Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

[Saltarius]

"Give me one of those, this shit is gonna be easy."

I read the tome, naturally being barely fluent in Bizarro-ese.

"Kcik flesym ni eht sllab."

I am then kicked in the balls by a ghostly leg.

"Fuck magic, I'm sticking with machines."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Yes, hence the rules I laid out. Tony Stark never dabbled in the dark arts." I stuff the book away.

 

[Saltarius]

"I don't see the point in a spell that literally kicks you in the nuts, but I never understood this arcane shit."

I then proceed to make a new rail gun for my battle suit based off my reverse-engineering of REX's. "Can't you cast a teleport spell or something to transport us to Xot so we can kick his ass? And I don't think we really dealt with the whole Yddap and Tlas problem. Fuck it, they can't do any real harm."

Elsewhere in the mall, the resounding cry of a mecha is heard.

"Okay, if REX is here, and I'm here too, then where the fuck is..."

 

[Knife-28]

Bursting out of my ball pool time machine (Which moves at an amazing rate of one second per second), I walk over to Salt and Paddy. "So, what's up?"

 

[RaNDM G]

You know what? Fuck China.

Future Xot grabs Future Knife. They travel hours into the past.

[HEADING=1]HOURS INTO THE PAST![/HEADING]

Future Xot and Future Zombie cease to exist. So it goes.

Future Knife respawns in REX moments after the Core Team enters the core. REX ascends to the surface, bursting through sub-basement after sub-basement until it hits the surface.

Future Knife and REX join Mall Team.

I climb to the bullet wounds previously entered by my flames. I ram my hands inside and cast another fire spell.

FLUTHLU has been dealt significant 3rd degree burns inside and over its entire body. Fire based attacks will no longer afflict normal damage. BURN: -2

The fire from what I presume is one of Paddy's spells. It causes more burns to my already damaged remains. "Can I die yet, you slimy fuck!" I yell at Fluthlu. Although it probably considers it another painful scream. I try to writhe about, so I manage to get some of get some of my weapons to cut the beast. From the inside of course.

You manage to nick the beast's stomach lining. A tendril shoots from the cut and rips off your foot. More tentacles fondle your body, crushing it for a final bit of sustenance. HEALTH: +6

Oh hai, Eric.

Zombie can now respawn.

I leave my sniping position to find a new one inside a large tower of sorts.

You find a suitable position in a tower in the opposite park. There appears to be some kind of mechanism capable of holding a rifle-sized object. You proceed to install your rifle-sized object in the mechanism.

[sub](Problem Sleuth - Andrew Hussie)[/sub]

MALL TEAM: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

FLUTHLU: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

CULTURALLY DIVERSE MOB: IIIIIIIIII

 

[Saltarius]

"Well, I figured out how to revive the dead, my old corpse came back and fucked shit up, then Paddy's did too, and then Bizarro usses fixed it sorta, then I traveled back temporarily and helped out Zombie, and then the Chinese Time Police from 4XXX threw me back here. Oh and somebody is piloting a mecha that soudns like REX, although REX is right here."

Earthshaking footsteps are heard as a large mechanical object is seen walked down the middle of the mall. The pilot shouts an incomprehensible backwards threat as the mecha dramatically...falls apart.

"Funny thing about Tlas, being my opposite, he's a shitty pilot and a shittier engineer."

Suddenly, REX fades out of existence due to the time stream meddling. "Wait...someone is changing time. Oh god, no...Xot! What the hell is going on? China's going to hear about this! You don't want to know what they do to extreme time meddlers! 4XXX has worse than the death penalty. They have eternity at JB's memorial show!"

 

[Knife-28]

"Right....well, I'm off then!" Present Knife says, traveling back in time with a non-ball pool time machine and becoming future Knife.

Meanwhile, future Knife starts using REX to blow the shit out of everything. Everything.

 

[Saltarius]

At the last minute before the future/present disintegrates, I grab Paddy and leap into my makeshift TARDIS, barely surviving the timestream collapse.

"Let's make one thing clear, if this goes like The Wedding of River Song I am not kissing or marrying you. Not even to save time."

The policebox bangs about all through time, before crashing right into the bloody battle with FLUTHLU, ramming right into the beast's eye.

"Dammit, we left behind Sam G. Now we're all fucked."

 

[RaNDM G]

The TARDIS is destroyed. Future Paddy and Salt are destroyed along with it, and cannot respawn.

That's what you get for not bringing Sam G.

 

[Saltarius]

Past/Present Me stands in bewilderment at the pure fucking chaos that is going on above. I sacrifice bits of my suit to build rocket boosters and use the last drops of diesel fuel to craft rocket boots capable of flying me to all the action.

I crack my knuckles and rush to find a suitable lawnmower, and proceed to upgrade my boosters for it. I rev it as best I can at fly at FLUTHLU's eye.

Then I wake up and realize it's a fucking dream.

"God damn it, I miss out on everything.

I proceed to cry myself to sleep in a corner for the duration of the fight.

 

[RaNDM G]

Salt cries in his corner. It is really quite embarrassing.

 

[Knife-28]

MF: Waste exactly four hours on this tomfoolery.

YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL

 

[RaNDM G]

"I know, right?"

 

[Saltarius]

I proceed to daydream of the day I killed Derek. It was a sunny day in Retropolis, sun shining, birds singing. Derek invited me up to the roof for a smoke during the lunchbreak. After a few minutes he began to speak.

"So, you killed eight people in that cult, huh?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, everyone in the office knows about you and 'The Esoteric Order.' At least they will after I tell them, then Boss man will give me head of accounting. That is, unless you give me sixty percent of your pay."

"You blackmailing shit."

"Now then, when can I exp-"

"Beautiful down there on the streets. Wanna see it up close?"

I pushed him off the rooftop about ten or so stories until he hit the pavement. There were no security cameras, so Boss-Man couldn't pin it on me. He still fired me. I begin to smile as I recall Derek's face as he fell.

 

[Connor Lonske]

I fire a shot into the creature to find this large monstrous tower's firepower.

---

I sadly have to leave for a bit due to said hated time travel. My friend will take control over for the rest of the boss fight then get back to his normal duties.

---

oh yeah, fluthu doesn't see the large sniper tower bluh bluh bluh bluh

 

[Paddy the Second]

"I. Have. No. Fucking. Idea. What. The. Hell. Is. Happening." With each word I force Peake's blade into one of Fluthlu's wounds, eventually just furiously stabbing and stabbing.

 

[RaNDM G]

Meanwhile, future Knife starts using REX to blow the shit out of everything. Everything.

You proceed to fuck everything's shit up, firing several volleys of missiles that level the playing field. The amount of property damage you rack up would be quite impressive if everyone else wasn't busy trying to stop an eldritch star-spawn from consuming every living thing in existence. ALL SIDES DAMAGE: -4

I fire a shot into the creature to find this large monstrous tower's firepower.

Nevermind the miniature undead man standing next to you. There are more pressing matters at hand.

[color][HEADING=2]>CONNOR: Fire![/HEADING][/color]

[sub](Problem Sleuth - Andrew Hussie)[/sub]

The cannon volley deals significant damage, which FLUTHLU is naturally unable to regenerate! DAMAGE: -8

"I. Have. No. Fucking. Idea. What. The. Hell. Is. Happening." With each word I force Peake's blade into one of Fluthlu's wounds, eventually just furiously stabbing and stabbing.

Your furious attack weakens FLUTHLU to a critical state. DAMAGE: -2

MALL TEAM: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

FLUTHLU: IIIIIIIIIIII

CULTURALLY DIVERSE MOB: IIIIIIIIII

 

[MinimanZombie]

I re-spawn for real this time. Guess I must have still been passed out. Or was I? Can't remember. I run and grab a Jerry can of gasoline, load it into a Super Soaker 3000(!) and attach a lighter in front, and hope to god it works. I mean my suit is technically flame proof, but still. I turn the lighter on, and pull the trigger. Luckily it works! My first flamethrower. I attach some cans of gas to my back, and hook them up to the gun. I then start spraying the fire all over Fluthlu.

 

[Saltarius]

I shake myself off from my rather embarassing weeping session and walk over to the unconscious Sam G.

"You awake? Yes? No?"

I pry Raven Razor from her grasp and begin to reconfigure the scraps of my abandoned suit into a small rocket, hoping the damaged boosters still work. I throw Raven Razor in the containment unit and hope for the best as I send it upwards.

"Godspeed, you crazy sword, you."

 

[Paddy the Second]

By this point i have carved a sizable hole into Fluthlu, and am now inside the wound, slashing away at the creature's innards.