Paying parents rent.
- Thread starter Davih
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No, I didn't, and I think having to pay FAMILY without good reason is a dumb idea.
And fuck you too, captcha!
And fuck you too, captcha!
Families have obligations to each other. Unless she direly needs money, in which case she should ask nicely rather than demanding rent like you're a stranger, she should leave you be until you get on your feet. Family sticks up for each other.
Oh, this is the first post I agree completely with. After 18 years of living there paying nothing it's a big problem suddenly paying rent, and the rent isn't even big.Rawne1980 said:
I moved out when I was 15 and have been paying the rent by myself ever since that. Moving back home would just feel weird at this point. If I were to live home and have a steady source of income I would prefer to pay rent. So your mom owes you a whole lot of money, doesn't that tell you she's got financial difficulties?
No, my Mum would never even think of charging me rent. I'm just lucky to live with her.
I'm actually moving out to university tomorrow, so while I'm studying I'll be on residence, but my Mum is actually going to be chipping in some money to help pay for second semester.
So... pretty much, my Mum's great to me; and I'm grateful.
I'm actually moving out to university tomorrow, so while I'm studying I'll be on residence, but my Mum is actually going to be chipping in some money to help pay for second semester.
So... pretty much, my Mum's great to me; and I'm grateful.
100 pounds/month is cheap. Even cheaper if you're eating at home and not contributing to the groceries.
As far as the owing you 700 pounds goes, yeah, that's too bad, but that doesn't help with the cost of feeding and housing you now. It's only decent to contribute to household expenses while you live there. Plus, this should really be a life lesson for you: a loan you don't have set down in paper is actually a gift. It's nice if you get it back, but anytime you give someone - especially friends and family - money without having a contract for repayment, you have to assume that money is gone, and if you get it back, well, what a lovely surprise.
I wouldn't get too high-handed about your mother not having a job when you plan to live off government funding yourself while in school, and you're trying to talk her into letting you live at her house free of charge. Once you're self-supporting then maybe you'll be entitled to get sassy about it.
As far as the owing you 700 pounds goes, yeah, that's too bad, but that doesn't help with the cost of feeding and housing you now. It's only decent to contribute to household expenses while you live there. Plus, this should really be a life lesson for you: a loan you don't have set down in paper is actually a gift. It's nice if you get it back, but anytime you give someone - especially friends and family - money without having a contract for repayment, you have to assume that money is gone, and if you get it back, well, what a lovely surprise.
I wouldn't get too high-handed about your mother not having a job when you plan to live off government funding yourself while in school, and you're trying to talk her into letting you live at her house free of charge. Once you're self-supporting then maybe you'll be entitled to get sassy about it.
its moments like these I tend to appreciate how reasonable my parents are. I just pay the Internet bill every month (Which is about $80) and that's it, I help out where needed beyond that, and they help me, but I don't really get charged rent for the moment. Not that I'm against it, but I'm not going to argue either 
As for the OPs situation...I'd probably recommend either just toughing it out and paying up, then getting a place of you're own like people have said. it sounds like the more sensible option to me.
As for the OPs situation...I'd probably recommend either just toughing it out and paying up, then getting a place of you're own like people have said. it sounds like the more sensible option to me.
Yeah, I only read about the first two pages of this thread, but it sounds to me like you need a bit of a dose of reality. A REALLY CHEAP rent will be setting you back a minimum of £250 a month, including bills. And even an average student let you're still looking at £300-400 after bills. Note that neither of these are including food costs (£50+ a month depending on how much you eat). I'd also add that most students live off about £5k a year which works out £500 a month if you ignore summer, the same amount you have. Out of that £500, a good 2/3 will go on rent and bills, because they are expensive. So basically the £100 being offered to you is a good deal regardless of who it is with or what your history with them is. Frankly expecting anything less is beyond optimistic and if you were expecting to keep over 80% of your monthly income as "fun money" then you're a little delusional.
As other people have said, either move out (It'll cost more but it's SO worth it, I promise) or suck it up and pay your upkeep. If you spend a lot of time with the TV/PC and food is included then you'll be more or less covering those bills and that's about it with your £100.
As for the £700, I'd just abandon it. You've a long term relationship with this woman (one I presume you'd like to keep on good terms), and in said long term relationship there is a lot of give and take. Unless you've specifically said "you owe me for this" or "this is a loan" or something similar, then she owes you nothing. It's part of the give and take and she won't appreciate that you've been keeping tally of anything you've ever bought for her and are suddenly planning to throw the number in her face and ask for it back.
Regardless of your opinions on how she leads her life, she HAS raised you, which will have cost money (if other peoples) that she could have otherwise spent on herself, and if you're going to uni then she can't have done that bad a job of raising you either.
So yeah, if you want my actual advice I'd suggest moving out. You'll have a much better time, less stress, be more self sufficient, but will have a lighter wallet every month.
As other people have said, either move out (It'll cost more but it's SO worth it, I promise) or suck it up and pay your upkeep. If you spend a lot of time with the TV/PC and food is included then you'll be more or less covering those bills and that's about it with your £100.
As for the £700, I'd just abandon it. You've a long term relationship with this woman (one I presume you'd like to keep on good terms), and in said long term relationship there is a lot of give and take. Unless you've specifically said "you owe me for this" or "this is a loan" or something similar, then she owes you nothing. It's part of the give and take and she won't appreciate that you've been keeping tally of anything you've ever bought for her and are suddenly planning to throw the number in her face and ask for it back.
Regardless of your opinions on how she leads her life, she HAS raised you, which will have cost money (if other peoples) that she could have otherwise spent on herself, and if you're going to uni then she can't have done that bad a job of raising you either.
So yeah, if you want my actual advice I'd suggest moving out. You'll have a much better time, less stress, be more self sufficient, but will have a lighter wallet every month.
Albeit off topic, but do YOU know whats it's like to be young and trying to get into proper employment without any form of inside contacts? I'm stuck living home because of it 3 years later. It's not as simple as going in, handing a resume and getting a career or a basic job handed on a platter.Rawne1980 said:
Although this is Australia, probably much different there. (I hate people who assume finding work is easy, not to be snappy)
I'm about a year older than you, and I pay over 6 times that amount (around 627 GBP or 1,000 USD) for bills and rent per month. That doesn't include food or housekeeping - presumably things that are also included in your deal. You're getting off really, really cheap - trust me.
My government doesn't cut me an $877 check every month, either. Why don't _you_ get a job (if you don't already have one)?
Seriously, what is with people? I'm terribly sorry to break this news to you, but you're an adult now. You shouldn't be a dependent - not on your parents, family or your government.
My government doesn't cut me an $877 check every month, either. Why don't _you_ get a job (if you don't already have one)?
Seriously, what is with people? I'm terribly sorry to break this news to you, but you're an adult now. You shouldn't be a dependent - not on your parents, family or your government.
I know it's not easy at all to find work.Ziadaine said:
It's the same here in the UK bud. Not enough jobs and far too many people wanting the few that are available.
However I wasn't referring to the young lad as he already said he was working.
I was referring to the lads mum and step dad who, by the looks of things, have never worked. Not through illness or the like but because they don't want to.
But I do know what it's like to be young and looking for a job. I have kids one of which is 18 as I mentioned. I had to help her find employment.
Holy...Waaghpowa said:
I just don't get you. At all. It is impossible for my mind to come to grips with such a... different perspective on life. Since my early teenage years - one thing has driven me. I wanted to be my own person. I wanted absolute and unhindered control over my life. I wanted people to respect my work and my existence, and I wanted to bring value to whatever endeavor that I ended up seeking out. Am I the most mature, responsible or dependable person? No, not by any means. In fact, sometimes I find that I'm being less dependable than the average McD's worker. But I am still driven by a need to... well... be needed. To have others rely on me, instead of the other way around.
To that end, being a dependent is insulting to me. Borrowing money, paying bills late, asking for advances... Those kinds of things happen from time to time - and it kills me. If I in *any* way depended on my parents to feed me or provide shelter - I literally would loose all of my dignity.
In Grade 11 I dropped out of High School because my job was paying me more than what an average college graduate in my field would make, even in a few years after. On my 18th birthday I moved out to my own place. A few pieces of equipment I own were gifts, and my car was paid for though inheritance - but other than that, the food I eat and the computers I use and every other item I own are 100% mine.
If it were any other way, I couldn't live with myself. I would feel like a failure.
And guess what? It's not that hard. I'm not some special person - I have many flaws, perhaps more flaws than the average person here. The difference is that I have chosen to be an adult. Even when I fail, sometimes miserably, it's what I work towards. People who think that they should get help from their parents well into their 20's are disgraceful.
If I lost my job, all of the other opportunities I've gotten presented with over the last few years fell though and I couldn't get another job before my savings dwindled - I would have places to go. My brother, sisters, parents and friends wouldn't automatically shun me. I know they would be there to help me though, and I know that they would be willing to do so because of my track record and attitude. It's not as if they have abandoned me - it's that I am, and always will be, my own person.
Well it's her house and if she's not a legal provider it's a perfectly reasonable request.
That said, I would fucking NEVER pay rent to live with my parents. I pay rent specifically not to live with my parents. I don't know. I have a shitty relationship with mine, so maybe your case is different, but I personally would say "ok mom, give me back the 700 bucks you owe me, and I'll use it to help pay my first and last somewhere else."
That said, I would fucking NEVER pay rent to live with my parents. I pay rent specifically not to live with my parents. I don't know. I have a shitty relationship with mine, so maybe your case is different, but I personally would say "ok mom, give me back the 700 bucks you owe me, and I'll use it to help pay my first and last somewhere else."
Fair enough if your parents actually need the money to keep supporting both themselves and you, although it always struck me as kind of a last resort.
Actually, it seems fair enough most of the time, at least in relatively low income families - that you should try and pitch in once you can, rather than continuing to enjoy a free ride. That said, while I can most definitely see the logic behind it - and, in an objective sense, tend to agree with it - it's always struck me a tad coldhearted...
Maybe going back to my first point, she should explain to you that she really does need the money, and that she would continue to support you if she could, but that it's simply not possible anymore, and ask you to pitch in. That's as opposed to demanding rent, which seems out of place in the context of a parent interacting with their own child.
Actually, it seems fair enough most of the time, at least in relatively low income families - that you should try and pitch in once you can, rather than continuing to enjoy a free ride. That said, while I can most definitely see the logic behind it - and, in an objective sense, tend to agree with it - it's always struck me a tad coldhearted...
Maybe going back to my first point, she should explain to you that she really does need the money, and that she would continue to support you if she could, but that it's simply not possible anymore, and ask you to pitch in. That's as opposed to demanding rent, which seems out of place in the context of a parent interacting with their own child.
Do you think if you lived anywhere else you'd get a free ride?Davih said:
Who's paying for your food? Electricity? Gas? Water? Internet? Council tax?
You're getting a taste of the real world.
Also, you may want to give some fair argument from your parents perspective. Why don't / can't they have a job? To me, you sound as though you have your head in the clouds.
I had to pay rent the day I left full time education at the age of 16. Even though I went to college part time, I had to pay most of my part time wages to have a warm place to sleep and eat.
I didn't moan at my parents about that.
EDIT: Also.... £100 sounds to me as though you are getting off lightly.
EDIT AGAIN: £700! What if she suddenly decided to call you out on the god knows how many thousands you have cost her throughout your life time?
I'm not trying to be mean here, and I personally know people in your position whom I respect. So don't take my comment as an insult...Ziadaine said:
But I have a hard time with this sentiment. I am an obese, virtually uneducated, depressed, cigarette smoking, borderline alcoholic social retard with crippling anxiety. Yet I have never had a problem finding work. If you took my individual attributes and summed them, you would get the low end of the lowest societal stereotype. Though dedication and hard work, however, I now work fulltime from home and parttime elsewhere - with at least two other entities asking me every few weeks to come do work for them as well.
I just can't buy it that people, especially the people here who often have technical, marketable skills, can't find work. Hell, there are places in Syndy that I would love to have the opportunity to work towards getting hired at. I live in a freaking retirement town populated almost exclusively by old, rich, people, or kids who haven't left yet - so the "you must live in a big city" retort certainly doesn't apply.
To be honest I'd say either move out or um.. no thats it really.. If parents start charging their kids rent its a bit of a failure really.. should have taken the cash costs into account before yu get into the whole child care business.. for all your parents knew you (no offense meant) could have been disabled (mentally or physically) thus unable to work and they would have had to live some other way other than charging their kids for the cost of being alive..
