Male problems only ever come up as a counter-argument

Sep 13, 2009
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1981 said:
Now that we've all whipped it out, I may as well say that my boyfriend once sent me a link to this video [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nr9GgHthGAk] and said "you could really use one of those books". I know I can be... assertive, but I probably try too hard not to step on men's toes and probably come off as insincere.

John Smith said:
Two things wrong with what Kara said.

1) She tells women how to treat men in terms of not emasculating them. The advice she gives has nothing to do with emasculation. If you switched the pronouns, you would see. The advice is all about treating your partner with caring respect. It is not necessary to blame it on emasculation and the fact that Kara, an advice-giver, believes it necessary to do that is an indictment of how women think, or of how Kara thinks they think. In addition, this condescending approach enables the women out there to confuse the showing of caring respect, with condescension. Your respect is inauthentic when it is borne of condescension. Bad recipe.

2) Men do not need women to make them feel like a man. They want to feel like "the" man. He already knows he's "a" man. He wants to know he is "the" man. The man in her life, that is. One change of article makes all the difference here. Again, it is not a matter of trying to prop up a fragile male ego. This needs to be recognized.
Yeah, got to agree with that comment, aside from her third point, none of that has to do with emasculation. Regardless of whether you're the man or the women in a relationship, you should respect your partner. If you don't, why are you with them in the first place?

Anyways, my main reason for posting was the recommended video that came up:


A nice summary on the Men's Rights Movement
 

Phasmal

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1981 said:
If I play a multiplayer or co-op game with a man and he gets more kills, he takes screenshots and rubs it in my face. If I get more kills, I have to find someone else to play it with. Initially I found it slightly hurtful. It's not really that he can't stand losing to a woman but the overall attitude. After a while you learn to tell yourself it's not about you. It wasn't always like that. I could beat a boy in a NES game and he'd say "good job" and he could beat me and I'd say "FUUU..." (just kidding).

Now that we've all whipped it out, I may as well say that my boyfriend once sent me a link to this video [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nr9GgHthGAk] and said "you could really use one of those books". I know I can be... assertive, but I probably try too hard not to step on men's toes and probably come off as insincere.
Jeez, no offence but if my boyfriend sent me something like that I would not be best impressed. Luckily mine does not believe in `emasculation`. I don't think criticising a dude is comparable to cutting off his dick. Of course you should always be respectful to your partner because they are your partner, but I just don't believe in outside forces making someone less of a man. Honestly, if they feel that affects them, it is entirely their issue.

Ah, I'd very much like for us to move beyond gender roles so that losing to a woman is no different to losing to a man. Some people are there, some people aren't. Hopefully we'll all get there in the future.
 

wulf3n

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thaluikhain said:
wulf3n said:
thaluikhain said:
Metalix Knightmare said:
I would assume a feminine version of whatever Toxic Masculinity is. I'm afraid I don't know much about the term, my first and only exposure to it was when Anita Sarkeesian basically linked it to a shooting awhile ago.
I think she was the one that coined that term. People have been talking about the harms caused by rigid gender roles, arbitrary ways people are forced to be feminine or masculine, but the phrase was popularised because if you twist what she said, you can sorta make it look like feminists hate men or whatever.
It begs the question if the term refers to the rigid gender roles of both genders why toxic masculinity? Why not toxic femininity? or the non-sexist version toxic gender roles?
Er, it doesn't, it refers specifically to those gender roles dealing with men.
It seems an unnecessary distinction that only serves to propagate an "us vs them" mentality for an issue that ultimately affects both genders.

Hence the question, why use a gender specific term for a problem that isn't specific to one gender?
 

Creator002

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Eclipse Dragon said:
I would guess because it's also a stereotype that men shouldn't talk about their problems.
This is my assumption.
My friends don't call me gay anymore. I'm most willing of us all to go (almost) all the way to prove a point. I'm heterosexual and have kissed more guys than girls.
 

Erttheking

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inu-kun said:
Most women are attracted to strong men? Ok, first of all, how is that the case? We live in a society where women are still shammed for wanting to have sex, it seems like they wouldn't have much of a say in the matter. Second of all, how does that have more impact on toxic masculinity than the constant barrage of "no crying allowed, no wussy stuff allowed, no slightly feminine behaviors allowed" that so many guys constantly pressure onto other men? Women being attracted to manly men sounds positively minor by comparison. You're going to have to tell me how that works, how constantly being pressured into having sex by men otherwise you're a ******, how never showing emotion otherwise you're a pussy, how being in a society in which "acting like a girl" is still considered a grievous insult, and women liking strong men, something that doesn't seem nearly as widespread frankly, has the same level of impact.

Except the majority of judges are male.

http://www.acslaw.org/acsblog/male-judges-far-outnumber-women-judges-federal-court-graph-shows

So it can't be a matriarchy because men hold most of the power. The very definition of matriarchy is a society where women hold the power, and we need a lot more women in power to be even close to halfway being there. That's the crazy thing about a lot of the problems men have. It was caused by other men. And in this "matriarchal society", women are the fastest growing prison population.

http://shadowproof.com/2014/06/09/the-real-orange-is-the-new-black-women-are-the-fastest-growing-prison-population/

And for the second time, no one brought it up because it had nothing to do with the subject at hand.

EDIT: Also I find it ironic that you have said you hate the term patriarchy because you think it implies all men are oppressing women, but you have no problem describing things as a matriarchy.
 

Thyunda

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I like this thread and the OP. This is good. This is a good conversation to have - even if a few users did feel the need to try to push some MRA stuff against the perceived matriarchal enforcers apparently lurking in the thread - or those guys who say "Yeah men have problems but women have more."

Because that's always relevant. I was once sexually assaulted by an ex-girlfriend. Literally the only reason I 'survived' the encounter was because I was bigger and stronger and able to overpower her and escape. I mean, put down like that it looks like I'd have been fine nine times out of ten, on account of the relative size and strength. But the fact was, we were both quite drunk and she handled absinthe far worse than I did. Had I chosen to drink more before I went to kick people out of my shower (they were just...drinking in my shower, man) I might not have had the balance to defend myself. She was seriously aggressive and it was honestly frightening and even now I have no idea if I should confront her about it. It's a constant mental argument with myself - It wasn't so bad, I protected myself. She didn't mean anything by it, she was just drunk.

My girlfriend, predictably, despises the woman, and if the roles were reversed, sure, I'd want to do some serious damage to a man who cornered her in her bathroom drink or no drink. Yet there's this weird disconnect in my brain that won't let me hate my ex for doing it, and keeps making excuses for her.

Now imagine if I went to a therapist to try to resolve this and he goes "Well this is serious and all but have you seen these statistics? What happened to you is actually more likely to happen to women so really you should leave and make room for all the women I have to talk to today."

That lengthy story was simply to set up that point. Who benefits when people use men's problems as a counterargument for women's? Nobody.
Who benefits when people respond to men's problems with "women have it worse?" Even less people than nobody. Like, that argument actually harms people. People like the parallel version of me that was too drunk to fight off her advances and winds up paying child support for the foreseeable future, and losing his relationship and his friends and the support of his peers and family because a jury simply refused to believe he could be raped by a girl half his size at a party full of people.

This isn't an either-or situation. Opening a shelter for abused men doesn't close a shelter for abused women. Clarifying rape-related legislation doesn't invalidate the claims of female rape victims. Abandoning a victim-blaming mentality harms nobody, and the more we focus on common solutions rather than factionalist slap-fights the more likely it is we'll actually make some headway.
 

springheeljack

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I think the reason that male problems are not brought up is because we are still being influenced by the older generations creed to keep it hidden keep it contained. Men were just taught that men weren't supposed to feel and express emotions that were deemed womanly and weak. I know I was indirectly influenced to keep a lot of my emotions repressed from a young age and that has really sucked.
 

deeman010

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Ahh... very interesting to see an issue like this become a popular topic in the Escapist, never thought I'd see the day. I'm glad to see it spread even if I'm not a citizen of the US.

Is the "expected" and "traditional" male response of "just deal with it" wrong or is it society misunderstanding or lacking in capacity to get what being a man was/ is in the first place? Why is it that the other sex finds it weird that we don't use our feelings in making decisions? Why must/ should I express emotion in the first place? Isn't that just instinct? Shouldn't a logical process be the ideal as it is the logical conclusion of "feelings"?
 

deeman010

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springheeljack said:
I think the reason that male problems are not brought up is because we are still being influenced by the older generations creed to keep it hidden keep it contained. Men were just taught that men weren't supposed to feel and express emotions that were deemed womanly and weak. I know I was indirectly influenced to keep a lot of my emotions repressed from a young age and that has really sucked.
This is you thinking that it is/ was wrong. What makes you think that it's wrong to do so?
 

deeman010

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Happyninja42 said:
.... snip....

If you are a representative of the "in power" group, whoever that may be in the discussion, you trying to express your problems at all is shot down all the time. "You don't have it as bad as we do (or don't have the same problems as we do), thus your problems are irrelevant" is the common kind of response you see. It kind of reminds me of the whole "First World Problems", or "Check Your Privilege" fad that seems to serve no purpose than to socially compel people to not express their issues and concerns. You're not living in a war torn, 3rd world country, thus you can't complain about things.

Eh, I'm rambling at this point, and I think I lost my train of thought. But yeah, I think it's partly social conditioning that men aren't supposed to complain about things, so we only bring it up as a counter argument when we get tired of hearing people shit talk us about how easy we've got things. When we might not have it as easy as they assume we do.
To be honest... some of the problems of first world citizens really do seem like needless concerns. They literally have the power to move the Earth, they have the power to fix it too but, even with news of impending doom like that one of Greenland melting too fast, they won't do squat.

I know that gender issues and etc... etc... matter but can people in the first world please be more politically and socially involved? Being born POOR(!!!) in the US AUTOMATICALLY makes you richer than 68% of the WORLD'S population. The number reaches close to the 95th +++ percent when you add in the rich.
 

Lightknight

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thaluikhain said:
Lightknight said:
thaluikhain said:
Lightknight said:
The term "MRA" is used as an insult despite being a generic designation referring to anyone supporting the rights of men.
It's not a generic term, it refers to someone that has self-identified as a member of the Men's Rights Movement. You have other similar groups that aren't made up of MRAs, because they identify differently.

(Not to mention feminists that support the rights of men without being MRAs)
MRA is a designation you can apply to any organization concerned with men's rights. It is a nebulous term without any unifying theme except the focus on men's rights. Unless you're reading a different Wikipedia article than I am. It's one of several groups making up men's movement but this one is far broader than the rest.
What of those groups that expressly state they aren't part of the MRM, though?
MRA and MRM are synonymous. The true catch all is just "Men's Movement" but all that is, is a catch all for any movement centered around male gender issues rather than necessarily anything concerned with rights. It's (Men's Movement) is very broad gender issues that can just deal around philosophical gender roles like what it means to be a man inherently vs modern society rather than necessarily kind of focus on discrimination or activism.

So when you are talking about Men's rights you'd really have to hit something like the Men's Liberation Movement (which dissolved in the 70's to form the following two), profeminist men's movement and men's rights movement (MRA). The first one focuses is men's rights informed by feminism which itself is kind of offensive as a men's movement to focus on women's movement. When someone like Emma Watson has any kind of focus on men in relation to feminism we see tremendous backlash from the feminist community. You don't define a movement by a movement that is frequently critical of it or one that has a dichotomous focus. The latter does not presuppose some kind of evil patriarchy out to oppress men and instead focuses on elements of discrimination specifically facing it including areas of feminism that have overshot their goals in a way that have led to the harm of men. You can therefore say that MRM/MRA is more broadly men's rights focused whereas profeminism is more specifically men's rights with a focus on feminism no matter how oxymoronic that sound.

In any event, this is why MRM/MRA is the prevailing term of men's rights movements. As such, many feminists would even call profeminist men's movement MRAs just because of the automatic offense obtained from bringing up men's issues which are seen as competitive with women's issues even if they aren't. I am pro-feminism in as much as feminism may be defined as the pursuit of gender equality and fair treatment. I am anti-feminism in as much as the movement has obtained superiority over equality in some areas and in some cases have engaged in open discrimination against men which is in stark contrast with the original goal of obtaining equality.





Gorrath said:
Animyr said:
Lightknight said:
Stereotyping is fun.
And yet here you are, helping fulfill them.
and all you need to think to qualify as an MRA is that Feminism has overshot its goals in some areas in a way that harms men and actual equality
You didn?t contest my assertion that MRAs are oriented around anti-feminism; you just argued that antifeminism was justified.

In fact, you went further than I did! I merely asserted that in practice many MRAs end up being anti-feminist; you say they all are in principle, to the point that anti-feminism is their one unifying factor. It seems I was too cautious in my assessment.
The moment we start talking about the concept that modern feminists have overshot in certain areas then instantly we're designated as anti-feminist which carries the notion of being anti-equality and anti-women's rights which doesn't necessarily follow.
You assume the distinction between anti-feminist and anti-woman is obvious. It?s not. One easily and often blends into or follows behind the other. For instance, criticisms of feminism?s possible excesses are often used to castigate not the excesses, but feminism as a whole.

Then, of course, there is the question of whether or not feminism has, in fact, overshot.

Finally, many of the people you (and I) would castigate as ?anti-equality? will probably contest that label and argue that they merely think that feminism has gone too far, like you. They just have different conceptions of what ?equal? and ?fair? are.

For example, why should women be hired at a 2:1 ratio in STEM related areas just because they're women? Why should single women under the age of 30 make more money than single men under the age of 30?
Citations? I don?t mean to condemn you for not including them, but I'm not sure what you're talking about.

What's more is any time anyone says anything which a feminist disagrees with, then it is automatically placed in the misogyny category even though it may just be a difference of opinion, difference of philosophy, or even just plain ol' ignorance on a topic.

But more recently we've instead begun to hear more and more of the fringe elements?counter to the original principles of pursuing equality.

the agenda of established groups are currently using their prior success to press ahead beyond equality into superiority.
For someone who doesn?t stereotyping and strawmen, you start appealing to both awfully quick.
I wanted to leave all the quotes intact here since I'm interjecting myself into your conversation and don't want any of your responses to Light to be taken out of context. This will make my reply perhaps a bit harder to figure out, for which I apologize in advance.

First I'd like to clarify something. Light is essentially correct in stating that anti-feminism is a core part of the founding of MRM. THis fact is often sorely misunderstood though, in that MRM is not an outright rejection of feminist ideas or the feminist movement but a specific set of feminist ideas that sprung up in second wave feminism that were, or were perceived as, anti-male. To say that MRM is anti-feminist is true insofar as it relates to these specific ideas/arguments. Which arguments or ideas are rejected can be varied depending on the individual MRA and their own ideas but it is true that MRM was partially founded as a response to and a rejection of parts of feminist thinking.

It is not fair to say that anti-feminism is the sole unifying factor though, as that would ignore the biggest and most important pillar of MRM; seeking equality of the sexes is the other unifying pillar and the most important and worthy part of the MRM just as it is with feminism.

I would agree that there is not always a clear line between being anti-feminist and anti-woman. However being anti-feminist does not automatically make one anti-woman either. I consider myself a feminist and an MRA. I do reject many ideas that have sprung up out of feminism and that rejection does not make me anti-woman or anti-equality. I am an anti-sexist in that I am an activist who works to see that detrimental sexism is brought to people's attention and hopefully abolished if possible. That is not to suggest that I fight against all sexism as some sexism is justified or benign eg. splitting athletic events along the lines of biological sex allows female-only sports to prosper. This is both good for biological women and for the sports they play.

Sorry to interject myself like that but I saw that some of the usual boogeymen were about to be raised and felt the need to step on them. As far as my experiences on this site go, as far as I can tell, I am probably the biggest MRA on here in that I am an actual activist who belongs to an activist group and who helps guide the focus and policy of that group. I am not an arm-chair MRA who thinks feminism is evil and we'd be better off if women were all stay at home moms and sandwich factories. I merely mention this to put my reply into perspective. Cheers!
This is exactly right Gorrath, thank you for your interjection.
 

Joccaren

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deeman010 said:
Ahh... very interesting to see an issue like this become a popular topic in the Escapist, never thought I'd see the day. I'm glad to see it spread even if I'm not a citizen of the US.

Is the "expected" and "traditional" male response of "just deal with it" wrong or is it society misunderstanding or lacking in capacity to get what being a man was/ is in the first place? Why is it that the other sex finds it weird that we don't use our feelings in making decisions? Why must/ should I express emotion in the first place? Isn't that just instinct? Shouldn't a logical process be the ideal as it is the logical conclusion of "feelings"?
Why not both?
Someone can make very logical decisions, and let their emotions out too. It just means that when you get really hurt by something that someone has done, you don't keep it inside and silently hate them or yourself for years, you let it out and say that they hurt you by doing that. Its called emotional maturity - not bottling everything up, and actually communicating about your feelings to others. Its also the logical thing to do, as then everyone understands everyone else better, you get help where you need it, and you confront problems that you and other people have before they get out of control.
However, society has for years insisted that any male that talks about his feelings and emotions, is a 'pussy', 'gay', 'weak', 'beta', 'feminine' and generally not a man. This has resulted in generation upon generation of men internalising all their feelings, not seeking help for serious mental health issues like depression, and generally having poor emotional maturity that results in problems for them, and others, at some point in their lives. It is one of the reasons a stupid number of men kill themselves each year, usually related to mental illnesses like depression. They don't seek help, because they've been taught that they don't deserve it.

The debate isn't about making emotional decisions vs logical ones, its about being able to talk about your emotions rather than having to hide them nearly completely.

deeman010 said:
To be honest... some of the problems of first world citizens really do seem like needless concerns. They literally have the power to move the Earth, they have the power to fix it too but, even with news of impending doom like that one of Greenland melting too fast, they won't do squat.

I know that gender issues and etc... etc... matter but can people in the first world please be more politically and socially involved? Being born POOR(!!!) in the US AUTOMATICALLY makes you richer than 68% of the WORLD'S population. The number reaches close to the 95th +++ percent when you add in the rich.
First world problems are, sadly, just as serious as third world problems to the people experiencing them. Its called the hedonic treadmill, and that kid in Africa starving to death is probably about as happy as the kid who doesn't really fit in at school, despite the vastly better lifestyle the latter kid has.
Global problems are, of course, global, but the issue is that they aren't recognised by many as it would be inconvenient. Global warming says I should spend 30,000 on a new, more efficient car? Don't have money for that. I should spend 5,000 on solar panels? I'd rather go on holiday. 600 on a water tank? I'd rather go on a shopping spree, or eat out.
What's this? Some guy in the newspaper is arguing that global warming isn't real? Well, I'm sure he's right and the scientists are wrong, because if it were the other way around that'd be inconvenient for me.
Confirmation bias is a shit thing. Sadly, in the next couple of decades, the people talking about how fake it all is are going to be very affected by it, when their neighbouring city floods as its on the coast and they talk about having to stop global warming before it reaches them - only to have scientists tell them that it will 100% certainly reach them as it is too late to stop that level of damage, like they'd been saying for decades.
It is the downside of a society that still predominantly bases its opinion off political leanings, rather than scientific fact, and where articles are written to agree with the readers so they'll read more, rather than to inform them. But hey. That's civilization as a whole.
 

Erttheking

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inu-kun said:
We're equating being in shape/being muscular with unhealthy masculinity now? I think you're missing the point of what I'm getting at. Women like egotistical men who don't care for them-OK! Stop right there! You're coming off as someone who took the song "Nice guys finish last" a little too seriously. Every women I know in real life is in a relationship with a man who CARES about them, because as it turns out people don't like being treated like crap. From my experience, the people who complain about women only wanting to be with jerks are Nice Guys TM, in other words guys who think they're nice guys but are actually pricks. You know, THESE people

https://feminainvicta.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/500x_pdd-nice-guy.jpg


Or think that meeting the standards of being a decent person entitles you romantic attraction. Or is it ok to start talking about how men always get women pregnant and leave them? Because your comments on women are on par with me saying all men fuck women, get them pregnant, and leave them. A massive generalization if nothing else.

I didn't bring up anything about women encouraging other women to be more feminine. Go back and respond to what I actually said.

Seems more like you were trying to deflect the conversation away from it's original course. It is a male problem. We aren't talking about it right now, you brought it up out of nowhere. We are talking about toxic masculinity because that's what the post you replied to was entirely about. Courts have nothing to do with toxic masculinity. How many times do I need to say it?
 

Lightknight

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Animyr said:
Lightknight said:
Stereotyping is fun.
And yet here you are, helping fulfill them.
and all you need to think to qualify as an MRA is that Feminism has overshot its goals in some areas in a way that harms men and actual equality
You didn?t contest my assertion that MRAs are oriented around anti-feminism; you just argued that antifeminism was justified.
No, I explained that the only qualifications to be part of the movement is to believe that some works of feminism have led to discrimination against men. This is in contrast with the image that the term "anti-feminism" evokes. It conveys the idea of a person who does not believe that women deserve equal rights. That is often times not the case in MRM and there are frequently people who would absolutely call themselves both feminists and MRAs because many of us define feminism as the pursuit of equality and any self proclaimed feminist groups seeking to appropriate the movement of feminism to obtain superiority over men rather than equality would be decidedly non-feminist by that definition. However, feminism is a broad term that includes both the women who diligently/correctly pursue equality where it is lacking and the women who would see men lick their boots of power. To criticize the more nefarious elements should not automatically classify us as anti-feminist as long as we support the original ideals of equality for women too. Yet it does.

In fact, you went further than I did! I merely asserted that in practice many MRAs end up being anti-feminist; you say they all are in principle, to the point that anti-feminism is their one unifying factor. It seems I was too cautious in my assessment.
I'm unsure why you're debating this point if you don't know the history of MRAs. Originally it was the Men's Liberation Movement which dissolved into two groups: The profeminism men's movement and the Men's Right Movement. The former specifically defines itself around feminist philosophies. The latter is a group which is not pro-feminism. Now, individual members of MRM may be very much in favor of the feminist ideal of equality, but the intent of the organization is to focus on men's rights rather than to focus on women's philosophies which is what a special interest group should be focused on.

You assume the distinction between anti-feminist and anti-woman is obvious. It?s not. One easily and often blends into or follows behind the other. For instance, criticisms of feminism?s possible excesses are often used to castigate not the excesses, but feminism as a whole.
Sounds like an issue of stereotyping if you decide to demonize a movement over having difficulty distinguishing between the two. You might as avoid all black people just because they get charged with a disproportionate number of violent crimes and is ergo difficult to tell a "regular black person" from a "criminal black person". Granted, ideological bigotry is certainly a far cry racial bigotry so please don't think that me using this analogy is equivocating the gravitas of your current line of stereotyping with that line of stereotyping. I'm just trying to show the similarities of rhetoric.

Then, of course, there is the question of whether or not feminism has, in fact, overshot.
It's philosophical and is a question. It isn't bigotry to question it. Whether or not it is fact is entirely irrelevant.

Finally, many of the people you (and I) would castigate as ?anti-equality? will probably contest that label and argue that they merely think that feminism has gone too far, like you. They just have different conceptions of what ?equal? and ?fair? are.
It's possible, but that has to be evaluated on a case by case basis rather than to construct and perpetuate a stereotype. For example, if women make the same amount of money for a job they perform as a man when experience and education are the same, then I would call the scenario equal. If a person of the same same experience and education gets paid more or is more likely to be hired just because of what genitals they hold then I would see this as unequal. There are more caveats to consider though. Like just because there are 50/50 male/female ratios in the world doesn't mean that the jobs should be hiring 50/50. It just means that the distribution of males and females should match the distribution of applications. So if 80% of applicants with the same qualifications are male then 80% of hired employees should be male and 20% should be female or vice versa.

So does there appear to be a clear gender bias in teaching and social work? Yeah, there does. But I don't know what the rate of application is by gender in those fields.

For example, why should women be hired at a 2:1 ratio in STEM related areas just because they're women? Why should single women under the age of 30 make more money than single men under the age of 30?
Citations? I don?t mean to condemn you for not including them, but I'm not sure what you're talking about.
Sure, though please understand that these are specific examples one might list and then be qualified as "anti-feminist" in the current definition of MRA

STEM faculty hiring's prefer female candidates 2:1 when credentials are the same: http://www.pnas.org/content/112/17/5360.abstract (keep in mind that in real life, the number of female applicants are incredibly low so this sort of preferential treatment isn't even close to be noticed unless you adjust for that. You also have people who have been in the STEM field since before we became mindful of women's absence in it and began to change our ways).

Single women up until the age of 30 make 8% more than their male peers in 147 of 150 major US cities: http://content.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,2015274,00.html

http://www.forbes.com/sites/realspin/2014/02/24/childless-women-in-their-twenties-out-earn-men-so/

Note that in cities like Atlanta and Memphis that number is over 20% more than men in the same demographic. It's quite fascinating to see.

More and more studies are beginning to find that the gender gap isn't consistent across demographics and also isn't necessarily being caused by discrimination so much as so many other factors. Women do seem to pursue lower paying jobs that have a greater social benefit and do tend to prefer taking time off to care for kids of their own free will. People erroneously think men and women are the same and will always want and do the same things in aggregate. But we aren't. We are a sexually dimorphic species with differing average tendencies. We have a hell of a lot more in common than different, but I don't think it's healthy for us to ignore our differences and then try to leverage them in a manner that disproportionately benefits one gender over another.

Again, what I want is equality. I don't want women to have a higher vote if they show up in smaller numbers to an election (actually, women are the majority of voters by a significant margin), but I DO want to make sure that every single person who shows up counts for one vote. The latter is equality, the former is not. A woman should not be twice as likely than me to be hired for a position when we're equally qualified. But she sure as hell should have the same chance.

So you see how you can easily be a feminist in pursuit of equal equality for women while potentially disagreeing with certain movements founded within feminism?

What's more is any time anyone says anything which a feminist disagrees with, then it is automatically placed in the misogyny category even though it may just be a difference of opinion, difference of philosophy, or even just plain ol' ignorance on a topic.

But more recently we've instead begun to hear more and more of the fringe elements?counter to the original principles of pursuing equality.

the agenda of established groups are currently using their prior success to press ahead beyond equality into superiority.
For someone who doesn?t stereotyping and strawmen, you start appealing to both awfully quick.
Citing that we've begun to see more vocal fringe groups pursuing anti-equality goals isn't stereotyping or strawmanning. Stereotyping and strawmanning would be if I said that feminism is becoming more and more anti-equality because of these groups existence like you did with the MRA.
 

Lightknight

Mugwamp Supreme
Nov 26, 2008
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Dagra Dai MC. VSO. said:
Joccaren said:
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First world problems are, sadly, just as serious as third world problems to the people experiencing them. Its called the hedonic treadmill, and that kid in Africa starving to death is probably about as happy as the kid who doesn't really fit in at school, despite the vastly better lifestyle the latter kid has. -
That seems like a series of assumptions and generalizations (designed to ease the guilty conscience) that borders on delusion. I'm just going to assume that your description of a happy starving child is based in ignorance, and not psychopathic disregard for human suffering.
Or, how about they are making a correct evaluation of how issues appear to people regardless of their actual condition. People with great lives may easily perceive what few problems they have as though they were having just as bad a time as a starving child in Africa.

That is the theory he's presenting, anyways. Whether or not you and I agree with it. A kid getting neglected at school may still kill himself out of sadness whereas a kid starving in Africa may fight to survive. That would indicate an unusual non-causative relationship between degree of harm actually experience and appreciation of life. Weird to consider.
 

happyninja42

Elite Member
Legacy
May 13, 2010
8,577
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erttheking said:
https://feminainvicta.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/500x_pdd-nice-guy.jpg
Funny that you link that image, as I recall in highschool, being the guy that all the girls bitched to about their shitty boyfriends, and frequently heard the "I just want a nice guy!" to which I'd respond "Well, how about we go out then?" and they would respond with "Oh, you're TOO nice." Which always puzzled me. I jokingly responded with "What, so if I slapped you in the face and called you a *****/whore, would that reduce my niceness factor enough to date?" They never had a good answer for that. xD
 
Apr 24, 2008
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I assume it's not done much here because there would be more qualifying and defending going on than there would be worthwhile conversation... Just a guess.

Hi, I'm Panda. I am a man. Been a male my whole life, and a man a little less time... I think that's fairly normal, I suspect many could relate. I think it could be a mistake to think that men discussing men's issues would look exactly like women doing the same. As far as my experience goes, men discussing men's issues is basically a constant, it's just not overt... Partly because men don't like to open up, partly because there is hostility to the notion of "men's problems", but also because they're not expecting people to care when they do. I think it would be unfair to assume that this feeling was arrived at arbitrarily.

What I see is a whole lot of talk in hushed tones. Advice from older men, little bits in conversation between friends... A whole load of seeking guidance online, and not necessarily even in forums because maybe even that is too public. I don't know how familiar everyone is with the MGTOW thing, but there are a number of men who run youtube channels that people adore. These men are contacted constantly by other(usually younger) men seeking guidance, and they offer it. I think this might be what men discussing men's issues looks like, at least in it's infancy.

I don't know where I'm going with this really. I just read "they don't seem to actually care" in the OP and I thought it was pretty arrogant and ignorant. I think men care(at least the more self aware ones), I'm not sure they expect others to...
 

1981

New member
May 28, 2015
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Dagra Dai MC. VSO. said:
No, I'm sorry, but no matter how much you'd like to have a discussion based on a fallacy, it's not a real discussion. What you're looking for is an echo chamber, and that's why you're avoiding facts in favor of stories.
What is the fallacy in this case?