My Girlfriend Cheated on Me

[Kimetz]

I have yet to speak to a single damn person who will admit that they are currently in their stupid immature faze. And yet there is no doubt that people have stupid and immature phases. How can it be that everyone has these phases, but no one seems to believe that they are currently in one themselves? If a person realized that they were acting immature, do you think they would continue to act that way? Probably not.

Perspective means taking a step back, so let me say this. At the age of 19 spending $2000 on a girl you've dated for three months is not normal and not healthy. Granted, part of that is because most 19 year olds don't have $2000 worth of disposable income (except the ones that are stupid enough to rack up an enormous amount of credit card debt, and while I hate to break it to you, if that sounds like you, then you are not out of your stupid and immature faze. In fact, you've ratcheted it up to a whole other level, because that shit may very well follow you for the rest of your life. For most people $2000 is a lot of money... A LOT OF GOD DAMNED MONEY. Seriously, do you know how much better most people could make their lives with just $500 to throw around? (assuming they used it right) Not to speak of four times that much.)

Second, she may not act like or think of herself as a "material girl," but most people would feel uncomfortable accepting that much from a relationship so young. Strike that, most mature people would feel uncomfortable accepting that much from a relationship that young. Hell, just today I checked some lady out, she had cancer and obviously was not well off, and when she went to pay she couldn't afford all of her groceries. The people in line behind her, who were obviously pretty damn well off, stepped up and paid for her, even though she begged them not to. If a cancer victim whose funds have probably been eaten up by medical bills and who is obviously down on her luck can beg someone to not give them $40, then the fact that your girlfriend (who I assume is well off and capable of taking care of herself) would accept $2000 worth of gifts speaks fucking volumes.

People are incredibly good at performing the mental gymnastics necessary to validate the choices they made to benefit themselves. You "want" to spend $2000 on this girl because you think it'll help you find love. And I'd bet my whole fucking bank account (which you'd better believe isn't even close to $2000, but is still enough for me to get by) that she has convinced herself that she accepted those gifts because she loved you. But I'll tell you this, very few people really understand themselves (myself included), they don't really know how they feel, they don't really know who they are, and they don't really know what the hell they're doing. And that's especially god damned true when you're 19.

I'll give you the same advice (though I'd also bet my whole bank account that you wouldn't listen to it), which is to have some perspective. Just take a step back and think about all the relationships that fail. You're hardly the first person to spend exorbitant amounts on girls that they should not have spent near that much on. And you sure as fuck won't be the last. No one thinks that they're going to be that person. And yet we all know people who are. How do you know that you're not that person? Someone has to be. The fact of the matter is that if I'm right you probably won't listen to me to start with, my words will fall on deaf ears, and you'll do what you want anyways.

That, I'm afraid, is life. A whole mess of shit you really can't do too much about, despite your best intentions. So you know what. I hope that I'm wrong here (it wouldn't be the first time). But I wouldn't bet my bank on that.

Listen to this man.

 

[ace_of_something]

I found out this morning, from my girlfriend, that last night she let another guy kiss her.

Think of it this way dating is a test. You're testing to see if this is a person you want to go to whatever the next step of relationships are if they pass. She cheated on the test. What happens when you cheat on a test in school?

Hate to say this but 'talk to her' or 'forgive and forget' naw. Fuck that.
In 31 years of life I'm proud to say I've never so much as held another woman's hand when I've been in a relationship.
Of all the women I've dated I've only had 3 (that I know of) cheat on me in some way shape or form. One case was the innocuous 'just a kiss' in all instances exclusivity was either explicitly stated or very obviously implied. Ya know what I did?

I dumped her unfaithful ass. Because if a person can't control themselves enough to say 'no' to something like that they do not have the moral fortitude i expect in a potential mate.
Cheating makes no sense to me at all. If you prefer this other person why not then leave the person your with first? Maybe I can't wrap my mind around it because I'm lawful good.

Life's short, there are other more mature women, better women, tell her to take a hike.

I'm not even going to touch $2000 in 3 months. I don't think I spent that much money in the first year of dating the woman who is my wife.

 

[Kyle Roberts]

I know who it feels my girlfreind cheated on me.......... 3 times XD but it dosn't matter she then my latest one kissed someone else and dumped me for my best freind.


Im just going from experiance to say im not good at stuff like this.

 

[RaNDM G]

I'll give you the same advice (though I'd also bet my whole bank account that you wouldn't listen to it), which is to have some perspective. Just take a step back and think about all the relationships that fail. You're hardly the first person to spend exorbitant amounts on girls that they should not have spent near that much on. And you sure as fuck won't be the last. No one thinks that they're going to be that person. And yet we all know people who are. How do you know that you're not that person? Someone has to be. The fact of the matter is that if I'm right you probably won't listen to me to start with, my words will fall on deaf ears, and you'll do what you want anyways.

This guy is making all kinds of sense.

 

[Austin Ashe]

That, I'm afraid, is life. A whole mess of shit you really can't do too much about, despite your best intentions. So you know what. I hope that I'm wrong here (it wouldn't be the first time). But I wouldn't bet my bank on that.

Oh this. So much this. You being a great boyfriend does NOT mean that she's going to be a great girlfriend in return. You make your choices and she makes hers, and it's the interaction between the both of you that define what your relationship is and isn't. It's not your fault if the relationship fails because of her cheating, and you are not obligated to give her everything she wants.

And honestly, if it bothers you, then she probably isn't right for you. Some people might be calling you childish for being bothered by it, but I disagree. If you don't go around kissing other girls, then her not kissing other boys shouldn't be too much to ask for. Some people may not like or be into monogamous relationships, but some people most certainly are, and no one else has the right to define YOUR desires for you.

 

[ace_of_something]

*snip*

Everything this man says is truth.
I built another bathroom onto my house for around $2,100 and I paid someone to put all the plumbing and electrical work in.
Or think of it in gaming terms that's like 32 brand new console released.

You could've bought 32 video games! With tax!

 

[joystickjunki3]

Its nice to see some people telling me I should get back with her.

It doesn't sound like you wanted advice. It sounds more like you wanted your decision to be reaffirmed.

I know you've probably already made up your mind completely, but think about everything that's been said here (especially Kpt. Rob); is 3 months and $2 grand really worth sinking more into if it's probably all an uphill struggle from here on out?

On that note, good luck (you're going to need it) and I hope that whatever decision you make is the one that's right for you.

 

[ChildofGallifrey]

-All to familiar heartbreak story-

Alright mate, I'm going to be brutally honest with you, which you may not like, but I know how it feels to be in your shoes.

I went through something similar with my 'big ex', if you get me. I found her talking dirty to my cousin, who at the time was my best friend in the world. That's all. She didn't kiss him, she didn't sleep with him, nothing physical at all. She didn't even get guilty and confess; she had been acting weird for a few days, and then I got a tip from one of her friends to check out her Myspace (this was a few years ago when Myspace actually mattered). It completely ruined my trust in her. We stayed together for 8 months after that, but I could never really trust her again.

Over those 8 months, because of the broken trust, I would fly into unparallelled (and very uncharacteristic) fits of rage, jealousy, and overall would become a massive **** at the slightest provocation. And this is coming from a person who is regularly described as "the sweetest guy in the world" by a large number of females. Believe me, friend, you DO NOT want to go down that road, nor do I want to see anybody else have to.

You even sound a lot like me, Rem. It's a little eerie. Pay for everything, drive out of your way to her, friends love you, the whole 9. I don't want you to go through all that crap I did, because my mistrust turned me into someone that I hate. It didn't stop there either; the crap carried on to my next relationship and thoroughly ruined that one too. I was the complete embodiment of everything that I never wanted to be. I get genuinely sick to my stomach when I think back on it.

It's easier to swim out of the bottom of the Mariana Trench with lead shoes than mend broken trust. If you have that little niggling voice in the back of your mind telling you 'what if', then it's probably too late.

I'm sorry mate. From the bottom of my heart, I really am. But I think you should let this one go.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

From what you describe it doesn't sound like a very good relationship to begin with. The positive points you mentioned all involved you doing stuff for her. As other people have said, it really comes across as if you've put her on a pedastal, describing her as perfect and what not.

Just because you do everything for her doesn't really make you a great boyfriend. Especially if you're doing it simply to look like a great boyfriend. If "I spoon her every night and buy her lots of things" are really the best reasons you can come up with why she shouldn't cheat on you, you might need to take another look at the whole situation.

 

[Aethren]

Easy, kiss him too. Then you'll be on even terms. And/or have her start paying for shit once in awhile. Keep paying for everything and your connection will feel very one-sided, as it is right now since you're needing answers like this. Paying for everything and doing all that crap doesn't make someone a good boyfriend, just a handy wallet and a free car ride.

 

[Zorak the Mantis]

Dump that *****.

Even if it was just a kiss, it was a stupid decision. That means she is prone to more.

TRUST ME.

This. Don't be naive. You may think she is great, but there are always other girls out there, ones that wont cheat on you too.

I was stupid enough to forgive an ex for cheating on me once, and it wasn't just a kiss. When she did it a second time I got wise and sent her packing. At least she had the courage to tell me in person.

 

[HandsomeZer0]

If you did everything for her and she still screwed you over, i'd say dump her and move on.
For someone who treats her well to still mess you around, its not worth it.
You deserve better then that. Good luck with your decision though.

 

[Grabbin Keelz]

She told me specifically that she can't be his friend because she would date him if I wasn't her boyfriend and that she wanted the kiss.

Methinks you are overreacting. And I will prove it with a story.

So I'm friends with a girl whom I love. She told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend then she would totally be with me all the way. One time we all spent a night at a hotel. I'm not sure how it got to this but I asked and her boyfriend said it was ok for me to cuddle with her while he was in the shower. We weren't naked or anything, although we were in our underwear. Regardless she said there was no way that she would ever cheat on him no matter how much she liked me. Not only that, but the fact that her boyfriend trusted her with me made her love him all the more. They really seem happy together, and that makes me happy.
Point is, she was honest with you about the kiss, getting pissed off about it will give her even more reason to cheat on you.

 

[DarkRyter]

Secretly befriend the "other man", making sure he never finds out your true identity.

Then, reveal it, and force him to choose your friendship over her.

Run off into the horizon with your new bro off to parts unknown, leaving the cheater behind forever.

 

[VanTesla]

I don't know all the detail or the full personality of you both, but by what you have written it seems she is hinting that she is not a person to commit to. Your young probably, you have a whole life to find some one that would not consider such things, maybe in a few years you may even meet her again and she changed for the better.

 

[open trap]

Basically the same thing happened to my ex, except she innitiated the kiss and it was a friend of mine. Dumping her was the best thing i ever did. My current girlfriend is the most amazing person in the world and the way i feel towards her is not like i have ever felt towards another person. But things may be different for you, i do not know. Good luck though

 

[joystickjunki3]

She told me specifically that she can't be his friend because she would date him if I wasn't her boyfriend and that she wanted the kiss.

Methinks you are overreacting. And I will prove it with a story.

So I'm friends with a girl whom I love. She told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend then she would totally be with me all the way. One time we all spent a night at a hotel. I'm not sure how it got to this but I asked and her boyfriend said it was ok for me to cuddle with her while he was in the shower. We weren't naked or anything, although we were in our underwear. Regardless she said there was no way that she would ever cheat on him no matter how much she liked me. Not only that, but the fact that her boyfriend trusted her with me made her love him all the more. They really seem happy together, and that makes me happy.
Point is, she was honest with you about the kiss, getting pissed off about it will give her even more reason to cheat on you.

No offense, but that sounds like a messed up situation.

I know I would never give some guy (especially some guy who openly professes love for her) permission to cuddle with my girlfriend in just her underwear, and I trust her very much. I know what you might be getting at here, even if I do disagree, but your story doesn't really seem to apply to the OP's situation.

 

[Sansha]

End it.

Every time I've been cheated on, I completely slice all ties and contact to that person, and generally act like they never existed. Cheating, even so much as a kiss, is never excusable or forgivable, and I don't allow them a second opportunity.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

Methinks you are overreacting. And I will prove it with a story.

So I'm friends with a girl whom I love. She told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend then she would totally be with me all the way. One time we all spent a night at a hotel. I'm not sure how it got to this but I asked and her boyfriend said it was ok for me to cuddle with her while he was in the shower. We weren't naked or anything, although we were in our underwear. Regardless she said there was no way that she would ever cheat on him no matter how much she liked me. Not only that, but the fact that her boyfriend trusted her with me made her love him all the more. They really seem happy together, and that makes me happy.
Point is, she was honest with you about the kiss, getting pissed off about it will give her even more reason to cheat on you.

.. *Blinks* .. What? .. I really have no idea how that's okay. To cuddle with that girl in just underwear while her boyfriend was in the shower, and he was okay with it? What was the point in all of that..? Such a complicating relationship I guess.. ..*shrug*.

I may trust my girlfriend, but to have some dude cuddle with her in just underwear while I took a shower would Not be OKAY. I mean.. why? That's just.. I can't even describe how wrong yet off that is. No offense to you.. just, I don't know any guy willing to do that or why. Sounds so messed up yet it's not 'a bad act' of any sort.

I agree. If you start letting your partner do things like that with another person, what is the point of the relationship in the first place? I'm having a hard time believing that story anyway; even if it is true, it is definitely a rare exception. Still, in my opinion, anyone who says "if I wasn't already in a relationship, I'd be with you" is scum who doesn't deserve anyone.

 

[brinvixen]

I did nothing wrong. I've blown about $2000 on her the last 3 months, I drive her every where. She spent the last week at my place, went home for work and let the guy that gave her a lift home after work a kiss because she wanted it.

While I'm not a fan of phrases of "I did nothing wrong" (because if you were doing everything "right" she wouldn't have been led astray by this random guy, but I digress....) you do seem like a very nice guy. Certainly the kind of guy that is willing to put in the necessary effort into a relationship. So in that sense, I understand your feelings of being slighted.

Also, if it wasn't for me she would date him but she wants me...

Here's the part that really upsets me. As a girl myself, I know what its like to think another guy is cute, and even be very physically attracted to him while dating someone else. But if I was truly committed to someone, this other person -- as hot as they may be, or as much as they make my body tingle -- they would mean nothing next to the guy that I'm with. So for her to say that she's considering this other guy, she can't be friends with him because of her feelings, and you just "happen" to be the guy she's with right now is a real stab. She's not worth it. Not even because she cheated on you. It's because she's not as committed to you as you are to her. If you're willing to spend all that time and effort (and money) on her, it must mean you care about her. If she's willing to kiss a guy because she WANTED it to happen, despite the feelings you've shown that you have for her, it must me she doesn't care as much as you do. You don't need to be in a one-sided relationship. You'll just end up feeling used and betrayed in the long run. Leave her, and find someone whose ready to care for you the way you care for them.

EDIT: Kpt. Rob's comments make a lot of sense. I would quote him, but he must feel that he's been quoted enough. But seriously. He doesn't just have a point: he makes a lot of sense as well.