Need help finding a gift to comfort my depressed girlfriend.

[Sabiancym]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for a couple months now and everything is going good. Lately however she's been obviously depressed and just a bit down about everything. When she's with me she seems okay, but from talking to other people and from talking on the phone with her or texting she is obviously pretty desolate and debased. So obviously I want to do whatever I can to lighten her day, if only for a moment. I talk to her a lot and will listen to her vent for hours, but I want to go further and try to get her something that she will love.

I should explain that the reasoning for this depression is her ever increasing to see her mom. ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) took her life a little over four years ago, right after my girlfriend had graduated high school. I didn't know her then, but it seems like she was extremely close to her mom and was completely lost for awhile after it happened.


Anyway. I was wondering if there is something I could get her, or something I can do for her that would bring back happy memories of her mom when she was healthy. I didn't know her mom, nor did anyone I know at the time. So any personal photographs from other families isn't much of an option.

It doesn't have to specifically involve her mom. Maybe it could be a moving book about someone with ALS. Since her mom's death, she has been involved in a lot of ALS charity work.


The only thing I've come up with that even remotely sounds like a decent idea is photoshopping her mom into a recent picture of her and siblings, or just her. However, since I didn't know her, I'm not sure if me doing something specifically about her mom would be offensive to them. I don't want them to think that I understand how her mom was and how they now feel. I don't and never can. I just think that something like this would make her happy. She's not a closed book about it. She talks about her mom and her disease all the time with me, for which I am extremely grateful. She's been extremely strong throughout the last four years dealing with various terrible things that arose related to the death. I just want to let her know that I admire the hell out of her for being able to do that. I know I would be a crying ball of nothingness for a good year if someone that close to me died.


I know this is a bit much to ask since none of you obviously know my gf or her mom, but I don't think you have to. She's out of town right now and I'll be picking her up at the airport in a few days and want to give her a welcome home present.


*Actually I just thought of another one. Not sure if it's too cheesy though. What about naming a star after her mom? I know it's done a lot, but it would represent her mom looking down on her. Even though both of us are complete atheists, it's the symbolism that matters.


I'll appreciate any and all help. Thanks

 

[Dalek Caan]

The best I can suggest is flowers and chocolates. Not to sure about the book. If you can get something doesn't have anything to do with a Mother/Daughter relationship then Ok but if not stick with the chocolates. White is preferable.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Don't over think it, she doesn't need a reminder of what she lossed she needs a reminder of what she has to drag her out of this.

Get her a nice stuffed friend or something. Something that shows her that you love her. Like this

Cute, fuzzy, with big eyes always works for me.

 

[Random berk]

Naming a star after her mother? Is that something you can officially do?

 

[tzimize]

One of the best gifts I ever gave my girlfriend (and the one she treasures the most) is the first x-mas gift I ever gave her. It was a set to keep her brushes in (she loves to paint).

I dont know your GF op, but I might advice you from giving her something to remind her of her mum. Trust me, she thinks enough about her mum as it is. And the only thing that will make it better for her is time and support.

If you want to make her happy, give her something to remind her of herself. What she herself likes to do and connects with fun or happyness. If you cant think of a "hobbyitem" she'd want...take her somewhere. Does she love the stars? Take her to a star-watching place. Does she love hiking? Take her on a lovely walk in the hills/mountains. And feel free to bring a tiny amount of romantic food.

My own girlfriend lost her big brother in a car crash a couple of years ago. There really isnt anything you can say or do to make such a situation better. You just have to offer her a shoulder to cry on if she needs it and hug her as often as she wants to. This is the only thing that helps really. Support and time.

 

[MassiveGeek]

Pamper her.

Spend one night with her where you just stay at home, eat a nice meal that she, or preferably both of like and watch a great movie while you do it. Get massage oil and give her a nice neck, shoulder and backrub. Just relax with her, make her feel good. If you know she wants something and you can, get it for her as a surprise gift. If you don't know something, then get her things she can pamper herself with - body butters, nailpolish, body scrub, lotions, etc. Everyone likes to get taken care of once in a while.

Hope this helps.

 

[BRex21]

I disagree that she needs to forget and move on, Something that reminds her of the happiness her and her mother shared is a good idea. Listening to her vent however may be doing more harm than good, often people only remember the end try to engage her in conversation about her mother before the onset of ALS, what she was like and what her mother liked they did together this may give you some ideas. Something you can give or do that reminds her of her mother in her prime as opposed to reminding her of her mothers death.
Something instead of the photoshop option may be to see someone who makes portraits,take a photo of her and her mom and get something painted.
sadly i dont know your girlfriend or the situation beyond what you've told me and cant really offer much advice, you may be the best judge of what to do.

 

[Mike Richards]

I wouldn't approach the problem too literally. I can certainly see how it might look like a good idea but the book would probably a bit heavy handed. The star is a nice gesture, but it might be better saved for a more relevant/larger event then just a coming home present (You could also potentially make a good sized donation to a charity she supports).

My advice would be take her out for an awesome night doing something she likes, get her something you know she'll love that has more to do with the two of you then it does her mom, and then tell her how amazing you think she is for dealing with everything when you give it to her.

That'll more then make your point, but it'll be less about you feeling bad for her or artificially trying to cheer her up. Instead it'll be about celebrating how you feel about her, with her strength going through this being one of the biggest reasons for that, which to me sounds like what you really want this to say.

 

[RaeveSpam]

Take her to her mothers grave, just sit there with her, let her talk, cry, laugh, yell, scream, and just be there for her. Trust me, I lost my father when I was 15, now 7 years ago, and you never forget stuff like that, and sometimes the feelings just need to get out.

 

[SouthpawFencer]

Unfortunately, there is no quick fix. My mom died four years ago, and I haven't been the same since. You're never quite the same afterwards. I don't think any gift will really make a dent in her depression, to be honest, especially if her depression stems from the death of her mother several years ago. That sounds like a long-term issue to me.

I'd also avoid any sort of unexpected gift that involves her mom. Too much chance of it being interpreted in the worst possible way.

With all of that cheerfulness aside, let me mention something a bit different from what you're asking about:

One of my brothers masterminded a project that we displayed during my mom's wake (which took place eight months after her death, rather than something done between her death and a funeral): He collected nearly every photograph of her that he could get his hands on (60+ years of pictures), scanned them into a computer, sorted them in, more or less chronological order, and presented them as a slideshow as a celebration of her life.

This is NOT a stunt that you should try to do quickly, or without the assistance of her family, but it might be worth considering. Suggesting a similar project, and helping her out with it, might help her out as well. I don't know your GF, so I cannot guarantee results. It will NOT cure her, obviously, but maybe it will help, just a bit...

As for a short-term gift when you meet her at the airport, I'd agree with this guy:

Don't over think it, she doesn't need a reminder of what she lossed she needs a reminder of what she has to drag her out of this.

Get her a nice stuffed friend or something.

 

[dark-mortality]

Go through with the photoshop idea. If that doesn't work, buy her a nice jewel, a ring, a necklace, something she would like, and tell her that you love her and will always be there for her. Try to talk with her about her mother, or if that is not the main-problem, just talk to her, let her explain, and try to give the best tips that you can.

 

[Crenelate]

Maybe next time she does some charity work you should volunteer too, then she knows that you're supporting her through all that bad stuff and making an effort to help.
I would also say not to do anything with pictures or a direct reminder of her mother, but maybe if there was a book or a movie they loved to watch together you could look into getting a copy?

 

[Yosato]

Naming a star after her mother? Is that something you can officially do?

It is yeah, though I was led to believe it cost an ungodly amount of money. I guess I was wrong, unless the OP has a share in Fort Knox he's telling no one about.

 

[true story]

chocolate coated anti depressants

 

[SckizoBoy]

Take her to her mothers grave, just sit there with her, let her talk, cry, laugh, yell, scream, and just be there for her. Trust me, I lost my father when I was 15, now 7 years ago, and you never forget stuff like that, and sometimes the feelings just need to get out.

I agree with this. What your girlfriend needs is some sort of catharsis. Letting her release her grief at her mum's grave is the best.

Now, as for an actual gift, find out what they enjoyed doing together as she wants something to remind her, not the image itself.

Other than that, your time and patience...

 

[Jak LesStrange]

I would suggest two things. Whilst other people are suggesting that you don't get her something to remind her of her mother, you could save up a large amount of money and then show her that you have donated it to a ALS charity. That will show her that you understand what she is going through and you want to help. However, if you want to help her move past it without reminding her of her mother, you need to be careful. I would recommend a weekend away, perhaps a couple of days in London. Go shopping, Eat out, see the sights. This can really help take things off of people's minds.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Flowers. Bitches love flowers Make sure you know her favourite colour/flower first though, but be subtle. Don't just ask 'Hey, what flowers do you like'.

 

[TheVioletBandit]

This is going to sound a little weird, but stay with me and try to be open minded about it.

Get her a pet chicken!

Chickens make great pets, people swear by them. They are really loving and social animals. Plus their like funny little dinosaurs, and will always be doing stuff that will make you laugh. Also they love to sit in your lap and be petted, and their easy to care for. \

If your interested I suggest watching the film The Natural History of the Chicken or just Googleing pet chicken and reading about them.

Tell me what you think about this idea as I would be curious to know.