My Ex-Girlfriend is making me sick... physically, need help.

[Hiraeth]

Just wanted to add, the thread title made me think she was poisoning you. I'm somewhat relieved this is not the case.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

Yes, I know I'm not adding much to this thread, but just another agreement, I can't see any way this relationship can aid you in any way at all, and a lot of ways it can make your life worse.

She might say and even feel that she needs you, but she has a husband, I'm sure she has other friends she can lean on, and in the end you need to put yourself first, and you're damaging yourself to aid her when others can do that without the fallout.

I'd say it's time to gently let her know that of course you still care about her as a person, but you need to draw a line under things and move on.

 

[PayneTrayne]

I felt the exact same way about my ex, then I realized what I had wasn't love, but lust. Now unfortunately it sounds like you got yourself an authentic attachment which is hard to get over. Just have to try and find yourself another person who wants to make you a priority.

I found that girl, loved her for some time, but then I was brushed off and crushed and have been doing alot of soul searching. Get back on the saddle, but be careful which beauty you mount cause she might just buck you right the fuck off again, ol' bean.

 

[Eponet]

Ask for payment, not necessarily a lot, but just a token sum. It's so much easier when you keep things professional.

 

[Raesvelg]

Explain the situation to her, and do your best to move on. That's really all you can do.

 

[CobraX]

Move On.

 

[Mr.Pandah]

Gotta move on man. If shes married(although at that early of an age, it seems...odd in this day and age), shes over you. I'm going through a similar patch, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me and began dating another guy the week of/after she did so. I'm still trying to get over it, and even though she was a ***** obviously, I can't figure out why I still have so many feelings for her.

 

[Wolfram23]

I'm on the "stop all communications" bandwagon here. Seriously, the first girl I was totally crazy about ended things suddenly and was with another guy... I had quite similar feelings where it literally ached. Took several months to feel mostly over her, but one day I saw her and it was just like a punch to the stomach. Anyway, eventually I started to meet other girls, started dating one who I worked with at the time and never thought about the first girl again... much later on (like a year or two) I met her and it was pretty casual so I guess what I'm trying to say is, get out and talk to other girls and stop talking to her, get rid of things that remind you of her, and just get over her! You have to or else you'll have a really shitty time for a lot longer.

 

[Paksenarrion]

I'm going to tell you what I believe you want to hear:

Your problem? You're nice. You're a pacifist. You're letting her walk all over you. She has you wrapped around her little finger, and she knows it. She knows you still love her.

You have to do something about that.

You think that being kind and gentle and keeping the peace between you two will help you get over her?

Peace is a Lie; there is only Passion. (You still Love her. You know this to be True.)
Through Passion, I gain Strength. (Turn your Love into Bitterness, then Hate. Instead of becoming weak at the Sight of Her, you will be filled with Unbridled Hate.)
Through Strength, I gain Power. (Once you turn your Love into Hate, she will no longer control you. Let the Hate flow through you.)
Through Power, I gain Victory. (Look deep inside yourself. All women flock to Strong Men. Your Personal Victories are the Measure of your Strength.)
Through Victory, my Chains are Broken. (Once she has seen that you no longer need her, that you have Surpassed her, she will Regret what she has done to you.)

 

[alexdulcianu]

Imagine her as your mom. Sure, you love your mom, but you wouldn't have sex or get married with her, would you?


LE: Any close female relative will do, actually. Cousin, sister, aunt, it's all good. The idea is to make you exclude the possibility of a romance, yet keep your love for her.

 

[thirion1850]

Let me set the scenario: When I was 13, I met my first girlfriend, and for a time, it was good. Five years later, having experienced many things (first kiss, similar family issues, even losing our virginites to one another), a situation came up and needless to say, we broke up.

It's been two long years, and now she's married, and I'm just adjusting to the idea of even thinking about girls again. Within those two years, I've spoke to her about six times. I can't get over her, even those she has gotten over me (At least that's what she says).

Of course, she was my first, and everytime I saw her in public, my stomach would ache, but if she spoke to me, even for a second, I'd melt like butter, even if it ended that I stew in my self hatred (I have self esteem issues). As far as it goes, I listen to love songs a lot more often and I'm a bitter bastard at everything, mostly.

Well, the last time my Ex spoke to me was a few months ago, and that was for about 15 minutes. Coming to recent times, she called my cell phone telling me that she was thinking of starting up college and wanted some help with classes.

Having not heard her voice for months, and slowly trying to get over her, my stomach feels like it did when I had an ulcer, I was shaking (like when you come down really sick), and I'm melancholy, to say the least.

Here is my issue: I'm a nice guy, if you insult me, I'd probably laugh, and if you maliciously attack me, I'll pretty much do nothing. When we broke up, I went on Myspace and told everybody that any plans to get married (in 2010) was called off, and that even though I was upset with her, I told everybody not to insult her; if they were my friends, they wouldn't. So far, they haven't (to my knowledge).

To my dilemma: What do I do? Everytime I think of her or talk to her, I get physically sick (I almost threw up this afternoon) and I become an A-hole, but I still love her and I don't want to be rude to her.

Can anyone suggest ideas for me on how to handle this, or maybe it might be a good time to vent about your ex, I just need some help, you are my family (I'd call you guys family, you all are more than just friends to me), can anyone help me?

Love is a very touchy thing. It can be the most beautiful thing in the world the first moment, and rip you to shred the next - that is, if it's actually love.

My suggestion is to not help her. Ignore her. Forget her. Let her go. And I mean - seriously, let her go. Delete everything. Her emails, her texts, her phone numbers. Tear your self until there is nothing of her left in you. Hate her, make her seem like the worst person in the damn universe.
Or don't. That is, if you don't, at one point you'll reach a block where you simply can't move forward. Probably like, say, now. A block where you'll find your self unable to function without her presence - and what do you know? You will find her in another man's arms. And -daily- you will swallow it. And she -will- tell you all about it, too.
That point is where you will realize, that you're reaching something often hyper-realized. Something that many exclaim is for pussies that need to man up. Like, say, possibly now.

A wise person said that there is always a bit of insanity in love, and reason in insanity. Don't embrace yours - just let go.
It'll be hella hard, oh yeah. No one ever said that being love sick is easy to just toss down the drain - even for a guy - but in the end, life will go better.

Now do it, Cassanova.

 

[Serving UpSmiles]

If south park hasn't taught me anything, its that the first love isn't the last. Forget about her mate, it will be healthier for both of you.

 

[Shrifes]

I can say from experience that there is only one option here: cut her out of your life completely. Don't talk to her, call her, text her, nothing. If she asks why, tell her why (the truth). If she weren't married I'd tell you to go with your gut as to whether you could get back together or not.

Since she is married, the best (and I use the word "best" relatively speaking) that could come of staying in contact with her, especially helping with homework and such one on one, is that you "get back together" on the side, so to speak, and you end up in a drama-filled mess. I don't care if you think you have better morals than to do such a thing, it only takes one moment for things to go down that particular road (experience speaking again). The worst that could happen, of course, is that you stay in contact and feel like shit while she's oblivious to it all.

I should also add as an aside that it is fairly inappropriate for her to ask an ex-boyfriend for help with college classes, which implies alone time (correct me if I'm wrong), being married. As a poster above said, what prevents her husband from helping her, or her female friends, or her other male friends she wasn't involved with for five years? Why you? Sounds like manipulation to me.

I really hate to make a post like this because its pretty well useless but, what he said. Seriously I couldn't come up with anything better.

Also, the sickness is a sign of severe anxiety. My ex suffers from it in the same way.(I honestly made this post just to inform you of this in case you didn't already know but you probably did.)

 

[clockout]

You and your time with her is in the past, live in the fucking now. Become 3 times the man you were when you were with her.

 

[Exile714]

One thing you should remember is that the girl in your mind isn't the girl who exists in real life. We have a tendency to build people up in our heads, make them into something ideal, which they most certainly are not.

You need to get over the perfect girl in your head. The girl who you dated and is now married is not the same person. The person you have feelings for does not exist. Or maybe she does, but she's not the person you're thinking about.

Focus on the things that made her annoying, intolerable or infuriating. If you can't think of anything, then you definitely didn't know her enough to be feelings this way. All people have problems, nobody is perfect. But there is someone out there who is better, and you're not going to find her if your perfect imaginary girl is represented in your mind by an unobtainable girl who has no interest in you.

Source: her name was Kristen. And now I am happily married and I can laugh at how I idealized her, ignored her faults and outright made up things about her personality that did not exist. Oh, and my stomach still flips a little when I talk to her, that's why I rarely speak to her anymore.

 

[Imp Poster]

I can understand you are having a tough time getting over this because maybe this is your first love and maybe even one of the great ones in your life. But if you want your life back, you will need to find love of yourself. Basically, something about/in your life (preferably not another person) you love. Hopefully, you can move on from there and it grows bigger than the love you have with her.

I been there, done that. All I can say is, thank god, I love surfing/snowboarding. Kept my mind off alot of things.

 

[God's Clown]

Life is too short to bother with a person who doesn't love you back, or anymore. Move on, find yourself someone that has mutual feelings, and your love for the x-gf will slowly go away.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Well I can't say i relate, because once there's a breakup I see what my life is like when I'm single and remember how great it is to be independent. For example, let's say your two favorite foods are pizza and steak. After eating nothing but steak for 3 months, switching back to pizza is refreshing as hell for a while, until you start getting tired of that and need some steak again, but I digress.

If you can't learn to enjoy the single life, just find another girl. Even though you think you miss this girl in particular, you really don't. You just miss having a girlfriend in general. Once another one is occupying that space, you should stop caring about the first one. If neither one of those are an option, you just kind of have to move on on your own. The only obstacle right now is that she's still talking to you. If you don't think you can handle talking to her without feeling like shit, go cold to her man. "Help with classes? Eh, I'm kind of busy, can't you find someone else?" or just don't ever answer her calls. Then you'll get to hit that ignore button and feel cool, because then you'll come off like you're totally over her and she'll come off like she hasn't moved on. Eventually she'll get the point and leave you alone, and you won't fucking care.

Then you'll give me a bunch of money in gratitude, and I'll live happily ever after.

 

[Aeterna]

I know a girl who i feel the same about man, was best friends with her for years. my stomach twists everytime i see her with her current bf, and I'd say breaking all communication would be the best solution, I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Good luck with it whatever you do man