Make predictions for Star Wars Ep VII!

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RA92

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Jan 1, 2011
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Might as well as have some fun.

I predict most of it will be set in Tatoonie, because for JJ Abrams, twin suns mean double the lens flare.

JJ would would claim for months that "It's totally not a remake of the prequels!" and then Luke would go back to Tatoonie, find out someone close was killed by Tuskan Raiders, scream "KHAAAAAN!" and then turn to the dark side.
 

shrekfan246

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May 26, 2011
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VIII?

We've gone right past predicting VII?

Okay then.

With my super srs face on, I predict that no matter what the actual quality of the film is, the internet is going to collectively ***** and moan about it for the next fifteen-twenty years, to such a degree that the people who actually enjoy the film just aren't even going to bother speaking up any longer.

Unless the prequel trilogy is the standard by which people are holding them to this time, but this is Star Wars, so who knows.

With that out of the way, I predict that the main character is going to be a mopey teenager who responds to everything with "..." and "Whatever" and he's going to go on a wacky adventure through space and time after getting a big shard of ice or something launched through his chest, all culminating in him meeting his younger self and setting in motion his training in the Force and all of the events of the movie.

And then in Episode IX we find out that almost every Force user except for the first Sith were simply genetically engineered creatures "born" without souls by the first Sith, husks to be used to absorb the souls of those the Sith killed in an attempt to bring life back to their home planet. Somewhere along the way the Jedi were separated from their creators and with their new-found freedom and loneliness they tried to make up their own creed to abide and follow and that's why they always go on about "Fear leads to anger" and all that stuff. And then at the end of the film the personification of Death shows up to duke it out with the main cast because the last Sith reached out with all of his anger and hate right before he died. Or something.
 

Johnny Novgorod

Bebop Man
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It would be nice if they had a scene where Han shoots first against some guy and then everybody's silent and Han says "He was going to shoot me!" and then everybody laughs and the frame freezes and the credits roll.
 

Timotei

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Apr 21, 2009
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The film will be a murder mystery where Jake Lloyd must solve George Lucas' murder after he is found dead in his house on Skywalker Ranch. His journey takes him to the Star Wars galaxy where he is shuttled to key places from the prequels such as Tatooine, Coruscant, Naboo, and Mustafar. Along the way he questions witnesses who tell him a tale of horribly written characters and convoluted plot lines without meaningful resolution.

At some point on Tatooine, Jake Lloyd holds up Watto for a speeder bike. From there he goes to Coruscant and continually tells people to take off their CGI. The last act of the movie takes place on Naboo where Jake Lloyd ends up in a Wookie suit where he punches Queen Amidalla. The last scene of the film has Jake Lloyd surrounded by Gungans as his leg bones are broken and Midi-Chlorians poured into a clone trooper helmet he's been forced to wear. The last shot of the film has Jake Lloyd brought in front of a statue of Darth Vader, and his last view is of a memorial to the character he helped to ruin.
 

Tom_green_day

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Jan 5, 2013
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I predict there will be a fist-fighting scene where one or both characters is using martial arts. I don't know why but I think it will be.
I predict there will be a male character who lost a father figure at a young age.
I predict there will be a scene with the main characters in a space ship escaping from other space ships and screaming while they do it.
These are all pretty low-hanging fruit really.
 

BlumiereBleck

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Dec 11, 2008
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I predict it will be awful. Even worse than the prequels no amount of money can fix Abrams' terrible writing and directing style.
 

Liquidprid3

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Jan 24, 2014
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I don't care if it's good or bad, I'm seeing on release day no matter what. Predictions? I honestly have none. I'm not one to speculate. Since it's 30 years after Return of the Jedi, the original characters will be quite a bit older. I'm really interested in how the whole thing turns out. I'm just hoping it won't be as boring as the Phantom Menace, or as bad as Attack of the Clones. I did enjoy episode III, though, and obviously the original trilogy. As a huge fan, I'm always excited for more Star Wars stuff.
 

jademunky

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Mar 6, 2012
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shrekfan246 said:
And then in Episode IX we find out that almost every Force user except for the first Sith were simply genetically engineered creatures "born" without souls by the first Sith, husks to be used to absorb the souls of those the Sith killed in an attempt to bring life back to their home planet. Somewhere along the way the Jedi were separated from their creators and with their new-found freedom and loneliness they tried to make up their own creed to abide and follow and that's why they always go on about "Fear leads to anger" and all that stuff. And then at the end of the film the personification of Death shows up to duke it out with the main cast because the last Sith reached out with all of his anger and hate right before he died. Or something.
Wow Shrek, Script ghostwritten by Alan Moore.

Personally I'd like them to scale back on things a little bit, make it more focused on a half-dozen or so characters and try to leave as much of the galactic politics from the prequels out as possible. Also do NOT have Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford in it.

Or maybe just a 30 second cameo from shimmery-blue-force-ghost Mark Hamill.


Oh Predictions?!?

I predict that it will be about three 75-year-old actors stumbling around, trying to recapture the magic of their youth like everyone's dad when he made the mistake of joining that old-man hockey league.
 

AuronFtw

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Nov 29, 2010
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Also, I predict shallow dialog, lightsabers pulled out in every scene regardless of how needed they are, ancient actors trying too hard to seem young, young actors trying too hard to be luke/leia/han, and a shitload of CGI covering up anything that could otherwise be interesting to look at.
 

PirateRose

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Aug 13, 2008
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I predict there will be a overwhelming number of male characters with very important roles and in depth stories. Only two female characters in supporting roles deeply involved in the major male characters roles. Leia and Leia replacement. Both of which will have very few lines of dialogue, let alone even speak to each other. They'll probably say like two or three lines to each other just to past the Bechdel test, about washing dishes or their hair, but spend the rest of the movie standing around in the background while the men do important things.

Old Leia is probably going to die tragically, probably in front of one of her children, Han Solo will rage, oh gosh the deep emotion of a dead wife/mother! And there will probably be little to no indication that she knows the force because reasons.

Leia replacement will only really be known for a scene where she wears a really sexy, fan boy pandering outfit that is result of her being captured and chained up in some fashion. She'll be seen for a few minutes doing something kick ass for a bit while in that outfit, so the vast majority of the audience can't really call her appearance sexist and degrading, just the crazy feminists no one likes to listen to anyways. Leia replacement will be there to award the heroes at the end and play love interest who stands around looking important and looking concerned in the background. She will do nothing to really add or take away from the overall plot.

Two male characters will come to the forefront with an incredibly strong bro-mance that will launch a million slash fics and deviantart porn images.

If none of this is true, I'll be pleasantly surprised.
 

CommanderL

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May 12, 2011
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It will be far to fan servicy with hundreds of nods and hints to the ot also no more eu saddly
 

Ferisar

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Oct 2, 2010
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Luke will use the force to solve universal problems involving chronic constipation on such a scale that the Force will ripple with the concentrated sighs of relief.

He will then go on to create his own medical department of diagnostics in a Hospital within the U.S. of A., in a galaxy far far closer than we've ever predicted, under the guise of a guilt-ridden-yet-incredibly-intelligent doctor and solve medical mysteries he himself invents. His team will be composed of a now-brain-washed Han Solo and Princess Leia, whom, in finding out about the true nature of their relationship, goes mad and assumes the role of the resident matron in her repression. Using his "epiphavision" Reroggy "Luke" Shoue, deviously, solves his own inventions, thus getting universal praise and much sex appeal; all the while fueling his raging addiction to pain killers, frequently haunted by the ghosts of Obi-Wan and Yoda until he decides it isn't worth it anymore.

And uh, he'll find Lupus on an astronomy map. Or something.
 

Therumancer

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Nov 28, 2007
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I doubt it will happen this way, but I'd imagine if they go with what they set up for Episode VII they are going to have Luke turn evil for all intents and purposes. We're going to have a bunch of Jedi who survived Order 66 show up, and one of them will probably be Anakin's Togruta apprentice from the cartoon series.

I anticipate there will be a more diverse cast, due to popularity I'm guessing at least one major, or major supporting cast will be a Twi'lek. I also expect after all of the complaints through at the series through "The Old Republic Online" there is at least going to be one gay or lesbian relationship going on even if not in the forefront in order to score PC points and "apologize" for some official statements once upon a time that there were no homosexuals in Star Wars.

That said, given JJ Abrams being involved, I think we're going to see a lot of odd things left hanging in the first part of the trilogy. I doubt a full trilogy/story arc has been planned out, and instead he's going to wait to see what the fans say and which bits he drops tend to capture the imaginations of people the most, then he will run with the ideas. As a result the ending is likely to be a mess since he will create so many holes and plot threads/potential plot threads over the years that come the end there will be no possible way for him to tie them up.

For an ending to the series I am guessing that either The Force will be removed from/leave the universe restoring free will, OR we will see an odd role reversal where the Sith are presented as being the good guys in context (freeom, passion, etc...) and the establishment of a Sith Empire seeming like a good/upbeat thing in comparison to the altenatives. The seeds that will lead to the cycle of darkness, without actually going far enough in the storyline to show how this is likely to pan out in a thousand years or so. In doing this it will help spawn other media (like further MMOs and such) by justifying the whole "heroic Sith" thing people in various RPGs and MMOs are already gobbling up as a concept, especially since the whole "Jedis do not allow love" thing annoyed so many people.

That said the prequels shattered my expectations, so I'm not going in with any real hopes, I'll check it out as a sci-fi fantasy nerd, but I'm hardly going to get all excited just to see movie trailers for this or anything. I mean I got sold on "Phantom Menace" early on, seeing guys like Samuel L. Jackson (hot on his success in things like "Pulp Fiction") heavily promoted, and then wound up with bloody Jar Jar Binks doing slapstick, little kids racing "space jalopies", little kids flying space fighters, an admittedly awesome final lightsaber duel that was resolved in an eye rolling fashion (and ended with the death of the character played by the best actor then involved) and Samuel L. Jackson was hardly in any of the movies at all despite standups, posters, and action figures of him popping up everywhere. The dude had one good scene in the entire trilogy and he died (and I might add I expected him to come back, because force lightning doesn't do that much damage that quickly, and one thing Jedi are famous for is being able to survive falls from crazy heights... I'm actually surprised Mace stayed dead, especially seeing as Obi Wan basically got shot off a lizard, fell off a Waterfall, and continued to live... but well... then again I suppose the whole pre-destined metaplot means The Force wanted Mace dead so it wasn't going to save him). The point is more Star Wars is big news, but the series is actually working against previous disappointments.

One thing I've actually hoped JJ Abrams might do is some kind of quick TV special or something to show off some of the stuff he's working on. It might be interested if we got oh say.. a new "Star Wars Holiday Special" directed by JJ, doing it right, and showing us some of the people he cast in character. To be honest with an iconic property like this I might try something like this given the previous failures to get some feedback to see if my ideas were at least on the right track. Granted getting another special done with some of the old cast (Harrison Ford in particular) might be rough. Still having the old guard hanging out with the new guard celebrating Life Day, and say telling tales (little skits about their back story or what they were doing between the old movies and the new) might generate important feedback. That way if people loathe a character that is doomed to be the next "Jar Jar" if it launches they have a chance to fix it before they fully film an entire movie with this guy running around screaming "Meesa So Scared" and grabbing fruit with a frog tongue.
 

FPLOON

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Jul 10, 2013
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Someone will die to let someone else live on for the next episode in this trilogy...
Someone will make a desert-related joke as a means to throwback to the original trilogy...
The prequel trilogy will be both referenced AND retconned sometime multiple times throughout this particular movie ALONE...
There will be so many throwaway lines that you'd swear they're trying to be quotable when you talk about the movie afterwards...
Unintentional reference to Star Trek...

So... Who's going to make the bingo card for Episode VII, again?
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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I think it's going to be a big fanservice affair. Not that the prequels weren't so as well, but just as with the new Star Trek films I think it's going to bank everything on nostalgia. The inclusion of Hamill, Ford, and Fisher pretty much corroborate this. Why else would they put three of the most melted actors in such a big movie?
 

likalaruku

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Nov 29, 2008
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One of 2 ways;

1)There will be an incredible amount of overhype it won't live up to & people will hate it just for that.

2)People will like this one just because it's Disney & not done by Lucas, but then they'll hate the following episode for either being too samey or too different or changing the cast.

FPLOON said:
So... Who's going to make the bingo card for Episode VII, again?
That sounds like a cute idea.
 

moggett88

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May 2, 2013
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My prediction - People will feel far too strongly about it, one way or the other. Just like the other six films.
 

TheSYLOH

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Feb 5, 2010
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I predict that it will be an average film.
Which will cause one group of fans to decry it as an abomination at the same time another group of fans declares it the second coming.