Make baseless assumptions about game characters!

[subject_87]

Also, the more of a cipher the character is, the better. I'll start:

The runner from Canabalt: Has a long-standing fear of party balloons, likes potato salad to the point of bordering on fetishism, and is a white supremacist.
Capt. Viridian from VVVVVV: Chain-smoker, has an irrational hatred of pineapples, and Olympic-level swimmer.

Your turn!

 

[Zepheniah Mann]

Dr. Breen: Furry, loves indie documentaries, and is a vegan.

 

[EHKOS]

Gordan Freeman has an STD.

Sonic is a pervert.
Mario is an alchohalic.

 

[Ordinaryundone]

Bayonetta: Secret lesbian with lactose intolerance and a love of potpourri.

 

[tlozoot]

Princess Peach is a shrewd cock-tease.

'Cake' indeed.

 

[TheTaco007]

Master Chief is a robot.

 

[Proton Packmule]

Niko Bellic didn't see breasts until he was 25.

They were Roman's.

 

[Cheesus333]

GLaDOS started life as a very simplistic calculator program, and a brain in a jar. The calculator has since been upgraded and modified. The brain has since died.

The Doom guy has a husband, and two adopted children. One of them grows up to be the Quake guy WHOAH MAH GOD! The other spends money from his day job at a library on arcade machines and curly fries.

 

[Phlakes]

Samus listens to J-Pop in her ship between missions.

 

[RatRace123]

Cloud is really a very happy guy, he likes to watch Thundercats and his favorite drink is Orangina.

 

[AssassinJoe]

Kratos: compensating for a small penis.

 

[Rusty pumpkin]

Niko Bellic didn't see breasts until he was 25.

They were Roman's.

it explains so much...

OT: Father Gregory from half life 2, suffers from a paranoia of ducks, and has a collection of antique belt buckles.

 

[Breaker deGodot]

Alyx Vance is a closet lesbian, with a fetish for white sweaters.

 

[NeedAUserName]

Most of the characters from Gears of War: compensating for small penis.

 

[Brazilianpeanutwar]

Shepard is a schizophrenic locked in an insane asylum gibbering to his/her self about reapers and a guy called conrad.

 

[Xaio30]

Master Chief has an ego bigger than the rings he blow up.

 

[Jon Shannow]

Mario: A bigoted racist towards Swedes and is a lover of stinking bishop

 

[binvjoh]

Jake "Nomad" Dun (Crysis): Isn't wearing anything beneath his suit, engaged in instense love affair with Michael "Pshyco" Sykes.

 

[busterkeatonrules]

Tidus from Final Fantasy X is really a girl. And doesn't know it.

 

[CAPTCHA]

Marcus and Dom think girls are for gays and survive on a diet of rocks.

Wait... these were supposed to be unfounded opinions!