Not having the time to listen.
- Thread starter Bat Vader
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Tearing your pants off must be a great escape from any unfavorable social situation.Baffle said:
No fucking way would I do that to a complete stranger who wasn't already acting like an immense dick or trying to stir shit. That is rudeness I doubt I'm even capable of, being Canadian and whatnot. If I get in a situation where I want out of a conversation or whatever, I basically just say so, 'I've got things to do, but it's been good chatting. See ya,' etc. If I just outright walk away by accident (which has never happened so far as I'm aware), I'd want to apologise as soon as I could. Seriously, that is an enormous dick manoeuvre.
It's incredibly easy to make a person feel like shit in the moment but what you need to remember is that now that you are an adult rather than a teenager nobody cares for that anymore. What people will remember is not how you totally made that woman look like a fool but rather what a dick you acted like. Eventually that will act up and you will be Bat Vader the dick, and not in a good way.
What makes you think you have no part in making a conversation interesting anyway? I've found that when you actually get a conversation going most people are interesting enough to talk to. Being able to talk to other people than your friends and people who share your immediate interests is a skill that is great to have and it is sadly a skill that too many lack.
What makes you think you have no part in making a conversation interesting anyway? I've found that when you actually get a conversation going most people are interesting enough to talk to. Being able to talk to other people than your friends and people who share your immediate interests is a skill that is great to have and it is sadly a skill that too many lack.
You know. You could do the adult thing and just tell her to stop talking to you.
Not even in a rude way, just can you plus stop talking to me.
Walking away is both rude and childish.
Not even in a rude way, just can you plus stop talking to me.
Walking away is both rude and childish.
I have about two good friends. One doesn't care that I do it and the other points out I should apologize but above that doesn't care if I do or not.MeatMachine said:
I used to have more but having to make the time to talk or hang with them was annoying and so I quit communicating with them. Plus they said and did stupid things which got on my nerves whenever I had to deal with them.
I'm not forwardly inviting. Whenever I'm in public I try and give off a don't talk to me vibe with body language. I'm not a social person.
Just walking away is straight up rude, if that was the intent or you are having a laugh between friends sure why not. Just tell you way out of a conversation, slip away as one might call it. These people you are walking away from could not notice you don't care because you aren't projecting that clearly, this could just be two people not interacting very well at a social level.
The only time I just walk away from somebody talking to me is if they're soliciting me in some way. Even then I'll say something, either "no thank you" or "I'm not interested" as I scurry away. Otherwise I always say something to end conversations I don't care for.
I am guilty of ignoring (not reacting to, i guess) people's lame jokes, and skirting around their attempts at deeper conversations.
I am guilty of ignoring (not reacting to, i guess) people's lame jokes, and skirting around their attempts at deeper conversations.
I do not agree with the notion that just because someone is talking, they 1) have something to say; 2) deserve an audience; 3) are right about anything. Walking away should certainly be saved for repeat offenders or truly interminable situations, but folks should remember wasting others' time is also quite discourteous.
I hate natterers. I've known several people who could just spew words in a nonstop stream for literally hours without saying one single solitary goddamned thing that anyone could ever possibly want to hear. I do not need to hear an extended narrative about the lunch this person had with their mother last week. If he hadn't seen his mother for ten years, or something interesting happened nearby while they were eating, that would be one thing. But when the most interesting part of a thirty minute story is that the restaurant was out of ranch and he had to make do with creamy caesar, he should keep the story to himself, because that's not a story. That is verbal diarrhea. If you want to spend an hour talking about your wristwatch, it better fucking DO something, not be simply a generic piece of $13 Wal-Mart trash. I wish I were making this up. Thinking you have something to say is not the same as having something to say. I feel just fine walking away from people who cannot make that distinction.
Then there are assholes. Again, I've known several. The best and easiest way to show contempt to someone who is fucking up your life or workplace is to simply walk away midsentence. Besides, when every word out of their mouth is whining or insults, I know what they're going to say before they do, which sort of makes listening moot.
Then there are the solicitors, the salesmen, the people who cannot stand the idea of anyone thinking differently than they do. It's simple: If you want me to come around to your side, try using a well-constructed, reasonable argument. Otherwise you're wasting your time and mine. This woman I used to work with tried to convert me to Christianity. Her argument, boiled down, was "because it's real." I was already uninterested but her complete lack of intelligence or debating skill made every conversation precisely identical to the preceding one. I made it very clear to her I was not interested but she was constitutionally incapable of not talking about it. Every day the same song and the tuner knob was broken off. Eventually I started ignoring her. She told me I was being rude and I told her to go fuck herself. Totally justified.
I hate natterers. I've known several people who could just spew words in a nonstop stream for literally hours without saying one single solitary goddamned thing that anyone could ever possibly want to hear. I do not need to hear an extended narrative about the lunch this person had with their mother last week. If he hadn't seen his mother for ten years, or something interesting happened nearby while they were eating, that would be one thing. But when the most interesting part of a thirty minute story is that the restaurant was out of ranch and he had to make do with creamy caesar, he should keep the story to himself, because that's not a story. That is verbal diarrhea. If you want to spend an hour talking about your wristwatch, it better fucking DO something, not be simply a generic piece of $13 Wal-Mart trash. I wish I were making this up. Thinking you have something to say is not the same as having something to say. I feel just fine walking away from people who cannot make that distinction.
Then there are assholes. Again, I've known several. The best and easiest way to show contempt to someone who is fucking up your life or workplace is to simply walk away midsentence. Besides, when every word out of their mouth is whining or insults, I know what they're going to say before they do, which sort of makes listening moot.
Then there are the solicitors, the salesmen, the people who cannot stand the idea of anyone thinking differently than they do. It's simple: If you want me to come around to your side, try using a well-constructed, reasonable argument. Otherwise you're wasting your time and mine. This woman I used to work with tried to convert me to Christianity. Her argument, boiled down, was "because it's real." I was already uninterested but her complete lack of intelligence or debating skill made every conversation precisely identical to the preceding one. I made it very clear to her I was not interested but she was constitutionally incapable of not talking about it. Every day the same song and the tuner knob was broken off. Eventually I started ignoring her. She told me I was being rude and I told her to go fuck herself. Totally justified.
That's not a social hack, that's literally the rudest thing I've heard today. Makes you sound outright insufferable.
No. I don't do that. I always say SOMETHING to end it, never just leave. Not even from a crazy hobo on the street ranting about egg pies.
No. I don't do that. I always say SOMETHING to end it, never just leave. Not even from a crazy hobo on the street ranting about egg pies.
I start role-playing... The first one to break character allows me to leave in a casual manner...
Other than that, I'm usually the one that initiates the conversation with someone either party does not know, which has lead to some interesting role-playing scenarios and a missed opportunity at some dude's phone number...
Other than that, I'm usually the one that initiates the conversation with someone either party does not know, which has lead to some interesting role-playing scenarios and a missed opportunity at some dude's phone number...
I do something similar, normally when I'm in a bad mood.
It upsets some people, but I'd rather do that than hang around and let whatever they're saying annoy me to the point that I say something unkind.
I mean, people say "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all", and that's what I'm doing. If they want to get upset about that, then that's their choice, but it'll probably just bug me further.
Though, I try not to do it too often, at least.
It upsets some people, but I'd rather do that than hang around and let whatever they're saying annoy me to the point that I say something unkind.
I mean, people say "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all", and that's what I'm doing. If they want to get upset about that, then that's their choice, but it'll probably just bug me further.
Though, I try not to do it too often, at least.
I never claimed it was a social hack though. Most times I try and end a conversation either through telling the person I am busy or answering in short one word responses so as to kill the conversation. Usually when small talk or something I don't care about comes into play though is when it happens. It just kinda happens. It's like an ingrained thing. I catch myself doing it but only really as I am already walking away. I have caught myself about to walk away and instead just tell the person I gotta go or something while I am in mid mid step.lacktheknack said:
Just yesterday I ran into a an old high school classmate who proceeded to tell me about his life when I clearly told him I wasn't interested in talking. All the while he was talking I was just wishing he would shut up because I couldn't care any less about how his life was. Eventually I told him I really didn't care and told him to have a good life and then walked away.
So you're... what, looking for validation? There's no excuse for being a dick because you didn't care.
I lack social tact too but I was taught when I was really young that you don't do stuff like that. I don't know how you managed to make friends with two people who don't really care that you do it because if I had a friend who chose to walk away instead of listen to me (no matter the importance), I'd feel incredibly offended.
(Despite the sexy icon) I try really hard to go by the "do unto others" rule; if I'm taking a giant risk by talking to someone I don't know and they walk away from me mid-conversation and it's not for something intense like needing to projectile vomit (not that I'd know), I'd feel crushed and my self-esteem would clip even further into the ground.
So no. If you aren't planning on causing actual, physical damage if you remain in a conversation with someone, I'd never do that. It's rude and demeaning and saying "well I TRY not to do it" is about as valid as someone saying "well I TRY not spit in your food" and then do it anyway.
I mean... damn.
I lack social tact too but I was taught when I was really young that you don't do stuff like that. I don't know how you managed to make friends with two people who don't really care that you do it because if I had a friend who chose to walk away instead of listen to me (no matter the importance), I'd feel incredibly offended.
(Despite the sexy icon) I try really hard to go by the "do unto others" rule; if I'm taking a giant risk by talking to someone I don't know and they walk away from me mid-conversation and it's not for something intense like needing to projectile vomit (not that I'd know), I'd feel crushed and my self-esteem would clip even further into the ground.
So no. If you aren't planning on causing actual, physical damage if you remain in a conversation with someone, I'd never do that. It's rude and demeaning and saying "well I TRY not to do it" is about as valid as someone saying "well I TRY not spit in your food" and then do it anyway.
I mean... damn.
Whatever it happens, indifference you didn't owe her anything. Meh, to being rude it happens and it was scenario that you weren't invested in. Of course I'm just straight up asshole in scenarios that I couldn't give a rats ass about.
You weren't condescending , well directly you just didn't care it was a stranger that you probably won't ever see again... I'm not seeing a problem.
He'll I've been cut off and ignored tons of times, when I was more polite and invested. Guess those experiences made me jaded but whatever. With me it's harder to act interested when I'm not interested at all.
So ya you were rude to a stranger meh.
You weren't condescending , well directly you just didn't care it was a stranger that you probably won't ever see again... I'm not seeing a problem.
He'll I've been cut off and ignored tons of times, when I was more polite and invested. Guess those experiences made me jaded but whatever. With me it's harder to act interested when I'm not interested at all.
So ya you were rude to a stranger meh.
No because that's incredibly rude. It's not that hard to excuse yourself rather than just walking off. You don't have to event an excuse, telling them your just not interested is far better.
No, I'm not seeking validation. I was just curious if others did similar stuff as well. I couldn't care any less whether someone validates what I do or not. I don't do it to my friends for two reasons. 1. They are my friends and while I have wanted to before I don't because they are my friends. I don't do it to family either. 2. They don't usually waste my time with small talk or stuff I don't care about. When we do make small talk we make a little as humanely possible and move onto talk about more important stuff. I told them straight up about the stuff I don't care about and if they want to talk about that stuff they need to speak with someone else about it. Politics being one of the biggest things.Spider RedNight said:
I do that, but only as a last resort when I basically can't cope anymore, and am completely stressed out by the situation.
If I sense someone is likely to start a conversation I'm not interested in having, I go out of my way to stay very far away from them though.
Still, you shouldn't use me as a rolemodel for anything. I'm autistic, and have social anxiety on top of it.
When I do this is largely because I can no longer think of any other way to handle the situation. (either because I just can't think of anything, can't get an opening to break something off, or am completely stressed out and can't think straight anymore)
Chances are it's quite rude though.
On the other hand there's fairly frequent situations where I don't even notice that someone is trying to talk to me...
That probably also seems rude, but, if I don't notice you, I don't notice you.
Being upset about that is understandable, but in some ways it's a bit like being upset at a deaf person for not hearing you.
Ehh... I really don't know.
Not the person to ask for advice on this, as you might be able to tell...
If I sense someone is likely to start a conversation I'm not interested in having, I go out of my way to stay very far away from them though.
Still, you shouldn't use me as a rolemodel for anything. I'm autistic, and have social anxiety on top of it.
When I do this is largely because I can no longer think of any other way to handle the situation. (either because I just can't think of anything, can't get an opening to break something off, or am completely stressed out and can't think straight anymore)
Chances are it's quite rude though.
On the other hand there's fairly frequent situations where I don't even notice that someone is trying to talk to me...
That probably also seems rude, but, if I don't notice you, I don't notice you.
Being upset about that is understandable, but in some ways it's a bit like being upset at a deaf person for not hearing you.
Ehh... I really don't know.
Not the person to ask for advice on this, as you might be able to tell...
Rude my ass. You're under no obligation to hold a conversation with anyone unless you attempted to engage in the first place.
What is rude is expecting to be entitled to someone else's attention and/or time and believe that someone ignoring you is THEIR fault.
If someone doesn't want to pay attention to you then YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO THEIR ATTENTION.
The idea that you MUST acknowledge or engage in conversation with someone you do not want to is ludicrous.
What is rude is expecting to be entitled to someone else's attention and/or time and believe that someone ignoring you is THEIR fault.
If someone doesn't want to pay attention to you then YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO THEIR ATTENTION.
The idea that you MUST acknowledge or engage in conversation with someone you do not want to is ludicrous.