all. However, it still pains me to have to kill a dwarf. This entire situation is a bloody mess. How could the military have screwed up so badly? How could such bad orders have been given.
Well I soon found out; there were no orders given. The soldiers had to use their own judgement, because Commander Root was SLEEPING!
Sleeping. The leader of the military was taking a nap while her soldiers died to a bunch of kobolds. Words fail me.
__________________________________________________
"Where the hell did Internet Kraken go? Why hasn't he updated this LP? How lazy is he?"
The answer to that is very lazy. However, laziness and incompetence isn't the only reason there has been a complete lack of updates lately. I've actually had a lot of shit to deal with lately, from both my family and school work. In the free time I've had I've mostly been either pissed off, depressed, or tired. This results in terrible writing. I know I'm not writing a masterpiece here but even I could tell this was shit. Hell most of my writing recently probably isn't going to be to great either since I'm still out of it. However, updates should come at a more frequent pace now.
As for the update itself, I was going to talk about adamantine and mods and some other stuff but now I don't want to. Fuck Kobolds.
At the entrance to the fort the words "Reveredtour" were etched into the wall, though it appeared to have been defaced several times. The cat proceeded along the bride into the fort proper. Inside it could see many dwarves moving about, though others simply sat next to a statue in the entrance. The cat wandered about for a few minutes before two of the dwarves suddenly picked it up. One of them inspected the creature for marks of ownership, ignoring the message the cat held in its mouth.
OhJohnNo: "Hm, doesn't appear to be a tag on this one. That means it's dinner! Good thing to. I'm sick of eating elk bird."
ColeusRattus: "Hold on, it's a messenger cat! Didn't you notice the note in its mouth?"
OhJohnNo: "Does that mean we can't eat it?"
ColeusRattus: "Nah, you just need to give Stinthad the note first."
OhJohnNo took hold of the note and began searching for Stinthad. He figured that she was probably in her office. The door had been torn down several months ago in some fit of rage so he simply walked in. He ascended to the top floor to find Stinthad sitting in the corner, her gaze fixed on an odd armor stand. OhJohnNo opted to throw the note at her from across the room rather than risk upsetting the cave crawler lying at her feet. The note hit Stinthad in the face, snapping her out her trance. She looked around in confusion for a few seconds before reading the message, and when she saw who it was from her hands began to shake.
Chapter 88: From the journal of Stinthad Kekimtobul
__________________________________________________
3rd Galena, 1057, Late Summer
So...apparently I can mine the adamantine. Bim gave me the go ahead and do so. In fact, he's ordering me to do so in a not so subtle way. There's no reason for me not to mine the adamantine.
So why the hell do I feel so bad about doing it?
I mean sure the adamantine vein in the capital collapsed and killed about 50 dwarves but that was just a one-time incident, I think. It's not even that though. Something about it just feels wrong to me. Like I'm making some terrible, irreversible mistake.
Oh well, no sense dwelling on that I guess.
We'll start of small, chipping away at this tiny chunk of adamantine. No reason to plunge right into the main vein yet. I'm not sure what we would even do with that much adamantine anyways.
6th Galena, 1057 Late Summer
Oh god, last night I had a horrifying dream! I walked into my office to find the place trashed! Everything had been torn apart, the windows smashed, and worst of all blood was dripping down the staircase! I rushed to the top floor and saw poor Ingiz lying on the floor, his body cut open and blood pouring everywhere!
But I know this wasn't just a dream; it was a warning.
For on the walls, written in the blood of Ingiz, was a word. A word that carried a clear meaning. A word that I knew would somehow avert some horrible crisis.
ARMORSTANDS! MAKE MORE ARMORSTANDS! IT'S THE ONLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION!!!!
10th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
Production has begun on the armor stands, so I am confident that whatever crisis we face next will be solve through them. I'm not sure how armor stands are going to do that but...come to think of it this doesn't make any sense. Maybe I was overreacting.
Well we have bigger problems to worry about right now. Mainly, the abyss not being as safe as I had thought. One the woodcarpenters encountered a particularly nasty creature whilst chopping down some trees. Rather than try and fight he fled, which is good since the creature in question is a death pod.
According to the bestiary, death pods are filled with this awful substance that causes any dwarf exposed to it to die in a most gruesome manner. Fortunately it's a purely for self-defense, as the death pod has no way of releasing the gas unless it is harmed. But we can't have this thing shuffling about near the fortress! Some hungry pet or drunk dwarf might hurt it and expose themselves to the gas. Of course I can't send the Immortal Rags to kill it without them all dying. Hm...this looks like a job for Irridium!
13th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
Toasty Virus stopped ranting like a lunatic, which signified that he had finished working on this artifact. Turns out it was a stylish vest made out of octopre skin! It looked really nice. Good decorations, pleasant colors, however...
...it's another artifact ruined by bloody spikes. It'd be bad enough if the vest had spikes on the outside, but these spikes are actually on the inside of it. So you can't wear this vest without impaling yourself with several sharp silver points. It's like some kind of bizarre torture vest that you would force someone to wear if you wanted to punish them with immense pain.
Anyways, the mining of the adamantine has gone well. The raw adamantine was extracted without issue and now needs to be refined by the crafters before it can be used. I decided it best not to tell Goden about this and wait for her to find out on her own. I would have expected her to notice by now but oddly enough I haven't seen her lately. I wonder what she's up to.
17th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
A human caravan has shown up, as is typical for the end of summer. With nary a goblin in sight I believe we may be able to trade with them this year. We've got a mountain of stone crafts at this point so it's not like we're lacking in goods to trade. Perhaps we can use them to solve our current alcohol shortage.
24th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
Dammit! I knew it was too good to be true! The goblins were just hiding from us again, waiting to ambush us when we lowered our guard! Those damn green- wait...are those...kobolds?
Holy shit those are kobolds. We're being attacked by kobolds. I...I don't know if I should find that funny or insulting. Either way, I don't think we have much to fear from kobolds. I mean come on, they're even shorter than us!
Root certainly isn't going to listen to me if I tell her not to attack anyways so I might as well give the order.
26th Galena, 1057, Late Summer
So I learned something important today; do not underestimate kobolds.
Or rather, don't underestimate them when your soldiers make a bunch of incredibly poor decisions. Things started off well enough. The kobold spearman who was leading the group had managed to make it into the fort itself, which was a cause for concern.
The soldiers came rushing out to slay the kobold, however Ingiz had already taken care of this. By eating the kobold spearman. Alive.
He's going to be coughing up armor for weeks now. Well upon seeing a simple beast slay one of the invaders with ease, the soldiers were inspired. They believed they could crush the invading kobolds, and charged forward at the bowmen now advancing across the bridge.
THIS WAS AN INCREDIBLY POOR IDEA!
A kobold with a melee weapon might be a joke but crossbow bolts still hurt regardless of who fire them. They hurt a lot, as the soldiers unable to block or dodge them soon found out. Commander Lewism was riddled with so many bolts that he was actually pinned to the ground. The soldiers quickly realized the mistake they had made and tried to fall back, however by now the kobolds had severely wounded several of them. To make matters worse, kobold reinforcements showed up.
Things were not looking good. Most of the soldiers were either writhing in pain or vomiting. The kobolds advanced completely fearless, something rarely seen in kobolds. The only figure that stood between them and Reveredtour was Chaza, a new recruit with a complete lack of fear and high tolerance for pain.
While others had fallen back she still marched forward, ignoring the pain the bolts covering her body were no doubt causing. She alone kept the kobolds at bay, and in fact was the only one still on the bridge.
I looked at my options. Chaza would no doubt fail to hold them off much longer, at which point the kobolds would advance forwards and potentially kill most of the weakened soldiers. We could not afford such losses. With most of the kobolds still standing on the bridge, I knew what I had to do.
I ordered the lever pulled.
They all plunged into the waters below and suffered the typical fate of those that had entered the moat. And sadly, Chaza was among them. I like to think that she wouldn't resent me for this. She must have known the kobolds would have killed her. By standing on the bridge she allowed us to kill them all. However, it still pains me to have to kill a dwarf. This entire situation is a bloody mess. How could the military have screwed up so badly? How could such bad orders have been given.
Well I soon found out; there were no orders given. The soldiers had to use their own judgement, because Commander Root was SLEEPING!
Sleeping. The leader of the military was taking a nap while her soldiers died to a bunch of kobolds. Words fail me.
__________________________________________________
"Where the hell did Internet Kraken go? Why hasn't he updated this LP? How lazy is he?"
The answer to that is very lazy. However, laziness and incompetence isn't the only reason there has been a complete lack of updates lately. I've actually had a lot of shit to deal with lately, from both my family and school work. In the free time I've had I've mostly been either pissed off, depressed, or tired. This results in terrible writing. I know I'm not writing a masterpiece here but even I could tell this was shit. Hell most of my writing recently probably isn't going to be to great either since I'm still out of it. However, updates should come at a more frequent pace now.
As for the update itself, I was going to talk about adamantine and mods and some other stuff but now I don't want to. Fuck Kobolds.
Yoink! Here Elvy, elvy, elvy...
Dammit, I told them to lay traps for the Elves. I'll just take a quick post-hunting nap, wait for the caravan to leave. What harm can possibly come of it?
(OOC: Loved the cat bit at the beginning. Don't be too hard on yourself Kraken
)So did any of the animals in the moat get the kobold kills or did they all just drown? Or are all the animals dead?
Well, for what it's worth, I've been getting a kick out of this since its inception.
I think your mood has been affecting your judgement of the writing more than its actual quality. Chin up!
...and then down again from kobolds. Bastards are worthless until a squad of bow 'bolds is after you. In the meantime, Dwarf Fortress will be getting huge zombie assaults and a werecreature overhaul in the next update. You should try and hold out until then.
One final curiosity: Was poor old Chal ever given a coffin?
I think your mood has been affecting your judgement of the writing more than its actual quality. Chin up!
...and then down again from kobolds. Bastards are worthless until a squad of bow 'bolds is after you. In the meantime, Dwarf Fortress will be getting huge zombie assaults and a werecreature overhaul in the next update. You should try and hold out until then.
One final curiosity: Was poor old Chal ever given a coffin?
Don't worry Kraken, it's still another brilliant update. Glad you're back!
Also, is Commander Lewism commanding the Steamy Tours by any chance? I swear, that squad is just cursed.
Also, is Commander Lewism commanding the Steamy Tours by any chance? I swear, that squad is just cursed.
So your dwarf will spend his time stacking Tetris-like constructions. Gotta do something with that brainpower.ColeusRattus said: