Monster Energy drink is the work of Satan...Apparently
- Thread starter Buizel91
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Saw this yesterday, and all I have to say is that I really want a Monster right now. Don't worry, I'll be sure to read my Bible while drinking it. That should cancel out the Satanic energy.
I could believe it.
This one time, I bought a Monster energy drink, and before I'd even opened it I heard the whisperings of Hell in my ear. Imagine my surprise when, upon cracking open the can, a gigantic demon's gate ripped through our dimension and the legions of Hell's worst soared through, taking over the entire world within minutes!
Well, I can tell you I've never bought Monster since then.
This one time, I bought a Monster energy drink, and before I'd even opened it I heard the whisperings of Hell in my ear. Imagine my surprise when, upon cracking open the can, a gigantic demon's gate ripped through our dimension and the legions of Hell's worst soared through, taking over the entire world within minutes!
Well, I can tell you I've never bought Monster since then.
- Mar 17, 2012
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I don't understand why they don't just make a product that boosts one's nervous system by 300% for one month at the cost of subsequent death. It could be called a "Mega-energy drink" and hey, everyone dies eventually anyway.
But for that ONE MONTH! Wow, people would finally feel alive!
But for that ONE MONTH! Wow, people would finally feel alive!
Her scientific discoveries DO make sense... But she's missing a few things...
The colour of the drink is black and green... And black being the colour of... Um... *Quickly looks up a synonym* Heathens... Right... And green is the colour of Slytherin, a house that performs devil-like rituals and was founded by a man whom also talks to snakes...
Hmmm, what else is there that can be scientifically proven...
Oh! It comes in a CAN... And a can has the same shape as a homosexual's penis! *Nods head wisely*
Regardless, thank you arc1991 for the video, you've made my day =D
The colour of the drink is black and green... And black being the colour of... Um... *Quickly looks up a synonym* Heathens... Right... And green is the colour of Slytherin, a house that performs devil-like rituals and was founded by a man whom also talks to snakes...
Hmmm, what else is there that can be scientifically proven...
Oh! It comes in a CAN... And a can has the same shape as a homosexual's penis! *Nods head wisely*
Regardless, thank you arc1991 for the video, you've made my day =D
Uh oh, I think she forgot her Seroquel.
On the other hand, now I want an energy drink. DAMN YOU SATAN! :O
On the other hand, now I want an energy drink. DAMN YOU SATAN! :O
The..The last thing I remember was taking a sip of Moster energy drink and then I woke up here, covered in all this blood, what happened?! Who did I hurt?!?!
Seriously though, while there are pleanty of legitimate criticisms of energy drinks, satanic credentials are not one of them.
Seriously though, while there are pleanty of legitimate criticisms of energy drinks, satanic credentials are not one of them.
But it is, though.
Jesus has cleansed me of the infernal liquid candy eternally. I only pray that it won't tempt me anymore.
Jesus has cleansed me of the infernal liquid candy eternally. I only pray that it won't tempt me anymore.
This is the kind of person who wants to believe something is Satanic so she can feel good about herself.
Jesus... Doesn't she realize that you can't have BASIC MATHS if you stay away from 666?
Jesus... Doesn't she realize that you can't have BASIC MATHS if you stay away from 666?
Sooo.. A devil in a can? Or what the fuck did she want to say there? I'm lost on the message she wanted to convey and i can't be bothered to rewatch it. Luckily i don't drink the devils poison so my soul should be fine, then again if someone would bother to analyze tap water hard enough they would probably find out that it's actually Satan's piss.
I tried Monster once and I'm inclined to agree. That stuff is rank. By far the worst tasting energy drink.
Ahem, step aside for some real science.Jiggle Counter said:
Black is the traditional colour of evil and by association, the devil/Satan. As evidence, satanic rituals require black candles[footnote]ref. me, of the top of my head[/footnote]; the Black House, which was used by the Church of Satan[footnote]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_House_%28Church_of_Satan%29[/footnote]; and his unholy name is praised by notable metal bands[footnote]"Rock has always been THE DEVIL'S MUSIC . . . I believe rock and roll is dangerous . . . I feel we're only heralding SOMETHING EVEN DARKER THAN OURSELVES.", David Bowie, Rolling Stone, Feb. 12, 1976[footnote]ref. http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/Rock-n-Roll/satanic_quotes.htm [/footnote] [/footnote], for example Black Sabbath and Metallica's Black Album.
Furthermore, the the devil's nicknames include "Power of darkness"[footnote]"He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love,
in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins." Colossians 1:13, 14[/footnote] and "Prince of darkness"[footnote]Bernard of Clairvaux, "Sermones in Cantica canticorum", Europe: some press, the 12th Century[/footnote] again linking him to black in the form of the night. But moreover, it reveals another link - according to a study, energy links are mostly consumed at night[footnote]ref. me and my observations during Uni. They seemed really popular when going out. Also, for studying[footnote]Actually, Monster is the energy drink I liked the most for that. Probably because it didn't taste cheap. But on the other hand, I could get a four pack of generic store brand energy drinks for the price of one can on Monster, so I mostly went for that.[footnote]In retrospect, I should have just went for a big bag of coffee. Those things tasted vile when I got to the second or third can[/footnote][/footnote], as you couldn't get a good coffee on campus after ~6-ish in the evening.[/footnote] thus reaffirming Satan's association with the Monster drink.
As for the green colour - there is a lot most people could miss. But luckily, I am not most people. First of all, green is associated with envy, which is a cardinal sin[footnote]http://www.deadlysins.com/sins/envy.html[/footnote]. Second, green is also associated with money, mostly in the form of US dollars, but at any rate, money is the root of all evil[footnote]http://becoaching.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/money-root-of-all-evil.jpg[/footnote]. Furthermore, green can again be linked directly to Satan, as he is also known as "the serpent" and most snakes are green[footnote]ref. me, most of the snakes I've seen have been green. I've not checked what the wider case is.[/footnote]. Moreover, the type of green is clearly reminiscent of "balefire", also known as "hellfire", which comes from hell and is described as "It appears in malignant, green" and "sickly, green flame"[footnote]White Wolf Game Studio, "Guide to the Sabbat", Clarkston, Georgia, United States: White Wolf Publishing, 1999, p. 99[/footnote]. In addition, the particular type of green, the "lime green", used in the logo is, also has a well established history with evil[footnote]http://iwastesomuchtime.com/on/?i=93581[/footnote].
There. I think my analysis is sufficient to show you clearly lack scientific rigour in your approach.
Actually, it's more of an 'n' with a line. So I guess the symbol is actually nI, or perhaps it should be spelled "Ni" [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_who_say_Ni].EHKOS said:
With that said, though, I'm currently drinking Monster and can confirm that Satan is indeed summoned when drinking it. He's really cool guy, though. We're currently discussing how to get rich off of a boxing match, and his plan is absolute genius!
