Me vs. my Dad

[some1stolemyusername]

as him if your god is omnipotent, to create a stone that he cannot lift.

 

[silver wolf009]

Tell him that you respect his religion of choice, but that you do not take its teaching as truth and wish to decide for yourself.

If he cannot accept the fact that you are different than he wants you to be, then he is not doing his job as a parent, which is to prepare you to make your own decisions and live your own life.

Oh and before its asked, I am a christian but I am against blind zealotry and analyze the scriptures before living my life by them.

 

[Inner Pickle]

Use the Chewbacca Defence

66% of the time it works every time.

EDIT: Bollocks, didn't get there first.

 

[TheNarrator]

Oh and before its asked, I am a christian but I am against blind zealotry and analyze the scriptures before living my life by them.

And I wish there were more of you, especially the analyzing scriptures part. I'm an atheïst myself (not the aggressive type), but often enough I have the idea I understand Christianity and what it stands for better than a good deal of Christians. I rarely get irritated at religious people, but I feel a disproportional hatred whenever I see a self-proclaimed 'good Christian' conservative type bring on the 'an eye for an eye' argument. That's the most pure case of 'not getting the point'.

 

[beniki]

Don't bring it up.

Seriously, no point in mentioning it if it's just going to make trouble. And if he drags you out to church on Sunday, well still go. You'll be grateful for the extra knowledge later on in life. If he wants to say grace before dinner, bow your head and just be damned grateful you got a plate of food.

I mean, I don't really like romantic comedies, but I'l still watch them with my Mum, and I never had to sit down and talk to her about it. I know you could argue that religion is a more serious matter, but if you're an atheist now I don't see how much it would affect your life.

Don't make a fuss about it, and don't show it off. Just.. get on with life.

 

[Paddin]

I don't like how the majority of these responses are just trying to gear you up to attack or belittle his religion. How about some respect for peoples beliefs people?

If you really feel the need to tell him, just tell him and if he tries to argue with you don't get sucked in to it. You've told him what you believe, there is no point arguing unless you are actually trying to convert him or something. Be respectful of what he believes, hopefully he will be respectful of what you believe.

Beniki pretty sums up my opinion on telling people of atheism.

Don't bring it up.

Seriously, no point in mentioning it if it's just going to make trouble. And if he drags you out to church on Sunday, well still go. You'll be grateful for the extra knowledge later on in life. If he wants to say grace before dinner, bow your head and just be damned grateful you got a plate of food.

I mean, I don't really like romantic comedies, but I'l still watch them with my Mum, and I never had to sit down and talk to her about it. I know you could argue that religion is a more serious matter, but if you're an atheist now I don't see how much it would affect your life.

Don't make a fuss about it, and don't show it off. Just.. get on with life.

Personally I don't see much point in telling my parents I'm an agnostic atheist. It's not so much my parents that are the problem than my grandma.

I don't believe in religion but I still attend Christmas mass with my Grandma. Why? Because it means a lot to her and it's not going to kill me anyway. In fact, I think it's a peaceful and pleasant way to spend only an hour of one day. Does it really matter that your dad should know what you believe, or is this your way of sticking it to him that you are escaping from his strict rule?

EDIT: When I tell my friends I'm an atheist the response I always get was "ok, but please don't force your beliefs on me" and it always annoyed me. However, reading this thread made me realise exactly why I get this response. Because there is atheists, like the majority of the people in this thread, who feel the need to point out all the flaws in everyone's beliefs and feel so superior about it. You people give atheism a bad name.

 

[Best of the 3]

Tell him and ignore anything he has to say in response...<.<

Why do you type ...<.< at the end of everything?

OT: Tell him your an atheist, just don't be a dick about it.

the ellipses because I'm a spacey talker... like Captain Kirk... and the <.< because... actually I don't know... I just started doing it a few weeks ago and it's become a habit...<.<

It's because you are always watching us... >.>

OT: Maybe if you can try to pass as believeing in it for you dad. If that is not possible try to confront him about it. If he can't except you, just ignore him. Maybe live with your mother if possible. I can't be much help here but I try.

 

[AlexWinter]

K straight to the point, my Dad is christian, very christian. Note my parents are divorced. over the last 8 years he has, i guess you could say, forced it upon me a bit. and for the last number of years i would say i was christian.
Well now im an athiest. He does not know this, and he probably would be quite disappointed. several months ago we had a clash over a difference in beliefs and it resulted in an half hour long shouting match, so i dont know how well he'll take this.

So I ask you, Escapist forum people: how should i proceed?

note if you need any more details just ask.

I don't know if someone has already said this, but if your dad is very Christian, try looking at it from his point of view.

Non-believers go to hell or something right? Maybe he's just scared that you'll pick the wrong side and end up burning in Hell for eternity.
I'm a Buddhist so I don't know if that's technically right but your dad probably believes in Christianity with all of his faith and seeing his son go down the 'wrong' path into damnation probably upsets him a lot.

Just saying, like, maybe consider that it's not that you think he's wrong that's making him angry, it might be that he's scared you're wrong.

 

[TRR]

********************

Thank you everyone most of you for the responses thus far, they are definitely helping me here.

Several of you have been asking about the shouting match thing. This happened earlier this year. Well it all started when I asked if I could sleep over at my girlfriend's (now ex.) house. My Dad did not like this idea. He then proceeded to unload his opinion, which was heavily christian based. Then somewhere in this argument it was revealed that I was no longer a virgin. Needless to say, he was not very happy. After a while of this I left the house for a few hours. In the end, I went along with his decision.

Juxtaposition: my Mom assumed I was sexually active.

Others have been asking if I was atheist or agnostic, I would say I'm atheist.

BTW, I love my Dad.


keep an eye out for my posts as they will contain important info, i highlight them with ****

 

[theironbat46]

Tell him you are an Atheist and that you respect his beliefs and would appreciate if he respected yours. Then have pie.

 

[warprincenataku]

K straight to the point, my Dad is christian, very christian. Note my parents are divorced. over the last 8 years he has, i guess you could say, forced it upon me a bit. and for the last number of years i would say i was christian.
Well now im an athiest. He does not know this, and he probably would be quite disappointed. several months ago we had a clash over a difference in beliefs and it resulted in an half hour long shouting match, so i dont know how well he'll take this.

So I ask you, Escapist forum people: how should i proceed?

note if you need any more details just ask.

First, find out if your atheist or agnostic. I find the majority of athiests I talk with tend to be more agnostic than atheist.

Second, it's common to rebel against your parents, especially because of the choices they make. Both my parents are Christians while I, myself am a devout Buddhist and have been for many years. I'm not Buddhist to cheese off my mom, I'm Buddhist because it fits me better.

If being atheist or agnostic fits you then more power to you. Your father will either understand or he won't. Whatever your believes or lack there of, try to at least stand by them.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

Your beliefs are your damn business, not his. You don't need to justify yourself to him.

 

[capin Rob]

Step up. If he tries to push you, you Push back.

 

[Lawbringer]

k im going to answer Oliver90909's questions here:

Some important things to know:

1) How old are you?
2) How Christian is your mum and are you still in contact with her?
3) What caused to to actually lose your faith? Was it because your dad has forced it on you, do you think, or was it some other factor/revelation?
4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

1) im 19
2) my mom would basically be atheist, shes also more liberal. yes im still in contact with her, its just that this whole situation does not involve her
3) i lost my faith through my own revelations, independent of the fact that christianity was rather forced on me

OK, so the first point is that you are old enough to not have to worry too much. If you were 13 or something you would be far more dependant on him and he would take you far less seriously, so that's good.

Second point, if he went mental at you, you are still in contact with your mum so you at least have her as a backup if he made life hell for you, which he won't because (and I'm making assumtions here) having lost his wife, he doesn't want to lose his child, too. Especially if she left for similar reasons (although I appreciate you may not want to detail them here) he will not want to upset the boat too much and force you out the house leaving him on his own. If he does threaten to throw you out, you need to call his bluff, which leads to point number three.

If you came to the conclusion on your own there is no need for a "it's your fault, Dad!" style shouting match. Start with a conversation on 'I am having trouble with some aspects of my faith' type topic. Over a period of days/weeks/whatever you will be able to plant the seed in his head you don't believe anymore and the reasons why. Who knows, maybe you will actually believe again or at the very least shake some of his dogmatic views so he will take your atheism more easily.

Gradual diplomacy is the key. Being both your parent and a hardcore Christian I would say that just blurting out "I don't believe in your God anymore!" will bypass his Christian rules on tolerance and forgiveness!

Bear in mind that all this (and the other advice here) is given having never met your father and not really having any odea what he is like as a person. There is plenty of advice given by different people nonetheless, though. Take it or leave it!

Oh, and good luck.

 

[Neo10101]

If all its gonna do is strain your relationship further, just don't tell him and avoid the subjects about God, if he does begin to pry just tell him the truth, calmly and cool.

 

[Hairetos]

4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

Not anymore. To many people are peeing in the waters, and it's awful crowded by all the people just lounging around cause they think it's the new cool hangout spot. Almost makes me ashamed to say I am atheist these days. I would rather say I just don't have faith there is a god.

Come on, don't be like that. You're just going to become one of the "too cool to be cool kids of the cool pond" A conformist to not conforming to nonconformity.

Just don't give a shit what others of the same belief are like.

As to the OP: if you're moving out soon, don't tell them. My dad made some obnoxious, albeit empty, threats when I told him. Don't expect your parents to be understanding, because people seem to forget: Your parents are, logically, likely to be average people. Average people aren't particularly wise or understanding. Therefore it's illogical to expect your parents to be particularly wise or understanding.

Now, if you know that your father will be understanding, then you should have no reason not to tell him. But I expect that's not the case since you're asking us.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Just tell him. Don't insult his beliefs and don't too defensive immediately. And try not to make a big song and dance about it.

 

[Terminate421]

Say this, "Dad, the point of being a parent is to love your children for who they are. I simply believe in no religion, therefore I am Atheist. In this respect, if you wish to show that you truly love me, you need to accept me for who I am."

 

[manaman]

4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

Not anymore. To many people are peeing in the waters, and it's awful crowded by all the people just lounging around cause they think it's the new cool hangout spot. Almost makes me ashamed to say I am atheist these days. I would rather say I just don't have faith there is a god.

Come on, don't be like that. You're just going to become one of the "too cool to be cool kids of the cool pond" A conformist to not conforming to nonconformity.

Just don't give a shit what others of the same belief are like.

As to the OP: if you're moving out soon, don't tell them. My dad made some obnoxious, albeit empty, threats when I told him. Don't expect your parents to be understanding, because people seem to forget: Your parents are, logically, likely to be average people. Average people aren't particularly wise or understanding. Therefore it's illogical to expect your parents to be particularly wise or understanding.

Now, if you know that your father will be understanding, then you should have no reason not to tell him. But I expect that's not the case since you're asking us.

How can you not give a shit what other of the same belief are like? Still to clerify a bit, it's not exactly them that I wish to distance myself from, but this image that is projected on me by them.

The hundreds of apologetic statements I see online from people who live in the US basically says the same thing. Rather then trying to refute the bias against the US, they basically all say that they are sad they live in the US as well, so they can distance themselves from that bias.

When I say atheist these days people have militant anti-theist in mind. That is what I wish to distance myself from. I just don't care enough in this case to try and correct people.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I have the same problems, except it's my stubborn mom who is the Christian.

I'm just waiting to not be under their roof anymore when I tell them, because I know she WILL be depressed and try everything in the book (legal or not) to convert me.