"Minecraft is a Christian game"

[crystalsnow]

Yeah its troll. Check out the site.

 

[blankedboy]

Oh my god. this is hilarious.

Jesus is coming! BUILD MINES!

Mines are built for you

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Oh my god. this is hilarious.

Jesus is coming! BUILD MINES!

Mines are built for you

QUICK! BUILD MORE ENTERPRISES TO PRAISE HIS GLORY!

MOAR!

 

[Ldude893]

I read their other reviews for unchristian games.

I rejected the people who run that site as idiots declared the site as a parody after they badmouthed Portal and TETRIS for being Unchristian. Seriously.

12.10.2008: Tetris is an action puzzle game where the player rotates falling block shapes to make them fit together in a pile. When a row is filled, it disappears, keeping the height of the pile of blocks from increasing. As the game progresses, it continually speeds up until the player starts making mistakes that allow the blocks to reach the top of the game area, ending the game. Tetris is unwinable, you can only put off your inevitable defeat. This fatalistic aspect of the game should come as no surprise since it was originally created in 1985 in the Soviet Union, where the Atheist government taught everyone that there is nothing but a bleak, pointless existence followed by death with no chance for Salvation. It is claimed that the word "tetris" comes from the game pieces all being made of four blocks. In reality, the game was named in mockery of the Trinity by adding a forth hypostasis, the Communist State, to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Because it is simple to program, versions of Tetris can be found on every game, computer, and operating system. There have even been implementations of Tetris done using computer controlled lights in office buildings, turning the lighted windows into the falling blocks. The ubiquity of Tetris is also because it is highly addictive. Its repetitive gameplay and use of a repetitive Russian folk tune causes players to slip into a hypnagogic state, making them receptive to the Communistic themes inherent in the game imagery (everyone is an unindividualistic block that must be made to fit together in Soviet conformity, and sometimes whole lines of people are made to disappear without any explanation). This is intentional, since, like all work done by the Soviet Academy of Science where Tetris was developed, it was part of secret military research, in this case having to do with mind control. (The US military also researched mind control video games in the 1980s, including one called "Polybius", but we never used them during the Cold War, unlike the Soviets who unleashed Tetris into the general public where it's still affecting people to this day.) Because of its fatalistic worldview and the danger it poses to people's God-given Free Will, all implementations of Tetris get ZERO CROSSES. [See our Tetris video exposé on GodTube.]

9.4.2010: (This game is rated T for teen.) Portal is a first-person action puzzle game where you have to escape rooms by the clever use of a gun that shoots portals, allowing you to move between distant locations. Your character is forced to do this by a female-voiced computer named Gladys, who has killed all the workers at the Aperture Science facility and is now "testing" you like a lab rat. Portal's story is based on the idea of the "Singularity" taught by Atheist prophet Raymond Kurzwell. The Singularity has been called Atheism's version of the Rapture, only twisted and evil. According to Singularity believers, humans will eventually create intelligent computers just like God created us, then the computers will become smarter than us and kill humanity like Atheists claim that humans "outgrew" and "killed" God. (Darwinists refer to this replay of events as "Recapitulation Theory" or the "Biogenetic Law.") This is of course nonsense. Humans cannot create intelligence... only God can do that! And computers can never be truly intelligent since they don't have souls (unless God decides they should, and then He will do the ensoulment Himself, not Atheist computer programmers). While showing the supposed outcome of the Singularity, where the created becomes superior to its creator, Portal also mocks God and advocates man's rebellion against His authority. Gladys, whose omnipresent voice makes her a not-very-subtle mockery of God, promises cake after the testing is complete, but really she intends to incinerate you in a fire. There are hidden messages scrawled throughout the levels saying "The cake is a lie", which in context really mean "God's promise of Salvation is a lie". The ultimate goal of the game is to kill Gladys and free yourself from her control, much like the Atheist's ultimate goal of killing God so he can live a life of wantonness. While the game has no blood (you only "kill" robots) or sex (although it implies possible intimate relations with an inanimate object known as the "weighted companion cube"), the bleakness of its worldview and oppressive proselytizing of crazy Atheist theology earn it ZERO CROSSES. (A sequel, Portal 2, has been announced. Early previews show it to be more of the same.)

It seems like they view everything in this world to be either for God or against God, and they try to look for nonexistent metaphors to God in every single work of fiction.

 

[thePyro_13]

Poe's Law, ladies. I'm putting my Internets on parody.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

Seems pretty fair to me, if you're a Christian, you believe God created all, therefore Minecraft is a Christian game.

Really tho, sure, it's open to interpretation, and until the creator of the game (the programmer, not God, he rarely does press interviews sadly, it would really clear some stuff up ), says exactly what he based the game on, people can say what they like.

 

[Ashcrexl]

no no! the author is absolutely right! shame on all of you for dismissing it as satire! after a good 5 hour session of minecraft, i can practically feel the faith WELL UP INSIDE ME and flow out of EVERY ORIFICE! in fact, NOTCH IS THE SECOND COMING of christ!

 

[Plurralbles]

FFS!

God damnit.


Unless it is explicitly stated in the release notes... it's not a game for anything- it's just a damn game... Comeon. What is monopoly guys? huh? what the fuck is monopoly? Is it satanic capitalist douchebaggery? No. It's just a game. Lay off the labels.

 

[Rhiehn]

Certain areas of the internet should be locked to certain parties...

Religion
Politics
Crusaders for Family
etc etc

Should all be locked in a safe zone...and not allowed in to mingle with others...ie me who plays Minecraft...

Well back to building a glorious golden statue to the Might Knowledge and Power of Odin.

Fascist.

 

[tehbeard]

Minecraft is actually a Freudian allegory for deflowering a woman. The virgin world is huge and mysterious, waiting for the Man to explore her caverns and reap the rewards. Of course, the Man brings with him his own guilty past. The Creepers represent the destruction of STDs, the Skeletons are jealous ex-lovers, and the Spiders are his self-doubt of his own sexual prowess. Thus, the Man must dominate the woman's world and bring in his own masculinity through the torches of male enlightenment and giant penis-shaped towers.
See, I can make shit up too!

Well done good sir

 

[McNinja]

I'm pretty sure that website is a parody. I've seen their stuff brought up on here before, and I was pretty sure it was a parody back then. It does sound like it could be real, but isn't that the best sort of parody?

I don't think it is, and that's the sad part.

Actually, no. The Pastors name is Skeet. There's no way this is serious. Click the link, then delete the last portion after the zounds/ then look at the page that comes up. The main site is either trying way too hard and failing, or a parody of such sites and ministries.

EDIT: Nevermind, they're just delusional. And, of course, trying way too hard.

EDIT 2: Trying to hard, and being extremely offensive. Apparently, they put out music, and a song called wacky wacky wicca chick is just... it makes me feel bad that the person who wrote these lyrics calls them self a Christian. In fact, all of their songs are like this. Horribly, horribly offensive.

 

[Monsterfurby]

http://web.archive.org/web/20060913000000/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OBJECTIVE:_Christian_Ministries

Wikipedia entry on the Ministries website, now mysteriously deleted. There are VERY strong signs that the site is a very straight-faced parody, including the quoting of non-existent persons, organizations and places and the fact that some articles are actually parodies of essays published by actual theologists.

It is allegedly run by Chris Harper of Landover Baptist Church (another parody of Christian fundamentalists), which might be hinted at by some of the strange university advertisements on the site.

 

[coolman9899]

we got poes law all up in this *****... [font color="FF0000"]LOOK IT UP!!![/font]... or just trolling... whichever is good for you

I suppose this is why its so goddamn boring then.

Wash your mouth out with soap.

Spoiler

I keed I keed

 

[Chibz]

The site you linked (Zounds' reviews) is a verifiable parody site. The church that supposedly hosts it doesn't exist. The campus he claims to be on is fictional. It's very, very clever parody.

 

[Ace of Spades]

It's not hard to try and ascribe bullshit logic to something. The fact that I passed English is proof of that.

 

[blackguard89]

I LOL'D.
Sword of spirit-----now with +9999999 enchantable holy damage------.....Sorry couldn't help myself.
But on topic.You know how religious fanatics try to throw stuff in your face.This might also be that.Also they tend to make every game look like the work of the devil.
Or It might just be some dude trolling =))

 

[Protomega]

Necro-posts ftw..

 

[Mr. Meslier]

Yawn. Talk about grasping at straws. I know plenty of Xian ministry people who have taken just about any dark/light dichotomy in a story and turn it into a Jesus story, almost like the Bible came up with it in the first place.

 

[rokkolpo]

It's a troll site.