long distance relationships are they worth it?

[SimuLord]

I've had a few successful long-distance flings (including one that ended up turning into a five-year marriage), and I've had a few disasters. In other words, remarkably like my regular relationships.

If two people are compatible, they trust each other enough to be surrounded by potential temptations and not act on them, and the relationship is true and honest, anything's possible.

But it sure is easier to build real intimacy when you're up close and personal. But then again, distance can provide a nice buffer to keep things from moving too quickly.

There's a girl who lives 2,000 miles away from me that I'm fairly solidly convinced would mesh with me perfectly, but we're limited to phone calls and Facebook and she tends to regard me more as a good long-distance friend than a potential lover pretty much as a direct result.

Edit: I should also point out I live in a city that has a severe lack of women that have more than one of the following: Attractive, intelligent, not completely fucked in the head. Forget "choose two". You're lucky if you get one. So I have to look further afield by default.

 

[FrostyChick]

I would say yes. But only with the right person.
Although it's not the right person it's normally quite easy to tell. >.>

 

[New Troll]

Worth it if you're a patient person. Assuming of course it works out in the end.

 

[HellspawnCandy]

If you trust her do it. The pros and cons are just based about trust and how secure you are with your relationship and how much she's dedicated.(and you too)

 

[GodsAndFishes]

While I've never had a long distance relationship, I'd say its worth it as I wouldn't even exist without one.

 

[warprincenataku]

I was in a long-distance relationship for 6 months. She lived in Thailand, I lived in the States. What did I do? I moved to Thailand and married her.

Pros: Plenty of YOU time

Cons: Loneliness, temptation, fear (coupled by lack of trust), anxiety, depression, etc.

The thing is, long-distance relationships are hard, very hard. Not everyone can do them.

You have to think, "Am I going to be able to be with them in full capacity at sometime in my life?"


I knew I would move. I knew I would drop everything and come here.

For those of you who are wondering, I met my wife in the States. She went back home after her program was finished and we had a 6-month long-distance relationship until I finally moved here permanently. I never visited, not once. I just packed up everything and moved. Stupid? Maybe. But in the end, it was the best decision I ever made.

 

[Penguinness]

Probably depends on if there was a relationship beforehand. And then it depends on how long it's been. Online relationships might work but something that's developed online and is going to remain long distance seems pretty pointless, expensive and could be filled with dissapointment or indeed danger to me.

One of my old mates asked a girl out but she turned him down because she was moving to australia, they ended up going out and a month later she was in australia and he was nagging her to come back all the time. Give it over a year or so and they eventually split, seems like they shouldn't have bothered.

My relationship lasted just under 2 years before me and my girlfriend from the same town went to different universities, it's a 3 hour distance but there's also christmas and summer in which we are back in the same town. At the start of uni the lecturers liked to mention some bs stat like 5/6 relationships won't last in the first few weeks of uni, but I didn't believe this for a second. We'd been together fairly long and long distance wouldn't stop us. It's been 4 1/2 years so far.

tl;dr If it's starting up online/long distance, then I'd say don't bother. If it's extremely early say a few weeks or a couple of months then depends on you, probably not worth it. Other than that they'd be worth it.

 

[Ensiferum]

A long-distance relationship can be worth it; it's true when they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. However, they can also be incredibly strenuous and painful for the same reason; never getting to actually be with that person who means so much to you. I was involved in one for a long time, and it certainly had its wonderful moments, but ended quite painfully. My suggestion would be that you see each other as often as possible. If you can't see each other at least a half a dozen times a year, or you aren't working towards a situation where you will be together permanently (and I mean ACTUALLY be together not just say you will) then you may regret it.

 

[Zaik]

Pros: You can show nude pictures to your friend without reprocussion
Cons: 100% Failure rate.

As long as you don't actually take it seriously you'll come out ahead, if you let yourself get emotionally invested in it though, you're going to pay for it later.

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

It depends on the couple. If you're really into each other, you'll find a way to make it work. In my case, my relationship with my ex was rocky, and me going to college only exacerbated the issued that were there before. A healthy relationship will find a way. A bad relationship will end quickly.

Hell, my parents dated long distance while my dad was in Michigan and my mom in New Jersey.

 

[Midnight Crossroads]

Ugh, I hate them. They make me miserable.

The only real pro is space. You get a lot of it.

 

[Dunvi]

It depends. In general, long distance relationships are harder to keep going, but if they survive the separation they come out all the stronger. Think of it this way - long distance relationships don't let you bullshit your relationship like most relationships are (don't deny it). If you really mean it, you'll find a way to make it work. Otherwise, admit it to yourself and save yourself the misery.

 

[Watchmacallit]

A pro is when you do get to see each other its always really great.
Also the relationship can become better as you will talk more and be able to work things out.

A negative is growing apart is really, really easy to do.
Another negative is when you need each other you can't always be there for each other.

 

[Cain_Zeros]

Not worth it in my experience. Then again, my experience is pretty close to worst case scenario, so you might not want to judge based on that...

 

[Nemu]

Depends. Are you 16 and never been kissed? Are you 23 and your significant other just got deployed? Have you ever met? Et cetera, et cetera...


Long-distance relationships, like ANY relationships, take work. If you are willing to put in the work, be loyal, visit when you can, then they can be wonderful. If not, *shrug*

My gf was in the Army for years, so I can vouch for it being difficult at times, but I'm immensely glad to have met her and would do it all over again.

Just have to figure out whether you can handle it or if it's just a passing fancy because you've found someone who pays attention to you but doesn't pressure you into paying for dinner.

 

[Lyx]

The seemingly complicated question can be reduced to a much more simple question:

Ask yourself how frequently/long you'd have to meet with that other person, for you to not suffer. Then ask yourself if this frequency/length is doable and sustainable given the distance and abilities/desires on both sides. There you got your answer.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

As others have said, long-distance relationships are the most strenuous of any kind of relationship. Why? They are utterly reliant upon trust. If you don't trust your partner, and your partner doesn't trust you, you'll feel as though you've just stepped into one of the seven rings of Hell.

With that said, if you really feel as though the person you want to be with is worth it, they can be heaven sent. Yeah, you may not be able to spend time with your significant other as much as you'd like to, but you learn to appreciate the time you share with him/her a LOT sooner than you would if you lived close to each other. That can be a bit of a double-edged sword, however - communication is essential. Without it, you don't have a hope in hell.

In terms of practicality, I hope you both have a steady source of income. Depending on the distance separating you, you're either looking at a lengthy train ride/drive or a flight. Neither of those modes of transport are particularly easy on the wallet, and depending on what 'stage' you're at, you may have to think about the cost of accommodation as well. If one of you isn't doing too well in terms of money, you can't expect your partner to come and see you all the time (and vice versa).

I probably sound like a pessimist; I don't intend to. I was in a successful long-distance relationship with a partner for a year, before I finally went to go and live with him. We are no longer together, but I still believe that long distance relationships can work. You just need to find something you can do together when you can't physically be together.

For myself and my ex-boyfriend, that was gaming. ^_^