In my family I'm known as the queen of klutz. I have injured myself in so many ways that I'm practically the living embodiment of "The Simpsons already did it" of injuries. Having hurt my back while gently mopping yesterday to a point I can barely walk or sit up straight I figured I'd ask everyone, what is the worst or most moronic way you've injured yourself? I'll list a few of my klutzoid gems.
A fork was stuck in the corner of the drawer so I kept yanking on it until it popped out... and went straight into my eye. Luckily I didn't lose my vision completely(but that eye is weaker now). I was 6.
A couple weeks after that healed I was running after my brother in circles around the car in the garage and we were jumping over a tree branch we pulled into the garage. I managed to trip and skin both elbows and both knees so bad that trying to move for the next week or two hurt like hell because the scabs would open up and bleed.
Tried dancing while on roller skates(stupid since I know I'm not coordinated). Fell on my knee. It took me an hour to realize something was wrong. Went to the restroom because I thought my knee was bleeding due to a strange warm sensation in my knee. But my pant leg wouldn't budge. Turns out I was as close as you can come to breaking a bone without actually doing so. My whole knee was swollen too much to remove my damn pants. I didn't start feeling the pain until my friends drove me the half hour home. By then I was in absolute agony.
I slipped on a pillow and landed on it with my elbow. Jammed it and had to wear a sling for about two weeks.
Here's the doozy. I was a brides maid at my sister's wedding. At the reception I took off my high heels because they were KILLING ME and I was NOT used to wearing them(huge tomboy. When I went to go back to my seat at the wedding party table to put the shoes on my chair I didn't see that the air conditioner was leaking and managed to slip and fall in the puddle it created. As I fell my arm draped over the back of a chair and I came down HARD. This forced my arm up and over my head at high speed, which created tiny fractures throughout my rotators cuff(so small they didn't even see it in the xrays or cat scans). Exploratory surgery two years later finally revealed I had teeny tiny pieces of bone imbedding in the surrounding muscle, which is why I was in so much agony for years after the accident(still am admittedly). Sister claimed I ruined her wedding, family dubbed me the biggest klutz ever, and I won a lawsuit cuz that shit really truly was NOT my fault.
And recently I had surgery to remove my gallbladder so I was hopped up on pain medicine. Went to put my shirt on quickly and managed to jab myself in the eye with my thumb. WORST PAIN EVER and I've given birth. They described it like having a flap of skin because I managed to slice myself in such a way that it was clearly visible without them even having to do much else other than shine a light in my eye.
Can anyone top me? I have more stories though. lol
A fork was stuck in the corner of the drawer so I kept yanking on it until it popped out... and went straight into my eye. Luckily I didn't lose my vision completely(but that eye is weaker now). I was 6.
A couple weeks after that healed I was running after my brother in circles around the car in the garage and we were jumping over a tree branch we pulled into the garage. I managed to trip and skin both elbows and both knees so bad that trying to move for the next week or two hurt like hell because the scabs would open up and bleed.
Tried dancing while on roller skates(stupid since I know I'm not coordinated). Fell on my knee. It took me an hour to realize something was wrong. Went to the restroom because I thought my knee was bleeding due to a strange warm sensation in my knee. But my pant leg wouldn't budge. Turns out I was as close as you can come to breaking a bone without actually doing so. My whole knee was swollen too much to remove my damn pants. I didn't start feeling the pain until my friends drove me the half hour home. By then I was in absolute agony.
I slipped on a pillow and landed on it with my elbow. Jammed it and had to wear a sling for about two weeks.
Here's the doozy. I was a brides maid at my sister's wedding. At the reception I took off my high heels because they were KILLING ME and I was NOT used to wearing them(huge tomboy. When I went to go back to my seat at the wedding party table to put the shoes on my chair I didn't see that the air conditioner was leaking and managed to slip and fall in the puddle it created. As I fell my arm draped over the back of a chair and I came down HARD. This forced my arm up and over my head at high speed, which created tiny fractures throughout my rotators cuff(so small they didn't even see it in the xrays or cat scans). Exploratory surgery two years later finally revealed I had teeny tiny pieces of bone imbedding in the surrounding muscle, which is why I was in so much agony for years after the accident(still am admittedly). Sister claimed I ruined her wedding, family dubbed me the biggest klutz ever, and I won a lawsuit cuz that shit really truly was NOT my fault.
And recently I had surgery to remove my gallbladder so I was hopped up on pain medicine. Went to put my shirt on quickly and managed to jab myself in the eye with my thumb. WORST PAIN EVER and I've given birth. They described it like having a flap of skin because I managed to slice myself in such a way that it was clearly visible without them even having to do much else other than shine a light in my eye.
Can anyone top me? I have more stories though. lol