Marriage without sex?

[SinisterGehe]

Well, I'm asexual, so it would be a match made in heaven.

Copy that, same thought with me.
If she/he/it can give me companionship, care and "love" and things to talk about, that is enough for me. I don't need to have sex in my life. I am not some mindless animal who is bound to the will of it's flesh.
Even better it is if she/he/it doesn't want to have sex either. Then we would fit together like matter and energy... (Atheismo! I feel nerdy now...)

(recaptcha: Heretic* Jelly (*I assume the last letter was C because it resembles C more than 6))

 

[Aphex Demon]

Your lover is perfect.
Your lover is as a beautiful as an angel, amazingly talented, intelligent and kind, and truly loves you more than anything. Your lover would do anything for you.
Then comes the subject of marriage.
After years of a wonderful, fantastic relationship, your lover wants to marry you so that you can both live happily ever after.
There's just one tiny problem.
You and your lover can never have sex. Like, ever. No matter how much you both want it, no matter how much protection you use, no matter what position you choose, your lover is simply physically incapable of having sex in any way (well, except giving oral I guess, but seriously now). No amount of medicine or surgery will help.

What are you going to do? Assume, for now, that this marriage is going to be forever and that you are not going to cheat on your lover (you horrible monster).

Will you refuse your lover's request, even risking breaking up with the one who is otherwise perfect for you, because being together means you will never get to have sex again?

I would like to hear your answers.

I would probably hate life. If your older I guess it ain't as bad, but i'm 18... so for me it would be like suicide.

 

[DSQ]

Hm, i wouldn't enter into a relationship knowing that i couldn't ever have sex. But i wouldn't abandon somone if they had an accident and then couldn't have sex.

 

[Eisenfaust]

if she wants to be with you forever, force marriage on you, but doesn't want you to do anything with anyone else, it seems a little selfish of them... and if they're selfish, they're not perfect, so the problem seems to break itself

beyond that... meh? i couldn't stand getting that meaningfully close to someone anyway

 

[Griffolion]

One of the main points of marriage is sex, symbolising two people becoming one physically as well as emotionally and spiritually.

Still, if i was in this situation, i'd marry them anyway because emotional and spiritual fulfilment is far better than any amount of sexual fulfilment.

 

[dogenzakaminion]

Reminds me of Chobits...

Anyway, Ive said it before and I'll say it again: Sex without love is as shallow and empty as love without sex.

 

[holy_secret]

What you are describing is your best friend.

Why would you want to marry your best friend?

 

[Outright Villainy]

What you are describing is your best friend.

Why would you want to marry your best friend?

What he said.

Also, to note, I wouldn't wait till marriage for sex, ever, and if sex wasn't an important aspect I could just be friends with them.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Well, I do admire your offer very much, and I am grateful, but for now, let's just say that she had a "physical issue", as you call it, and that it made normal sex physically impossible. Not difficult, not painful, not unlikely, just plain impossible. She might have been able to enjoy receiving oral sex, in a way, but I am not even sure about that.

Other than that problem (and the health problems and psychological scars involved) she was simply as perfect as a girl could possibly be, especially for me. As I said, beautiful, talented, intelligent, kind, and very loving. We even shared many interests.
It's not like there wasn't any sexual passion. There was, on both sides, and we could kiss, hug, fondle, and rub against each other as much as we wanted, it's just sex that was impossible.

Marriage was not really an issue, of course, I am not even 18, it was just a question of whether or not to stay with her. Now is a bit too late to change my choice back then, but it just got me thinking enough to open the discussion here. My case is mostly irrelevant, it's the philosophical question I am interested at.

Wow. I'm sorry. That's awful. For both of you.

It does make the original question a little different, though. For several reasons, really.

First of all, what you're really asking is if one could become romantically involved with a person physically incapable of sex, not just marriage. Your OP implies that there was a time when sex was possible for the hypothetical couple, but from the sounds of it that was never the case for you.

Secondly, your use of the word "perfect" in the OP is throwing people off. It sounds like a fantasy hypothetical. Real people can't be perfect (they can be wonderful, but perfection is impossible - and thank the gods for that because perfect is boring). All the people on the thread saying that "if she couldn't have sex she wouldn't be perfect" are being too literal because of that descriptor. I know it's romantic to think of someone as your perfect partner, but all they can be is really, really compatible and a wonderful, interesting person. Which is still pretty damn awesome.

Also, the being physically incapable part is kind of important, particularly since it predates the relationship. If the damage is bad enough that it makes oral and masturbation difficult/impossible for her to enjoy, then that negates a lot of people's responses.

I think you'd have gotten a better response if you had been more specific and let people know that this was something that really happened, and not a hypothetical. That way people can respond to the specific facts of the situation rather than imagined ones (like I, for instance, made my choice imagining a guy who couldn't/wouldn't have sex with me).

You might want to consider adding some of this info to your OP as an edit. At least that way future posters would have the necessary information to answer in an informed fashion.

And, once again, I am very sorry. I'm guessing from the past tense nature of your comment, and the regret that seems almost palpable between the words, that you chose (like many of us would have) to end the relationship? I know that must have been terrible for both of you. I hope it wasn't too traumatic or one sided, although I suppose if it happened when you were 18 or less then that's probably a futile hope on my part. In any case, I hope you take some comfort in knowing that most of the people who've posted to this thread would have done the same thing. It's a terrible situation - I couldn't imagine being in one that awful.

 

[Tekkawarrior]

Thanks for sharing this video.

 

[Nemu]

Yep. I break up with her.

Sorry, life isn't easy. I have desires and despite the hypothetical happiness, I'd not be fully fulfilled and happy unless I am occasionally screaming out in ecstasy.

 

[Azure Sky]

All aboard the quote train, my turn. =3

Well, I'm asexual, so it would be a match made in heaven.

As am I, so pretty much this.

Also, whats this anti-asexual vibe I am getting from a some of people.
Seriously, we think you are just as strange.

 

[SteewpidZombie]

In my own opinion I don't think I'd care about sex if I loved someone enough to want to be in a deeply committed relationship.

 

[Azure Sky]

All aboard the quote train, my turn. =3

Well, I'm asexual, so it would be a match made in heaven.

As am I, so pretty much this.

Also, whats this anti-asexual vibe I am getting from a some of people.
Seriously, we think you are just as strange.

Live your life as you want, more power to you, but without us you wouldn't exist. Clearly the biological design requires sex as the norm.

I think its interesting that we only expressed what we want and need, where as you have gone and called us strange. Hmmm...who's being anti-something again?

Well, last I checked, asexuals didn't take a vow of abstinence, only that they are not interested in/have no drive for sex.
If an asexual couple wanted children they would most likely conceive the same way any other couple would.

As for the antisomething it was aimed at those who still think that sex is like... gods gift or something. And yes, we think they are very strange. (Yes yes, probably a bad choice of words but meh)

Also, biological design is that sex is a reproductive act, not dr feelgoods fun house.

 

[Erana]

All aboard the quote train, my turn. =3

Well, I'm asexual, so it would be a match made in heaven.

As am I, so pretty much this.

Also, whats this anti-asexual vibe I am getting from a some of people.
Seriously, we think you are just as strange.

Lack of education. Many percieve it as a pretentious way to say, "I'm a virgin," some think its what happens when you're not feeling sexually motivated and more think it simply doesn't exist, and its an excuse used to say "I'm not interested" without having to deal with any actual interaction. Or worse, people think asexuals are somehow traumatized into not wanting to have sex.
In our sexually-charged society, you're an anomaly when you don't like something, and many people find anomalies alienating.

With a lot of people asking questions in this thread, I feel a need to make this clear: Asexuality is a lack of sexual orientation. You aren't attracted to men or women. That's all it is. Some asexuals do have a need to reach orgasm from time to time, and they typically can satisfy their sex drives with personal stimulation, but yes, asexuals can have sex drives. I don't, so I can't really talk much about that.

 

[Neo10101]

I want kids, so if shed be cool with a surrogate then I guess id be fine.

 

[Prof. Sandvich]

Thanks for sharing this video.

Agreed. Also on the subject at hand, while I agree that sex is part of a healthy relationship, intercourse is not the only way of being sexual. To keep this appropriate,and so my second post is not my last, I will not got into details about it. I would like to think that so long as the people in question truly loved each other I think that they could overcome this, they would just need a little imagination to help keep the relationship health and prosperous. All just my thought, so hope this is an okay answer.

 

[thylasos]

If we weren't having sex before, she wasn't my lover. I'm prepared to be a really good friend to someone I really care about, but I'm not going to get into a legally recognised, if not binding, relationship in which I'm essentially neutered.

 

[Smiles]

Don't think anyone would be asexual after getting some. I call bull on anyone that says that.

I've had sex, I'm pretty sure I'm still asexual...

 

[Saelune]

I want to make a bad joke that marriage is sexless anyways, but its overdone.

I could do it. Instead of sex, Id rather we game together, or play DnD together, or listen to music together, or watch bad movies together, or cuddle together, or play MTG together..or against eachother I guess.