OK GUYS AND GALS I NEED YOUR HELP

[carlito2003]

Lucas, your right. I hear from some friends that shes having a great time with the new guy and its like.. wtf? Once again, its hard. I could be sleeping or something like that but im here trying to stay busy and trying to keep awake cause i dont want to go to sleep. I'm like somewhat scared to sleep cause im scared to dream about her and get even more sad.

 

[Sacman]

I dunno what to do, but last time it happened to me I tried suicide... didn't work too well...

 

[rebus_forever]

dont worry about feeling bad that will only make feeling bad worse, a very similar thing happened to me about 10 years ago and i still feel bad about it sometimes, there is a lot of things u cannot understand when something like this happens, accepting that you cannot understand and may never is probably better than expecting to bathe in a puddle, sometimes people just dont have the depth to explain their actions.


as i say, i still sometimes feel bad about it but would i let that girl get between me and my current girlfriend of 7 years, no way.
one thing i would warn against is not becoming to reclusive, i did this and when i decided i didnt want to be a recluse no more id kinda lost a lot of friends, some to her, u cannot think so much if you are busy, that would be my main advice to you, keep busy and the ability to focus on it all will subside, nights suck when ur so used to being with someone and all you can do is think, all the answers u need u cannot provide, its a nasty place to be.

if i didn get screwed over by the first chick i wouldnt have met the 2nd and to compare how i feel about them is impossible. I hope the same happens for you.

in actual fact reading through this kind bummed me out also

 

[The Geek Lord]

I dunno what to do, but last time it happened to me I tried suicide... didn't work too well...

... So you're going to tell the guy--who is talking about how depressed he is--that when you had this happen to you, you tried to kill yourself?

Look, I'm not trying to be a jackass here, but saying something like that in a topic asking for advice is not very comforting.

 

[johnsom]

No easy answer to heartbreak. Time and good company is what I would suggest.

 

[Cain_Zeros]

You were with her for about eight years, and genuinely cared about her. A few months won't be enough to heal that, I'm sorry to say. But give it time, try to distract yourself with the company of good friends, that sort of thing. Moving away and deleting her on Facebook were actually good steps. It might not be easy (depending on whether or not she's making any effort to stay in contact), but cut off all contact with her to give yourself space to heal. It sounds like a bit of a dick move, but talking to her will just dig at the wound at keep it from healing.

Whenever you're truly feeling low and need a way to escape from reality. Have a few drinks of this.

And while I'm going to assume this was at least partly in jest, don't do this. Trust me, I've tried it, and even before you get to the hung over and heartbroken stage it makes you feel worse.

 

[joe the janitor]

Does this make you feel better

 

[joe the janitor]

Also this video of GIR always cheers people up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSM59xfZZFM

 

[Sacman]

I dunno what to do, but last time it happened to me I tried suicide... didn't work too well...

... So you're going to tell the guy--who is talking about how depressed he is--that when you had this happen to you, you tried to kill yourself?

Look, I'm not trying to be a jackass here, but saying something like that in a topic asking for advice is not very comforting.

What am I supposed to say I'm sorry I don't handle break ups well, and that all I had to share to this thread is a rather bleak and vague explanation of a personal experience...

 

[Vrach]

The question then is if anyone else been through something similar, what did you guys do to get over another person? Hopefully people see that this isnt just a sap story but rather, a need for advice.

Sorry, but I'm going with your friends' advice. Screw her and move on. Hanging onto hope she's gonna come back is the worst thing you can do to yourself and in the very least a waste of time.

Grab a few mates. Designate a driver. Get nice and smashed. Am not a drinker, but it's a good plan for most people. Just go out with a couple of friends and do whatever it is you usually do when you wanna be happy. Don't withdraw into yourself and go asocial (I know that's probably what you want to do most if she's not around). The friends will cheer you up and at the very least distract you.

Meet a girl when you go out. Just meet someone, be friendly and maybe a little flirty. It doesn't need to end in sex, am not telling you "go bang something you'll feel better", the point is that you should just go out and see for yourself that your ex is not the only girl in the entire world (and don't keep telling yourself that she is), that's what you need most of all if you want to get over her (and you should).

Best of luck and man-hugs across the internetz

 

[Jewrean]

Snip

1) Write your feelings and how you feel on paper. Then piss on it and burn it... fuck your emotions.

2) Get drunk and or go out with all of your mates. Play videos games and eat Pizza.

3) Write a book, paint something, or express yourself creatively somehow.

4) Go out to a club, hit on someone and get into a relationship. Then get dumped again.

Rinse and Repeat.

It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I'm willing to bet that many people on here have 'never loved at all', myself included.

 

[Firia]

The question then is if anyone else been through something similar, what did you guys do to get over another person? Hopefully people see that this isnt just a sap story but rather, a need for advice.

Time.

I met the girl of my dreams, and it ended abruptly. The thing is, neither of us wanted it to end. It just had to. I was angry, I was in denial, I was depressed. I was the whole gambit. It took me TWO YEARS to be able to think of her without remorse. Putting her out of your field of vision is a good start. You'll think about her a little less. In time, you'll be fine. And be stronger for it.

Whenever you're truly feeling low and need a way to escape from reality. Have a few drinks of this.

I did this part too, and it's really not a good idea. What with Alcohol being a depressant.

 

[Duke Machine]

Well I'm going to join the people here who've suggested good company, keeping busy and giving it some more time. Additionally do not go get drunk that just makes things worse in my experience. So I know it sucks but eventually something good will come out of it one way or another.

 

[General_Potatoes]

If you have any friends were you live, invite them over and get drunk. it'll help a fair bit. or go out and look for someone else.

 

[BrownGaijin]

I actually remember breaking down into tears and singing lyrics to "Adam's Song". As depressing as this sounds the fact is I can laugh about it.

Eight years is a long to go through it, and I'm sure it's going to take a long time to get over it as well. The best advice I got from it was like any state of mourning (and believe me you are mourning) is to focus as much energy as you can to get back into a usual routine. Yes, you are going to feel like something is missing. It's just a fact of life, and the only thing that will remedy it is time. I know this may seem inconvenient, but to paraphrase the toadstools people "Convenience is in another castle". Also don't be afraid to talk about it with other people who have gone through the same thing. Humans are social beings, and we manage things better when we share our stories with people who are going through the same thing.

Best of Luck.

 

[carlito2003]

You guys are right. lets see, 1st of all, i dont have the balls to kill myself. I mean dont get me wrong, after we broke up and that was that, i did not eat for a good 2 1/2 weeks. All i ate was sunflower seeds and water. Other than that, no food. Im assuming it was because of the shock. Them first 2 weeks were bad. Im talking about performing poorly at work, not eating, not sleeping, trying to get in contact with her to see if we can work it out. Fail, fail, fail fail and fail. I was so depressed. Once i moved back to Miami, i was somewhat better because I wasnt in the same town she was in (7 hour drive). But now, all i do is just work. Im done with school (Masters in Network Administrations) but thats all i have left. I think what kills me the most is that I was ready for everything. I was ready for a marriage, kids, etc. I have a very well paying job, i have good credit, etc. im set. I just needed a girl to complete my life. But i feel that she stole my chance for the good life. Like she robbed me of a future i worked so hard to build for the both of us. I think thats where i get angry.

Im not a heavy drinker. I dont drink beer but i do drink wine. Maybe that counts for something.

The other thing that im trying to establish is friends. Not that i dont have any, but the friends that i have in miami are, better or worse, losers. Not to sound pompous, but i like to talk to educated people that knows whats going on. 95% of my friends in miami are them "ghetto" "fuck the world" type of friends. Mind you, before i left to go to college, i was like that in a way, but i grew out of that. They havent. I just dont want to go backwards in life and get mixed up with them again. But the catch is, they are all i have in this town. I was away for 8 years. As soon as t hey found out that i was back in town, they took my out and we chilled but im a totally different person. Im not the "ghetto" one anymore. And i just feel awkward being around them. I am making new friends at work, thats not the problem, its just i guess im kind of paranoid and scared.

Dont worry, half the times when i cant fall asleep or anything like that, i just stay up and play video games all night long (CO:MW2 anyone) But it still doesnt help the fact that I still think about her. Kind of sad but its the truth. Like one said "better to love and lost than never love at all" i kinda like the saying "no love lost, no love found"

dont worry, ill be up in these forums just reading stuff for a while. i really appreciate the advice. normally, i dont call anyone cause by now, everyone is sleeping so i guess thats one of the reasons why i decided to post it on the forums and see what others say. BTW, escapist forums are way more helpful than say.. gamefaqs.

 

[Mechsoap]

life cant stop because of one person, man up and get over it (not to sound harsh)

 

[silversnake4133]

(Tidus is such a retard XD)

As for advice from me, do something you really like, or something that brings you joy and do it repeatedly. Such things could be taking long walks, watching/playing one of your favorite physical activities or sport, writing something, going on an adventure, or just talking in gibberish while varying the pitch/tone of your voice. And if you require human contact, go out to dinner with your buds or go somewhere to hang out. More than likely, friends or close relatives can always help you feel better when you're down. But one thing you really don't want to do is find another relationship quickly. I know you said that it's been an "x" amount of months since your break-up, but from your words, it seems that it feels to you like you broke-up yesterday.

Another thing to help you is not from outside influences but from within. Take a few minutes in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and just say "I AM worth it" or "I CAN do this" in a constant repetition. The break-up was nothing of your doing that you can see or notice, and if you really feel like you should move on, you first need to consult yourself, and confirm that you really want to move on.

As for the contact thing, I strongly recommend that you just sever that tie. Nothing hurts worse than hearing your special one's voice again with the same adoration and cheerfulness as before directed at someone else other than yourself. Don't reopen old wounds and don't pour salt into the open/mending ones. Trust me, you'll be better off just forgetting her.

 

[carlito2003]

I can say with truth and honesty that all this crap isnt my fault at all. She had no excuses. She barely worked cause I made enough money to pay rent and the bills for the light, water, cable, and internet. All she had to do was work for gas money and food. Since i was done with school, i told her to focus on school. Once again, everything i did, i thought for the both of us. Its just sucks that after all this time, its just wasted time now. its been exactly 4 months and 3 days. I guess i make it seem like it was yesterday is because im still bitter and hurt. Plus, ive really only talked to a few people about everything.

I havent called her or tried to contact her in anyway since may.

i just wish i can just forget her. people tell me to man up and they are part right. i should be able to just be a man and say fuck that *****, but im not like that at all. dont get me wrong, i consider myself to be somewhat emotional (i guess an emo) after all of this (but without the horrible get up they wear), but its expected. i love/loved her and who knows what will happen. while it is true that boys shouldnt cry, i think that i lost something very important to me and its just hurting know that i lost love.

 

[BrownGaijin]

...I have a very well paying job, i have good credit, etc. im set...

...I just needed a girl to complete my life...

...Like she robbed me of a future i worked so hard to build for the both of us...

Funny I remember saying something like that as well. What I'm about to say may shock you. Ready? She did not rob you of jack. The only thing she is guilty of is looking at your well paying job, good credit, "etc", and say "I don't want it". And guess what? Everything that you built is still there. As we say in the playground "She don't want it? Well, sucks to be her"!

Here's something else I learned. As romantic as the "You complete me" speech was in Toby Maguire, it's fluff. The act of marriage does not make someone complete. Marriage is best undertaken when both people already are complete. As it was explained to me, think of two glasses side by side. One is full and the other is nowhere near it (or worse yet neither is full). Just because they have taken their vows does not mean that they are going to be magically full. Instead what you will see is one cup having to sacrifice what they have in order to accommodate the other. So rather than being complete, the cup becomes more empty!

In the end don't worry about being incomplete just because you're not married. By the sound of it, you are on your way to living comfortably and secure. If the Universe sees fit, you'll find someone just as well off so that you can bear witness to each other's lives. Either way pat yourself on the back and know that this feeling of grief will pass.

-Cheers

Edit: Fixing typos. Looks like it's later than I thought.