"Nobody could sincerely think this is good." (NO CLASSICS!)

Queen Michael

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A week ago, my best friend and I went to a second-hand store. I checked out the kids' book section, and found a Hannah montana novelization. They'd taken an episode of an already bad show and turned it into a book. The episode wasn't that great as it was, and with with the visual aspect gone it just didn't work at all. Seeing somebody fall onto the floor is pretty funny, but reading that he did isn't funny at all. And the other jokes are dependent on the delivery. Without the actors to improve them through funny delivery, they fall flatter than a pancake dropped from a skyscraper.

Here's my point: I'm pretty sure that nobody that read that book actually thought it was all that great. They just read it because they like Hannah Montana. And something else that I don't think people actually enjoy all that much are certain works of Christian fiction. I read reviews of that kind of stuff pretty often on Amazon, and the feeling I get pretty often is that the reviewer liked the fact that the movie/novel in question was of a Christian nature way more than s/he liked the actual work. Like, the acting might not be top-notch, but at least the movie teaches Christian values. Or there's a novel with a couple that might not be that interesting to read about, but at least they don't do the horizontal tango until the ring's on the finger. In short, the audience feel they have a duty to like the book/movie in order to be good Christians, even though it's a piece of ****.

So have you ever encountered a book or novel or comic or whatever that you just can't imagine people actually liked, but had some other reason to get into, like the examples above?

And please, don't mention classic works of literature or classic movies and so on. This is for when people who watch/read something clearly don't actually enjoy it that much, and if something's a classic then it's pretty clear a lot of people do like it. So do not bring up that book you had to read in high school.
 

tippy2k2

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The movie "Rampage"

Uwe Boll should have been a giant red flag. It was a giant red-flag but I thought I heard that Rampage was actually pretty good. That could not have actually happened for there is no way someone could think that this was a good movie.

If you haven't seen it (you lucky bastard), it's about a guy who goes on a killing spree. Think "Falling Down" if that movie was the worst movie ever.

It was terrible. Terrible isn't the correct word. It was one of the worst movies that has or will ever exist in this galaxy and galaxies undiscovered (and that's giving it too much credit).

You know what the worst part is? There are some POWERFUL moments in this film. This film had potential and some of the scenes showed this potential (the "hair salon" and the "Bingo Hall" for those of you who were unfortunate enough to see it). In the hands of a monkey who ate too much lead paint, this could have been good. Unfortunately, we got Boll.
 

shrekfan246

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Queen Michael said:
And please, don't mention classic works of literature or classic movies and so on. This is for when people who watch/read something clearly don't actually enjoy it that much, and if something's a classic then it's pretty clear a lot of people do like it. So do not bring up that book you had to read in high school.
But you're asking for what we think other people don't enjoy. Clearly it's going to be tinged by what we don't enjoy. Other people might very well like The Iliad and The Odyssey, but that doesn't mean that I understand why they enjoy them as they're presented in the original epic poem format.

I mean, I appreciate the attempt to stem the slew of replies saying things like "The Lord of the Rings, why was Tolkien so needlessly wordy!?!?", but this is still the internet.

As a point of note, would you accept Twilight and/or Fifty Shades of Grey? That's my snarky answer, at least.

I don't know if I really have an honest, serious one... maybe the movie Clash of the Titans? It just dragged on so long and was so boring... it's one of the only films I've fallen asleep during when I wasn't even actually tired.
 

Queen Michael

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shrekfan246 said:
Queen Michael said:
And please, don't mention classic works of literature or classic movies and so on. This is for when people who watch/read something clearly don't actually enjoy it that much, and if something's a classic then it's pretty clear a lot of people do like it. So do not bring up that book you had to read in high school.
But you're asking for what we think other people don't enjoy. Clearly it's going to be tinged by what we don't enjoy. Other people might very well like The Iliad and The Odyssey, but that doesn't mean that I understand why they enjoy them as they're presented in the original epic poem format.
That you don't understand why dudes like me love The Iliad and The Odyssey doesn't change the fact that you know we love them, though. What I'm looking for here is either stuff that pretty much nobody likes, or stuff that people claim to enjoy but you feel they're not being honest when they say it.
 

Shoggoth2588

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Any novelization of a film just screams of a bad idea to me. Who exactly is the target audience for say, the novelization of Spider-Man 3? The film version is the version for idiots (no offense) whereas the stories that the film was based off of came from comics which have been collected and made into trades which are marketed towards actual Spider-Man fans. It's popular to say that the book was better than the film but you can't really say that for the novelization of Spider-Man 2 or, Batman Begins or even Phantom Menace. Although I do agree with something I heard on a podcast: if you are ever feeling down on yourself just take time out to consider that all of those useless novelizations of block-buster films were products that people paid to write, publish, promote, etc...and that someone, somewhere, paid actual money to purchase at least one copy of these things.
 

shrekfan246

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Queen Michael said:
shrekfan246 said:
Queen Michael said:
And please, don't mention classic works of literature or classic movies and so on. This is for when people who watch/read something clearly don't actually enjoy it that much, and if something's a classic then it's pretty clear a lot of people do like it. So do not bring up that book you had to read in high school.
But you're asking for what we think other people don't enjoy. Clearly it's going to be tinged by what we don't enjoy. Other people might very well like The Iliad and The Odyssey, but that doesn't mean that I understand why they enjoy them as they're presented in the original epic poem format.
That you don't understand why dudes like me love The Iliad and The Odyssey doesn't change the fact that you know we love them, though. What I'm looking for here is either stuff that pretty much nobody likes, or stuff that people claim to enjoy but you feel they're not being insincere when they say it.
Er...

Not to be a party pooper, but I'm not really in a position to judge that.

There is no limit to the things humans will enjoy, no matter how terrible it might look to everyone else. For instance, it's not generally my type of music, but I have no problem admitting that there are certain songs from Big Time Rush, One Direction, Lady Gaga, et al. that I think are decent. The live action Disney shows might be bad, but they're not targeted at me and who am I to say that a child won't like it? I liked stuff like Barney when I was younger.

Again, I don't want to rain on the parade, but I can't imagine this thread will end up being anything more than "I didn't like [Thing] and can't see why anyone else would."
 

BathorysGraveland2

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tippy2k2 said:
Rampage is the only Uwe Boll movie I've ever seen, so I'm privileged to not hold the same bias everyone else seems to have. That said, I enjoyed it. I thought it was a fun little flick, and an interesting view from an uncommonly seen perspective. I dug it, but then, I enjoy the whole idea of media set within the perspective of the villain. I also enjoyed how he got away with the whole thing, breaking up the monotony of good triumphs over evil. In real life, karma does not exist, horrible people can indeed get away with their deeds. So I thought that was interesting too.
 

Elfgore

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A band called Design the Skyline was signed by Victory Records a couple years ago. The first demo they released to preview the artist was this "masterpiece".


And for people who think this is a satire, it is not. They actually made a video complaining that people only based their talent of their demo. It was pretty hilarious. Everything about this song is terrible, from the "music" to the people in it.
 

BathorysGraveland2

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Elfgore said:
That has to be the single most mish-mash of genres I have ever heard. The riffage transitions chaotically from mathcore to deathcore breakdowns, the vocals are all over the place from generic metalcore screams, to guttural goregrind growls and... I don't even fucking know what the autotune would be. Then there's the fruity keyboards that sound more nerdy than even the most cheesiest power metal.

The band obviously has skill and I give them kudos for trying something different, but eh... I wonder what kind of fanbase it's aimed at. The melodic metalcore fans wouldn't like the deathcore sections with goregrind vocals, the extreme metal fans wouldn't like the autoune, screams and fruity keyboards and anyone who likes conventional riffing and song structure wouldn't bother with it entirely. It would be highly niche indeed.
 

Ubiquitous Duck

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shrekfan246 said:
Queen Michael said:
And please, don't mention classic works of literature or classic movies and so on. This is for when people who watch/read something clearly don't actually enjoy it that much, and if something's a classic then it's pretty clear a lot of people do like it. So do not bring up that book you had to read in high school.
But you're asking for what we think other people don't enjoy. Clearly it's going to be tinged by what we don't enjoy. Other people might very well like The Iliad and The Odyssey, but that doesn't mean that I understand why they enjoy them as they're presented in the original epic poem format.

I mean, I appreciate the attempt to stem the slew of replies saying things like "The Lord of the Rings, why was Tolkien so needlessly wordy!?!?", but this is still the internet.

As a point of note, would you accept Twilight and/or Fifty Shades of Grey? That's my snarky answer, at least.

I don't know if I really have an honest, serious one... maybe the movie Clash of the Titans? It just dragged on so long and was so boring... it's one of the only films I've fallen asleep during when I wasn't even actually tired.
Twilight is a strange one isn't it.

It seems to be rather generally accepted that Stephenie Meyer's writing in the book is very weak in places (regardless of the actual content, like it or not). This tumblr likes to pull out some of the extracts of the book: http://reasoningwithvampires.tumblr.com/#

However, at the same time, it is rather well loved and has a giant fan-base.

I haven't read any of the books, so I cannot comment on that.

I have seen the first film and it is genuinely bad. I really do not understand what it is that is appealing. I like to think I can appreciate romantic films and ones more (definitely politically-correct statement) generally associated with females. But I just don't get this one, at all.

To original post: I think selling crap off the back of something successful/loved is hardly a new way of making money. Please reference all computer games from movies (except Spiderman ones, awwwww yeeehh).
 

Grach

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I'm going the obvious route here and say Sonic '06.

I seriously cannot imagine what kind of person would like something so horrendously unfinished. Frankly I think it's something only an absolute fanboy would like.
 

SKBPinkie

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Bioshock infinite comes to mind.

People clearly aren't fans of the gameplay; I've never heard the game being praised for it. So the only reason it got 5 star-reviews must be for its storytelling. However, I found that aspect of it to be dull as hell. The idea of telling the story through things like voxophones and projector reels is utter garbage in my opinion. Mainly cause I can't really do anything else useful while those are going on. Hell, about half the time I try to listen to one of those things, it's ruined by the dialogue between Booker and Elizabeth or between NPCs. To actually listen to it, I must make sure to be pretty much still.

That's about ten times worse than a straight-up cutscene. I'd much rather the game completely take control away from me rather than act like I'm in charge and then nail me to a small area. Same goes for the NPC dialogue as well.

And speaking about the NPCs, the Luteces are the only ones worth paying attention to. Everyone else in the world doesn't feel like a character, but an exaggeration. "Hi! I'm racist caricature #264!". It wasn't world-building. It felt like listening to the same damn thing a hundred times.

As for the twist at the end - it was absolutely fantastic, but upon completion I kept thinking to myself - why was this a game? Seriously, why would you tell such a great story in a game when you barely made use of the interactive nature that the medium can offer?
 

Padwolf

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50 Shades of Grey. I just don't see how anyone can take that book and say "This is the greatest love story ever" or "The protagonist is a very strong female lead" or even "this book spiced up my sex life" There is just too much wrong with it. From the shoddy writing, to a 21 year old at university with no concept of email address or how to turn on a computer, to the complete misrepresentation of BDSM. There is so much wrong that it makes me angry just thinking of it.
Christian Grey is nothing more than a creepy stalker, and quite the abusive fellow at that. Anastasia Steele is nothing more than a ***** to her friends (seriously, the first page is her saying how annoyed she is her friend became ill, and then bitches about her friend in her pink pj's) The book is terrible at being an erotica. None of the sex scenes are even closely erotic and they are the same each and every single time. Really, the amount of word rep in that book is insane. Hell everything about it is insane. Look at this sentence!
"I must be the colour of the communist manifesto"
and also:
I pull the flattened Charlie Tango balloon from underneath my pillow and hug it.
- She sleeps with a balloon under her pillow.

They don't get better. In the last few chapters of the second book we have this travesty going on:

In the last few chapter everyone freaks out because Grey goes missing for 7 hours. He appears on the news as missing, no one calls the police for some unknown reason, and everyone assumes the worst has happened to him. What really happened was that his helicopter went down, he had to get a car home and decided not to call anyone because he was in a rush to get back because a male friend of Anastasia's was over, he had to get there to make sure this friend didn't make a move on her and show how possessive he is. Next he proposes to Anastasia and his female friend suddenly does a 180 degree character turn, grabs Ana and says "how dare you marry him, he is meant to live a life of bdsm with me, only I can make him happy" but Grey throws her out of the house. Next we have an epilogue where Ana's boss (who made a sexual advance on her earlier in the novel and was then beaten up by Grey's goons) comes out saying he will get revenge on them all for some reason and he was the one who sabotaged Grey's helicopter.

Oh and at the end of the last book? Grey's sister gets kidnapped. What does Ana do? Instead of calling the police, she fakes breaking up with Grey, gets 5 million dollars, and goes to where the kidnapper is. Why? Because we have to make it like Twilight goddamnit!

The third book gets even worse, gets more dramatic and all the sex scenes are the same. It's boring. The whole thing is incredibly boring. The characters are horribly written, the plot is all over the place and plays out exactly like a soap opera. It also has some weird and disturbing messages to send to the masses. Anyone here into BDSM? well it turns out you have a deep seeded issue and you need to be cured of your nasty preferences. Also if a guy tells you he likes to beat you up because you look like his "crack whore of a mother" you are meant to say "awwww it's ok" and not go running for the hills. Also every single woman ever is out to get your man, and you should make sure to insult every single woman around you just to make yourself feel better.

The author even makes sure to beat us over the head with how hot and rich Grey is, and how insecure Ana is. Hell, this woman even complains about having big eyes and why that's such a fecking travesty.

Also the comparisons to the classic novel Tess of the D'Urbervilles is disturbing. The story of Tess is disturbing enough, and now we have this main character comparing herself to Tess. Just... really? Ana wants to be raped, have her life ruined, and then thrown in prison? Really?

Damn this post has gone on quite a while. I guess it's because I had just finished reading them all a week ago or so (blame a friend, she told me I should battle through them) and really I just don't fully understand what the hell I have read. Also I hate the argument "It's just a book" no. No it is not just a book anymore. And it's a bestseller and they want to make it into a film. I just don't get it. These books make me too angry. I shall take my leave
 

FPLOON

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I assume by "no classics" you actually mean "keep it contemporary", right?

OT: The Polar Express: The novelization of the movie that was already based on the book. The worse part about this book is that I actually bought a copy for myself through a Scholastic catalog because I didn't have enough money of my own to buy the movie myself... If this book was a scam, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker...

Guardian Hearts: The manga series that, due to Tokyopop going under, was never fully finished... (I think it was half-way done, but I'm not sure...) As much as I wanted to see how it all ended, given how it always stayed within the standard "harem cliches" even with it's concept of "Tenchi Muyo meets Sailor Moon", looking back, there wasn't really anything interesting in this series that hasn't already been done better in other series... So, overall, you're not really missing much in the story/character department...

As far as movies are concerned, I saw the movie Project X... and I'm still wondering if wasting two hours of my life watching teens "fuck up" their lives and "get away with it" in the process was really worth it in the end... I mean, I've done it with Superbad, but unlike with Superbad, I was not enjoying myself while watching Project X...
 

Haukur Isleifsson

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tippy2k2 said:
The movie "Rampage"

Uwe Boll should have been a giant red flag. It was a giant red-flag but I thought I heard that Rampage was actually pretty good. That could not have actually happened for there is no way someone could think that this was a good movie.
I was just about to call you out on that but than I realized that I was thinking of Postal, another Uwe Boll film. Cause I rather liked that one.
 

farscythe

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BathorysGraveland2 said:
go watch postal.. uwe bolls greatest work imo (asuming your sense of humour is as warped as mine )

but yes ot.. i know you siad no clasics

but...how did anyone enjoy a tale of two cities...that book is unreadable
 

Sarah Kerrigan

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The new Miley Cyrus song Wrecking Ball. Dammit I cannot stand that song (covers of it are a different story) but I still dislike it to no end. It makes me wonder how people enjoy it. All I can see is the damned music video every time I hear it.
 

Ratty

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Queen Michael said:
Well, if you adapt a crappy show and it makes a crappy book at least it winds up being consistent lol.

What I find is more often the case with such licensed tie-in books is the authors will have a very wonky understanding of the franchise. They'll have see one or two episodes and maybe read the series bible, so the understanding of the characters and their relationships are often superficial at best, downright inaccurate at worst. The example of this that always springs to my mind is the awful Farscape: Ship of Ghosts [http://www.amazon.com/Farscape-Ship-Ghosts-David-Bischoff/dp/076534002X] by David Bischoff.

But there are of course many many examples. Sometimes even writers who research carefully can do badly because their characterization can run counter to things later revealed in the actual series. Albert Wesker died conclusively in the (surprisingly good) first Resident Evil novel for example, and I don't think the author brought him back in later adaptations even when the games did.