Nonsensical Statements

[Hippobatman]

"Boingo boingo whoopsie knickers" Ben Croshaw

 

[Whobajube]

"He went to India to eat cheeseburgers for the rest of his life. After his life he went to India to try the cheeseburgers, he died of a cheese overdose."

Egoraptor ftw

 

[P1p3s]

"Two wrongs don't make a right, they make a wrong wrong" My otherwise very intelligent from college back in 2000 - this became a staple phrase for a while

Same friend, same year - at play, while clapping at the end "If that was any better I'd only have stumps left"

 

[Vanilla Gorilla]

When I broke my leg, my uncle wrote, "Never pet a burning dog," on my cast.

Words to live by.

Your Uncle was obviously a Warcraft 2 fan back in the day, much respect to him! (that same line also works as a tip upon receiving bad service in a restaurant)

 

[Duck Sandwich]

One of my friends (who is a guy) tried to insult one of my other friends (who is also a guy)

"If I were you, I'd get a boyfriend."

And also, this.

YOU BUGGER YOU RETARDED CAMMELS OR DONKEYS THAT HAVE NO PURE ESSENESE OF LIFE.

GOTHZ (A BUNCH OF R3TARDED BUNNIES THAT DONT KNOW IF THEY JUST HAD SEX OR A VERCECTERMI).

AND THEN YOU BEALEVE THAT YOU HAVE BALLS BUT THEN LOOK DOWN TO MASTUR BATE TO FIND THERE MISING YOU THEN WONDER WERE YOU PUT YOUR PLASTIC BOLLUX.

 

[kiwisushi]

"The pheasant has no agenda!"

 

[kiwisushi]

One of my friends (who is a guy) tried to insult one of my other friends (who is also a guy)

"If I were you, I'd get a boyfriend."

And also, this.

YOU BUGGER YOU RETARDED CAMMELS OR DONKEYS THAT HAVE NO PURE ESSENESE OF LIFE.

GOTHZ (A BUNCH OF R3TARDED BUNNIES THAT DONT KNOW IF THEY JUST HAD SEX OR A VERCECTERMI).

AND THEN YOU BEALEVE THAT YOU HAVE BALLS BUT THEN LOOK DOWN TO MASTUR BATE TO FIND THERE MISING YOU THEN WONDER WERE YOU PUT YOUR PLASTIC BOLLUX.

wow ... vercectermi sounds like a roman building, like a vomitarium!

 

[Goatlemon]

One night at a trivia event at my father's social club. Note that this exchange was all said with a straight face and 100% seriousness. The sort of voice it was all spoken with was the slightly quick, mostly deadpan voice you see on medical shows when they're dealing with a emergency patient.

Trivia Question: I don't remember the exact question so I'll use another question that came up in another trivia night there.

"Which planet has the fastest rotation?"

Dad: "Jupiter."

Me: "Are you sure?"

Dad: "Trust me; I'm a gynaecologist."

My father drives freight trains by the way. I was laughing so hard at the unexpectedness of it that other people at my table couldn't concentrate on what they were doing for a while.

 

[SecretTacoNinja]

"The pheasant has no agenda!"

You win.

"Bring me the chalky dust of the Love Salmon!"

 

[Supernovajake]

"I hear it's amazing when the purple, stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork, does a raw blink on hari-kari rock! I need scissors! 61! -Roy Campbell (MGS2)

 

[Frybird]

"P.S.: I wanted to send you money, but unfortuately i already closed the envelope"

- End of a letter from a stupid mother to her stupid child

 

[DiamondJim]

My friend, waking up abruptly from sleep, then immediately going back to sleep: "DUDE! Dude, I invisableded the car!"

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Don't worry, I don't know what I'm doing.

 

[Sir_Montague]

"We've gotta make like a tree and get the fuck outta here."

"Aw, you know I'm a sucker for back to the future references..."

 

[Mr Fatherland]

Teacher-"Name the three forms of God.

Me-God the Father. God the spirit and God the Jesus.

A religous education lesson-2008

 

[Tyran107]

The point is to make it sound like it should make sense, but be open to interpretation so that everybody can relate to them. Like the old standby:

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" ~ FDR.

It contradicts itself, when you think about it deeply, but when you look at it on the surface, it's inspiring.

Fixed

 

[Knonsense]

Any lyrics written by Ronnie James Dio.

Spoiler

Holy Diver
You've been down too long in the midnight sea
Oh what's becoming of me

Ride the tiger
You can see his stripes but you know he's clean
Oh don't you see what I mean

Gotta get away
Holy Diver

Shiny diamonds
Like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue
Something is coming for you

Race for the morning
You can hide in the sun 'till you see the light
Oh we will pray it's all right

Gotta get away-get away

Between the velvet lies
There's a truth that's hard as steel
The vision never dies
Life's a never ending wheel

Holy Diver
You're the star of the masquerade
No need to look so afraid

Jump on the tiger
You can feel his heart but you know he's mean
Some light can never be seen

i,e. that.

 

[Dechef]

"Tell it to the one legged man, so he can bump it off, on down the road."

Bonus points if you can name the movie.

"Fuck! Shit! Jesus! Fuck, shit, jesus is right."