OK GUYS AND GALS I NEED YOUR HELP

[carlito2003]

( ok guys, before i get all the hate and stupid posts in here, first hear me out and hopefully i get what i came here for )

Ok guys, Im going through a post breakup. Yes, another one of these stupid 'oh god i need some help.' But its been one of those hardest things in my life. To make a long story short, I went out with a girl that i loved was loyal to and dedicated my life to for 8 years. Since, the 12th grade on 2003 til April of this year. But then she left me for someone else. Whatever, you hear that all the times but the thing is, it happened to me and im having the hardest time getting over her. I still love her and its been 4 or 5 months since we broken up. We had a life together: we lived together for 6 years, we owned dogs, shared banking stuff, and i mean, in every sense, we were married. But why am I having such a hard time getting over her. I deleted her off of facebook cause she posted pictures of her and her bf. I left town and moved back with my parents cause I know that if I would of stayed in town, I would of done something stupid. But I just need help. Im so depressed and angry and I really dont know why. Maybe its because I got played. Most of my friends are like F*** that b**** but im still loyal to the girl.

The question then is if anyone else been through something similar, what did you guys do to get over another person? Hopefully people see that this isnt just a sap story but rather, a need for advice.

 

[Azure-Supernova]

It's probably a good idea to realise that she's not coming back. It's time to get on with your life now. Remember, it's your life now, not one you share.

 

[carlito2003]

I think thats the problem; Im giving myself hope. Its just so hard to just let someone go...

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

Whenever you're truly feeling low and need a way to escape from reality. Have a few drinks of this.

 

[blankedboy]

Just because it's happening specifically to you doesn't make it in any way special. No-one's love is special, and given that no-one knows you here (2 posts indication) that's even more of a downside.

I'd be very up-and-in-your-face about it, ask the girl why she doesn't want to be with you. Just a simple, straightforward, confident question. Put yourself in her shoes after being asked that question, how the HELL are you meant to respond to a question like that? I can imagine it becoming very awkward after that, but, it seems like your best option at this point.

On the contrary, if you deleted her off your Facebook friendslist, and she's probably forgotten about you mostly. If you haven't been in contact with her in the past 4-5 days, I'd just give up on her.

 

[Julianking93]

Considering that she left you then instantly hooked up with someone else, I'd side with your friends in saying "fuck that *****"

It's normal to go through something like this after such a long time together with someone you love. Don't feel like it's out of the ordinary to feel depressed and angry. It will take time, but you'll get over it soon enough. Just be around your friends and loved ones and it will eventually pass. There's not a whole lot you can do other than that.

You could confront her and ask why she did it, but I'd advise against something like that out of fear of it becoming more awkward or you not liking the answer...

Oh and by the way, welcome to the Escapist!

 

[kwagamon]

I'm not good with this kind of thing, but I guess your best bet is to find someone new and try again. Get back out there, ya' know? It might sound a bit cold, but it does work and eventually you'll find someone that will be happy to stay with you.

 

[Azure-Supernova]

I think thats the problem; Im giving myself hope. Its just so hard to just let someone go...

If she's happy now, is there much else you can do? She's clearly decided that enough was enough, maybe she'll call you one day and tell you what a mistake she's made, maybe not. But you can't leave your life down to chance. Take some action, push forward. Get a hobby and just think of what the future could hold for you.

 

[Ziggy109]

I really feel for you, mate. I went through a breakup of my own a little more than a month back, but it was nowhere near as serious as what you seem to be going through. My advice? Listen to (NSFW: language) this [http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2010/08/20] for a while. It certainly put a smile on my face when I was unhappy, and I hope it can do the same for you!

 

[Girl With One Eye]

I know its hard but the best thing you can do right now is focus yourself on something. Focus on a hobby you like, treat yourself to something like a new game, go out with your friends, spend time with family. It won't be easy but you will feel better eventually, and you always have the escapist for when you're feeling down. *Hugs* Hope you feel better soon.

 

[carlito2003]

Yeah, I guess time does heals all but like i said, 8 years of building and sharing experiences with someone if hard to just forget. Put it this way guys, On December 2009, I asked her if she would marry me. She said no cause she wasnt ready. From there, i was kinda sad but ok because I respected her decision. But this whole thing of just getting with someone else, it just kills me. A friend of her told me that she needs to date other guys before settling down. Once again, i have to respect her choices but it just ended up with me getting really hurt. Quite honestly, check it: I barely think aboiut her when im at work as an IT tech in the university, but its when im sleeping and i dream about her that i lose it. I wake up all sad with water in my eyes and noticed that i was hugging my dog instead of my ex. Stuff like that just kills me.

BTW, thanx Julianking93! Zero Punctuation is the reason why Im here.

 

[carlito2003]

Ziggy109: great song. But the one song that I listen to almost everyday is Eminem- Space Bound. Basically the perfect song toexactly what Im going through.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJ2bjStuwyY

 

[Bon_Clay]

That sucks bro, my parents actually split up about about a year ago. After being married for decades that's like your whole life getting turned upside down. My dad's had some tough times getting through it, but you do get back to living your life eventually. You have to realize that as much as she meant to you (as still does, you can't turn emotions off because you WANT to), you have to live your life for yourself.

Who cares about if you think you got played, the positive memories you have still actually happened, and you can continue to have good experiences in life even if they aren't with her. Its normal to be depressed and pissed off, to feel betrayed or cheated. But if she could just leave you like that, it was going to end eventually. Don't think of it as her leaving you for another guy and you being replaced, if a relationship ends its because one or both aren't getting what they want out of it. As for what that is, who knows, some people get bored and feel they need to change up their life, some people just make stupid decisions they think are good at the time.

As for advice, just ignore what is going on with her, live your own life and focus on getting yourself in a place (figuratively mostly but literally eventually) you want to be. You will eventually be able to move on and have new relationships if that's what you want.

Edit: Try not to focus on thinking she'll ever come back. You don't have to think "Well no one will every love me again" or anything, but as for her its most likely over. Some time without contact with her would probably be good at the very least if you ever want to try an remain friends. If she feels she still needs to live out her youth and isn't ready for marriage, she probably doesn't know what kind of person she would even be compatible with in a marriage anyway.

 

[Lullabye]

*snippity-doo-dah*

This [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread] is where you should be asking for advice.

My two cents?
um....try dating someone else?

 

[The Geek Lord]

My advice? Don't use caps lock to grab attention. Around here it may get you ***** smacked.

And another thing, just forget about her. Get a new life, a fresh start, per say. Hopefully with someone who isn't a remarkably insensitive *****. If all else fails, hit the bottle and start playing through hardcore video games [http://www.atlus.com/smt/main.html] meant for people who have nothing better to do [http://devilmaycry.com/].

On a separate note, welcome to the Escapist. I'm the local cold-hearted insensitive bastard. A pleasure to meet you.

 

[carlito2003]

I try to work as much as I can. I was an IT Tech for UF and since moving to Miami, I got my job transferred to UM. Like i said, what kills me the most is when i dream about the girl. Dating isnt going to be a problem. I dont think im ugly. Then again I dont think im hot stuff. I dont have a problem talking to new girls or anything like that, its just like that one user said, all the happy memories that i have is with her, and unfortunately, im still care. Its in my nature. I know that one day i'll move on cause everybody else does, but i just think that after 4 months, i should be over her and im not. 8 year relationship. 4th month after the breakup. Normal to still be sad and down or not?

 

[Capt. Crankypants]

*snip*

am in EXACTLY the same boat mate. Just got ditched by my 4 year girlfriend (high school sweetheart), who, fairly enough, "doesnt love me anymore". She didn't exactly leave me for another guy, because she wants to be single for a while, that aside, she is having rampant sex with another bloke. She's a lovely girl, and still cares about me, but and I've moved on with life and am actually coping fairly well. Every now and then I think hard about it though, and can't decide whether to love and forgive her, or hate her entirely for what she did to me. Anyway, the main problem I have is hearing about the great time she's having with her friends and her new bloke, and I just can't handle it (seeing as I'm stuck in a sortof tormented rut that she partly caused), I start wishing all these terrible things on her to sortof make her feel pain for what she's done. Logically though, I really shouldn't. If she was that bored of hanging out with me at that time, then it's so much better for her that she's moved on. I can't really hate her either, I'm just not a hateful person, so Forgive and Forget is pretty much the order of the day.

Anyway, as for your...our...advice, I reckon keeping yourself busy is best. Make sure you're busy with a job and with a hobby like sport or something, make sure you have friends to hang around with, and I dunno about you, but I'm still a very confident person, and finding a cute girl to have a friendship/casual sex relationship is a priority. (Not after another love relationship as I'm hoping to move inter-state soon)

Chin up cowboy, you'll be alright

 

[StarCecil]

Well, it's normal to be sad about ending something you were emotionally invested in. Time heals all wounds. You will be sad, make no mistake. You might pine for her years and years later. But you will get over her, eventually. It just takes time.

 

[HardkorSB]

My friend went through the same thing.
I can recomend you a few things:
1. You need someone to talk to about your relationship (preferably a friend), don't keep it to yourself because it will eat you up from the inside.
2. Find yourself a girlfriend (and by that I mean a girl who is a friend, more than one is a plus) and spend some time with her, talk to her, get to know her better, have fun with her, it really helps.
3. Get laid, and by that I don't mean fuck a girl while thinking about your ex but just "get lost in the pleasures of the body".
4. Think about all the other women available.

The main thing is, you can still form another relationship and you should at least try to do that.
Don't be afraid to forget about her.
Don't be afraid to go on with your life.

I mean (cliche alert) it's not the end of the world.

 

[Lyri]

If she left you for another guy, you should probably look at yourself for the answers.