Open letter to women about phone numbers

[Brawndo]

(I know there are fair number of girls and women on these boards, so maybe my message will reach some of you. Also, I am aware that not all women do this.)

For the love of whatever you consider holy, please stop giving out your phone numbers to guys if you are not interested. Almost every weekend I go out to bars, malls, and cafes to chat up cute girls and come home with a few numbers, and 80-90% of them flake. This also happens to all of my male friends and lots of dudes I've talked to on online forums, so I know it's not an isolated thing that I'm doing wrong.

Look, I know it is easier to give it to the guy when he asks and then ignore his calls and texts later than it is to buck up and *gasp* deal with an awkward situation for a few seconds by saying "no sorry, I'm not interested", but that's just plain weak. Giving it to "be nice" or because "you didn't want to hurt his feelings" are ultimately not legitimate reasons either, because it hurts my feelings more if you feign interest than if you are upfront about your lack of interest.

Simply put, if we guys have the balls the approach you, initiate conversation, and ask for your phone number, you all can have the balls to be honest and say "no" if you're not interested in talking to us again.

/end rant
*rage deactivated*

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Who says it was on purpose? While I realize that some women are likely to give out a fake number just to deflect unwanted attention, those who are genuinely interested in whoever they're talking to are capable of making mistakes. Especially if they're intoxicated.

 

[Brawndo]

Who says it was on purpose? While I realize that some women are likely to give out a fake number just to deflect unwanted attention, those who are genuinely interested in whoever they're talking to are capable of making mistakes. Especially if they're intoxicated.

I don't understand how you can "make a mistake" with something as base as attraction. That's usually very clear to most people whether they are attracted to someone or not, or at the very least, whether there is potential for interest to develop and thus it's worth talking again.

With intoxicated girls I understand completely, so I usually don't bother. I will flirt with drunk girls and try to make out with them, but I learned a long time ago not to bother with asking for numbers of non-sober girls.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

I don't understand how you can "make a mistake" with something as base as attraction. That's usually very clear to most people whether they are attracted to someone or not, or at the very least, whether there is potential for interest to develop and thus it's worth talking again.

With intoxicated girls I understand completely, so I usually don't bother. I will flirt with drunk girls and try to make out with them, but I learned a long time ago not to bother with asking for numbers of non-sober girls.

I've accidentally given someone an incorrect number while sober. I didn't realize until he told me he'd sent a text which I never received. Believe it or not, women are human. You can't always consider it to be a personal attack, or an indication of their attraction towards you.

 

[Calcium]

What's up with this phase of "Open Letter" threads? Has it become teh koolz?
(Nothing personal, just never saw any "open letters" until this week).

Have to admit though, that does sound pretty low for them to do that. You're right they should man - no, woman up? Is that the opposite of manning up?

 

[flagship]

Most women who give out fake #s do it because a lot of guys don't take an easy no as an answer.

If you want to make it simple just give them your number if they're interested they'll call back even if they want to play hard to get.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Dear OP,

Men do it too.

Sincerely,

AT

 

[ThePantomimeThief]

The other day I got a series of text messages from a guy who'd been given a fake number by a girl. She'd made up my phone number.

That was weird. Particularly when he refused to believe he was actually talking to a 22-year old guy.

I don't mind so much girls giving out fake numbers though, I've seen how damn pushy men can be.

 

[ayailla]

I've accidentally given someone an incorrect number while sober. I didn't realize until he told me he'd sent a text which I never received. Believe it or not, women are human. You can't always consider it to be a personal attack, or an indication of their attraction towards you.

I don't know where the discussion about fake phone numbers has come from, because I can't see a mention of it in the op. I think what Brawndo is referring to is women ignoring his calls and texts and being genuinely not interested, rather than giving a fake number. He said,

and 80-90% of them flake

not fake.

Anyway, I do get your point, Brawndo. I've never actually been to a bar and been in this situation because I don't go to bars and I picked up my boyfriend at work. I would never give a guy my number if I wasn't interested, because I would avoid the situation you're describing with a simple, "I have a boyfriend", or, as you said, "Sorry, I'm not interested." But I do understand your pain and why it can be irritating.

 

[Wolfram23]

The last number I got from a girl at the bar belongs to the girl that I've now been dating for 1.5 years. Hmm.

Anyway, you can't expect a girl to "have balls" because you "had the balls" to talk to them. Afterall they didn't "have the balls" to go up and talk to you, did they? Now, I do agree that they should simply say "sorry, not interested" or something similar. Totally. But you also can't just expect them to be ballsy because you are.

 

[Brawndo]

Most women who give out fake #s do it because a lot of guys don't take an easy no as an answer.

If you want to make it simple just give them your number if they're interested they'll call back even if they want to play hard to get.

I guarantee you 100% I am not receiving fake numbers, because I know how to avoid it. I call the number right then and there on the spot and I hear the girl's phone ring or vibrate. If not, which has happened a few times, I call the girl out on it and then walk away.

 

[Ironrose]

if you're finding that 90% of the girls you're interested in arent interested in you then maybe you could be chasing the wrong girls.

 

[cWg | Konka]

If your only taking a number home after a night out then your doing something wrong

 

[Ironrose]

Most women who give out fake #s do it because a lot of guys don't take an easy no as an answer.

If you want to make it simple just give them your number if they're interested they'll call back even if they want to play hard to get.

I guarantee you 100% I am not receiving fake numbers, because I know how to avoid it. I call the number right then and there on the spot and I hear the girl's phone ring or vibrate. If not, which has happened a few times, I call the girl out on it and then walk away.

this could also be your problem, if you're telling them off the bat 'hey I don't trust you' your already starting by pissing them off, even if they don't say as much.

 

[James_K]

Can you really blame somebody for wanting to deflect awkward social tension on a fun night out? I mean, yes, you're being led on, but simply put, most guys don't handle rejections well. Would YOU rather spend the next forty-five minutes trying to avoid some guy (or girl) because they didn't take the hint? I know a lot of people who won't even take a flat-out no for an answer. Maybe you need to alter your get-to-first-date strategy....

 

[newwiseman]

That's why I don't ask for numbers, I give them my card, and feign disinterest. Gives the impression I'm not desperate while letting them know I have a good job.

Then when/if they do call I have their number from the caller ID, BOOSH.

 

[AugustFall]

Most women who give out fake #s do it because a lot of guys don't take an easy no as an answer.

If you want to make it simple just give them your number if they're interested they'll call back even if they want to play hard to get.

I guarantee you 100% I am not receiving fake numbers, because I know how to avoid it. I call the number right then and there on the spot and I hear the girl's phone ring or vibrate. If not, which has happened a few times, I call the girl out on it and then walk away.

Maybe that's what you're doing wrong. Doesn't seem very suave to check the number is real right there. All they will think when you ring them the next day is "This is the dude who double checked."
Another thing to consider is you're being very forward. People are happy to flirt but they are unlikely to give out their number to a guy they just met.

 

[revolutionaification]

This sort of behaviour really pisses me off because it's really just basic manners to be honest with someone in a situation like this.

I have friends who seem to see no problem with doing this but I just can't understand that. If a guy's going to have the guts to approach me the least I can do is be civil. Whether or not I'm interested immediately I'll at least talk to the guy for a while because hey, I might change my mind.

I learnt from my last boyfriend (not overly serious considering my age) that just because he seems lovely in the first five minutes and is, quite frankly, Adonis incarnate, doesn't make him good romantic material. Conversely, my current unrequited crush is far from conventionally handsome but one of the most genuine, interesting guys I've ever met.

Really, things would be a lot better if girls (and guys who pull this kind of stunt) would just learn some bloody civility.

 

[Nurb]

Dear OP,

Men do it too.

Sincerely,

AT

You've had that happen to you? I've never found a guy that fakes interest when he's not; they've either straight up say no thanks or make it rather obvious they're not into me, but women I've found tend to be more shy, nervous or indirect, so they'd give out their number or a fake one just to get rid of you. There's exceptions on both sides, but those are the general rules.

Of course it's not as easy for guys to be subtle either.