No you're not. Try to imagine that concept as a delusion given to you by others. You are what you want to be. There's this very nerdy sci fi author named Harlan Ellison who's attracted many beautiful women over the years. As soon as he believed he was attractive and acted like he was attractive, that was what drew women to him. When you're the only one imparting information about yourself to another person, you are in control. Carrying others impressions of you is a waste of time.
I mean, do you not interact with people of the oppisite gender? Do you not talk with someone whom you can share feelings with? How many of you are in school and sit and mock couples that sit together and snuggle, while you slowly die on the inside?
I suppose it's because my range of interests is too narrow. I work in construction (no women there), and I train in mixed martial arts (no women near my age). For various reasons, I don't care much for going to bars/parties. My only real interests are in things that are active physically or mentally, like MMA, rock climbing, video games, chess, running, and sports/recreational activities in general.
The attraction is minimal, and I see only a normal friend. I'd much rather read a book with the time and effort it would take to run a relationship.
And I've had to be the Atlas before, I'm not going to be the Atlas again in addition to a developed allergy to women's bullshit.
Sometimes girls seem to show interest in me, but I tend to back away. There is no explainable reason on earth as to why any girl would actually want me, so I'm better off staying the hell away from girls who must just be trying to take advantage of me in some way.
That, and I don't understand that emotion. It defies all analysis. It quite frankly, confuses and scares me. I'm happier without it, without that distraction weighing me down, I can just have fun all I want.
And besides, I'm in uni. I have important work to do, I can't afford to risk the emotional torment after that L word right now. Afterwards? Maybe, but as I said earlier, the chances of a girl actually wanting me are very slim.
It's about the same for me, except I'm in college (I didn't notice the "not" there). Whenever I talk to somebody, I don't know what to say. Talking about classes is just so generic.
For me, meeting people is easy. But, it's the age that throws me off. I'm 20 (not old enough to go to bars, but too old to hang out at 'younger' venues), and I have no colleges around me. Suburban Indiana is not kind to peoples in my situation xD
Please. That is the saddest excuse I've seen in a long time. You can change virtually anything about yourself (short of, like... Down's syndrome, or permanent paralysis, or something along those lines) provided you want it bad enough.
If you want to want to quit being shy, then just man up and quit being shy. It's tough, but doable.
Oh, and calling it a mental disease (besides being incredibly wrong) is probably a bit insulting to people who actually have mental illnesses. Just throwing that out there.
you mean people like me who have been rejected or got broken up with because they told their significant other that they have a mental disability? ive said it before that i have aspergers which has social awkwardness mixed in with it. so im sort of right in that. not 100% but theres somne truth in what i said
i still agree with my "all women are shallow" saying as ive never met one that even had a chance to accept me, faults and all
Because I am a misanthropic asshole who flips off the The World on a daily basis. Whose concept of love is skewed by his upbringing, to a point where views love as hate and vice versa.
I guess it's the stereotypical "fear of commitment". I'm really just trying to have fun, so I get into relationships on a whim and for shallow reasons (I dated one girl because we liked the same music. No, really. That was it. We were basically concert buddies with benefits). But oh well. I don't want kids and don't feel any need to get married any time soon. And it is fun, and I've only had one bad breakup.
I'm not looking for love. I'm looking for a good time. That makes me sound like a manwhore. I don't mean it like that. I'm actually somewhat prudish despite all this. I just mean I like being with someone who is fun to be around for whatever reasons. Sure, things might not last long. But I've accumulated lots of memories that make me smile when I think back on them, and have very little regrets.
because after two relationships that have ended disastourously (excuse spelling) i just don't see the point in breaking my back over some girl that doesn't really like me that much.
i know this because IT HAS HAPPENED TWICE. from now on, i'm gonna let love come to me. and should that ever happen, i will eat my shoes, because i'm too different from anyone else to have any more than a short list of similarities with the the same gender, let alone the oppisite.
You're 16 for fucks sake. You probably don't even know what actual love is yet. Typical Teenager ''Oh woe is me, I am so different, nobody understands me.''
Why ofcourse you do, how could I question the vast Knowledge of Love that a 16 year old has?
So, how long did these ''Relationships'' last? 2 maybe 3 Days, or were they perhaps even weeks? I mean, you must have a huge amount of experience being at the ripe old age of 16. Especially since you are so different, because you know, everyone else is average, but you, nah, you're something else altogether.
Sometimes girls seem to show interest in me, but I tend to back away. There is no explainable reason on earth as to why any girl would actually want me, so I'm better off staying the hell away from girls who must just be trying to take advantage of me in some way.
That, and I don't understand that emotion. It defies all analysis. It quite frankly, confuses and scares me. I'm happier without it, without that distraction weighing me down, I can just have fun all I want.
And besides, I'm in uni. I have important work to do, I can't afford to risk the emotional torment after that L word right now. Afterwards? Maybe, but as I said earlier, the chances of a girl actually wanting me are very slim.
Not especially attractive, insecurity and all the annoying behavioral patterns that come with it. Then again, I've had one or two fulfilling relationships, so those attributes don't prevent me from 'finding love'. Keeping it seems to be the problem.
No you're not. Try to imagine that concept as a delusion given to you by others. You are what you want to be. There's this very nerdy sci fi author named Harlan Ellison who's attracted many beautiful women over the years. As soon as he believed he was attractive and acted like he was attractive, that was what drew women to him. When you're the only one imparting information about yourself to another person, you are in control. Carrying others impressions of you is a waste of time.
Yeah, same. I go to a small school, and I have at least one class with everyone in my grade, pretty much. If I asked someone out and got rejected (extremely likely, I'll get back to that) it would be incredibly awkward.
Also, I have (justifiably, I think) low self esteem, I'm awkward around girls I like, and I'm not very attractive, as my profile picture will attest.
Yeah, same. I go to a small school, and I have at least one class with everyone in my grade, pretty much. If I asked someone out and got rejected (extremely likely, I'll get back to that) it would be incredibly awkward.
Also, I have (justifiably, I think) low self esteem, I'm awkward around girls I like, and I'm not very attractive, as my profile picture will attest.
I have confident issue (my shyness get the better of me) and while honestly I don't think I'm interesting nor funny enough for a girl to date me (I'm fine who I am but that doesn't apply to everyone view on me).
Also while I prefer to date a Chinese girl but the fact that I can't speak Chinese properly will be more than enough to put her off (it will be awkward if her friend or family speak Chinese more than English).
... Huh... see, I'm the opposite. I can speak Chinese, but there are so few Chinese girls that I know that I can stand. One of them is jokingly teaching me Mandarin... but she's pretty much it. The only others I tolerate are my sisters...(!)
MysticToast said:
No, I am sincerely interested to see what you mean. Those two are the same thing. I'm not trying to "gain leverage".
You're having an argument with a clearly peeved individual there... still, 'being in love' is a form of strong infatuation, only deeper and perhaps even more blind than a normal crush. It is often based on the more baser aspects of human nature. When in love, you love a person first, before respecting or trusting them. When you genuinely love someone, it is the reverse, you respect and trust them first, and for those reasons (whether consciously or not), you love them.
OT: (again) ... I think I've found another reason... not so much that I might never find it again, but the fear that I will lose it again. Death took my first, trauma took my greatest, but both losses severely weakened my resolve...
The reason I can't find love is because I choose not to find it. I have no intention of ever getting into a relationship. The main reason is because I am not good at trusting people and I can't see myself ever trusting someone that much. Another reason is because I don't want children and staying out of a relationship helps ensure I never become a father. Plus, I value my time way too much to let someone else interfere with it.
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