My life is too mundane and lonely (time to vent!)

[BackgroundCharacter]

What about clubs at your college?

I don't meet any social niches, so clubs are hard for me. I tried joining the anime club once, but the people there were too... nerdy for me. I couldn't identify with them even if I tried. They were into tabletop RPGs like Dungeons and Dragons, pokemon, and paper and pen RPGs and didn't seem to talk about anime that much. They also didn't seem to hold very many of the same interests as me, so I lost the motivation to return.

I keep looking through my college's directory for an "art club" or something similar, but I keep coming up short. Surprisingly, there doesn't seem to be anything there.

There's no video game club. I checked.

When I get into my more specific interests, well of course those don't have clubs.

What else is there?

Ohh and as for the whole furry thing - well what's stopping you to just sign up on FA and looking into the IRC or the forum?

Well, it's simple. I don't like furry characters. I find most of them unstylish. I don't like the fandom. I specifically like kemonomimi characters and nothing more.

Plus, there is also this bloody forum here as an interesting past-time for discussing stuff and meeting people that you can always use. In general: if you want to find people that share your interest - make an effort. You rarely get stuff served on a silver plate.

Heh, well I do post here. Kind of often, actually, although I've never been known on this site. This is my second account where I can discuss things like this without anyone googling my name later and worrying about me. I don't like when people worry about me or think I'm depressed.

Having an account that I can use to fully discuss the things that bother me gives me some freedom.

Then point number two: even if you do make that effort you might want to set your expectations right. You aren't solely what you wear and what you think you are born as - you are at least equally what you do. And denying this dimension - even implicitly - will earn you scorn. I wouldn't be surprised if for every person that comments on how cute your cat-ears are at least two will roll their eyes and think of you as obnoxious and/or out to get attention. There is a thin line to be tread between obnoxiousness and expressing ones interest. You might want to reassess your attitudes in that regard - are the cat ears really that important to you that you'd risk that?

The me before wearing cat ears may have agreed with you there. I actually used to be quite timid. but now I'm sure that living life in fear of what might happen is a waste. Living in fear of what people might think of you is also a waste. I'm not afraid that the people who give me positive comments are actually laughing about me behind my back anymore. My self-esteem is high enough for me to not have those thoughts anymore. I was actually taught that by a friend, but he's moved away now. He was one of a kind.

Wouldn't, say, a more benign way of showing what you like be not only more useful in getting more in touch with people but be equally as effective as a way to relay your interest.

I don't wear ears for attention or to relay my interests. I wear them because they're fun. They're for my entertainment. I want to see how well I can pull them off and from what I can tell and what people have told me, I've done a pretty nice job. To stop something so harmless just because I'm afraid of what people may think would be kind of an injustice, wouldn't it?

MonkeyShone has already brought up an example where he only encountered that stuff and I concur in that regard - never saw anybody wearing it except to garner attention which in general not well seen. Furthermore in a reiteration of the first point, but also to strengthen this one: why not work more with your hobby of drawing or "Art" (as I could gather from your post) instead of your general appearance? Art is art - there are bound to be people equally into the artsy side of thingsas you are. Hell, if you already consider your clothing to be artsy you might also consider to go all in with some cosplay groups or so, there are bound to be people around. Just don't expect to be solely someone just because you look funny but because you invest in it from a more productive point of view and don't just restrict yourself to that one thing that makes you, well, you. Humans are generally far more than their parts.

Friends who enjoy drawing as much as I do would be nice. I don't even have that right now.

But as I mentioned earlier, I thought of that. Turns out, there is no art club and I'm not taking any art classes. My best bet would be to just hang around the art building in my down time, but I don't see that working very well.

And, finally, the third thing: the will. You see, there are always two ways to seeing new things - as an opportunity or a burden. I'd suggest to not take the mundane as "mundane" anymore. Think back on why you studied Computer Science - I can't believe that was merely a monetary or involuntary decision - not from someone who would go out of his wear cat ears in public. You wanted to do something with it, you wanted to know how it works and what you could do with it, right? So when did that spark of interest that drove you to it vanish?

Oh, I do actually do computer science things. I joined this field because I wanted to be a video game developer. College tends to take up all my time, though, so I couldn't take on any huge projects like making an entire game myself, at least not yet. What I have been doing is making mods for other games, which is fun, but ? you guessed it ? none of my friends care. They'll say "It's cool that you can make it work like that" but it's not like they even play the games that I've modded.

Actually now that I've written this out, my situation seems even more boring and mundane than before.

College itself is the mundane, boring, and underwhelming part. Millions of times my councelors and parents have told me ?it gets better. It get more interesting. Don't worry?.

It hasn't. From the time I started 5 years ago until now, it's bored me to tears. I haven't been interested in any of it from the first year on. I'm happy with the set of skills I've acquired, but the part where I'm actually learning it is incredibly boring. I guess when it comes down to it, I have a passion for video game dev, but not computer science. I'm very happy to almost be a graduate so I never have to return to something that bored me so consistently for so much of my life.

Even mundane things are highly interesting and highly complex - I mean go out and look at the fucking sky. Isn't it so grand and mysterious?

The sky... Probably isn't so mundane. I love how it turns fuchsia on just the right day at the right time. Wouldn't it be great if we could fly? With jetpacks or personal jets or whatever? Wouldn't it be great if I had enough money for that to be an opportunity for me every day, instead of just sitting down and entertaining myself with my ?weird? interests?

How could have forgotten that? And the cool thing is, the sky is a comparably easy phenomenon - people ain't. People are unbelievably complex with so many different attitudes and experiences to share, from that vacation in Tunesia to the subject of research one does for his thesis to the favourite of beer.

I can believe it. People are very complex, I understand that. It's just a shame that I'm so out of touch with people, just because of chance and the way I was raised.

People generally don't care for my complexities. One of the people I consider one of my best friends said some time ago that he has been hanging out with another person that we know because she's interesting and she "doesn't talk about video games" and that it's a nice "change of pace".

What he doesn't understand is that I do talk about things, or at least I try to. I've never wanted to be the ?video game friend?.

It's just that he and none of the other people in that group of friends is interested.

Since when is mundane stuff automatically boring? It depends on the way you look at it and if we are really honest even the most dire and greyish looking thing might be interesting if you are open minded enough and look at it a little bit more carefully. Example time! Some three years ago a friend of mine brought up the idea to watch the local icehockey team. Me being not much a sports fan except when it comes to the national institution called football and its grand-scale tournaments was very skeptical yet went on regardless. Liked it a bit the first time I saw it, saw it a second time and a third and, well, turns out I'm a fan now with a season pass....so don't just dismiss things or people out of hand - try them and learn about them, you can only win.

Makes sense. I have been wanting to go to the local baseball games lately. It would definitely cut the monotony. Not the mundaneness, which I'd also appreciate an escape from, but the monotony. Actually, wait, is that out of season? In any case, my friends aren't interested and I don't have the money right now.

It's not just that, though. I've always wanted to go paintballing or play laser tag or SOMETHING, but none of my friends care about those things.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

Now see here what you're doing? You're judging people for not being like you. You're inventing character faults for people who don't behave the way you do. And I think that may be at the root of why you can't find much common ground with your friends.

I wear what's cheap and comfortable. I don't do it because I don't want to stand out. I do it because I like wearing what's comfortable, and I don't like spending more money than I need to in order to feel comfortable. It sounds like you're implying that your choice to wear certain clothes makes you a more daring, interesting person than people who don't. And that's simply not true. I went through a phase when I was younger when I wore wolf shirts all the time, thinking that this made me more interesting than people who wore name brand clothing. All it really did was make me a wanker. Now the wolf shirts are gone, and while I do have some shirts with some designs I generally prefer clothes without anything printed on them. Now, I don't do that to conform. I do that because I don't like trying to have my clothing speak for me. I already know I'm a unique, interesting snow-flake. I don't have to advertise it. If people want to get to know me, they'll get to know me. I don't need to hold up a giant neon sign saying, "notice me and approve of me!" That turns people away.


Now, again, I'm not saying that's what you're doing. But you've given off a bit of that vibe online, and even if it isn't your intent you may be giving off that vibe in real life. So stop judging people by what they wear. If you really want to have an adventure, you need to develop the inner you. The real you. And then you need to get to know other people. The real people, not just decide you know them by how they dress.

I'm actually not judging anyone. I listed actual reasons that people have given for not wanting to wear something a little more interesting that I've picked up or been told by someone. That's what the "or"s were for, since if you fall under one of the groups (and you seem to, because you say you wear what you do because it's comfortable), you don't necessarily fall into the other groups that were separated with the word "or".

I'm sorry you took it that way, or that I may have given off that vibe (I actually don't mention it much at all in real life, and there's also the lack of tone that's inherent in online messages) but that wasn't my intention at all.

 

[Chromatic Aberration]

I don't wear ears for attention or to relay my interests. I wear them because they're fun. They're for my entertainment. I want to see how well I can pull them off and from what I can tell and what people have told me, I've done a pretty nice job.

You knew the risks and made an informed decision - that is good.

I can believe it. People are very complex, I understand that. It's just a shame that I'm so out of touch with people, just because of chance and the way I was raised.[...]

People generally don't care for my complexities. One of the people I consider one of my best friends said some time ago that he has been hanging out with another person that we know because she's interesting and she "doesn't talk about video games" and that it's a nice "change of pace".[...]

What he doesn't understand is that I do talk about things, or at least I try to. I've never wanted to be the ?video game friend?.[...]

It's just that he and none of the other people in that group of friends is interested.[...]

In any case, my friends aren't interested and I don't have the money right now.[...]

It's not just that, though. I've always wanted to go paintballing or play laser tag or SOMETHING, but none of my friends care about those things.

I'm gonna peruse these parts to mention that I was getting the same vibe from your posts as MonkeyShone did - they seem judgemental in their tone and with a certain sense of arrogance and resentment. You already stated it was not what you meant but I think its interesting to note that I caught on the same feelings here. It makes me guess that perhaps it is a sign that you might not come off entirely in the way you like - your comment about your friend seems to suggest as much, too: if somebody flat-out tells you that other people "don't talk about video games" then I'd suggest to reassess if you do, in fact, talk too much about videogames when with other people.

Now as for your friends: well, what DO they do? What are they interested in? Also have you actually asked them about these things you mentioned above? I mean, I know that I won't ever be able to drag my friends into the opera house for instance - doesn't mean I can't get them to visit new pub X or festival Y. Your friends are people and will not share all your interests - that's how it is and that is what one must accept much like what MonkeyShone already said. And if you really need someone for a specific interest, well...that's where you need to put some effort in to find them.

[...]Friends who enjoy drawing as much as I do would be nice. I don't even have that right now.

But as I mentioned earlier, I thought of that. Turns out, there is no art club and I'm not taking any art classes. My best bet would be to just hang around the art building in my down time, but I don't see that working very well.[...]

College itself is the mundane, boring, and underwhelming part.

I think that this part of where your ennui and your desire for change comes from - if you are tied down with something that bores you so exceptionally, then you need to actively counteract it. In fact, In a way you already do. But I'd suggest to also do this via your college it usually provides you with the options to do so - at least from my experience.

Except for the clubs, can't you take some other classes in addition perhaps and let the science be the science? Taking an art class, for instance, will give you access to people who might be more in line with the interests you have. Or something else is also always an interesting route to take if you want to smell into other fields. You can also do that with the clubs. Apart from the college you also have multiple options in terms of communities or other stuff, especially with the internet. Again, try stuff and put some effort in it - anything else isn't going to work, methinks.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

I'm gonna peruse these parts to mention that I was getting the same vibe from your posts as MonkeyShone did - they seem judgemental in their tone and with a certain sense of arrogance and resentment. You already stated it was not what you meant but I think its interesting to note that I caught on the same feelings here. It makes me guess that perhaps it is a sign that you might not come off entirely in the way you like - your comment about your friend seems to suggest as much, too: if somebody flat-out tells you that other people "don't talk about video games" then I'd suggest to reassess if you do, in fact, talk too much about videogames when with other people.

You may have gotten that because I allow myself to sound a little frustrated on this account. You could never tell anything is bothering me on my main accounts. I only express my happier thoughts everywhere else.

But it's healthy that I have this outlet. I am honestly pretty frustrated, but I'll make it clear right now that I don't resent anybody. I realize they're doing what makes them happy and they don't owe me anything. That's why my thoughts were to find someone more in tune with me and not to make my friends more interested in me.

Now, I do talk about video games when I'm around my friends mainly. But that's because it's some of the only (if not the only) common ground we have.

For most of my other hobbies and interests, they have no real comment and can't find much to talk about, so I won't force it.

It's pretty sad that whenever I skype call with my best friend (which is rare, because he's not around as much since I introduced him to my college buddies and they turned out to have similar interests to him), there are awkward silences where I can't find anything to talk about that he'd actually be interested in and it seems like he can't find anything that he feels would interest me, either. Most of the time, the best we can come up with is smalltalk ("How was your day?"), but

We're both trying to find something that isn't video games to talk about now that we're aware of it, but our tastes are so different that most of the time, nothing comes up.

It's like that for almost everyone I know.

I know what you're thinking. "Then just talk about video games like you used to!"

The problem is, we don't play that much anymore. The games we used to play became frustrating and drove us away from them. The mmorpg's we used to play ended with one of us quitting before the other. We can't find any games that interest both of us at the same time anymore.

It goes back to the concept of "What do you offer?", I think. Maybe the truth is that I just don't offer much for them and that's why they don't even care to invite me places when they go out. hmmm...

Now as for your friends: well, what DO they do? What are they interested in? Also have you actually asked them about these things you mentioned above? I mean, I know that I won't ever be able to drag my friends into the opera house for instance - doesn't mean I can't get them to visit new pub X or festival Y. Your friends are people and will not share all your interests - that's how it is and that is what one must accept much like what MonkeyShone already said. And if you really need someone for a specific interest, well...that's where you need to put some effort in to find them.

I've known them for years. I know what they are and are not interested in.

what I've been trying to tell you this entire time isn't that they don't share all my interests, but almost none of them. I can discuss nothing that I like with anyone that I know. Besides gaming, of course.

This leaves us with not much to talk about on a daily basis unless we've been playing games often, which we haven't.

As for your question about whether I've asked them to go paintballing or something with me, I have. They've refused for one reason or another. It's been a while since I brought it up, so I can't remember specifics for why they didn't want to. I vaguely remember money being an issue. I suppose it is pretty expensive with the paintballs you have to buy and the guns you have the rent.

I suppose I should ask again, since I can't remember.

[...]Friends who enjoy drawing as much as I do would be nice. I don't even have that right now.

But as I mentioned earlier, I thought of that. Turns out, there is no art club and I'm not taking any art classes. My best bet would be to just hang around the art building in my down time, but I don't see that working very well.[...]

College itself is the mundane, boring, and underwhelming part.

I think that this part of where your ennui and your desire for change comes from - if you are tied down with something that bores you so exceptionally, then you need to actively counteract it. In fact, In a way you already do. But I'd suggest to also do this via your college it usually provides you with the options to do so - at least from my experience.

Except for the clubs, can't you take some other classes in addition perhaps and let the science be the science? Taking an art class, for instance, will give you access to people who might be more in line with the interests you have. Or something else is also always an interesting route to take if you want to smell into other fields. You can also do that with the clubs. Apart from the college you also have multiple options in terms of communities or other stuff, especially with the internet. Again, try stuff and put some effort in it - anything else isn't going to work, methinks.

You are completely correct. College is frustratingly boring. Living off campus has its disadvantages, though. I'm saving a lot of money, but I can't easily go to college just because I'm curious or bored, unfortunately.

Clubs would be great if I could find one that I fit in at.

It's funny you mention taking an art class. I took one last semester. I was so excited when the semester started because I finally had a chance to not do something computer science related and perfect one of my many hobbies, but it turned out to just be a class about drawing primitive objects and shading with different tools (charcoal, pastel, etc). I was very very disappointed, because there was nothing creative about it. I didn't learn anything. It made drawing a chore.

Some of the people there were okay. We spoke a little bit and I noticed the people there were more talkative and interested, but nobody there became more than an acquaintance (I will say though that I enjoyed being around art students more than computer science students). I ended up not gaining anything from the whole experience.

When it comes to finding people to speak to on the internet, well I am trying.

I haven't made any friends yet, though....

 

[KOMega]

Well side from the cat ears, I think your life is pretty common. Sorry.
I too would love to dress up in styled clothing and stuff, but clothes are expensive, and I'm already invested in buying games

Also, for someone who says they choose not to have a girlfriend, you seem to talk a lot about it. Are you sure you don't want to have a girlfriend? Ah well. I don't exactly put much thought into that issue myself. I express that to people and they automatically jump to the conclusion that I'm shy and tell me "how to talk to the ladies". Not a problem, I really just have no interest. You seem to have some interest, but I might just be reading too much into it. Ignore this paragraph if you believe so.

I sometimes get bored and wish my friends would invite me to things as well. But one day it hit me that it wasn't always just one friend who got everyone together. Sometimes it was this one or that one. Maybe it was my turn. I should help rally together my friends for an outing.

Reasons to bring friends together, or at least in my case, were not anything special or extraordinary.
"Lets all go see "
"Lets all go eat out at "
I sorta just invite whatever friends that say they want to come. Those that don't are no sweat off my backs. They will still be there in the future. Events I make just sorta happen whenever I feel like. No pressure to make them or at all really.

Anyways, if you just want someone to talk to or you are having an existential crisis, you can always talk to me or the forum.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

Well side from the cat ears, I think your life is pretty common. Sorry.
I too would love to dress up in styled clothing and stuff, but clothes are expensive, and I'm already invested in buying games

Also, for someone who says they choose not to have a girlfriend, you seem to talk a lot about it. Are you sure you don't want to have a girlfriend? Ah well. I don't exactly put much thought into that issue myself. I express that to people and they automatically jump to the conclusion that I'm shy and tell me "how to talk to the ladies". Not a problem, I really just have no interest. You seem to have some interest, but I might just be reading too much into it. Ignore this paragraph if you believe so.

I sometimes get bored and wish my friends would invite me to things as well. But one day it hit me that it wasn't always just one friend who got everyone together. Sometimes it was this one or that one. Maybe it was my turn. I should help rally together my friends for an outing.

Reasons to bring friends together, or at least in my case, were not anything special or extraordinary.
"Lets all go see "
"Lets all go eat out at "
I sorta just invite whatever friends that say they want to come. Those that don't are no sweat off my backs. They will still be there in the future. Events I make just sorta happen whenever I feel like. No pressure to make them or at all really.

Anyways, if you just want someone to talk to or you are having an existential crisis, you can always talk to me or the forum.

hm. Well, I'll put it like this.

When you decide to go out and do something, you rally all of the friends you care to have come with you.

It seems no matter who rallies everyone together, I'm not getting rallied.

My best friend used to invite me to places all the time, but now it seems he's found people more interested in the same things as him, so I often get forgotten.

It's not a case of "We never do anything" but a case of "I never get invited to do anything", which I believe to be a different case. It's likely because I'm not interesting enough for people to care whether I'm there or not. They even went to my favorite place without even inviting me once that I know of. I say "that I know of" because I was speaking with them and one of them slipped and mentioned it and someone else said "you weren't supposed to mention that."

Also, do you think it's normal for you to not really share any interests except video gaming with someone you've known forever? To have long, awkward silences with your best friend because there's nothing to talk about that you'd both be interested in?

Do you really think it's normal to never be able to share anything that makes you happy with anyone? There's no fun in being the "weird friend" for me. Have you read the part where it's actually so bad that I can't even share comedy videos with most of the people I know? This thread's posts are long enough to make a book, I know, but even still.

I see the people leaving concerts for bands that they all share a love for or listen to the gamegrumps and listen to them rave about some of the same things and I wish I were like that with my friends.

That's why I've started to put a little more effort into finding people that share some of the same interests as me.

 

[Genericjim101]

How old are you, seriously? You seem to have a case of the special snowflake syndrome. If you don't want to change anything about yourself, yet see yourself as attractive, and unique you may simply be far enough up your arse to create a singularity.

Vitriol aside. A person isn't to break you out of your mundane life or to meet set of requirements. You'd be lucky to have someone that gives a shit about you, because to have that means you've got someone's respect. That means liking a person on less strict terms and realise no-one would want to be with someone whom has requirements without wanting to change themselves, especially not if you describe that they'd be getting in the way.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

How old are you, seriously? You seem to have a case of the special snowflake syndrome. If you don't want to change anything about yourself, yet see yourself as attractive, and unique you may simply be far enough up your arse to create a singularity.

Vitriol aside. A person isn't to break you out of your mundane life or to meet set of requirements. You'd be lucky to have someone that gives a shit about you, because to have that means you've got someone's respect. That means liking a person on less strict terms and realise no-one would want to be with someone whom has requirements without wanting to change themselves, especially not if you describe that they'd be getting in the way.

BTW, are you a troll or severely suffering Asperger's? Because you seem to not understand that interactions are give and take. Compromise is important. Without that it's an emotionless check list. You have to be willing to make an effort for someone whether friend or love interest. You may not be as fulfilling to be around as you think. By understanding your own flaws and maybe some humility you may in turn lower your requirements of others.

I can't really take your advice seriously if you're just going to personally attack me or only think of me cynically.

To argue with you would be a waste of my time.

 

[KOMega]

When you decide to go out and do something, you rally all of the friends you care to have come with you.

It seems no matter who rallies everyone together, I'm not getting rallied.

My best friend used to invite me to places all the time, but now it seems he's found people more interested in the same things as him, so I often get forgotten.

It's not a case of "We never do anything" but a case of "I never get invited to do anything", which I believe to be a different case. It's likely because I'm not interesting enough for people to care whether I'm there or not. They even went to my favorite place without even inviting me once that I know of. I say "that I know of" because I was speaking with them and one of them slipped and mentioned it and someone else said "you weren't supposed to mention that."

It takes some real effort to forget yourself when you are the inviter.
Anyways, speaking of friends, how many friends would you say are actually close friends?
Just out of curiosity. And I mean people who you know better than just acquaintances.

Also, do you think it's normal for you to not really share any interests except video gaming with someone you've known forever? To have long, awkward silences with your best friend because there's nothing to talk about that you'd both be interested in?

For a while ya, it was like that for me too. But we kept being friends, and video gaming luckily always had something new (or old, but unknown to us at the time) to talk about or play together. Eventually we grew up and had more things to talk about since a lot of stuff began being involved in our lives. College, education in general, mysteries of the universe, family, fiction, puppies (because my friend recently got a puppy.)

idk. What do you like to talk about? So far I got: video games, drawing and fashion in some sense. I'm sure at least one person will have interest in one of these things.
That being said, human interaction is a two-way road.
Everything you expect good friends to do, you must also be prepared to do for them.

It's likely because I'm not interesting enough for people to care whether I'm there or not. They even went to my favorite place without even inviting me once that I know of.

Also, seriously, don't sweat it if you aren't the center of attraction.

How old are you, seriously?

I am also beginning to call this into question too. Depending on how old you are, you might just be going through that awkward highschool phase. Ugh I hated highschool.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

It takes some real effort to forget yourself when you are the inviter.
Anyways, speaking of friends, how many friends would you say are actually close friends?
Just out of curiosity. And I mean people who you know better than just acquaintances.

Well, I didn't want to say it, but when it comes down to it, some of them kind of are acquiantances. I've made efforts to try to become friends with all of them rather than just acquiantances, but it hasn't really seemed to happen yet with most of them.

I guess that's just naturally something that happens or doesn't. Still, it's a little disappointing.

But eh. you're right, though, I probably will just start inviting people to go places with me often.

Also, do you think it's normal for you to not really share any interests except video gaming with someone you've known forever? To have long, awkward silences with your best friend because there's nothing to talk about that you'd both be interested in?

For a while ya, it was like that for me too. But we kept being friends, and video gaming luckily always had something new (or old, but unknown to us at the time) to talk about or play together. Eventually we grew up and had more things to talk about since a lot of stuff began being involved in our lives. College, education in general, mysteries of the universe, family, fiction, puppies (because my friend recently got a puppy.)

idk. What do you like to talk about? So far I got: video games, drawing and fashion in some sense. I'm sure at least one person will have interest in one of these things.
That being said, human interaction is a two-way road.
Everything you expect good friends to do, you must also be prepared to do for them.

So what you're saying is that this is just a phase, then, huh? It could be.

Like, we used to just talk and talk about random subjects (I'm talking about my best friends or the people I've known forever) and then it just started to feel like we're drifting apart.

That could be my fault, though. Trying not to impose may not have had the effect I wanted. Actually, I'm sure it hasn't.

How old are you, seriously?/quote]
I am also beginning to call this into question too. Depending on how old you are, you might just be going through that awkward highschool phase. Ugh I hated highschool.

I will not give out my age, but like I said, I'm about the graduate college.

 

[KOMega]

Could be a phase. Might not be. It's merely a suggestion from what I've encountered. You being the closest to the situation should be able to diagnose it a lot better than me, typing away from some corner of the internet.

I also don't know what you would count as imposing.
Just don;t be borderline stalker-ish and you'll be fine.
It's not only potential-girlfriends that don;t like stalkers.
People in general don't

If I feel like talking to a friend, perhaps just randomly over the phone, I'd call them, make sure they were not too busy am could spare a little while on the phone (like if they were at home and just chilling out.) I'd open with something loosely important that connects or concerns the both of us in some way ("Hey, you do alright this semester? My marks stink/are great.") and then lead (bluntly or smooth segue) into random stuff ("You ever wonder how works? What if "). The conversation has no point, but the fact communication is happening should mean something.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

Could be a phase. Might not be. It's merely a suggestion from what I've encountered. You being the closest to the situation should be able to diagnose it a lot better than me, typing away from some corner of the internet.

I also don't know what you would count as imposing.
Just don;t be borderline stalker-ish and you'll be fine.
It's not only potential-girlfriends that don;t like stalkers.
People in general don't

If I feel like talking to a friend, perhaps just randomly over the phone, I'd call them, make sure they were not too busy am could spare a little while on the phone (like if they were at home and just chilling out.) I'd open with something loosely important that connects or concerns the both of us in some way ("Hey, you do alright this semester? My marks stink/are great.") and then lead (bluntly or smooth segue) into random stuff ("You ever wonder how works? What if "). The conversation has no point, but the fact communication is happening should mean something.

Oh, what I meant by imposing is that I don't have a car, so asking if people want to go somewhere with me would be putting a burden on them. I don't want to be a burden.

Even though I wish they would at least give me a chance to come with them by telling me something's happening instead of not even mentioning it until 1 or 2 days after it's already happened (this just makes me feel like I'm less important. idk.), I'll probably start initiating events and asking if people want to come with me.

EDIT: I tend to try to start conversations like what you're describing, but they usually don't go anywhere and start another awkward silence. We just don't have that much material, it seems. That's why I came to the conclusion that we just don't have enough similar interests outside of video games. Either that or my buddies happened to lose a lot of the similar interests that brought us together.

But now I realize that it could also be that we don't spend enough time with each other (like we used to), which is something I would like to fix.

I just hope I'm right about that.

 

[KOMega]

ehhh idk.
For me, to hang out with friends doesn;t also mean being responsible for transportation.

For me it'd be more like "Hey guys, lets all go see <insert movie... idk Pacific Rim or something> at at . Whose coming?"
Then we all meet there using our own modes of transportation.
It helps that the place I live in has a decent bus and subway network. Sorta.

Plus, remember that you are only asking. They are allowed to say no. Maybe they have some important thing planned beforehand or maybe they are not in the mood atm. who knows. But they are allowed to decline. Forcing or guilting them into accepting would be imposing/burdensome.

I'm not exactly a great social butterfly unfortunately.
But I gather that just being involved in people's lives will be enough sometimes if they are good people.
Actually I think that's how advertising works. Simple awareness and suggestion grants an advantage over the unknown brand next to it.

Anyways, if you don't normally initiate, don;t feel forced to initiate now or go overboard and start doing tons of events. idk what counts as a good excuse to gather for your friends, but I like to limit it to stuff that I'd probably do anyways, but would be a lot more enjoyable with friends. I think that's partially the reason why movie theaters and restaurants with large tables exist.

It really depends on your friends. I'm casting a big general net here just to help you run ideas. Fit and change what you can/want into your specific situation.

edit:

But now I realize that it could also be that we don't spend enough time with each other (like we used to), which is something I would like to fix.

I just hope I'm right about that.

spending more time together does increase the chance that you each pick up on stuff you both would like to talk about. logically speaking.

 

[Reeve]

OP, if you could indulge this question for me please: How old are you?

Thanks

Edit: Btw my advice is to use e-harmony and/or go to some convention for something you're interested in like anime or comics. You'll definitely pick people up who are like you at those

You can now ignore most of the other inane "advice" in this thread

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

OP, if you could indulge this question for me please: How old are you?

Thanks

Stop that.

My age isn't important.

This is an alternate account I've made for venting, pretty much, so while it may seem like I'm a little immature, it's because I don't have to hold anything back and I can express my thoughts more clearly. It makes for more useful conversations.

Actually, I should probably add that to the opening post.

Edit: Btw my advice is to use e-harmony and/or go to some convention for something you're interested in like anime or comics. You'll definitely pick people up who are like you at those

You can now ignore most of the other inane "advice" in this thread

You're probably right. I could stand to go to an anime convention or something.

Although I really don't want to try e-harmony, since I've seen it not work for the people around me so many times. :/

 

[Svenparty]

I'm sorry, I couldn't get past the pompous air of the first post. I got a headache reading your faux intellectual meanderings, sometimes you have to adapt to other people's standards in all walks of life. There is a difference between being unique and being stubborn about clothing/expectations of friends.


People enquire about your age because it can be a huge factor in how to help you, also it can help others understand your perspective,

Listen using your real ears for once and leave the cat ears at home.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

I'm sorry, I couldn't get past the pompous air of the first post. I got a headache reading your faux intellectual meanderings, sometimes you have to adapt to other people's standards in all walks of life. There is a difference between being unique and being stubborn about clothing/expectations of friends.


People enquire about your age because it can be a huge factor in how to help you, also it can help others understand your perspective,

Listen using your real ears for once and leave the cat ears at home.

I'm not sure exactly how this is supposed to help me. In fact, it's a little offensive. :/

Like, yeah, I could be wrong about not wanting to disclose my age, but besides that, what am I suppose to take from your post?

I mean, you're pretty much all wrong about the image you seem to have made up of me.

If you think people are unwilling to be friends with me because of how I dress, you couldn't be more wrong. People in my community are pretty tolerant. I've made a pretty good amount of friends and acquaintances that don't care how I look.

You think I have high expectations of my friends? I'm not sure where you got that because my friends are very diverse and I greatly appreciate all of them.

I don't wear what I do because it's unique, but because I like it. If it isn't actually causing any problem, why change what entertains me and isn't causing any harm to anybody else? Just because?

This thread has been helpful and I'm glad I made it. I found out what was bothering me, but that's because people were willing to discuss it with me so I came to that conclusion, instead of trying to paint a full negative picture of who they think I am, then trying to talk to that version of me they made up. You realize when you do that and you're wrong about the person you're talking to, you're not helping them at all, right?

Give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Foolery]

This is an alternate account I've made for venting, pretty much, so while it may seem like I'm a little immature, it's because I don't have to hold anything back and I can express my thoughts more clearly. It makes for more useful conversations.

Yeah, you probably shouldn't go around saying that, according to the COC, I don't think mods are cool with alternate accounts.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

I rarely post on forums, I think this is my first in about a year. I created an account /just/ to reply to you, special snowflake.

A couple of things,

You keep talking about being "goal oriented" and unwilling to accommodate a companion. What are you goals? What have you done to achieve them? I suspect your goals, much like the rest of your posts are so far detached from reality that an ordinary mortal would simply explode if trying to comprehend them.

I've actually put a lot of effort into my goals. I've started my own business and committed my time to making it all work.

I'm an entrepreneur who makes some okay money.

This isn't Final Fantasy 8, your life goal can't be to Renzokuken Ultima Weapon in Matron's castle.

Tell me more about obvious things. Like, is the sky blue? Is the grass green?

You wear cat ears, and I suspect you may have a replica of Squall's coat that you think is /the shit/. The "positive" compliments you get are most likely backhanded. You're right that girls don't think of you as boyfriend material. Why should they?

They probably shouldn't. I put the part about girlfriends in because that's the usual response when someone says they're lonely.

It really doesn't matter to me that much.

Your standards for girls aren't high, they're hypocritical. You want her to be stereotypically cute (thin, goodlooking) yet you, yourself, are most likely not stereotypically cute. Thin, non muscular men are generally not considered to be at the top of the desirability totem pole. Get to the gym. You don't want kids; that's a reasonable stance. You'll find a small but healthy minority of women who do not want kids as well. You want them to wear.. uhm.. cat ears. Ok.

mmk.

"When it comes down to it, maybe I'm unique. The thing is, I don't want to be unique. I sincerely wish I could find like minded people, but it just isn't possible. I'm too much of a dreamer and always have been." - a dreamer

You're CERTAINLY not unique, special snowflake. What you are is a boring person, and there are millions of you playing video games all day, doing nothing with their lives.

You're just like the last person to comment in this thread.

Also, you're wrong.

You have no hobbies

wrong.

no skills

wrong.

no goals

I'm not sure where you're getting this.

no job and no friends

Actually you're worse than the last guy.

You've made an entire conclusion on who you think I am.

What you don't realize is that people are more varied than you give them credit for.

You feel horrible because you live a sub-human existence and are largely a drain on society. I suspect your parents/government may be footing the bill for this existential crisis you're going through.

What crisis? It's not a crisis, just something I needed to brainstorm with people about on the internet so I could find out what was bothering me.

You're /extremely/ entitled. In fact, your reference to FF8 and being a "dreamer" is all I need to psychoanalyze you.

Okay, shoot.

You literally want your life to be a repeat of Final Fantasy 8.

hokay, buddy, think whatever you like.

You listening to me, homeslice? Let me explain. I suspect you see yourself as the main character, Squall.

Can you be any more off the mark?

The thing is, Squall was a shit-tier C-grade student who spent most of his days day dreaming. He was a hack and almost no one expected him to succeed. He was an awful leader with almost no initiative. He relied on the skills and charity of people less boring than him to carry him to victory.

Cool. I've never played final fantasy 8.

Guess what champ? Girls like Rinoa don't exist in real life.

Ya don't say?

When you're being a sad sack of shit and leaning against the wall on a dance floor, a pretty, thin girl isn't going to forcibly grab your hand and teach you how to dance (I bet you know the exact cut scene I'm talking about. As a side, why the fuck do I remember this shit myself?).

And I'm okay with that.

People more capable than you (Zell, Seifer, Quistis, Selphie) aren't going to drag your lethargic day dreaming ass through life's great adventure. They'll just, for the lack of a better phrase, remove you from their party and go save the world on their own.

heh, alright.

All you want actually does exist. Life is a fantastic adventure and there exist thousands of people every day saving the world in their own little way.

and I never denied that.

They're forming bonds, loving, losing and having a whole lot of fun.

That they are, champ.

You're sitting in a dimly lit room unskillfully drawing concept art for the next JRPG with you as the main character.

Put the scale replica of the Gunblade away and go outside, special snowflake. You wont melt. I promise.

Welp, you've not helped at all. You've assumed an image onto me, then spoke to it instead of me. You talk about how unique everyone is, then you assume me to be some strange loser archetype you made up in your mind.