Order And Chaos: A Superpower RP (Started, Closed)

[hiei82]

[HEADING=2]Attention, everyone:[/HEADING]​

I will not be giving any more judgments. Anything I've said up until now stands. I'll wait until either Friday, or until I have enough sheets, then I'll start accepting people. Until then, no further judgments.

But... What if someone doesn't know if their's need to be edited and gets not accepted because of it?

Then you know what not to do in the next RP you join.

To be technical here, by not giving feedback, the unaccepted people will only know if they did something wrong, not what they did wrong.

If this is coming from character sheet overload (which god knows I understand; I had the same problem in my game), I'd be willing to help if you need some additional support - just let me know what criteria you are using and I can at least filter out the worst offenders and forward the questionable ones.

Let me know if I can help in any way.

Edit: Though first I will be sleeping as I have work tomorrow; good night.

 

[Fury Is Me.]

Yo. Hiya Lamborghini.

Spoiler: Mah Sheet

Name: Lina Hartwell
Alias: Persephone

Gender: Female
Age:18

Appearance: Lina has deep, kind blue eyes, and grass green hair due to slight mutation that's short, down to the bottoms of her earlobes, but with long bangs. Normally seen wearing a long, red trench coat that seems to open into a slightly umbrella style skirt shape at the bottom, normally wears it open at the bottom, giving the skirt shape, also wears fluoro black pants with a digital design in neon red coloration, it's a very modest set of clothing. Her skin is fair white, and she's 5" 7'
Personality: Laid back, up-beat, and Spunky, her voice gives off an angry tone, yet her way of speaking lets you know she's not unhappy or upset, yet when she is, she doesn't have to try hard to let you know. She's serious when the time comes, and as soon as the time is gone, she's happy again.

Alignment: Superheroine
Superpowers: Gained the ability of super strength from birth and is proficient with weapons as a semi-prodigy of the blade, lugs around an enormous sword too heavy for any average human being to even lift, and she swings it with mastery. As a slight increase to her abilities, Lina can infuse metals with a static charge, intense heat, or sheer cold as long as she's making physical contact with or or something that is making close physical contact with the metal, though her weapon seems to be the only thing she can truly use this sub-power on, other things will only be kind of warm, kind of cold, of give you a little baby shock like what you get if you rub your feet on shag carpeting and touch some metal. She also learned, one day, that somehow, she could perform a second jump in mid-air, like fighting game logic, where most people can double jump.
Weaknesses: Lina's strength is not boundless. She can hoist the side of an office building. If it's larger than a fully loaded Sixteen wheeler, she can't lift it. Without that sword, she's basically just a super-strong chick. Not as dangerous, but still.
In addition, She's just a human. crushing her obviously won't work, the only way she could be super strong would be if her bones were too, but you can plunge a sword through her stomach with just as much ease as if you were doing it to a regular human. Same for bullets.
Lina also has the most crippling fear of anything insectoid. She cannot fight it and the sight of it makes her nearly gag on the spot and when she gets to that point, her strength drains from her body. Lina claims that when her mind and body are in a state of sickness, she seems to lose her powers. It happened once, and she was nearly killed by her own sword, so if she's deeply in fear, her strength fades.

Biography: Lina Hartwell was orphaned late in her teens, at the age of sixteen. She lived in a standard middle-class neighborhood in Pennsylvania her whole life. Lina took refuge in a small cellar like room in their home at the order of her parents when their house was attacked, suddenly, by a super-powered robber looking to still any and all valuables he could find. Lina and her father were in a different room at the time and he gave her specific instructions to his in the panic room. Lina did so, unaware that outside, her parents were fighting off the dangerous criminal. His powers ripped them to shreds and Lina remained silent in the panic room for hours, listening to the man walk by it multiple times, but never noticing it. She had survived, luckily, but her parents were not so fortunate. She grieved for a while, but their death left no lasting scar on her psyche, and she was back to her normal self about a month later, albeit on the streets after the bills on their home were no longer being payed.

Prior to, she had been training for well into five years and now her focus is entirely on bettering herself. She took up a job during the two years afterwards with a smaller organization of crime fighters and gained a small reputation. It was here that she received her prized sword and found that it, unlike other metallic objects, reacted more strongly with her other power, allowing her to make it red hot, frigid cold, or powerful enough to shock a human into a coma. The organization was called "Wolfen", and was very much like Seraphim, only their reach, resources, and influence were limited to only a singular city, and it wasn't no Metropolis either. It was a small town called "Otterwall".

Where Wolfen lacked in abilities as an organization, however, it made up for it in teamwork. A genius researcher named Payce, an ace Mechanic named Rika, a Top-notch doctor everyone just called "Ogre", and two super heroes who had been there for a long while, Lando and Sonia. Lando was the leader of the two, smart in battle, will like no other, and he always knew how to chill in battle. Sonia was the medic of the two. Her powers allowed her to heal him from a long distance, and heal herself. His powers were his ability to "Chillify" things. By "Chillify", I mean he had frost powers. He could freeze large masses solid with his punches, and then he'd proceed to dismember or shatter them with his weapon, a long, serrated blade. Sonia carried around a hunting rifle and would help him from a distance. They'd been working for Wolfen for nearly 3 years now, and Lando had saved Otterwall from threats larger than most would assume would have ever hit such a small town.

When Lina arrived, she was welcomed with open arms. Her talents proved incredibly useful in battle, though, at that time, she had no weapon to her name anymore, as the sword she had used before she had to pawn for bus fare and living expenses up until then. For the two years she was there, Lina proved her worth and was quickly promoted to leader of the group, with Lando giving encouragement to the idea. She had taken out the petty thief villain, all the way up to things nobody expected, like a small herd of giant lions with humanoid faces created by a mad scientist called Jarvon von Schutz, who's greatest dream was to conquer the moon (Heaven knows why).

Lina was well respected and loved throughout all of Otterwall, though she never really gained a reputation out of it. as long as she was there, Otterwall felt safe through the night. Though, towards the end of her two years there, things became incredibly slow. Villains and threat reports had dropped to near zero, and even crime was reduced to just petty theft, thanks to her. Wolfen was being seen more and more everyday by the town as an accessory. She wanted to do more for the world. She had found Seraphim's advertizement on the internet one day.

She saw this as an opportunity for her to be of more use to the world. Lina told the entirety of Wolfen that she would be leaving them, with a heavy heart. They wanted to give her a thank you gift and, during her two year stay there, they had overheard how she once carried a blade. They insisted she stay until they could craft her a beautiful weapon, one with such strength it could stand to be used with her enormous power, as well as be used only WITH her enormous power. Payce and Rika took the time to craft her the sword she uses now, which they had christened the "Ark of Noah". She took it with great honor and gave them all her best regards. Lando gave her a lot of advice about remaining calm in battle before she left, and how she should take the time before, and even out of battle, to "Chillify", a pun on his own powers. With a heavy heart, but a strong determination, she set off for New York. She's now 18 and looking to rid the world of evil.


Extra: You can't get her all angsty and crazy by mentioning her parents, so don't think poking at her history will get her to start crying or anything, you'll mostly get a sigh, a head shake, and a "Damn shame" out of her.

Also, here's her sword.

Spoiler: Ark of Noah

Tell me if that's cool, bro
Also, sorry if her Background is a little too short for your tastes. I had a hard time thinking of a good 'un

 

[Captainguy42]

Wow, we're already on Page 4 and we still have another four days for applicants. Something tells me people have a lot of free time in later summer / early spring.

I understand not wanting to give out advice because a lot of people here seem to be taking it as a sign of affirmation that they'll get in. Still it would be nice if you could give everyone some constructive criticism.

To everyone else, if the last announcement makes you feel worried about not getting the feed-back you need. There's still a bunch of other RP'ers around who can give you advice.

 

[InfinityCubed]

Name: X-3-100-PI-90
Alias: ELECTRODE

Gender: Machine, but masculine
Age: 1009.6 (He's very precise with these things.)

Appearance: 5'6" Humanoid Machine, Electric Blue. Angular Design. Chevron-shaped Knee and Elbow Plating in yellow. head is silver covered by transparent electric blue helmet with opaque yellow details covering the entire back of the head, forming a broad aerodynamic fin at the back, with lightning-shaped prongs wrapping around to the mouth and eyes. decorative chest plating at top and bottom of torso , connected by Lightning-shaped prongs. Atomic Symbol in middle of torso.

Personality: Cold, cunning, but friendly to those he has deemed trustworthy.

Alignment: Hero

Powers: Lightning Blasts fired from small wrist-mounted guns and the ability to enter an electric current as a mode of transportation. (i.e. using power lines to get closer to a crisis quickly.) As a machine, if he is killed a backup file of his personality and consciousness is sent via program orb to his home-world, Zetatron where it is downloaded into a new body, but a return to earth would take 100 years even with their advanced tech. (hopefully this restraint would make him not overpowered because death would still remove him from the playing field)

Weaknesses: Armor is strong but brittle. a massive, but rapid impact, such as falling from a building or being hit by a train could shatter him. joints are poorly armored and can be easily jammed by knives and such. other than that he can be considered twice as resilient as an average human (a pistol won't hurt him but a rifle or shotgun will; it takes twice the force to stun him, etc.)

Biography: Built during the great Zetatronian Civil War of Space-year 12185, he was rushed into battle and quickly fought the enemy general, Quarnok the Corrupter. During the fight, Both of their ships crashed on planet earth and both died. A primitive culture witnessed the crash of one of the ships and worshiped the glowing orb they found there, calling it "god-killer" which, in their tongue, was Quetzalcoatl. (WRITERS NOTE: I AM MAKING THAT TRANSLATION UP AND KNOW NOTHING OF THE AZTEC PANTHEON)

Returning to Earth after the end of the war 200 years later, Electrode happened upon Chichen Itza (sp?)and grew to blame himself for the deaths caused by the Aztecs. Determined to make it right, he took up a role as earth's defender in the galactic community.

Quarnok, who was revived by his men in secret after the end of the war, decided to attack earth as revenge for his embarrassing defeat at the hands of Electrode. Upon entering the system, Quarnok used the Subspace Collapsing Beacon to destroy communications throughout the galaxy.

Quarnok challenged Electrode to a fight but offered him a chance to surrender, revealing that he had been the one the Aztecs worshiped and deliberately transferred the intent to kill into them; and offered to share in the ruling of this world. Electrode refused, stating that power is meaningless for its own sake. They fought valiantly, but Electrode clearly had the upper hand. Finally vanquishing his opponent, he fired on the program orb, destroying it. this had the unfortunate side effect of spreading the seeds of greed and hate to all mankind, rather than just the evil ones, as it was with most races. He pledged that day to protect innocent lives from evil men and evil thoughts.

Other Notes: This is the first RP thread i have EVER done, so i might have to observe a bit before participating as much as everyone else. Also, I don't know how to do the collapsing thing for the character sheet, sorry

 

[SirPlindington]

Spoiler: Character Sheet

Name: James Plindington
Alias: The Rot

Gender: Male
Age: 25

Appearance: His face became horrible and rotted as a child. As a result, he wears a simple comedy mask (let's just call it my avatar, because I'm lazy). He wears gloves (for obvious reasons) and his day to day outfit is jeans and a sweater. He is 5 foot 10 inches. He is bald, and he wears a striped beanie to cover the diseased tissue on his scalp. He is skinny to the point of seeming malnourished.

Personality: Because has been shunned his entire life, he is snarky and sarcastic, and generally a cruel person. He is also an attention seeker, as his father saw him as an embarrassment and as such ignored him. Although this may make him seem like a prime candidate for super-villainy, all he really wants is to be loved, and, more to the point, praised.

Alignment: Superhero

Superpowers: Anything organic or living he touches instantly begins to rot. For example, if he wear to touch a wooden house with his bare hands, within a matter of minutes it would be falling down and collapsing. If he were to touch something living, say, a human being, their skin would start to die and rot away.

Weaknesses: He is a weakling, and very, very delicate. He also can't eat normally, and gets all of his nutrients through pills. His immune system, and his organs in general, is very weak. He is more or less useless against

Biography: Born to a rich New York family, he acquired The Rot in the womb. While his mother was walking through central park, she happened upon a bubbling pond of black ooze. Unthinking, she touched it. It seared off her finger. From that moment on, she grew more and more ill, and her skin grew black and rotted. On the day of James' birth, his mother's suffering finally ended. A small, shriveled hand pushed its way through it's mother's rotted and shriveled stomach, and poor, disfigured James found his way into the world.

Soon after his birth, it became clear what he was and what he could do when he killed 3 hospital staff that tried to pick him up. His father, once he had gotten over his rage, decided to ignore James. He put him inside a protective suit, gave him a room, a good library, and a maid to give him food, wake him, and care for him when he was ill, and ignored him. He went to school for a few years, but he was shunned and hated. He became cruel and socially awkward. He quit school and instead chose to be tutored privately. This was how he spent the first 20 years of his life.

However, that all changed soon enough. One night not long after he turned twenty, super-villains broke into his home. They told him that they had heard of his power, and urged him to get revenge on his neglectful father. In a fit of anger, he murdered his father and destroyed his house. However,
he soon came to his senses and fled. He had no outside contacts, and no place to escape to. All he had was fear and a desire to redeem himself for his murder. He ran, and Seraphim found him.

I'm not entirely certain how this works, so tell me if I've screwed it up somehow.

 

[Spoon498]

Well dang That's a bummer, just spent all this time writing away. I'd still love some feedback from anyone who is interested. I would really enjoy playing this character I think. Sorry if my grammar is bad.

Spoiler: Atticus Ravenwood

Name: Atticus Ravenwood

Alias: The Cursed Musician

Age: 29

Appearance: Atticus is a tall, very thin frail man despite his young age.

His dark black hair is messy and unkempt which seems to have slowly crept on to his
face in the form of stubble which seems to refuse to grow into any sort of an actual
beard. His eyes are slightly sunken and his pupils are an errie almost pitch black. He
looks sickly and slightly, non intemidating in every way shape and form.

Personality: Atticus is a very reserved and quiet man. Always seeming to be lost in thought.
He is a listener and a very humble man. Slow to react and always assessing the consiquences
of his actions as well as others.

Alignment: Superhero (chaotic neutral)

Biography:

Atticus is a very talented musician. He found his love of music at a very early
age and perfected his craft through his favorite instrument, the violin. He was a born prodigy
and found himself preforming concerts and producing his own work by his mid-teens. He was single minded in his passion for music and even though he accumulated a large ammount of wealth it meant very little to him. He lived very modestly considering his fortune and often either donated most of it away or took care of his family.

As Time passed Atticus fell in love. Who better to win the love of a musician than another musician. Her name was Anna, and she played the chello as if it were an extension of her and with such passion it would make Atticus's hair stand on end in excitement. He couldn't be happier. They were soon engaged and quite possibly would of lived a long and happy life together. But be it fate or some other unknown entity lurking in the darkness, this would never come to pass.

It is a true mystery if Atticus was the one who found the violin, or if the violin found Atticus, or even if the instrument is a violin in the first place. What you can tell apon a glance and what Atticus himself noticed, is the strange almost hypnotic alure of it. That is to say, if it wants you to notice it in the first place. Which no one could truely know what happends in the mind of a seintient violin anyways. The second thing you'd notice, much like Atticus did as he stared through the filmly smudge filled window of the antique shop, would be the slight humming sound it seems to emmit as you are forced to lock your eyes on it. If you ever got to touch it, much to the misfortune of poor Atticus, you'd feel the raw power radiating through it completly oblivious to its hidden manevolent nature until it is far to late.

Atticus bought this masterwork violin and walked out of the shop overwhemled with a sudden sense of euphoria. The fact on how such a beautifully unquie violin ended up in a dirty antique store located in a questionable part of the city or the fact that the store owner couldn't ever seem to recall aquiring the peice completely never phased Atticus as odd. Not that anyone in his right mind could ever deduce the proufoundly life changing consequences from these two minor details. He held it in the light of the slowly setting sun and admired how it shined, pitch black with white trim along all the edges. He smiled at himself in the reflection. It'd be the last time he or anyone else for that matter would ever see happiness on his face.

Atticus hurried home to show his fiance his amazing new find. His heart was beating a mile a minute, it was like his first performance so many years ago. Anna always made him nervous that way. It was a good nervous. The kind that kept him firmly grounded in humility. He closed his eyes and began to play, a strange... undescribable feeling began to overtake him which was both terrifying and invigorating. It was as if he lost himself completely in his music which he strangely could not hear. But he could hear it, as if through someone elses ears. His passion took over, feeling an energy build up inside him. Atticus almost thought he was going to explode as he gasped for air and tears rolled down his face. That's when he felt it, on the climax of his extacy, there was heat. Heat at first that quickly turned to burning
sensation in his hands that was excruciatingly painful. Anna screamed loudly. Atticus's world had shattered. His body revolted against him. His hands, clinging to the bow despite his efforts to drop it. His arms violently flowing back and forth twisting the passionate melody into something more maddening. With all of his will power he managed to open his eyes
perhaps he wish he hadn't. He saw everything around him ablaze, including his love Anna, who screamed in agony reaching out Atticus in a vane attempt for help as she slowly metled away. All the while Atticus could do nothing but play on. Suddenly he played harder, seemingly fueling this unknown force with the power of his confused sorrow the likes of which few men
have truely experianced. The more passionately he played the more fire spilled out of his violin in a sickening rhythm perfectly matched to his notes. Soon the room was ablaze, and despite the immense overpowering heat of it, Atticus remained unaffected. In a frenzied panic began to run. The force inside the violin more than happy to let him spread its chaos. It
wasn't long till the whole apartment was on fire. The last thing Atticus remembered about that night was running down a flight of stairs with the fire dancing all around him.

Atticus woke up in the midst of bags of trash in an alleyway. His clothes blackened his body covered in soot. Unsure on how much time had passed. It wasn't long till he'd realized he'd blacked out for three days. Four and a half blocks of the city had burnt to the ground with a death toll that had reached the hundreds. The violin in his hand still looking like it was only a day old. That's when he noticed. He looked around, surronded by a city still in chaos, a chaos that he caused, and he couldn't hear a thing. Atticus was deaf. No one ever saw him after the night of the fire. He was presumed dead. Truthfully he simply just vanished for unknown reasons, that is until rescently.

Super Powers:

Passion: As Atticus Plays a melody of passion fire errupts from the violin which
he/it can manipulate for his own attacks or protection. He is impervious to his own flames but
not nessacarily to the flames of others.

Sorrow: Atticus plays a melody that envokes saddness in others. This has an energy sapping
effect to it and is omnidirectional effecting everyone in the area that can hear it, friend
and foe alike. This somehow powers empowers the violin like a battery being charged

Indestructible Instrument of Suffering: Although this does not personally bestow any
actual powers to Atticus, the violin he possesses seems to be immune to all forms of
damage. This allows him some means of strange protection. For instance the bow of the violin
could be used to be parry off any sort of melee weapon. This doesn't necessarily mean
he can just shrug off blows of anyone however. Atticus is not a trained fighter of any sort
and is still limited by his own physical strength. I don't feel like this is overpowered, it just gives the character ways to pull of neat things from time to time. Besides, everyone could use a firm club to thump someone with. Also I'm completely willing to find out later that something does indeed destroy the violin or hurt it. That could be interesting to explore in the future.

Weaknesses:
Deaf : Atticus's hearing was taken from him by the force in the violin. Although he has
learned to read lips and sign it still prevents him from having full combat awareness.

Violin: Atticus has a connection to his violin, the more distance that is placed between
himself and instrument the weaker he gets. It is unclear what the maximum distance for this is
or even what the ultamite effects on him might be.

Manevolent force: Whatever the violin is, one thing can be certain, it drives Atticus to do
things he'd never do on his own accord. This makes him slightly unpredictable.

Just a Man: Atticus himself is nothing special and can be pacified or killed in any way that
would normally kill a regular human being in the first place.

Notes: Atticus's Violin is some sort of sentient thing that I've left without origin on purpose as I'd like to develop where and how it came into being as I go along. Atticus and the violin have a parasitic relationship. The violin draws strenght from the people he harms. This in turns allows it to control Atticus more. So in short the more he uses his powers the more he loses himself.

As for why Atticus being a good person might not just off himself, I've left his motivations for his continued struggle a mystery, wanting to figure that out as I go. Perhaps its all survial instinct, perhaps he want's to unravel the secrets of the violin to try to free himself or prevent it from cursing whoever is next.

The violin is in direct confliction to Atticus's allignment and relishes the chance to cause harm, gain power and control Atticus directly.

I also understand his Sapping ability might need a bit more definition. I can expect that it could be overpowered however I do not with this to be so. I'd like to maintain some sort of theme for a Sorrow filled playing to somehow leech or weaken everyone around him. If you have any ideas please let me know.

I love critisim and feedback. It's the only way to get better

 

[Shadowstar38]

Alignment: Conflicted neutral

I think you have to pick hero or Villain. She got on someone about not having a side earlier in the thread.

snip

GMs on this forum tend to flip their ship over grammar mistakes. You might want to give that a second read. And hit the enter key on those paragraphs in your bio.

 

[Shadowstar38]

Also, I don't know how to do the collapsing thing for the character sheet, sorry

it works like this.

[spoiler ] All the stuff you typed[/ spoiler]

But DONT put spaces where you see in put spaces.

 

[Spoon498]

Cool beans. I edited it, I was hoping for more help or suggestions on my character development.

 

[VuvuZelaMan]

I regret to inform that I feel it best to withdraw my application. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.

 

[PlastikBulb]

Spoiler

Name: He's forgotten
Alias: Thrakka Dauk Madzkull

Gender: Male, though without the genitalia to back that up. Basically only in the most primal sense. You'll see.
Age: Twenty-fiveish, He's not certain, and doesn't really care

Appearance: Variable, as it depends on his capacity for fighting at the time. He can range from about 4ft to almost 11ft at the best of times. Dull grey to muddy green skin, also depending on things elaborated further down. His clothing options because of this tends to be rather slim. More often than not he'll but some pants that fit, and then get into a fight and have them all torn off him anyway. Not that he has anything to hide, considering his lack of genitalia. To sum it up he's usually naked. His face is.... expressive. Looking sub-human, jutting jaw and forehead, along with small green irises in black scalera, he;s not exactly a looker.

Personality: He's not particularly intelligent, or eloquent, or in any manner an agreeable person, unless you subscribe to his method of thinking, which boils down to essentially, "Fightin iz good. Fightin iz now. Why ain't we fightin?!" He's not that much deeper than that really. He has no friends or allies as as soon as their common enemy is done, he'll turn on them for a laugh, because they must like "fightin" as much as he does, right? His likes boil down to; fighting, looking for a fight, preparing for a fight, drinking before a fight, drinking in the middle of a fight, and sharing a drink with a worthy opponent after a fight, (if they are still alive, that is) What he doesn't like is much more extensive list, filled with anything he considers "not the right fightin face." That is, anyone sneaking, leaping, jumping, twisting, dodging, talking, negotiating, bartering, rolling away from, running away from, or avoiding a fight in any manner. It's best, should you find yourself in the company of Thrakka, to talk about all the fights you went in and won in as glorious manner as possible so he doesn't decide to chomp on you right then and there for being a pansy. Then again, if you impress him too much he'll want to scrap with you, and then you've got a whole lot more on your plate to deal with. He exists only as his alias, having no qualities that transpose well to civilian society. And besides, you can't get a good enough fight there anyway.

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral He'll work for whoever gets him the best fight.

Superpowers: A fungus and bacterium based powerset. Thrakka can't feel much, in fact, he has no pain/pleasure receptors to speak of at all thanks to his unique physiology, that is, being a large sentient fungus being. He is immensely strong and highly durable, able to shrug off wounds that would fell a normal man. His body can generate poisons and gasses that seep out of his wounds. This is a problem as gasses are often flammable, and lighting a match around an injured Thrakka is just asking for a fiery inferno. Should any of his limbs be lopped off he'll regrow them eventually. His height and skin colour change thanks to his own ability to fight. How he perceives himself at the time. If he thinks he's gonna bring the house down in an epic fight to the death then he'll get to about 12ft and be green as the hulk and a about as strong. Should he have his arse handed to him he'll shrink up and turn grey and wimpy, losing muscle mass and being barely able to lift a normal human.

Weaknesses: Fire. Any kind of fire will pretty much send Thrakka running, or at least slow him down enough so that you can run away. He's highly flammable and should a body part of his catch alight it will often combust violently. Ice will also slow him down rapidly, as his body will start expanding and eventually he'll just explode into chunks of icy fungal stuff. He's also highly susceptible to psychic suggestion of any kind, even just really charismatic people can convince him that, if he does as they say, he'll get a good fight, then as long as they can continue convincing him of really good fights, they would have a willing fungus rage machine at their service.

Biography: Thrakka Dauk Madzkull was born in England at somepoint. His father was something of a football hooligan, along with his mother, both of whom he remembers barely as the brief flashes of a time when he wasn't green and lived for fighting. They had married young and gave birth soon after. Thrakka was a normal baby, he cried, he spat, he crapped and he ate. His parents loved him dearly and took their football rage and transferred it to him at a young age, giving them all something in common.

Around the age of two he was known throughout their run-down neighbourhood as the terror of the children, bother younger and older. He had run of the streets whenever he liked, since both his parents worked full-time jobs to keep them afloat, and he ruled them with an iron fist, ordering his boyz around and basically running a small cult/mafia family.

It was soon after he turned three that his condition first manifested. During a scrap with some older, rival boyz, Thrakka's skin had developed a greenish hue and he'd grown about 12 inches in less than the time it took to blink. he promptly wiped the floor with the other kids, and proceeded to do the same with his own group of nobs. His parents found his sudden growth spurt and colour change alarming, naturally, but didn't have the money to afford having him checked up at the hospital. So they just passed it off as some genetic quirk of their combined genes and carried on with life, albeit a tad scared of what their beloved son could do.

It was at the age of 6 when Thrakka killed his first human. Before then he'd indulged in torture and killing of animals but found it left him wanting. There was just no thrill when it came to hunting down a cat and stringing it up. People were much better targets. He still had some semblance of common sense at this point, and decided that he should have a secret base of operations far away from his parents flat in their run down complex.

He found an old shack in an abandoned community gardening project, overgrown with grasses and fungi of all kinds and kitted it out as he personal hive. He the proceeded to beat up and kidnap kids from across his neighbourhood and beyond looking for a good fight, and letting them go when he was done, positive that they would never tell about the goblin thing that lived in the shack out in the field over there.

But he was wrong. Eventually word got out and the police were summoned. He was alone, chewing on some fungi that he found particularly delicious when they arrived. He was told to put up his arms and come on out, the he wouldn't be hurt. Doing as he was told, Thrakka came out, only to be met with the horrified screams of his mother. It turned out that Thrakka had been hiding away for months and totally forgotten about his parents, who'd eventually had him declared dead. They'd heard about this green monster in the field and wondered if it was their son. Turns out they were right.

But Thrakk had changed. He stood about 6 ft, bulging muscle and long of tooth, eyes green and black, skin covered in mud and shining dirtily in the mid-afternoon light. Somewhere along the way he had lost his genitals and sense of decency, as he stood nude as the day eh was born. He opened his mouth to speak, but found he couldn't really remember much, so he decided to yell whatever he could remember from his childhood.

"We'ez tha biggist and tha Strongist! Naffingz gonna stop UZ!"

The police took this as a challenge and raised their batons and stun guns. Thrakka charged, fists held high and roaring wildly. Three men died as he swept towards them, poisons spreading and suffocating them easily. Another two fell to his fists, and by then they were all running.

"Puny humies!!" he called, waving the shattered skull of one officer in an attempt to get them to come back. "COME BACK AN FIGHT!"

And that is the story of Thrakka Dauk Madzkull. Eventually he made his way to America and bummed around there for a while, breaking people and places as much as he liked.

Other notes: I have totally based this guy off a combination of Orks form the Warhammer 40K setting and the Hulk, mainly because they are both awesome. Be prepared for Sum Orkey Goodnez!

Edited on suggestion of drmigit2 on 22 August.

 

[CpT_x_Killsteal]

I'm not the GM but I admit, your character sheet is pretty solid. I also think the blood thing is pretty neat.

.
It's familiar from a tv show/manga from Japan, same powers. Lets see what's the bio is gonna look like.

What anime is it? I'd like to watch it.

 

[Almighty Words]

Spoiler

Name: Emily Tambor DeSouza

Alias: Waver

Age: 34

Appearance: Emily is a tall and gangly woman standing at a towering six foot five, sporting spindly limbs all emanating from a equally elongated body. An usually dirty face and pair of green eyes surrounded by heavy bags mostly remain hidden behind thick brown hair usually clumped with dirt and split into a disheveled mess framing the front and sides of her face. Most days she can been seen in a green cardigan over a white shirt spotted bit stains when it cold she sports a green and white scarf that acts as a sash the rest of the time, the rest of her day to day outfit only consist of a pair of khaki capris and old loafers covering her lower half and feet respectively.

Personality: Emily isn't a very reserved person even though her lifestyle and appearance might lead anyone to at first assume she is likely to be introverted, it is in fact the nomadic city life that has filled her with a boundless enthusiasm for life and happiness. Almost always sporting a smile and a kind word Emily has been known to just brighten up the day of even the most curmudgeonly grump.

Alignment:Superhero

Biography:Emily was born in 1976 a little north of the border with her early years spent residing in a rural area of south Jersey. At a young age It was clear Emily wasn't going to amount to much out side of her disposition, her grades in the early years if her school career were sub par and she had problems keeping up with other students. Most thought her stupid and a waste of time. Unknown to most it was a result of her discovering her powers early on and using them to explore the world around her small town late at night leaving her far to tired to perform in school. She was by no means dumb just distracted to say the least, for many years she continued like this hiding her abilities from the people around her and moving down the fast track to failure. By The age of thirteen Emily had almost given up on school slipping out before classes started and coming back through the walls. It was in these
rebellious years that her parents Linda and Carter DeSouza took notice and set up cameras in her rooms catching her in the act many time of the course of a year. Days before her Fourteenth birthday she was confronted with he recordings and after a lengthy shouting match was met with a ultimatum.

Get rid of it or leave.

Emily could see the pain her her parents eyes at forcing their only daughter to leave, At their behest she quietly collected a few things before setting out on her own during her birthday. Finding shelter miles away in a New York based orphanage she was allowed to sleep, rest, and eat there until her eighteenth birthday. Setting out with little more than a business card for a job service Emily soon found her self on the streets of New York begging and using her power to fake magic tricks for money. Finding small success she lived day to day with various other ragamuffins along the highways and alleys of the sprawling metropolis.
Emily was fast friends with many of the other homeless she met, and was almost surprised at how many looked up to her, though she expected it was simply because she could bring them more free food and drink through her power. Never the less she became something of a celebrity in their circles often passing through the streets helping the homeless or down-on-their-luck where she could.

Her twenties were interesting to say the least with the influx of other super powered persons coming to her knowledge through the medias. To say she lived a sheltered life would be a lie but the affairs of others not in her less than microscopic field of vision in regards to the world. From twenty four and on wards the only time she wasn't trying to find out more about other super powered begins was when she was collecting money for the unwashed masses. Finding little without the help of the information on the world wide web, she spent the next tens years in relative solitude. She would spend time flitting around town passing through the back ways and businesses that few would ever see she walked and rested as she searched for information.

During one of her rather unpredictable drifts around the streets a television in a store window played an ad for the Hero's Haven. Seraphim's offer intrigued her not only because it's promise of a safe haven and subsequently a place to live, but because she could use her talents on a larger scale and finally know others like her. Before leaving her people she made sure a small stockpile of foods and clean water had made it's way to as many hands as possible before following the road she had yet to travel.

Super Powers: Phasing - Her power has allowed her to alter her molecular structure on a large scale to allow her to pass through solid objects and bypass most gasses through merit of having them simply not ever coming in direct contact with her vital organs and cells.


Weaknesses:
Liquids - While both Solids and gasses are both safe for Emily to pass through liquids are another story, the slow shifting and moving of the liquid fills in the spaces her molecules have been displaced from rendering her quasi-solid and forcing her to deliberately force the parts of her that aren't an original part of her body out lest she begins to simply flow into the liquid and lose her form. Water, acid, honey almost any viscous material will disrupt her powers and make phasing less effective or outright deadly depending on the amount of the substance. As such it is very dangerous for her to attempt to use her abilities when she is subject to extremely hot temperatures as her bodily fluids boil and become more active within her dampening her ability even in very hot and dry conditions.

Lack of Ability - Seeing as Emily has not used her powers very much on anything less than a full scale phase, she has little to no fine control over the ability if she is stabbed she gets stabbed, the best she could possibly do is with enough time protect her organs from severe damage.

Notes:She spend much of her time under a makeshift living room under a bridge. Emily is also very found of taffy and other chewy treats.

Deadman Wonderland - Power comes from Mockingbird, Crow, and a few others I can't remember at the time.

 

[Almighty Words]

Disregard

 

[Captainguy42]

Weaknesses:
Liquids - While both Solids and gasses are both safe for Emily to pass through liquids are another story, the slow shifting and moving of the liquid fills in the spaces her molecules have been displaced from rendering her quasi-solid and forcing her to deliberately force the parts of her that aren't an original part of her body out lest she begins to simply flow into the liquid and lose her form. Water, acid, honey almost any viscous material will disrupt her powers and make phasing less effective or outright deadly depending on the amount of the substance. As such it is very dangerous for her to attempt to use her abilities when she is in great heat as her bodily fluids boil and become more active within her dampening her ability even in dry humid conditions.

I just noticed that one line could use some work. "In great heat" can have interesting implications. And of course dry humid is probably a typo as well.

Overall it seems to be a solid character. I think wander-lust and phasing could turn out to be a very good combination.

Some things to consider:

- Lethal extent of phasing, you mentioned she can only phase he entire body. Does this mean she cannot say, phase someone's skull out of their head to kill them?

- Can she extend her phasing power to other people?

- How long can she phase for? Shadow Cat from X-men for instance can only phase as long as she can hold her breath.

- How does she move while she is phasing? Can she fly/float? Does she follow her previous momentum? Does gravity still affect her?

 

[CJ1145]

So I guess if we're doing inter-player critiques, I'd like to forward mind for the crushing scrutiny of others. It's a second draft, because I lost the first to internet shenanigans, and I feel like the rewrite dropped in quality, so I'd like to see any nitpicks or suggestions.

 

[Spoon498]

I would like to point out that I'm glad the DM has been very critical on character development.
Setup of the game is a very crucial part. If you are told no more than once and still keep coming back with edits, it at the very least shows your willingness to play. Which is super important for something like this. So don't lose heart It's important things get worked out before we start. Hopefully the most passionate and creative will be the ones left standing and we'll have a grand ol time once things get started

 

[Pm0n3y]

Stuff 'bout criticism.

How new are you to RPing? You show traits that display at least some experience, and (in some cases) experience can always help you in the long run. As for your character: It's unique, at the best. After seeing about 5 separate guys (i'm exaggerating...I hope) that can use electricity (my character included), it's cool to see someone do different. Variety is the spice of life, and that saying is still in effect here. It could be my phone (what i'm typing from at the moment), but your sentence structure is a bit wonky, seeing as you have line breaks just at random times in your sentences. And i'm guessing your character doesn't have a proper costume?

 

[Spoon498]

Grammar has never been my strong suit. Alas I've always seemed to be at odds with all my English teachers through out high school. As for those crazy Line breaks, I don't know what the deal is with them. I can't seem to fix them. I appreciate the compliments. I think it'd be a very interesting and fun character to play. Also no he doesn't have a costume and I don't aim to give him one. He's not a super hero because he wants to be. He's trying to make do with the hand that he's been dealt with and as such really has no need or want of a costume. If you'd like a good visual on how I picture him, think Vincent Volaju. He's the villain from the Cowboy Beebop movie. Minus the trench coat and a little bit more haggard looking.

 

[Safe in the Dark]

Spoiler: I am the Alpha, and Omega

Name: EXGR-Combative Unit-001
Alias: Alpha

Gender: Designed towards being male.

Age: Appears to be around nineteen years old.

Appearance: Alpha appears as a humanoid android with short, jet black hair and dark red eyes. As he was remade with combat in mind, his body is mostly mechanical, although he retains a human-esque figure with a face. He stands at about six feet, and his legs, instead of ending in feet, appear as more of a prong like shape. His body has a somewhat Black and white color scheme with some red bits to it.

Personality: Being a combat android, Alpha is somewhat cold, logical, and stiffly machine-like in his mannerisms, something he can't help. He shows a large amount of curiosity towards human responses and behaviours though, often questioning and analysing things he observes. He was programmed with an emotion based drive within him, but it was simply in the prototype stages when integrated. Dr. Geppe, has however hoped that a breakthrough can be made via extended periods of human interaction. Once he shows enough emotional drive, or at least an unmechanized understanding of morality, his programming will alter itself so that he may make his own choices.

Alignment: Hero

Superpowers: Alpha is outfitted with a variety of internal weapons. Power wise, he is simply incredibly agile, resilient, and strong. His wrists contain ammunition and slots for additional weapons to be outfitted, such as small grenade launchers, or portable mini-guns but within his hands also lie a potent weapon, his fingers can slide open at the very ends and each finger can work like an automatic weapon. He is capable of flight thanks to thrusters in his legs and he has enhanced robot sensors for sight and sound. His left arm is also outfitted with a retractable blade. In dire situations he can activate Exceed mode, and gains bonuses to his agility and strength, but this will burn up his energy in a matter of minutes, and will leave him vulnerable.

Weaknesses: Runs off an internal energy source that recharges over time. Since this powers not only himself, but his weapons, running out of power shifts him into reserve energy until he can restore his power. In reserve mode he can't use any of his advanced systems or weapons and must simply rely on his strength and agility. He also, unless his programming states otherwise cannot harm innocent people in almost any given circumstance. Take a hostage and he won't risk harming them unless he is sure he can save them in the process of taking out the target. When in reserve mode, his internal batter will slowly recharge on his own, with no assistance over the span of four to six hours. While in reserve he can only lift about three hundred pounds and takes a 65% loss in speed and maneuverability. He is also exceptionally weak to any kind of EMP or super electro-current device or ability unless he has been given some kind on electrical resistor as a part of his load-out, so as to not make him completely useless when fighting against an EMP based foe. Any of his parts can be damaged to place them out of commission, such as his leg thrusters, or weapon attachments. He will also sink in any large body of water, less his thruster switched for rotors. But when customized in certain ways he will have to give up either mobility, weapons, or both. Disabling his arms will effectively halve his battle output.

Biography: Dr. Geppe was always interested in machines, since he was young. He would marvel at all the inventions and breakthroughs people had made, and this interest never seemed to taper off. He spent a large portion of his live studying both the mechanical and the motorized. He truly did have a love for machines. Soon enough, he met the woman who shared his interest, Mary Stein, and the two of them fell deeply in love with each other. They married five months after they had met.

Dr. Geppe and his wife were inseparable, but this would not last. When his wife was to give birth to their child, tragedy struck. Due to a complication both mother and child had faded from his life. This didn't sit well with the inventor. He grow bitter and cynical. His life, even his machines had lost all of their meaning. After living several years by selling his once prized possessions, an idea came to the man's mind.

If fate were so keen on taking his family from him, then the good Doctor would simply have to go against fate. It had been nineteen years since the accident and with that in mind he set about crafting a son who wouldn't die due to any mere, human complication. After several more years of tireless work, at long last, the man's greatest. and most resolute invention would be complete.

Dr. Geppe raised this new son, teaching him everything he knew. Since this was a new beginning, for the both of them, he named the android Alpha. Things would've went fine, but an over zealous Warmonger had his men abduct the two of them and forced the Doctor to outfit his child with weapons and combat systems. the good Doctor obeyed stalwartly, but when Alpha, or the EXGR-Combative Unit was ready for fighting, the Doctor turned it on his Captors in an attempt to free the both of them. Dr. Geppe was killed in the process, along with every single member of the private militia.

Now, as Alpha stood alone, in a vast world he didn't completely comprehend he decided to do what he thought his father would approve of. Using his advanced systems and weapons, the android set about stopping criminals and helping innocents. Despite his lack of emotions, he desired something, and that was to make his father proud and create a world his Creator would be proud of. Now Alpha seeks the employment of Seraphim so that he may aid them in their efforts.

Other notes: With no assistance he has a base top speed of 40 miles per hour while running.