Nobody likes me, I hate myself

[Daaaah Whoosh]

Dude, don't end it now. You're on Yavin 4 now, and the Death Star is looming over the horizon. But Luke Skywalker is out there now, and he's gonna blow the whole thing up and save everyone. You just have to be willing to live on Hoth for a while, and then the whole Empire will fall at your feet.

Seriously, don't worry about everyone else. If they don't like you as you are, they aren't worth your time.

 

[Erana]

Snip

A few things:

1) You're making a lot of comments about "friends". I suspect the kind of friendships you're after aren't the casual "we share an interest" friends, but the more serious "we really care about each other" friends. First and foremost, no one has a lot of those friends. No one. They're hard to find, take a lot of work to keep, and you're lucky if you have a tiny handful of truly special friends in your life at any point.

You seem to be suffering through a depression/period of self loathing right now, which is making you extremely self-focused. This isn't going to help you form deep friendships. They don't happen overnight. No one spots you on the street and thinks "I want to befriend that person, about whom I know nothing". They form over time through the cumulative effort of both parties. You trust, and get trusted. You open up, and they open up in turn. The best way to GET a friend is to BE a friend. Listen. Show respect. Show concern. Take a genuine effort in their life and welfare and interests. Be there for them, unreservedly. Will everyone pay you back in kind? No, but bad/unhealthy friendships are part of growing up and they're something everyone must endure at some point. You do the things I specified, though, and no matter how loathsome you think you are, you'll come to have close friends who respect and rely on you.

2) See a doctor and talk about depression and anti-depression medication. You're assuming a nihilistic/hopeless tone and threatening suicide, so you need to do this post haste. Look into getting on an anti-depressant, and, once you're feeling a little better from it, you need to make sure you're eating right/sleeping well/exercising. You're going through a period of life in which huge changes in both your personality and circumstances are to be expected, and this can cause tremendous emotional upheaval. If you've never been through a clinical depression before, it can be a terrifying and draining experience. Please take the first step and get some help.

3) You need to consider finding a counselor or therapist to talk to about your gender dysmorphia issues. It's not as uncommon as you'd think, and feeling that way is not an ironclad guarantee you're transgendered, but on the off chance you are, it's something you want to discover about yourself sooner rather than later (for many reasons, not least of which how much easier transitioning is when you're younger). Depending on how strong/pervasive these feelings are, they could very well be contributing to your self-loathing and depression.

If you want to talk about any of these points in greater detail, or you want help/advice with anything, please don't hesitate to message me.

I've often thought of seeing a counsellor. They run a counselling service in the college I go too.

When I wrote all of my post I was feeling terrible. But almost as soon as I had written it I felt better. This happens often. Everything will be running around in my mind in the background but it's not often that it gets to me like it has done this evening. It is only in the heat of the moment that I really feel it getting to me (such as failing my exam today or watching the girl talk to people in class).

Sometimes I feel like I blow my problems out of proportion just to make myself feel justified in not being able to deal with them.

Whilst I would like close friends the problem is that people just don't seem to want to talk to me and friendship groups just develop and I end up getting left out.

Your completely right about me being self-focused though. I've been completely self absorbed for a few years now, it's almost like an addiction.

Well, this kind of sounds like you'd be especially benefited by seeing a councilor. Someone there to get out all the stuff running around in your head, someone who its not only okay but encouraged to talk about yourself to, and somewhere to get out all this stuff and feel better afterwards.
Go ahead and give it a go.

Still, I have to say the usual "eat well and regularly, get sleep and exercise, and get full blood tests to check for any diseases, disorders or imbalances" spiel that I so often dole out.

 

[The SettingSun]

Snip

A few things:

1) You're making a lot of comments about "friends". I suspect the kind of friendships you're after aren't the casual "we share an interest" friends, but the more serious "we really care about each other" friends. First and foremost, no one has a lot of those friends. No one. They're hard to find, take a lot of work to keep, and you're lucky if you have a tiny handful of truly special friends in your life at any point.

You seem to be suffering through a depression/period of self loathing right now, which is making you extremely self-focused. This isn't going to help you form deep friendships. They don't happen overnight. No one spots you on the street and thinks "I want to befriend that person, about whom I know nothing". They form over time through the cumulative effort of both parties. You trust, and get trusted. You open up, and they open up in turn. The best way to GET a friend is to BE a friend. Listen. Show respect. Show concern. Take a genuine effort in their life and welfare and interests. Be there for them, unreservedly. Will everyone pay you back in kind? No, but bad/unhealthy friendships are part of growing up and they're something everyone must endure at some point. You do the things I specified, though, and no matter how loathsome you think you are, you'll come to have close friends who respect and rely on you.

2) See a doctor and talk about depression and anti-depression medication. You're assuming a nihilistic/hopeless tone and threatening suicide, so you need to do this post haste. Look into getting on an anti-depressant, and, once you're feeling a little better from it, you need to make sure you're eating right/sleeping well/exercising. You're going through a period of life in which huge changes in both your personality and circumstances are to be expected, and this can cause tremendous emotional upheaval. If you've never been through a clinical depression before, it can be a terrifying and draining experience. Please take the first step and get some help.

3) You need to consider finding a counselor or therapist to talk to about your gender dysmorphia issues. It's not as uncommon as you'd think, and feeling that way is not an ironclad guarantee you're transgendered, but on the off chance you are, it's something you want to discover about yourself sooner rather than later (for many reasons, not least of which how much easier transitioning is when you're younger). Depending on how strong/pervasive these feelings are, they could very well be contributing to your self-loathing and depression.

If you want to talk about any of these points in greater detail, or you want help/advice with anything, please don't hesitate to message me.

I've often thought of seeing a counsellor. They run a counselling service in the college I go too.

When I wrote all of my post I was feeling terrible. But almost as soon as I had written it I felt better. This happens often. Everything will be running around in my mind in the background but it's not often that it gets to me like it has done this evening. It is only in the heat of the moment that I really feel it getting to me (such as failing my exam today or watching the girl talk to people in class).

Sometimes I feel like I blow my problems out of proportion just to make myself feel justified in not being able to deal with them.

Whilst I would like close friends the problem is that people just don't seem to want to talk to me and friendship groups just develop and I end up getting left out.

Your completely right about me being self-focused though. I've been completely self absorbed for a few years now, it's almost like an addiction.

Well, this kind of sounds like you'd be especially benefited by seeing a councilor. Someone there to get out all the stuff running around in your head, someone who its not only okay but encouraged to talk about yourself to, and somewhere to get out all this stuff and feel better afterwards.
Go ahead and give it a go.

Still, I have to say the usual "eat well and regularly, get sleep and exercise, and get full blood tests to check for any diseases, disorders or imbalances" spiel that I so often dole out.

Well, I keep on going through cycles of repression and hopelessness. Sometimes I can forget all of this stuff and actually enjoy life a little. For the past few months I've looked at this thread and wondered what i was thinking but now i'm on another hopelessness stage. The transgender stuff is coming back to haunt me.

And the stupidest thing is that the only thing stopping me seeing a counsellor is the thought that she (the girl who i've become so obsessed with it's scaring me) doesn't need to see one, and I want to be like her.

 

[alexxcodered]

I've gone through something similar to this a few years ago, i was fighting the fact that i was gay and hating myself constantly for being what i considered to be wrong. until i looked at myself one day in the mirror and said to myself out loud, this shit has to stop. I got my hair cut short, i forced myself to change my music choices (I went from death metal to lighthearted stuff like owl city) and made myself believe that I was the only person who could go for my happiness. Slowly my thoughts changed, they became happy, I've accepted who i am, and have even let myself fall for one of my best Friends.

Not saying that this sort of thing will help you, but you could try changing a few things in your life to help you along the way to happiness.

oh yeah, and wear light colors, they encourage positive thinking.