Me vs. my Dad
- Thread starter TRR
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Every time I've talked back to my father it has escalated to a shouting fight. I've put up with so much shit from him, my kind mother once was extremely surprised for I didn't throw his drunk ass to a wall or out of the house.
On the other hand, I told my Christian mother I was an atheist a few years back. She wondered, I said that's my opinion whatever she thinks, she settled with a bit of disappointment.
Just tell him. simples.
On the other hand, I told my Christian mother I was an atheist a few years back. She wondered, I said that's my opinion whatever she thinks, she settled with a bit of disappointment.
Just tell him. simples.
Options:TRR said:
1) Follow the Richard Dawkins strategy: Hey Dad. You know how 'our' God is the absolute correct one and that Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists and Vikings and ancient Greeks think their God is the correct one... how do we know we are right?
Religious people then usually go off on a tangent.
They will either:
a) Quote the Bible. This is circular logic. Quoting from the Bible to prove God exists doesn't work simply because the book says he does. Oh so God wrote the Bible then? And the Bible says God exists? Ask for concrete evidence. Tell him if you are given irrefutable proof you will praise the Lord for the rest of your days.
b) They might give you an anecdote of a time they had a personal experience with God. You can tell them that doesn't bloody work for you unless you have your own personal experience. The problem here is that because he is your Father he might pull the 'You have to believe me because I'm your Father' bullshit. In-fact many of these people that claim Jesus was sitting in the car next to them telling them to buy Christ-Bonds or whatever are usually full of shit. They are either trying to convert more people or they are hallucinating. Our minds do this all the time! Surely you can think of a time when you woke up and saw a shadowy figure standing over your bed only to discover nothing was there when the light was turned on. This can often take a step further and even when we are awake.
2) Explain to him that you aren't an Atheist but that you are Agnostic instead.
This simply means that you have an open mind about things. Someone who is Agnostic acknowledges that there could be a God but because there is no evidence does not draw a conclusion either way. After-all, for all you know a God COULD actually exist. There is no proof either way to say God(/s) simply doesn't exist. This is better than saying you are a flat-out Atheist because it's like telling your Father you aren't going for the same team in Football anymore. Agnostic is more like telling him you love the game still but you don't really take sides.
3) Explain to him that you still share the Christian (or whatever religion) ethos.
Explain that just because your belief system has changed, doesn't mean you are any less of a person nor are you inherently evil now. Tell him you still believe in the moral lessons that the Bible passes down and still believe we should all be good to each-other, yadda yadda, but that you just don't believe in the whole Bible thing.
4) Don't tell him.
This is probably the best option if your Father is an idiot. No offence but what I mean by this is that if your dear old Dad is a religious fanatic then explaining anything in terms of logic isn't going to work. Faith and Logic simply don't go together.
Just be sure that you're really going the atheist route before you say anything. I told my mom that I was an atheist in college, and she took it pretty well, but I'm finding myself drifting back towards Christianity, and she doesn't seem to understand. She'll still make cracks about her "Godless heathen son", all good natured, nothing nasty, but it's really hard to take the atheist card off the table once it's out there.
You may want to approach it less directly than blurting out "I'm an atheist!" Maybe try explaining to him that you feel religion is too important to blindly follow what someone else believes, that you're working on making your faith even stronger by really re-evaluating what you believe, and that, while you appreciate what he believes, that this is really something you need to work through on your own. This will either get him off your back about the whole topic, or at the very least, allow you to ease him into the topic at your own pace.
You may want to approach it less directly than blurting out "I'm an atheist!" Maybe try explaining to him that you feel religion is too important to blindly follow what someone else believes, that you're working on making your faith even stronger by really re-evaluating what you believe, and that, while you appreciate what he believes, that this is really something you need to work through on your own. This will either get him off your back about the whole topic, or at the very least, allow you to ease him into the topic at your own pace.
Shouting match? Perhaps its just me who has it easy, but id say not to make a big deal about it.TRR said:
If you gotta tell him, then tell him and if he wants to argue about it.. Dont.
It takes two to fight. Take it cool like its the most natural thing for you, and of he wants to make himself look stupid then let him do so on his own.
I came out to my dad when I was 13. At first he just laughed and attempted to confuse me using crap like "the human body weights 2 kg's less at death" and that that this was enough proof that there was a soul. I knew it was BS but I choose not to pursue it. I just told him I was an atheist and nothing he could do would change that. We stopped talking about our beliefs after that. I still get along with him. In fact, this atheism thing hasn't affected our relationship at all.
To be honest, from what you've told me about your father, you shouldn't tell him. No reason to incite a conflict. Let him do his religious shit whilst you attempt to wane yourself away.
To be honest, from what you've told me about your father, you shouldn't tell him. No reason to incite a conflict. Let him do his religious shit whilst you attempt to wane yourself away.
This is exactly what I did and it worked out ok. Granted my situation wasn't quite the same, my parents hadn't split up.TheAmazingHobo said:
I just sat down with them and told them that I didn't believe in their god and explained why. They were surprisingly good about it, quite pissed off but because I'd dealt with it politely and explained my self like an adult (I was only like 15 at the time) they were really good about it. Never had a real problem since.
My mum does however tell me off when ever I'm visiting an "take the lords name in vain" I have a habit of saying "Jesus Christ!" a lot as an exclamation and she wonders why I say it when I don't believe he's the son of god.
Anyhoo I should probably point out I'm also not atheist, I'm agnostic with a bit of Zen thrown in for good measure. The later is a recent addition.
What ever you do though DO NOT just tell your dad his beliefs are a load of crap and you'll never believe in them. Especially without explaining yourself, explaining yourself is key. As is keeping your cool, if he starts shouting stay calm and don't rise to it. If it boils into a two sided shouting match you have failed, and that makes me a sad panda... ~.~
try to talk to him rationally and cautiously about this, even though I know you or others would be thinking how you shouldn't have to but just remember religious peoples are very strong with what they believe in so take it easy.
Not anymore. To many people are peeing in the waters, and it's awful crowded by all the people just lounging around cause they think it's the new cool hangout spot. Almost makes me ashamed to say I am atheist these days. I would rather say I just don't have faith there is a god.Oliver90909 said:
Find some holes in his beliefs or contradictions in the bible, like using blood as a disinfectant or that chapter about Nebuchadnezzar ruling his land in the years after his death
I'd be interested to know why you had a shouting match, and how that escalated.TRR said:
You're 19, that's old enough to make up your own mind about things. Mind you, why is it his business what you believe anyway? As long as he's not trying to drag you along to church I'd say that it doesn't matter and it's none of his business anyway so why should you even tell him unless he asks? I don't tell anyone my religious beliefs, family, friends, girlfriend - no-one. What's inside your head is your territory and yours alone. Mind you, if you want to tell him, or if he keeps dragging you into conversations that assume a Christian outlook, it'd be courteous to let him know what's up. Just have a contingency plan ready if he kicks you out of the house or otherwise makes your life unbearable.
And don't get into a theological argument. If you want him to accept you for who you are, you also have to accept him for who he is.
Basically this, though not so final. ^Grilled Cheesus said:
If your dad won't accept your beliefs, it's not very Christian then, is it? He'll probably try and re-convert you, so be ready if you don't want to go back. Agnosticism is probably best anyway. Not knowing, not caring.