Love, why can't you find it?

[zelda2fanboy]

What makes you afraid to try?

I was bullied and picked on a lot in school (and at an early age by girls), which I think led me to believe that I was an unworthy person for many years. I didn't have many friends and the friends I did have did not introduce me to any eligible women. Lately, I've been trying to meet women through internet dating, though I feel the closer I get, the more desperate I become which pushes them away. Well, it would push them away if they would talk to me long enough. I try and try and try, girl after girl, but there are so few interested parties. I don't know how to meet girls the "normal" way, if there is a normal way. I knew one for a little while who seemed to like me. We went on two dates that also seemed to go very well, but she has since stopped contacting me online and I don't want to bombard her with unsolicited messages. She got caught up with the Occupy [insert location here] movement and didn't ask me along in any capacity. I met another girl who is beautiful and young and amazing, but she lives five hours away.

So short answer - I just don't know how to try. If you know of anywhere I can go, people I can meet, rituals or incantations to make this possible, please let me know. I'm lonely.

 

[Hank Wants Pie]

Because I'm a self-loathing 18 year old introvert drowned in the population of a massive university.

I can't possibly ask a girl (or pretty much anyone, for that matter) to like me when I despise almost every single aspect of my physical being.

Love is not about looks and you saying you don't ask out a girl because you don't like your looks reflects your shallowness

 

[shadow_Fox81]

well because...

"love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon."

 

[natster43]

Because I don't look very hard, also I am shy, socially awkward, not very attractive, and have a fear of rejection. That sums that up.

 

[bloopblerp]

Are you talking about the love between a man and a woman, or the love between a man and a fine cuban cigar

 

[Scarim Coral]

I have confident issue (my shyness get the better of me) and while honestly I don't think I'm interesting nor funny enough for a girl to date me (I'm fine who I am but that doesn't apply to everyone view on me).
Also while I prefer to date a Chinese girl but the fact that I can't speak Chinese properly will be more than enough to put her off (it will be awkward if her friend or family speak Chinese more than English).

 

[Ariseishirou]

I'm single because between full time work and grad school, I have precious few hours of the day left over for myself, and I spend those hours playing video games. If I could find a guy who was similarly busy and had similar priorities, we'd do aiight I think, but it's astonishingly difficult to meet a fellow gamer in grad school for some reason. I've only met two so far and they're both engaged. I've tried non-gamer guys and there's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard for them to understand why I would rather spend my time shooting pretend Russians or rolling dice than watching tv with them or chatting about our day or what have you.

Also I'm at the age where most guys seem to be thinking about settling down and starting a family, and I a) don't really believe in the whole marriage thing, and b) don't want kids. The last guy I dated my own age broke up with me after I told him I didn't want to get married. Since then I've been with a few quite a few years younger than me, but again, time constraints and the lack of eligible bachelors who share my priorities.

But I suspect I'll have more time for that sort of thing when I graduate.

 

[Ursus Buckler]

Stopped looking for it. 18 is too young for love anyway.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Lonely people should organize and demonstrate in some capacity. It's a more painful scourge on society than any issue Occupy Wall Street people could come up with. Possible protest signs could be "I need a hug" "Be my friend" "I push people away" "This is the first time I've left the house in a month."

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Stopped looking for it. 18 is too young for love anyway.

No it's not. Stop telling yourself that or you'll find yourself in your mid 20s regretting you ever thought it.

 

[Lejsen]

I'm just way too shy and terrified of change to pursue it.

 

[babinro]

I don't look for love or even a relationship...I've yet to feel the need to despite being 30. I consider myself a good enough person to find love or companionship if I ever choose to try, but for now it's entirely up to the woman to get things started.

 

[Dr Snakeman]

Because for all of my middle and high school years, I was quite socially stunted, and not a particularly appealing person. Never had the nerve to ask anyone out.

Now, though? Things are kind of looking up. There's one girl I rather like, and who likes me back, and another who I really like, but who I'm not completely sure likes me as much

It's complicated. But yeah, I'm doing better in that field.

I figured this thread needed a little less self-pity, and a little more happy.

 

[CleverCover]

I'm just not trying now. If it finds me, great. If it doesn't, I have other things to worry about right now without a significant other there too.

 

[Dr Snakeman]

Because I'm a self-loathing 18 year old introvert drowned in the population of a massive university.

I can't possibly ask a girl (or pretty much anyone, for that matter) to like me when I despise almost every single aspect of my physical being.

If you hate yourself so much, why don't you try to change those things about yourself that you don't like? It's difficult, but not impossible; people do it all the time.

 

[MrMixelPixel]

Mocking couples while dyeing inside is great! Seriously, you should try it. Its just my way of being an attention whore really. I've got to stay interesting with all of my friends pairing off and leaving me all by my lonesome... T_T

Psh no, I just mock my friends in couples because it bothers them. I don't have any issues with love. I just don't look for it...
However, it appears to find me often enough. Like, now one of my friend's friends likes me. It's cool, I don't look at the situation with disdain. I'll look forward to the possibilities.

 

[BNguyen]

In the middle of college, few acquaintances, no money and I doubt I leave any kind of lasting impression due to my passive nature and I don't think of myself as a good-looking guy - more of the nerd archetype opposite of thin
that and it seems as though every girl is either much too old for my tastes (I prefer same age as me or slightly younger) or they are already going for some other guy.
Almost had a relationship 2 years ago but the girl decided to hate me for liking her, and the second time, I asked her out and she forgot all about me.

 

[ZakuII]

Love is an abstraction. Good luck finding one of those!
Next time you feel inclined to say, "Is this love?"
Give yourself a good slap instead and remember that words are not feelings

Why do you think there's no such thing as a definitive answer to what love 'is'?

As for why people don't want to get involved in relationships or arn't currently in one, the answer's always ovbious depending on the individual isn't it?

tl;dr - Love the concept is not a real thing. Stop looking.

 

[Azurian]

1. Never had any chicks that liked me.

2. Not really a good looking guy

3. Painfully shy

4. Plays things close to the vest.

5. Just a strange guy all around.

 

[Dr Snakeman]

1. bullshit. ive been trying to get rid of my shyness all my life and no stratedgy works. its a mental disease that cannot be cured

Spoiler: I know this video has been done to death on this site, but I think its use is warranted in this situation.

Please. That is the saddest excuse I've seen in a long time. You can change virtually anything about yourself (short of, like... Down's syndrome, or permanent paralysis, or something along those lines) provided you want it bad enough.

If you want to want to quit being shy, then just man up and quit being shy. It's tough, but doable.


Oh, and calling it a mental disease (besides being incredibly wrong) is probably a bit insulting to people who actually have mental illnesses. Just throwing that out there.