Love.

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GuideBot

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Feb 25, 2010
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Preamble: I didn't see a discussion about this, and the search proved unfruitful, though my inexperience may account for that.

So; Have you ever been in love? How many times, or with how many people? Do you subscribe to the notion that there is only one 'true-love' (soulmate?) for each person? Or do you think that love is simply the by-product of a biochemical system? Can you love more than one person at one time? Do you have any general expositions or have you had any fundamental breakthroughs related to love?

Clarity: I'm asking about the more amorous species of love which one feels intensely for the object of one's desire in another; not the species felt between close friends, family or between a person and a concept or object (e.g. I love new things/ these jeans).

I'll get the ball a-rolling:
I'm in my early 20s, and I've been in love with 3 people. They were all female. It was different each time (which contributes considerably to my difficulty in defining love), though no less wondrous in each instance. I like to think I have a good degree of control when it comes to this, and I know I've deliberately prevented myself from falling in love with a fourth girl, although having said that, with two of my three, I just had a dream (a conventional dream, I guess, in my sleep) and when I woke up I felt completely, intensely different about the person therein. I think that love is a product of our biological evolution, that it serves to draw us to sexually compatible partners, but also that it's not entirely reliable in this role, and that given our over-developed cognitive capacity, it can take on other dimensions. I believe it has a significant chemical AND mental component. I have been in love with more than one person at a time, so, as I define it at least, I believe that one can be in love with more than one person at once. Also, I don't think its a black or white, is or is not situation, I think that there are shades of grey, and it becomes love when that's what you call it. So, I've had some close ones too, but they didn't make the criteria. There's more, but I'd like to see what people make of the thread and perhaps chip it in later.

Forgive my somewhat formal and detached writing style, it tends to assume me when I think.

So, I'm curious. What of others?

Ah, and before I forget; Hi there. I'm new this morning, I'm GuideBot, it's good to meet you all.
 

TimeLord

For the Emperor!
Legacy
Aug 15, 2008
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Hi GuideBot, welcome to the Escapist

I am 19, have been in love twice and they both broke my heart so love is a device created to generate money from people like me!

There may or may not be a "true love" for everyone, I'll get back to you if I die alone
 

Captain Blackout

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Feb 17, 2009
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I can't answer much. I've loved lots in my life. I'm bi or at least hetero-flexible, but am now happily married and one of my spiritual disciplines is being a good husband. It's been worth every moment and I expect it to continue so for as long as needed.
 

BlindMessiah94

The 94th Blind Messiah
Nov 12, 2009
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I've never been in love.
I quantify being "in" love as two people - both feeling love for each other.

I've only ever been in one sided situations where I felt something she didn't.

So I've never been in love, or to more accurately state have not been loved in return.
I have been in love before, and not known it until it was too late, and also confused love with a mixture of loneliness and lust.

It's a tricky thing - it's easy to get caught up in moments.
But regardless I don't think there is "one true love" for everyone.
I believe that if you are in the right place, at the right time, have your wits about you, and are EXTREMELY LUCKY, you may find love in your life. But one true love is just a fantasy weaved by Disney at us at a young age to corrode our minds and make every relationship we have feel inadequate.
 

GuideBot

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Feb 25, 2010
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@Timelord: Thanks. PM me, I'd be curious to know.

@captain Blackout: When you say as long as needed, in what sense is it needed? This is just me being curious, feel free to tell me to mind my own business. I'm glad the marriage scenario is working out for you. I'm not in a place where I can see it being my solution, but I'm amazed at how I change, so maybe with time.

@Furburt: Wow. What a sobering revelation. I guess I can extend to you the (tenuous) reassurance that, even at the age of early-20s, I've grown as person so much since my teen years that, when I consider my past-self, all I can do is smile a wry grin and admire the purity of his errors, the logic of his ignorance. So I'm saying: Don't worry. You'll change and adapt (if only to yourself). Excuse my epically patronizing tone, and feel free to completely ignore / rebuke my words.
 
Aug 25, 2009
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Welcome to the Escapist, don't go into the basement.
[sub]never go into the basement[/sub]

Anyway, I think I've been in love, but the little itty bitty pieces of my broken heart tell me it was probably a bad idea.
 

Vigilantis

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Jan 14, 2010
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Hello, I am a fat slob that refuses to leave my light less cave to seek anything beyond what appears on my computer screen. I sit at home with a lot of built up sexual tension eating doritos and drinking Dr. Pepper. I will most likely die both alone and a virgin.

Remember me for being the lvl 80 Prot Pally =)
 

TriggerHappyAngel

Self-Important Angler Fish
Feb 17, 2010
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i've been in love twice and my heart has been broken 2 times...
- now i'm just laying low and waiting for my true love(yes, i believe in that) :)
 

Lost In The Void

When in doubt, curl up and cry
Aug 27, 2008
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I was in love at the tender age of 17. It ended, I was crushed, and I moved on. Love for me, is something that is more psychological than anything. I believe we all have a preset image of what we want in a person, and when we find that, you become "lovestruck" unfortunately, love is blind so you could be with the completely wrong person and not know it
 

GuideBot

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Feb 25, 2010
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Holy spoons, it seems that there's alot of heartbreak out there. This is contrary to my expectations. As I say, I've been there 3 times, and none of them ended badly (though there were those moments, ykno, when it feels like someone's actually kicked you in the stomach, but only because of my own stupidity).
 

snide_cake

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Nov 29, 2009
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I've been in love, to the point where I actually liked children and would do anything for their mother. I wanted to change the world for them.

Also know that you can be in love with two people at once, or at least enamored with the idea of them both.

I don't believe there's ONE true love, but if you're lucky enough to find someone who makes you feel that way then go with it.

Now I'm a cynic buried too far into science, knowing that people have not risen above primal urges to procreate.
 

Stevo_s

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Jan 24, 2010
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Im 18 and only been in love once. It could be a biochemical by-product and I have had extreme cases of lust but I knew the difference as I'm sure you have. Ive felt the difference I may not be experienced as you but what I feel I don't want to think of it as a by-product of evolution. Although I've also felt something similar to withdraw symptoms when I'm not around her..
Eh. I liked the whole soul mate thing better but I think I was always lying to myself, oh well it feels good I wont stop doing it, anytime soon.
 

GuideBot

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Feb 25, 2010
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
I've been in love since I can remember. What can I say, I'm a passionate guy.
I believe they respond to this on the streets via the exclamation; "Good shit!". Seriously, that's awesome. Hows it work out for you? Happy?

@Furburt: I will in future. BUt I can only press one quote button... (right?). Misanthropy; well used. (Again) Does it make you happy?

@Sadly awake: What you've done there at the end is take the utilitarian approach (the path with the highest net happiness is the right one). There's alot to be said for it; go well.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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GuideBot said:
The_root_of_all_evil said:
I've been in love since I can remember. What can I say, I'm a passionate guy.
I believe they respond to this on the streets via the exclamation; "Good shit!". Seriously, that's awesome. Hows it work out for you? Happy?
Shifts between suicidal lows and nirvana-like joy. Isn't always the same person I'm in love with though. ;)
 

Dublin Solo

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Feb 18, 2010
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I've been in love once. And I'm still with the guy I fell for, and it's been something like eleven years.
 

rossatdi

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Aug 27, 2008
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GuideBot said:
Can you love more than one person at one time? Do you have any general expositions or have you had any fundamental breakthroughs related to love?
My friend and I came up with a sort of system for this.

For each person there are a number of factors that combine to create attraction (physical and emotional, and intellectual, so on). This will likely create a bell curve of attractiveness in the world - ie there are unlikely to be many women who you find 100% attractive and few you find 0% attractive. There will be various grades of what a level of attraction may mean to you.

For example Bob and Jim both have similar bell curves of what they find attractive.

Bob would seek a long term relationship for women that reach about 65/100 along his curve but may consider those from about 55/100 for short term flirting or a fling.

Jim has self esteem problems and would probably settle for 40/100 for a long term, as he desires a long term commitment. For something one-off he may need more incentive and only gauge girls with a 65/100 attractiveness worth the emotional investment without long term results.

---

Been in love once but had one serious unrequited crush that I wouldn't go as far as to call love. Luckily in a very happy LTR with the one I love.
 

Valksy

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Nov 5, 2009
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Aye. Couple of times.

Once was unrequited and agony and I felt literally hollow inside.

Once was built on a lie and I was too young and inexperienced to understand. I caught her with her tongue down someone else's throat. That was like a physical wound.

Once was with a woman who took everything from me, including about 300 quid because I thought she loved me too and she needed some help.

I am not so certain that I can still feel romantic love. I know I love my friends and I know I love the cats at home. But it isn't that full-to-bursting sensation and I don't think it ever will be again.