Making burgers out of sacred cows: beloved movies that completely suck

[drummond13]

The fact that the thread starter considers 300 a sacred cow is kind of hilarious.

 

[Nigh Invulnerable]

Assumed intelligence on the part of the reader.

hah hah hah that's clever, the way you responded with a modified image featuring a comic great in a well known role and a simple phrase you could have typed out but didn't feel was impactful enough.

From 'memegenerator', eh? A website of high repute among all interdebators, I must assume.

Bravo, sir. That was quite well done and has never been done before ever, and certainly not seven million hilarious times in the past 0.5 seconds across the internet.

I like the cut of your jib, young man. You'll go far on this interweb.

Ya know, I was thinking that you may have just started out on the wrong foot, but here I find that you actually are just a giant douche

Or maybe that was the most sarcastic reply to an image post ever?

 

[Woodsey]

Hmm...

Well, in that case I would say Fight Club, if only for the ending, which I thought was absolutely stupid.

I enjoyed the rest (and the first half a lot more than the second half), but the ending just felt ridiculous.

I mean...

Spoiler

... he's essentially destroyed the country's - if not much of the world's - economy.

That's the point of the film.

It all culminates in the last 20 minutes when you realise what's actually been going on and what his goals had been.

He was tired of being part of the corporate machine. Sick of Capitalism and how it works. Disgusted by consumerism and the wilful ignorance that is part and parcel of that So he destroys it from within.

He became an economic terrorist.

Hunter S Thompson voiced his disgust with the fundamentals of the American dream by becoming a dark parody of them. Chuck Palahniuk highlights it's hypocrisy and creates a character that reacts to them upon the revelation.

Personally I love both the film and the book.

The film may even be the best.

That's not what I got from it though.

I got a lonely, miserable man, where Tyler Durden served as his extreme, not his actual thought process. I didn't really get a guy who wanted the collapse of the western world, just a guy who wanted a break or some freedom from it.

I guess my real issue is that its so out there from the rest of the film - there's a fine line between "wow, look how far this film has come" and "this is way out of sync with the rest of what's happened". For me, it fell just on the wrong side.

 

[Scorched_Cascade]

Hmm...

Well, in that case I would say Fight Club, if only for the ending, which I thought was absolutely stupid.

I enjoyed the rest (and the first half a lot more than the second half), but the ending just felt ridiculous.

I mean...

Spoiler

... he's essentially destroyed the country's - if not much of the world's - economy.

That's the point of the film.

It all culminates in the last 20 minutes when you realise what's actually been going on and what his goals had been.

He was tired of being part of the corporate machine. Sick of Capitalism and how it works. Disgusted by consumerism and the wilful ignorance that is part and parcel of that So he destroys it from within.

He became an economic terrorist.

Hunter S Thompson voiced his disgust with the fundamentals of the American dream by becoming a dark parody of them. Chuck Palahniuk highlights it's hypocrisy and creates a character that reacts to them upon the revelation.

Personally I love both the film and the book.

The film may even be the best.

That's not what I got from it though.

I got a lonely, miserable man, where Tyler Durden served as his extreme, not his actual thought process. I didn't really get a guy who wanted the collapse of the western world, just a guy who wanted a break or some freedom from it.

I guess my real issue is that its so out there from the rest of the film - there's a fine line between "wow, look how far this film has come" and "this is way out of sync with the rest of what's happened". For me, it fell just on the wrong side.

Some relevant quotes on the subject that either missed the transition or were altered from book to film. These foreshadow the ending:

-"Burn the Louvre," the mechanic says, "and wipe your ass with the Mona Lisa. This way at least, God would know our names." p 134

-"'What you have to consider,' he [the mechanic] says, 'is the possibility that God doesn't like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that can happen.'
How Tyler saw it was that getting God's attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God's hate is better than His indifference." p 134

-"I am trash," Tyler said. "I am trash and shit and crazy to you and this whole fucking world,"Tyler said to the union president. "You don't care where I live or how I feel, or what I eat or how I feed my kids or how I pay the doctor if I get sick, and yes I am stupid and bored and weak, but I am still your responsibility."

-"Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer."

-"It's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything."

-"Disaster is a natural part of my evolution, toward tragedy and dissolution."

-"The liberator who destroys my property, is fighting to save my spirit. The teacher who clears all possessions from my path will set me free."

-"I'm breaking my attachment to physical power and possessions, because only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit."

-"Getting fired [...] is the best thing that could happen to any of us. That way, we'd quit treading water and do something with our lives." p 74

Lastly on which personality is real:
Tyler~"Fuck that shit, Maybe you're my schizophrenic hallucination."
Narrator~"I was here first."
Tyler ~, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, well let's just see who's here last."

 

[Woodsey]

Hmm...

Well, in that case I would say Fight Club, if only for the ending, which I thought was absolutely stupid.

I enjoyed the rest (and the first half a lot more than the second half), but the ending just felt ridiculous.

I mean...

Spoiler

... he's essentially destroyed the country's - if not much of the world's - economy.

That's the point of the film.

It all culminates in the last 20 minutes when you realise what's actually been going on and what his goals had been.

He was tired of being part of the corporate machine. Sick of Capitalism and how it works. Disgusted by consumerism and the wilful ignorance that is part and parcel of that So he destroys it from within.

He became an economic terrorist.

Hunter S Thompson voiced his disgust with the fundamentals of the American dream by becoming a dark parody of them. Chuck Palahniuk highlights it's hypocrisy and creates a character that reacts to them upon the revelation.

Personally I love both the film and the book.

The film may even be the best.

That's not what I got from it though.

I got a lonely, miserable man, where Tyler Durden served as his extreme, not his actual thought process. I didn't really get a guy who wanted the collapse of the western world, just a guy who wanted a break or some freedom from it.

I guess my real issue is that its so out there from the rest of the film - there's a fine line between "wow, look how far this film has come" and "this is way out of sync with the rest of what's happened". For me, it fell just on the wrong side.

Some relevant quotes on the subject that either missed the transition or were altered from book to film. These foreshadow the ending:

-"Burn the Louvre," the mechanic says, "and wipe your ass with the Mona Lisa. This way at least, God would know our names." p 134

-"'What you have to consider,' he [the mechanic] says, 'is the possibility that God doesn't like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that can happen.'
How Tyler saw it was that getting God's attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God's hate is better than His indifference." p 134

-"I am trash," Tyler said. "I am trash and shit and crazy to you and this whole fucking world,"Tyler said to the union president. "You don't care where I live or how I feel, or what I eat or how I feed my kids or how I pay the doctor if I get sick, and yes I am stupid and bored and weak, but I am still your responsibility."

-"Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer."

-"It's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything."

-"Disaster is a natural part of my evolution, toward tragedy and dissolution."

-"The liberator who destroys my property, is fighting to save my spirit. The teacher who clears all possessions from my path will set me free."

-"I'm breaking my attachment to physical power and possessions, because only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit."

-"Getting fired [...] is the best thing that could happen to any of us. That way, we'd quit treading water and do something with our lives." p 74

Lastly on which personality is real:
Tyler~"Fuck that shit, Maybe you're my schizophrenic hallucination."
Narrator~"I was here first."
Tyler ~, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, well let's just see who's here last."

Well, I've only watched the film.

 

[irani_che]

hey
imagine if Michael bay was involved in 300

now that would have been a clusuterfuck

 

[teh_Canape]

now, I know I may be crucified for this

but this is my opinion

so, here it goes:

E.T.

goodness gracious that movie was so fucking boring I literally fell asleep about the middle of it

and the original one was even MORE boring

saw it at home, that is

 

[Scorched_Cascade]

Spoiler: quote wall

Hmm...

Well, in that case I would say Fight Club, if only for the ending, which I thought was absolutely stupid.

I enjoyed the rest (and the first half a lot more than the second half), but the ending just felt ridiculous.

I mean...

Spoiler

... he's essentially destroyed the country's - if not much of the world's - economy.

That's the point of the film.

It all culminates in the last 20 minutes when you realise what's actually been going on and what his goals had been.

He was tired of being part of the corporate machine. Sick of Capitalism and how it works. Disgusted by consumerism and the wilful ignorance that is part and parcel of that So he destroys it from within.

He became an economic terrorist.

Hunter S Thompson voiced his disgust with the fundamentals of the American dream by becoming a dark parody of them. Chuck Palahniuk highlights it's hypocrisy and creates a character that reacts to them upon the revelation.

Personally I love both the film and the book.

The film may even be the best.

That's not what I got from it though.

I got a lonely, miserable man, where Tyler Durden served as his extreme, not his actual thought process. I didn't really get a guy who wanted the collapse of the western world, just a guy who wanted a break or some freedom from it.

I guess my real issue is that its so out there from the rest of the film - there's a fine line between "wow, look how far this film has come" and "this is way out of sync with the rest of what's happened". For me, it fell just on the wrong side.

Some relevant quotes on the subject that either missed the transition or were altered from book to film. These foreshadow the ending:

-"Burn the Louvre," the mechanic says, "and wipe your ass with the Mona Lisa. This way at least, God would know our names." p 134

-"'What you have to consider,' he [the mechanic] says, 'is the possibility that God doesn't like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that can happen.'
How Tyler saw it was that getting God's attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God's hate is better than His indifference." p 134

-"I am trash," Tyler said. "I am trash and shit and crazy to you and this whole fucking world,"Tyler said to the union president. "You don't care where I live or how I feel, or what I eat or how I feed my kids or how I pay the doctor if I get sick, and yes I am stupid and bored and weak, but I am still your responsibility."

-"Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer."

-"It's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything."

-"Disaster is a natural part of my evolution, toward tragedy and dissolution."

-"The liberator who destroys my property, is fighting to save my spirit. The teacher who clears all possessions from my path will set me free."

-"I'm breaking my attachment to physical power and possessions, because only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit."

-"Getting fired [...] is the best thing that could happen to any of us. That way, we'd quit treading water and do something with our lives." p 74

Lastly on which personality is real:
Tyler~"Fuck that shit, Maybe you're my schizophrenic hallucination."
Narrator~"I was here first."
Tyler ~, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, well let's just see who's here last."

Well, I've only watched the film.

I know, I read your posts. I was agreeing with you that the film doesn't do too good of a job of including how they get from a to b. They cut or changed the majority of the foreshadowing and links that were present in the book. Some of it is still present, just buried in the rest of the dialogue but without the rest of it, it doesn't create the inevitable downward spiral till the end. I didn't want to make my huge post any larger.

 

[spartan231490]

300 is a terrible movie.
I thought it was a terrible movie when I saw it in the theater, I thought it was a terrible movie when THIS! IS! SPARTA! became an absolutely insufferable and inescapable meme, I thought it was a terrible movie when it came out on DVD and got endlessly parodied and imitated.

300 features zero actual characters, portrays Leonidas as a petulant maniac, Xerxes as a gigantic androgynous monster-person and Persians as demonic hellbeasts who actually spend the time nailing hundreds of innocent civilians a single tree to show how mean and evil they are.

It is one long historical inaccuracy that would normally be perfectly fine for this kind of movie, but it hamstrings itself with 'cool looking' slow-mo fight scenes that are the entire point of the movie AND YET end up look pretty fucking retarded in any context.
The Spartans have made a huge deal out of how important their unbreakable Phalanx is, but when the fighting actually happens they all constantly break ranks to do inane and ridiculous little cool-fight moves. (Sorry, Ephialtes! You can't hold a shield right so you can't die with us! TOO BAD YOUR INABILITY TO HOLD A SHIELD UP WOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY POINTLESS ANYWAY AMIRITE)

I have nothing against the performers themselves, I thought they did great with the pathetically vacant, empty, jingoistic script.
I have nothing against the director, (even though Sucker Punch was insufferably boring) and I do enjoy his visual style.
I have nothing against Frank Miller, even though his work is wildly hit-or-miss and frankly 300 was one of his broader misses.

I hated this movie. I thought it was terrible.

What I hated most, though, was the tremendous missed opportunity it represented.

See, if you replaced the Spartans in that movie with Klingons
And the Persians with Romulans
the movie would have been exactly the same.

Change Leonidas' name to Kahless and suddenly his mindless aggression (KILLING THE MESSENGER IS NOT A HEROIC ACT OK) makes perfect sense.
You wouldn't even have to alter anything about the Persians/Romulans. At all.
You would not have to alter the script or anything that happens in the script.

As a matter of fact, this would not have been the same movie, it would have been way the fuck better.

Would have gone a long way towards re-invigorating the franchise long before J.J. Abrams had to save it.

You forgot to say, "In my opinion."

EDIT: Also, in my opinion, the slow-mo scenes in the movie made perfect sense in context with the movie they were in.

In my opinion pretty much everything the OP complained about made perfect sense in the movies context. It wasn't supposed to be historically accurate, it was supposed to be fun to watch, and for me it was. Also, they do show phalanx fighting at a couple points but news flash: Phalanx fighting is boring to watch.

 

[SilentCom]

I wasn't a fan of 300, Watchmen, or Scott Pilgrim, even though everyone seems to like those movies. I also didn't really like Napoleon Dynamite. Those movies had some interesting and or funny parts, but over all, I thought they were too over-the-top or boring for me.

 

[Nageck]

You have to look at 300 like this: It's not supposed to be accurate or logical.
It's Spartan propaganda. The way the movie presents the story is the way the Spartans are going to tell it to their kids. The guy who's telling the story in the end wasn't even there for the battle.
Anyways, you can hate it for what it is, but it's what it wants to be.

 

[Lesd3vil]

OP, I think you've completely missed the point of entertainment... It's supposed to be escapism; if everything in a film was realistic and accurate, why would you even bother watching it? Just go out into the streets and live your boring, realistic, accurate life :/

I agree that 300 was mindless crap, but that didn't stop me enjoying it AS mindless crap. the entire film was intended to look 'cool' from start to finish... As far as it goes I think it achieved it's purpose admirably. Not everything has to be an incrdible artistic statement or a thought-provoking epic... Hell, if it did, sites like this wouldn't exist for you to complain about shit like this >>

All I can assume is that you're upset that nobody shares your opinions and you needed to rant about it, in which case I hope you feel better for it; but remember, everyone has - and is entitled to - their own opinions, you're gonna need to learn to deal with this or you're gonna end up in an asylum before long...

 

[necromanzer52]

The Godfather

I've watched it like twice, and it could be the greatest movie of all time...if only I knew what the fuck was going on.

Uhhh... what was so complicated about it?

It's difficult to explain. The plot just seems to ramble on without going anywhere.

Well, see, I remember the plot being perfectly clear and the storytelling quite straightforward: Michael Corleone tries to stay out of the family business, changing times overtake the Family and the aging Don and lead to a mob war in which Michael's brother is killed and attempt is made on his own life (killing the love of his life instead), he's forced to take the reins and winds up pwning everyone, but the normal life he wanted is tragically lost to him forever. I get that it's long and requires an attention span, but it's not like we're talking about some difficult, labyrinthine work of avant garde cinema.

Yeah, I understood all that. But it didn't need to be 3 hours long and there were a load of scenes that didn't seem to have much to do with anything.

Why exactly didn't it "need to be" 3 hours long? What scenes would you have cut, and why? What "load of scenes" were there that "didn't seem to have much to do with anything"? My recollection is that there weren't any scenes that didn't tie directly in to one or the other of the movie's basic subjects: Michael's quest for a normal life, or the mob war that makes it impossible.

I saw that film about 3 years ago so I don't remember any specific examples.

 

[For.I.Am.Mad]

I couldn't finish Avatar. Once I saw them riding alien horses and going 'OWAWAWAWA' I was done.

 

[ItsAChiaotzu]

I think the best part about 300 is that if you do a bit of simple maths based on the narrators telling of the story, each one of the 300 killed something like 60,000 Persians, which I think sums up the seriousness of that movie.

 

[campofapproval]

Snipped Rant

I take it from your lack of reference, you've never seen 'The 300 Spartans' (Richard Egan, Ralph Richardson, David Farrar et al., made in 1962)? (The irony being that Frank Miller wrote his graphic novel after watching the 1962 film as a kid, yeah...)

Besides I watched the movie more for one of the extras, and I quote: 'he knew not to ruin a good story with the truth', which is the most LOL part of it.

OT: I'll take from my response to an 'underrated/overrated' movie thread:

Gladiator, characters/politics/costumes/Maximus/mechanical design/militaristics = all wrong

They even admitted that the opening battle scene ripped Zulu chanting for background noise! WTF?!

the op was saying the movie itself isn't consistent with the mythology it sets up. it's shitty and a lot of people just like it cause of the visuals. is that cleared up for everybody now?
anyway, i'd say scarface. just a mess.