FalloutJack said:
Greetings.
Do you ever, in your spare time, think up entirely absurd things that are, for lack of a better term, insane?
Well, there is "The Warehouse."
I can't quite remember at what moment this all occurred to me, but I can remember that it did so all in a single moment. One minute the word "justice" meant courts and rulings by juries of your peers, and in the next, my mind had fashioned a much more effective psychological alternative covering half of the justice spectrum. The Warehouse is the punishment destination for anyone who has committed a crime of annoyance, irritation, or minor malice. It is meant to be the answer to the many situations in life that the law's justice provides no solution for. For example, when working in a game store, the one pimply fat fellow who brings his fanboy attitude and sadly misplaced sense of self-importance to the store with a daily frequency usually only reserved for popular nightclubs. You know that guy, don't you? The one who comes not to shop (since often as not, he has no money), but to socialize in his own limited fashion, turning your place of business into his own personal pulpit? The law authorizes you no retaliation, no matter how long he annoys you, day after day after grueling work day for weeks and months on end. But The Warehouse does!
Here's how it works.
Step 1: Chloroform. Ambush and render the offender unconscious for transport to The Warehouse. Best done with no witnesses.
Step 2: Awakening. The offender awakens standing, disoriented, and unable to move. He is in The Warehouse, but seems to be the only thing inside the otherwise empty, cold, spacious structure. Strapped in securely to a vertical frame like Hannibal Lecter's from Silence of the Lambs, he cannot move so much as an inch. The frame is embedded into the cement floor; with limited traction, uprooting or dislodging it would prove impossible. Most importantly, it is designed to fit the head perfectly, so that the offender cannot turn his head or lean forward at all. This is crucial.
Step 3: Silence and dread in anticipation. Allow a length of time to pass before punishment is to commence. Give the offending subject time to contemplate his circumstances, and to shake off the aftereffects of the chloroforming process. Allow him ample time to shout and scream for help, and see that there is no response or result. Wait for fear to set in and naturally escalate, and then wait for it to fade from panic back to normal anticipation. The subject is, after all, in no real danger. He is here for punishment only.
Step 4: The punishment. After minutes or even hours of silence and solitude, the subject hears a door slam open, far to his immediate right. Unable to turn his head, he cannot see the source of the sound. Shouts for help still produce no answer. Then, another rapid series of sounds... a moment's listening provides a guess: bare feet slapping against concrete. Someone is running directly toward him, and he cannot move! Sick with fear and dread, the subject then receives his punishment; all in a blur, he is only vaguely conscious of what happens next. A completely naked man runs straight to subject, on a path that will pass directly in front of him. At the proper moment, this arbiter jumps, aims, and farts in midair directly into the subject's immobile face. With no clothing to impede the process, the hot air is directly felt, the smell undiluted... and with no way to move or turn away, the full blast must be endured. The arbiter leaves as quickly as he came through a door on the opposite side. Any attempts to shout in anger or for help by the subject only let the fart into his mouth, deepening his own punishment.
Step 5: Rechloroforming. The subject is returned to the spot from which he was rendered unconscious, completely unharmed in any corporeal fashion, where he will soon awake, never certain as to whether it truly happened, or was just some terrible dream.
Sure, he can tell others, but who will believe him?
- Adrian out.
