Love.

[Lord Trilby]

I'm 14. I've been in love once ( I know right?) and it was not a very enjoyable experience seeing as how falling in love with a 14 year old girl is like being an adorable puppy in a slaughterhouse.

Now since that endeavor has ended I feel like a very different person. No matter how it ends, I think love will always end up changing you in some way, like in my case it has kind of turned me into a bitter, significantly less confident person.

Let me present to you the cycle of love:
*****>Fucks over>Nice guy>Becomes>Asshole>Fucks over>Nice girl>Becomes>*****
It is very difficult to break the cycle.

 

[Dublin Solo]

So; Have you ever been in love?

I think there's a distinction between being 'in love' (that first rush of passion) and 'Love'. I don't think that in-loveness is bad, but it's different. Allow me to quote:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." - Doctor Iannis, Captain Corelli's Mandolin

This says it so well. I have read tons of relationship - guidance books, and they all make this distinction between being 'in love' and Love. I am 'in love' with my fiance - head over heels. But we are both making a huge effort to Love each other as well. The passion and romance is wonderful, but what I value most is the companionship, trust and commitment. We work so hard at communicating and telling each other everything. There's not a thing, good or bad, we don't know about each other. Really, it's such an odd feeling, because it doesn't feel like we're two separate people anymore. We want to make sure it lasts, and that takes hard work.
I'd guess (without knowing) that you've experienced the in-loveness, which is great. Real Love is different - it's a lot more effort, to start with! Do tell me if I'm wrong - I don't want to be patronising.

You are right. I am experiencing something along the lines of what you're trying to achieve. And it's great. I don't think it's possible to be in love, in the romantic way, with someone forever. Maybe that's what draws some people apart. They fear their relation will suffer from the disparition of the initial spark. However, it can evolve into something so much deeper. I could go as far as say that I'm not technically in love with my boyfriend. I can absolutely say, however, that I will walk the road of our lives and we'll always be holding each other's hand.

 

[floppylobster]

I'm old now, I've had maybe 7 or 8 relationships but I've been in love 3 times. Each time was different. I completely agree with your assessment of love. I too believe you can stop yourself if you see the signs in time. You can also force yourself to stay around a person you like and eventually, if they're in any way compatible, fall in love with them.

Of my current girlfriend (of 10 years now) - I've been in love and out of love with her over the years. At the core of it all I know I'll never hate her, so rather than break up with her when things aren't going so well I've stayed with her because I know I will only have the same cycle of in-love/out-of-love with whomever I'm with. I feel it's better to be with someone and occasionally not want to be with them, than to be without them and occasionally crave them. I've worked hard on our relationship and communication has shown me that she is willing to try and make it work. And understanding that someone else cares enough to try and do things for you is at the core of any loving relationship.

No, I don't believe there's not one true love for everyone. There are however, people who are more compatible and turn you on more than others. Some who just seem to 'get' you, and some who excite you and say things you never expected to hear. But most relationships have to be worked at. It's easy when your 15-24 to fall in love. It gets harder as you get older and you start to appreciate and value different things in a relationship.

I probably could have written something more interesting and insightful here but honestly love doesn?t mean half as much to me as it did when I was younger. So take what you can get when you can get it, and give all you can when you?re in love with someone. Even if it lasts 60 years, it doesn't last for ever, so enjoy it while you have it, in whatever form it comes to you.

 

[Shaegor]

Well, my heart tells me I'm in love but my mind tells me that's just emotional teenage bullshit.

Well I'll be, apparently I'm not the only one.

 

[brunothepig]

It's simple really, not to sound like a douche but love doesnt exsist. I made an account just to reply to this, love is a simple reaction of chemicals in the brain mixed with lust and backed up by a pipe dream. I believe some of us were made together in heaven AS A FAMILY. Love is just way to stupid in this generation. You have all those wannabe's with their shorts below their sandals and girls with shirts so small its like their rubber bands. No love is just now a distorted excuse for idiots who ruin their lives, if you let your heart open its like taking off your clothes and running through a fire, your going to get burned and the thrill may have made you feel great but in the end you'll regret it (so will your best friend in your pants) so I say screw love i don't see the point in it and anyone whoever does love is a loser.

-Love doesn't exist.
Interesting, present your argument? Let's read on...
...
-"so I say screw love i don't see the point in it and anyone whoever does love is a loser."
I'm confused.
/theatrics
Well, I'm in love with a girl who is extremely self conscious, it took her quite a while to relax around me. So it wasn't the lust thing. And if we were made in heaven as A FAMILY, do we still feel love for our family then? Or does that point have no relevance? And if we do, it is sort of relevant, but it seems, once more, like you're swapping sides.
So you say that anyone who doesn't happen to think exactly like you is a loser? No. That's just stupid, and it disheartens me to think there are people like this in this community.
Also, are multiple accounts allowed? Mods? Trace the IP lol?

 

[muffincakes]

So, to clarify, are we talking new age love or real love? Because real love(in the relationship way) is kind of a one-time forever thing, but you sound like you are talking about the new age love where every time you date somebody you're 'in love'(insert: fluttering eyelashes). Also, new age love can be translated to: I liked them a whole lot. See, you can stop liking a person, but if you actually love them, then that never ends. As a side note, if they don't like you back, then it cannot flourish into love, and if you keep after them, it makes you a lustful stalker. Another point to make is that immature and younger people who lack the wisdom of age or experience do not know what love is. They claim to, but since when has a fool ever admitted what they don't know?

All I'm saying is, you don't know what love is, and you probably won't understand it for a long time. In this day and age, many people never learn what love is because they are too busy trying to call everything 'love.' You can't love every other person you date because you can't love someone you don't know. How can you say 'I love you' when you don't even know who they are?

Which brings me to my second point: You can (brotherly) love a stranger, but you cannot love them like a lover does. An analogy for this: Think of a video game that you were sure was going to be awesome. There was tons of hype and everyone in the media was praising its amazing whatever. Now, when it comes time to actually get or play the game one of three things will happen. 1)It's a fantastic game; 2)It's an alright game; or 3)It sucks. The way you feel about that game before you get to play it is similar to how you feel about people you don't know. Sure, it looks great and puts on a good show, but once you get past the surface, things can be completely different.

Going full circle here: The impossibility of loving a stranger is also why young people cannot really love(however, there have always been exceptions, but these people did not 'love' five others before they found their actual love). Before you really get to know someone, you always act differently around them. Maybe you are more polite in trying to impress them or you might show off more. Either way, you are putting on a show, not giving them your real self. As a young, inexperienced, and somewhat immature person, you do not even know who you are yourself, and it takes time to figure that out. Until you've found yourself, stop trying to find someone else, because you may only end up hurting them.

And since I've gone tangent-crazy here, to answer your question, yes, I am in love. It happened once. We got married, and our love increases every day that we learn about each other. It would not have happened though, if we had not dated for seven years before deciding to get married(and yes, we decided. Don't try to do that surprise crap, make sure they want to get married too. And then you can surprise them).

 

[Julianking93]

I've been in love once but never loved back.

My love life is absolute shit. Actually, my social life in general is absolute shit.

 

[Space Cowgirl]

I myself have been in only one relationship when I was... Seventeen/Eighteen, I think and he broke it off with me. I've never had a relationship since then and I'm now twenty. I'm actually not interested in having a relationship with anyone, I'm too busy being a bitter, antisocial misanthrope, apparently. It's frustrating at times, but hell, it's fun to be by myself.

 

[dkyros]

Can you love more than one person at one time? Do you have any general expositions or have you had any fundamental breakthroughs related to love?

My friend and I came up with a sort of system for this.

For each person there are a number of factors that combine to create attraction (physical and emotional, and intellectual, so on). This will likely create a bell curve of attractiveness in the world - ie there are unlikely to be many women who you find 100% attractive and few you find 0% attractive. There will be various grades of what a level of attraction may mean to you.

For example Bob and Jim both have similar bell curves of what they find attractive.

Bob would seek a long term relationship for women that reach about 65/100 along his curve but may consider those from about 55/100 for short term flirting or a fling.

Jim has self esteem problems and would probably settle for 40/100 for a long term, as he desires a long term commitment. For something one-off he may need more incentive and only gauge girls with a 65/100 attractiveness worth the emotional investment without long term results.

---

Been in love once but had one serious unrequited crush that I wouldn't go as far as to call love. Luckily in a very happy LTR with the one I love.

Just have to say that this is a very interesting theory. Not saying it applies to me but just that it makes me think.

I've been in love twice. Both very different. That being said, I do not believe that love is the sum response of nuerotransmitters being released into the brain as a product of evolution. It makes less sense from an evolutionary standpoint to only have one partner as it narrows the gene pool. Love is more likely a biproduct of cognition. If you like the way person X looks and how they think you probably (on a long enough timeline) think that person X is a good person to spend a lot of time with because your in love. This being said, I don't believe in love at first site, thats just being attracted to someone. I don't think it is possible to love more than one person at a time. In my experience I was usually too hung up on the last person I loved to fall in love with another person. I don't think theres only one person that is compatible with me. I think that that is an older way of thinking, and also plays off the concept I just state (being too hung up on the last person). So, thats my experience of love in my short life.
Also, remember L.I.R.B.L.A., that is Love Is Replaced By Love Alone

 

[wells02]

hmm... might be in love right now. i've been going out with this girl for a month now and she's just amazing. Words can't describe her... but not sure i want to fall in love again after last G-friend left me a burnt out husk of a person.

 

[Darth Caelum]

Preamble: I didn't see a discussion about this, and the search proved unfruitful, though my inexperience may account for that.

So; Have you ever been in love? How many times, or with how many people? Do you subscribe to the notion that there is only one 'true-love' (soulmate?) for each person? Or do you think that love is simply the by-product of a biochemical system? Can you love more than one person at one time? Do you have any general expositions or have you had any fundamental breakthroughs related to love?

Clarity: I'm asking about the more amorous species of love which one feels intensely for the object of one's desire in another; not the species felt between close friends, family or between a person and a concept or object (e.g. I love new things/ these jeans).

I'll get the ball a-rolling:
I'm in my early 20s, and I've been in love with 3 people. They were all female. It was different each time (which contributes considerably to my difficulty in defining love), though no less wondrous in each instance. I like to think I have a good degree of control when it comes to this, and I know I've deliberately prevented myself from falling in love with a fourth girl, although having said that, with two of my three, I just had a dream (a conventional dream, I guess, in my sleep) and when I woke up I felt completely, intensely different about the person therein. I think that love is a product of our biological evolution, that it serves to draw us to sexually compatible partners, but also that it's not entirely reliable in this role, and that given our over-developed cognitive capacity, it can take on other dimensions. I believe it has a significant chemical AND mental component. I have been in love with more than one person at a time, so, as I define it at least, I believe that one can be in love with more than one person at once. Also, I don't think its a black or white, is or is not situation, I think that there are shades of grey, and it becomes love when that's what you call it. So, I've had some close ones too, but they didn't make the criteria. There's more, but I'd like to see what people make of the thread and perhaps chip it in later.

Forgive my somewhat formal and detached writing style, it tends to assume me when I think.

So, I'm curious. What of others?

Ah, and before I forget; Hi there. I'm new this morning, I'm GuideBot, it's good to meet you all.

Hello then Fellow Member of Awesome! Remember to feed the kittens with ONLY .45 bullets to the brain!
Well, i was in love once, roughly a year ago and, well, it kind of changes you somewhat.
I Will not go into details, I was the very peak of Bastardism, i was angry always, i betrayed people easily, and i was (and still am) a believer that all human life is inherently Evil. (Reason not withcoming i'm afraid)
I met a girl, she...well.......she is fun-loving, smart, a bit of a tomboy, a bit eccentric, the kind that will 'do something and finishes it to the end' kind of girl.
Well...I don't know WHY the fuck she would talk to someone like me but......i was not that much of a bastard so i guess it's okay.
Anyway, we are currently friends and, i believe i have changed significantly since then, i still have my Dark Humor but i see things through a different perspective now. But i'm still to afraid to say anything so i'm content with being friends.
I believe that love is a biochemical reaction but....it also kinds of seems MORE than that right?
Also, i've discovered that anyone who insults love has never really been in love.
This, of course, is simply the view of a 15 year old guy who lives in asia, i have seen the darkness of this place with my own eyes, the better to be blinded when a light reaches you.
......okay......Who wants Bacon?

Edit: Sorry about that Cleanthes. it was sent to Guidebot for which i apologize.

 

[EeveeElectro]

i thought I was, but I wasn't because after about a year, he began to disgust me. I am now though, and it's no easy ride.

 

[JanatUrlich]

I'm 18 and I've never fallen in love with anyone, which I think is pretty alright.

The longest relationship I've been in was 8 months long. She was telling me she was in love with me after 2 months which is fucking ridiculous. I definitely don't believe in love at first sight and I think it takes a lot to make me fall in love.

 

[mip0]

I haven't been in love myself but this what I've read:
Love serves to draw us to sexually compatible partners and to keep us (the parents) together until the child can manage on it's own (and find its place in the herd?). This period is about four years long - "the four year itch" - after which the parents separates to find new partners. If, however, male and female do not indulge in sexual intercourse (reproduction) right away then the period can be extended by up to three years - "the seven year itch".

Love is mostly amphetamine (like "the love drug" phenylethylamine "PEA") and like many other 'drugs' more is needed every time for the same effect. So after four years the body simple cannot make enough amphetamine for you to feel like you once did for the one you loved. (I think there is another arsenal of 'drugs' for those three extra years.)

This is all I have read meaning I can't explain more than I already have.

 

[ShadowsofHope]

So; Have you ever been in love? How many times, or with how many people? Do you subscribe to the notion that there is only one 'true-love' (soulmate?) for each person? Or do you think that love is simply the by-product of a biochemical system? Can you love more than one person at one time? Do you have any general expositions or have you had any fundamental breakthroughs related to love?

Clarity: I'm asking about the more amorous species of love which one feels intensely for the object of one's desire in another; not the species felt between close friends, family or between a person and a concept or object (e.g. I love new things/ these jeans).

I am in love right now, though my cynical side keeps it from going too far right now.

No, I don't believe in "true love", I tend to think of it as a wishful dream.

Yes, I think you can have more than one lover at a time.. Though I personally right now, do not.

Love is simply a strong attraction to someone, a desire to care for them. *Shrug*

That suffice?

 

[Grimrider6]

I want to add to the discussion, but I feel confused. I have to ask...

...What is Love?

 

[Nicolefranklin]

Me and love don't get along at all. I don't fall for people, because of that classic fear of rejection, and I have found that letting my guard down and actually feel something, for someone else, can only end badly for me.

With all that out of the way, I have been in love once. Still getting over that, now, a year later.
Found a perfect guy, he spent ages convincing me that he was truly interested, only to burn me when I allowed myself to feel the same things.

So, once for me, and never again.

 

[_Cake_]

Never been in love but I'm guessing it's something like trusting them with your life.

 

[Rickyvantof]

I am in love as we speak.

 

[Godaz]

Hi I'm Mike I'm 17 and I'm an alcho... Oh wait, love right. I consider myself to have been in love once, unfortunately the situation was too inconvenient for anything to happen.
It's probably a bit naive to say I thought I was in love, it'd probably be more accurate to say I felt like there was potential for love.

Now I'm going to back up for a minute, I accept that yes love is just chemicals and hormones reacting to external stimuli in order to tell cells how to behave, however I think that completely ignores higher cognitive function, love exists as it does because we give it meaning. Love can come from many different sources and can manifest itself in many different ways, in many different people. Love is the symptom of all our most basic reproductive instincts it makes us feel the necessity to form and maintain a family, we can no more truly live without love or at least a sense of love than anything else we feel necessity for. This love that I felt was born from my necessity at my age to reproduce, the fact that it wasn't fulfilled left me hurt just like when anyone is in love and they don't fulfill the whole relationship, fortunately I wasn't in deep enough to be truly hurt by it, anyways I'm just rambling now, that's what I think of love.