Phrases that piss you off

[iLikeHippos]

"I could care less." the words mean literally the opposite of "I couldn't care less."

?

No, it doesn't. That's silly. The opposite of not caring would be the person in question listening to you with the utmost attention, as whatever you are saying is purely divine to them, or even more important than that! They would tell the whole world to shut up for a second or two, if they could, just so they can peak their ears to your closest mouth-hole. They would even, if necessary, expose you to any mean required to make you slip whatever you are talking about in full detail.

When people usually say "I could care less", they are implying this in a negative light, that they are, in Internet slang, running out of fucks to give.
They do care what you are feeling, or you as a person, or respect you in some way or another, but whatever you are saying is considered tiresome and they can't be bothered to really reply in any other way than "Uh-huh" "Oh yeah" or "Really?" in a very monotone way.

It's usually meant to not hurt your feelings, but at the same time pointing out that perhaps the topic of, I don't know, knee-pads and their importance in society isn't exactly striking gold with them.


OT: "Food for thought", usually added at the end of an extremely cheesy story, argument or quote that a 13 year old or an adult with a prepubescent mind finds cool and desires to share the world with, or try and inspire like-minded people.

I'm sorry if I am not such a damn simpleton that I stop to think in awe whenever I see something completely fucking obvious in front of my eyes, but I just get so exhausted. NO, you are NOT clever, nor inspirational, and neither is whatever you're quoting...
Just... Stop. Please?

 

[Furbyz]

I pray that it has already been said, but using the word "sheeple" unironically is a great way to immediately make me think less of you. It speaks of a person utterly convinced that they are the only thinking people around them, and that no one else could possibly disagree with them or not see what they see if they were thinking persons.

The sentiment is just so arrogantly self-assured I cannot tolerate it.

 

[kuolonen]

"I am from town/country X, I am ethnicity X, My relative died/fought at X, therefore my argument is more valid than yours" and all tho possible forms of the line of thinking. Yes please tell me more how you being random fact X somehow makes your argument somehow more truthful or more morally justifiable.

 

[WendelI]

"where is your [study of something that is usually related to the topic] degree?"

I'm pretty sure you don't need to be a fucking mechanical engineer to drive a car. if I'm giving you information from actual experience its more valid than the information some dude that took a class on it is telling you. Angers me so much whenever people try to win an argument by pretending that the validity of my argument is null just cause I don't have a degree on the subject.

 

[Kinitawowi]

I'm a sports fan and as any sports fan knows, sports commentators are full of boring cliches.

Oh god, the classic from football: "it moved in the air". Supposed to imply a shot that curved, but I'm just waiting for the day the ball suddenly just stops dead in the air and hovers in place.

Morons.

 

[Rowan93]

using an average followed by an inexact figure:

"I average 40 - 60 thousand dollars a year"

so you average 50 thousand dollars a year?

Maybe he averages 47,071 a year. Maybe he averages 56,853 a year. Maybe he hasn't bothered to do the exact math, and it could be either one of those, or indeed anything up to, say, 60,000, and down to 40k. Seriously this is completely reasonable.

 

[Tiger King]

just watched a youtube video and I realised I don't like it when they say 'don't forget to like and subscribe'

I haven't forgotten, I just don't want to.

 

[sageoftruth]

For me, it's basically any argument that uses "Freedom", or "Equality". Both words have many forms to them. For example, there's absolute freedom, which is pretty much chaotic lawlessness, and then there's freedom to do X but not Y (and many variations of what X and Y are). Nonetheless, I keep hearing people act like there's only one type (and often that their party has the sole claim on it). In politics, there's often a party claiming to be the "freedom" party, but unless they're pushing for absolute anarchy, their idea of freedom is simply to allow and restrict things on others as they see fit.

 

[Vegosiux]

ak93]Anything that is followed by "But"

I'm not racist... but

No offence... but

I would like that... but

It's usually used as a way of saying horrible, offensive or hurtful things without having to deal with the fallout. Drives me nuts.

"I'm not a chef, but [lists ingredients for a recipe]"

Does that statement make me a chef?

I get what you're saying, mind, I just think you worded it kind of awkwardly. Usually that "but" isn't only there because people want to get away with saying something.


(Besides, people always want to get away with what they're saying in the first place...)

 

[lnin0]

We will have to agree to disagree.

 

[PoolCleaningRobot]

A new phrase that's starting to bother me "you'd be surprised". This strange kid I work with has been using it obnoxiously. For example, I was explaining to him how to put custom firmware on a psp and he told me "you could get viruses doing that". To which I replied no, that's not possible at all. Things can't run on a psp without me doing it unless someone made malware disguised as a homebrew and I side loaded it. But what kind of site would host such a file and who the fuck would make it? Then he said "you'd be surprised". No I would not be surprised at all. What I think is most likely true. He used it again when he insisted our 2001 Mac Powerbooks might be worth a $1,000...

 

[PoolCleaningRobot]

The site's catcha derped on me twice. Delete this please

 

[PoolCleaningRobot]

The site's catcha derped on me twice. Delete this please

 

[Coruptin]

"x cartoon/character is so progressive/brave/whatever the new buzzword is"

i just came out to watch dumb idiot cartoons
cant you guys just have fun watching things? do you really need to justify the things you love?

i didnt ask for this
i dont want to be associated with this

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Check your privilege.

Hate the phrase, use it only to make fun of people who use it in earnest.

It is a combatative phrase. It's decently suited to the Internet, where most people's goal seems to be making their opponent mad in any argument, although it is still not a good phrase really. When people use it in real life it's just grating. If you're talking to someone face to face about an ideological difference, the point should be either to learn about the others view or to convince, not to make the other party mad, which ultimately reinforces their original beliefs.

 

[spartandude]

"They're different things, you cant compare them."... then proceeds to compare.

Ok this isnt bad in and of itself, its mostly how its used. For example remember when Battlfield 3 came out and people were arguing whether BF or CoD was better and people kept saying "They're different things, you cant compare them." and then pointed out the differences... ughh.

 

[AnarchistFish]

I hate how every thread title on this website begins with Sooooooooooooooooooo........

 

[Mark Kissell]

Wow, 8 pages and not mentioned once. Maybe I'm part of the minority due to it creeping into speech patterns so mildly.

"I feel like..."

Wait, you what?

"I feel like we should go out eat."

Do you mean that you think we should go out to eat? Are you actually implying that your emotions are in use to compare what is an option?

Perhaps this is a bad example yet I cannot conceive a point where critical thinking becomes an emotional compulsion. It may be the over use. It may be the fact that it is nonsensical. In all reality, I think it sounds stupid.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Twisting somebody else's cleverness to their own ends.
Any expression the user clearly does not understand or is utilizing to promote an agenda it actually has nothing whatsofuckingever to do with. Case in point:

Alright, I thought of another phrase a bit more on topic. A phrase that DOES piss me off.

The "shitty lock" / "good key" analogy.

It just plays into sexist stereotypes, where a women who sleeps around is considered "slutty", whereas if a man does the same thing then that's perfectly fine.

That's really just a clever way of saying it's better to do one's job well than to do it poorly. But thanks to man-whores trying to justify prejudice and bad behavior, now it means "gurlz r slutz."

You just need to keep trying!
Don't get me wrong. Effort will get you lots of things. However, implying that happiness/success is inevitable is NOT helping. There are things that cannot be accomplished with any amount of effort. When I was a little kid I wanted to be Superman. I don't mean I wanted to be virtuous, I mean I wanted to fly and be bulletproof. My folks didn't say "keep trying" because they knew that's fucking impossible.

Cynicism is the incompetent twin of wisdom.
I have two responses for this one. First, learn the difference between cynicism and realism. Example: A realist understands and accepts that sooner or later some part of his vehicle will fail and need repair. A cynic says, "I'll probably get a flat on the way home from work, 'cause my life just sucks," then fails to notice when it doesn't happen, and says the same thing the next day.
Second, spouting trite platitudes coined by people long dead is the incompetent twin of actually having something to say.

Like, you know, uhh, like, repeating, like, over and over again, you know?
This is less a phrase and more a filler. Words are coming out, but you're not speaking. Get your thoughts in order, for Pete's sake!

The customer is always right.
Douchebags who aren't getting what they want, in the mistaken and completely nonsensical belief that being even more of a douchebag is the answer to every problem, trot that little gem out like it's supposed to trump whatever is happening that they don't like. The actual meaning of the expression is the customer should be treated as well as possible. That does not include breaking every rule in the book, bumping them to the front of the line, etc.

Just about any phrase with the word "god" in it: god willing, it's god's plan, etc.
God is the lazy person's way of feeling important. If you want to feel special, maybe you should do something exceptional. Don't tell me god has a plan and I won't explain to you in painstaking detail how life is a chemical accident in a generic backwater of an uncaring universe the entirety of which will eventually turn utterly cold and dark.

 

[Kuuenbu]

"If you think it's crappy, why don't you make something better?!"

If you use this in an argument, I will end it. I can critique anything I wish and you can counter my critique. But unless I say "I could do better!" or something similar. You can not bring this up. I never said I could do better, I just said whatever we're discussing is shit.

I like to refer to that as the "asking Roger Ebert to make a movie" argument. Usually either shuts them up or pits them into a humiliating logic breakdown.

Also, do not ever, ever call me "sir" unless it is a in the context of a formal greeting. In real life.