Petty crap

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Sep 24, 2008
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Ten Foot Bunny said:
-snip because asshatery makes me angry-
Have any of you dealt with this kind of thing in your gaming lives? How did you handle it?
Honestly, yeah. race thing again. bunch of guys I played with found out that I was black because I went with them to play Rainbox Six (you can choose your avatar in the game). I got "Why are you playing as a Nig". To which I replied "I'm not, I'm playing as a black guy". Cue the hassling and the inbox full of racist diatribes.

Now, two things to note.

a.) I never really relished the idea of playing games online. My brother used to trounce me pretty handily in games and never let me live it down. Made me feel a little bit sketchy on the idea of playing with random people I don't know and having them ridicule me. I heard the horror stories. but I got the orange box for the 360 and I wanted to see what the hoopla was about.

b.) I'm somewhat of a introvert.

Add that together and it was enough to make me not want to play online any more. At that time, I got a pc capable of gaming and I got into steam. I played left 4 dead with my friends and one day we forgot the 'friends only' matchmaking. got a good random team. Then another one. Funny people, people we wanted to help out, people who we had discussions with about the events of the day while blowing a bloated zombie in half... it opened me to the realization that a small collective, no matter how influential in your social meanderings, does not paint your experiences for all times.

Don't online game now if you don't want to online game now. Switch to steam, we're a good bunch of people out there. Heck, I'm sure that this forum has a XBL gaming group. Make the situation more comfortable for you, because that's what it should be. A fun experience that you control.

My condolences for your loss, My condolences for the asshats in your life. No other condolences to be had because you rock and you deserve to know that.

Dead Century said:
Ouch. Nothing as immature as that. Except that time I was harassed in Left4Dead, by a fellow I had initially thought was alright. But I do have a friend who has a tendency to drop people off his steam friend-list if he doesn't hear from you in a couple months. He always says it's nothing personal, just keeping his steam tidy. Gamers can be a fickle bunch. I tend to take online friendships a bit more deeply than others, if you're on my friends-list and I enjoy your company, I won't remove you, ever. Even if I don't hear from you in a month, year, etc. People have lives and priorities to take care of in the real world. My fundamental gaming/internet belief is that behind every screen-name, there is a flesh and blood person with feelings, issues, and so on. Respect and empathy goes a long way. Sorry he acted like a shit-bag.
Can... can we like clone your mindset and somehow install that into everyone who wants to game online? That'll be great, thanks.
 

Reasonable Atheist

New member
Mar 6, 2012
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Ten Foot Bunny said:
There is definately something more going on in this situation that you are either not aware of or leaving out, it strikes me not as petty, but as nonsensical. Everyone has motivations for their actions, motive is missing from this scenario.
 

Foolery

No.
Jun 5, 2013
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ObsidianJones said:
Ten Foot Bunny said:
-snip because asshatery makes me angry-
Have any of you dealt with this kind of thing in your gaming lives? How did you handle it?
Honestly, yeah. race thing again. bunch of guys I played with found out that I was black because I went with them to play Rainbox Six (you can choose your avatar in the game). I got "Why are you playing as a Nig". To which I replied "I'm not, I'm playing as a black guy". Cue the hassling and the inbox full of racist diatribes.

Now, two things to note.

a.) I never really relished the idea of playing games online. My brother used to trounce me pretty handily in games and never let me live it down. Made me feel a little bit sketchy on the idea of playing with random people I don't know and having them ridicule me. I heard the horror stories. but I got the orange box for the 360 and I wanted to see what the hoopla was about.

b.) I'm somewhat of a introvert.

Add that together and it was enough to make me not want to play online any more. At that time, I got a pc capable of gaming and I got into steam. I played left 4 dead with my friends and one day we forgot the 'friends only' matchmaking. got a good random team. Then another one. Funny people, people we wanted to help out, people who we had discussions with about the events of the day while blowing a bloated zombie in half... it opened me to the realization that a small collective, no matter how influential in your social meanderings, does not paint your experiences for all times.

Don't online game now if you don't want to online game now. Switch to steam, we're a good bunch of people out there. Heck, I'm sure that this forum has a XBL gaming group. Make the situation more comfortable for you, because that's what it should be. A fun experience that you control.

My condolences for your loss, My condolences for the asshats in your life. No other condolences to be had because you rock and you deserve to know that.

Dead Century said:
Ouch. Nothing as immature as that. Except that time I was harassed in Left4Dead, by a fellow I had initially thought was alright. But I do have a friend who has a tendency to drop people off his steam friend-list if he doesn't hear from you in a couple months. He always says it's nothing personal, just keeping his steam tidy. Gamers can be a fickle bunch. I tend to take online friendships a bit more deeply than others, if you're on my friends-list and I enjoy your company, I won't remove you, ever. Even if I don't hear from you in a month, year, etc. People have lives and priorities to take care of in the real world. My fundamental gaming/internet belief is that behind every screen-name, there is a flesh and blood person with feelings, issues, and so on. Respect and empathy goes a long way. Sorry he acted like a shit-bag.
Can... can we like clone your mindset and somehow install that into everyone who wants to game online? That'll be great, thanks.
I'd happily donate my brain tissue, for science! I just play for fun, and to socialize. I don't it's much to ask others to do the same. Golden rule and all that.
 

VanQ

Casual Plebeian
Oct 23, 2009
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I'm sorry they did that to you, but I feel like we're only getting half the story. Do you know their reasons for kicking you besides being inactive for 6 weeks?

Either way, I'd suggest trying out WoW or an MMO. The communities on those games (especially WoW) are closer to 50% female than any other type of gaming bar mobile/facebook. Whether you end up in a casual guild or a hardcore raid guild you will find a lot of players that are used to women and plenty of fellow women to play with.

I'm not saying it's your fault you had to go through that, fuck that, it's their choice to kick you like that. But honestly, I don't expect anything less from XBL and the type of people you find on there.
 

Ten Foot Bunny

I'm more of a dishwasher girl
Mar 19, 2014
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Again, thank you for all the great responses! I wish I could quote and respond individually to every one of you, but that would be a post for the ages and so I'll make this a general "answer" post. :)

First, those videos were SOOOO cute! Not only did they make me smile, but my cat was enthralled by them. She even jumped up to the TV and started pawing it. That, too, was worth its weight in gold.

Regarding the exact circumstances of how I got kicked out of my gaming group, I'm giving the entire story as I know it, which was told to me by the one decent person in that group who doesn't give a shit about how the others dealt with me in the end. He told me beforehand that the one guy (the instigator of this whole ordeal) was going to unfriend me because I was taking too long to come back. I knew that the instigator was like that - when we were on cordial speaking terms, he told me he had about a two-week window. So when he DID unfriend me, it came as no surprise and I was genuinely cool with that. It didn't upset me in the slightest.

However, the night that the good member of the group invited me into the first party, the turd told him immediately beforehand not to invite me because it would be "awkward" (his words) to face me, specifically because he'd unfriended me. After I joined the party, he refused to talk. The good guy kept telling him - while I was there, no less - that he didn't have to be silent. But he was, and then he left without a word after about 10 minutes.

The next night, the turd (as I'll continue calling him) berated the good guy heavily, called him a bunch of horrible things, and told him to never do that again. Mind you, the turd is 25 and the good guy is 14. Not that it matters, I'm only saying that to show how mature the younger guy is compared to the rest. It's a quality for which I greatly admire and respect him.

The very next night, the good guy once again invited me into a party with five other members of our group, including the turd and the other guy generally considered the "leader" of the group, the turd invited the other leader into a private chat. After they were done, the other leader muted me (like the turd had done) and told the rest of the party to do the same. The following night, when I wasn't around, the others in the group were told what to do about me.

Before all of that happened, there was NO animosity between any of us. We were just a casual group of people who played together whenever we were online. No expectations. That's why this whole thing is so confusing.

Strangely, I had MUCH better experiences in WoW and LotRO. I haven't played WoW since '08 and I still hear from guildmates who want me back because they said I was a good tank! I stopped playing LotRO when my PC's motherboard decided it was allergic to its chips back in '10, and yet I was considered such a good healer that THEY all want me back too. Bless their hearts, they still beg me to return after all these years. I have two lifetime memberships in that game (one for each account) so I can't imagine how many Turbine points I have stored up.

One of the big regrets I have now is that I didn't buy a good gaming PC when I was making killer bucks at my last job. Now all I have is my laptop and it can't handle much game-wise. Though I have a Steam account (it's in my profile) I can't play anything more resource-heavy than Surgeon Simulator or Kerbal Space Program. I purchased a lot of great co-op games in the Summer Sale, but I don't think I can play them without a better PC. My internet connection rocks though! :D Perhaps I should try one of those heavier games to see what my laptop can really handle.

Unfortunately, all I have that's reliable is XBL, and I echo the sentiments of some of you when you say how bad many people on XBL can be. lol When I told my brother all the shit I went through in GTAO, he told me that he didn't run into that many dickheads on PSN, or, at the very least, people who pulled the type of crap that's regularly seen in GTAO on XBL.

You know something else I just remembered about my gaming group? Outside of GTAO, the ONLY game they play is CoD. I don't even own a CoD game. So maybe it's for the best. And to answer CannibalCorpses' question above, I TOTALLY forgot that the guy who first unfriended me in my gaming group was crushing on me pretty hard back in December and January! Holy crap... that little detail completely slipped my mind. I didn't reciprocate his advances because, well, I'm not into guys. I even TOLD him that back in January!

----------------------

About the job, I won't go into much detail about it here. My employer tried to deny me unemployment benefits when I applied for them, saying that I lost my job due to disciplinary action. You can't get UIB if you're to blame for the loss of your job. I appealed after the state's UI office sent me an email questionnaire to tell my side of the story. They overturned their decision within 12 hours of my response and granted me benefits, meaning that the state agreed that I wasn't responsible for the firing. Not only did I detail everything that happened to me (with dates because I have a bizarrely accurate memory for them) but I also included the name and phone number of my state disability rep, and I offered to sign a release form to give them access to my rep's records because they're otherwise protected under HIPAA's privacy laws.

I wouldn't take my employer to court though. See, I worked for the county and so it was a government job. I was a career counselor and case manager for a federal grant program (WIA) that assists unemployed and underemployed workers with training funds so they can enhance their marketability to get back into gainful employment. I loved every day of that job when I met with clients and watched them become successful. Helping others is something that makes me happier than anything else. Except for the coworker who made my professional life a living hell, I looked forward to going to work every day. It was like having a seven-day weekend.

And one more thing - about my bipolar disorder, people who meet me in real life are shocked when (or if) they find out that I have it. I've heard a lot of misinformed comments from others like, "but you're so normal!" as if those of us with mental illnesses are supposed to stand out in a civilized crowd. A vast majority of the time I'm perfectly stable because I stay on my meds. That hasn't been the case since April of last year though, as I've swung between hypomanic and severe depression with alarming regularity. We're trying to find a better mix of meds that will even me out, but the problem is that I waited 15 years after my diagnosis to begin meds, and so my condition worsened to a such a degree that I'm one of the more difficult people to treat.

With all that, this post became ridiculously long anyway! :D Time to end it here...
 

ghalleon0915

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Feb 23, 2014
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Not to derail this, but I just had to say that video was great. I have a hamster myself, so I found the video doubly cute.
 

Idsertian

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Ten Foot Bunny said:
One of the big regrets I have now is that I didn't buy a good gaming PC when I was making killer bucks at my last job. Now all I have is my laptop and it can't handle much game-wise. Though I have a Steam account (it's in my profile) I can't play anything more resource-heavy than Surgeon Simulator or Kerbal Space Program. I purchased a lot of great co-op games in the Summer Sale, but I don't think I can play them without a better PC. My internet connection rocks though! :D Perhaps I should try one of those heavier games to see what my laptop can really handle.
You'd be surprised what a lot of machines can handle, to be honest. Until this year, I was playing on a P4 3Ghz with 4Gbs of RAM and an Radeon X1950 Pro 512Mbs AGP card, which, if you're not a tech-head, is atrocious by today's standards. Yet, that machine would still run a lot of modern games, albeit not terribly well, in some cases.

If you're not particularly technically inclined, then have a gander at this handy little thing I just wrote up:

1. Know your specs. The first thing to do when trying to get stuff running on your machine, is know what's inside it. Laptops usually have their specs printed on the case somewhere, but in my experience, these are universally useless, as they're just buzzwords used to dazzle the technically illiterate. Instead, open your start menu and, depending on your OS version, either click "Run" or click in the little search box at the bottom. Type in "dxdiag" without the quotes and wait for the window that pops up to finish what it's doing (if you're using a 64-bit machine, click the "Run 64-Bit dxdiag" button near the bottom before it does). Once it's done, all the tabs in that window will tell you pretty much anything you wanted to know about your machine, but were afraid to ask. Either write down the pertinent information or memorise it, because you'll need it when deciding if games can run on your machine. Basically, you'll need your OS version and bit type (either 32 or 64), the make, model and speed of your CPU and GPU, the amount of memory your GPU has, the amount of memory (RAM) your machine has, and your DirectX version. If your GPU is anything by nVidia or AMD, then looking up the specific card on Wikipedia can help you to find out exactly what kinds of things it supports with regards to DirectX and shader support. If it's made by Intel, then you can disregard that.

2. Update your drivers. Make sure you have the latest versions of your graphics and sound drivers by going to the site of the manufacturer of your graphics and/or sound device, then downloading and installing the appropriate drivers for those devices. The sites in question should have a feature somewhere for helping with that. Do the same for DirectX, though Windows Update should keep that current, unless you've disabled it. Don't underestimate the effect this can have on your machine's performance.

3. Download GameBooster [http://www.razerzone.com/gamebooster/] from Razer. Laptops in particular come with a lot of bloat-ware (unnecessary software that you don't need), that just chomps all your machine's resources. GameBooster combats that by killing those processes, along with other processes that are run by Windows that aren't needed while you game. It also cleans your RAM of anything left in there, giving you more memory to play around with than you might otherwise have had. If you customise what it shuts down (which I would recommend doing), it can take a bit of Googling to find out what's safe to shut down and what isn't, but it might be worth the time and effort in the end. Basically, you'll want to shut down anything that isn't your network, graphics, sound and USB drivers, or anything that's central to Windows actually working (ancillary stuff is fine). Oh, and your AV/Firewall. Never disable that, despite what some people might tell you. That's some seriously dumb shit to do.

4. Find that balance between looks and performance. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice graphical fidelity for performance, which means turning graphics options down. On a laptop, turning AA (anti-aliasing) down or off can be a big help to frame-rates, particularly as it's not needed as much, what with their smaller screens. Dynamic lights/shadows and SSAO can also be big hits to the old fps, as well. My old rig ran the first Borderlands maxed out just fine... until you turned on dynamic shadows, at which point, it chugged like a steam train. This can depend on the engine the game is running on, of course, as some game engines are better optimised than others. Unfortunately, the only real way to get a handle on what does and doesn't run well on your machine is the old fashioned way: By playing the game in question. I do know one thing, however, and that is that Source Engine games are a boon on low-end machines. If you like shooters and are looking for some multiplayer fun, then I suggest giving TF2 a go. There are a lot of good communities in that game, and despite its age, it's still going strong.
 

Muspelheim

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Apr 7, 2011
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I've never experienced it myself, although I've seen it. In this particular case, I imagine Turd (or Mr. Wanker DuSuck von Horunge) failed to handle the crush like an adult, and took the fact that you weren't interested as a slight against him, or perhaps felt personally diminished because of it. It just reeks of ignored insecurities, and I imagine he just wanted you gone, to make the bad go away. Although the fact that hardly anyone saw fit to say "Why? Bog off" doesn't exactly paint that whole group in a good light, does it?

It'll always feel awful when you're systematically excluded. It really will. But believe me, those losers are hardly a loss. They've aired out their clubhouse, at least until they need to throw someone else out to make room for their insecurities. It's an environment that won't do you any favours. There are so many others out there more worth the time.

As for your former colleagues? Fair-weather friends are what they are. Nonetheless, it will always feel terrible. Human minds are likely wired to treat every snapped thread like that as a disaster. But the loss can often be disproportionate to how dreadful it feels. Not to mention; there will be others. It won't feel like that, but there will.

As for the job; good to hear you put up the fight, because that treatment just was not right. Is there some sort of discrimination/labour rights ombudsman you could contact? Or a psycological disability ombudsman of sorts? It could be very helpful in the future, and they could probably share a few tips.

There will always be worthless office Machiavellis like that I'm afraid, it's another way to project personal problems to other people to deal with. There isn't much to do than try to call out their bullshit when it happens and remember your rights.
 

Weaver

Overcaffeinated
Apr 28, 2008
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Never had this happen. If you PC game I'll play with you on Steam, though I can be a bit flakey in terms of reliability :p I sometimes just leave the house for several days by accident.
 

Doom972

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Dec 25, 2008
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As a general rule, I suggest not forming gaming groups with people you don't know in real life. This way people behave much better.
Forming gaming groups with random people using XBL sounds like an especially bad idea. I suggest finding people in forums dedicated to specific games you like and forming groups with them if playing with people you know in real life isn't an option.
 

sataricon

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Oct 7, 2014
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Just move on.
This group based on what you say doesn't deserve you at all.

Look for better people and i'm sure you'll find one.

Best of luck OP.
 

asdfen

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Oct 27, 2011
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one of the reasons I play games offline only or over LAN with friends who are within reach of butt kickin
 

sanquin

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Jun 8, 2011
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You always have no-lifers that have seas of time on their hands, and can't understand it when someone leaves for a while. Or he might have wanted to kick you out already and this was an excuse. Either way, nothing you can do about it. I've already learned years ago that online friends generally don't last.