Pick a useless super power

[Ham Blitz]

The ability to conjure an angelic choir that sings whatever I just said in Latin.

Or maybe the ability to summon special effects freely. Not very useful, but my day would be more interesting.

Both of those sound amazing, especially together. Imagine conjuring effects that make it look as though the choir is descending from the heavens.
Also, have them sing something random, like have a bunch of them holding a low note constantly while the rest of them sing in almost a chant something like "It's a tuna". It could be cool.



On topic however, the ability to cause cheese to float.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

The power to turn coca-cola to pepsi...and vice-versa of course.

Imagine the fun!

Flatmate opens can and drinks..."This coke tastes like pepsi"

Cookie for who gets the reference

Little Nicky.

Being able to make bees orgasm by willing it.
But only one bee every three minutes.

You do realize that when a male bee reaches climax it's testicles explode?

You're not a very nice person.

Muhaahahahahahaaaa, I shall decimate the bee-population, one male bee at a time...
The perfect crime, MUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA.

Gotta admit, that's a hell of a way to die.

You will know pure happiness, the best moment of your short life...
AND THEN YOUR BALLS EXPLODE

First of all: *Happiness*

Second: Imagine it: An orgasm so intense, your nuts explode.

Yes, happiness, that's what I wrote, isn't it?

Yep, an orgasm that is too much for you to handle, too much for your body to take.
And you only get to experience it as a bee...

 

[The Lugz]

the ability to sense useless superpowers present in grasshoppers.

I present you, THE premier useless superpower. oh yes.

 

[Glaive_21842]

I'd go with the power to win arguments over the internet

 

[CplDustov]

Nails never growing nor needing to be cut but they don't get old or anything like that. Ever. I'd save roughly 2 minutes for every time I'd otherwise have to cut them

 

[Asmundr]

The ability to control paper but it remains with all the properties of paper, gains nothing special beyond me controlling it, and if I try to write on any form of paper with ink it instantly turns to ash.

Good for some things but I can't fill out many forms or label my property. I also can't do the assignments giving out by my professors now.

Sounds pretty useful aside from the ink thing. 10 tons of paper is still 10 tons of paper.

Thing is I have to find access to that ten tons of paper. Unless I work at a factory that makes the stuff it would be pretty hard to any more useful than moving printer paper at home or school.

 

[SD-Fiend]

The ability to control paper but it remains with all the properties of paper, gains nothing special beyond me controlling it, and if I try to write on any form of paper with ink it instantly turns to ash.

Good for some things but I can't fill out many forms or label my property. I also can't do the assignments giving out by my professors now.

Sounds pretty useful aside from the ink thing. 10 tons of paper is still 10 tons of paper.

Thing is I have to find access to that ten tons of paper. Unless I work at a factory that makes the stuff it would be pretty hard to any more useful than moving printer paper at home or school.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PaperMaster

Maybe you could just walk over to your local library and manipulate the books?
with powers like this you just have to be creative.

 

[tyytedde]

Aqua man's powers, I don't live near the sea, nor a river

 

[Rumpsteak]

The ability to know exactly what anyone will say 0.5 seconds before they say it.

 

[morpher80]

Well if we are talking about super powers the most useless one on land would have to be aquamans powers. Its somewhat debatable how good they may possibly be at sea though. I would be happy to hear someones opinion on his powers at see though!

 

[Jenvas1306]

Switching sex at will.

well thats useful...

 

[Parallel Streaks]

Being able to, say, snap my fingers and I'm tipsy. Second time I'm pleasantly drunk. Third time stumbling, fourth time blackout. This would bring none of the negative physical side-effects of drinking, it would be purely mental. Perfect control over a night out and never buying a drink again. Extend it to drugs too, fuck it, you can hardly call that an advantage.

 

[Parallel Streaks]

Well if we are talking about super powers the most useless one on land would have to be aquamans powers. Its somewhat debatable how good they may possibly be at sea though. I would be happy to hear someones opinion on his powers at see though!

We don't know what's in the murky depths of the ocean, and he has control over all aquatic life. Actually, I think there is a comic where he seizes control of Cthulhu, or something that resembles it. Maybe an Elseworlds story..

Also, the fact he has to swim to get anywhere in his home-turf at sometimes phenomenal levels of pressure. The guy's probably kinda strong, even on land.

 

[Euskalduna]

The ability to see five seconds into the future.

Wouldn't that basically be the "Sharingan"? You could use it to dodge enemy attacks.

 

[HalfTangible]

The power to add filters and layers to manipulate my voice like a sound editor.

I'd sound like Darth Vader ALL THE TIME O_O

 

[Mr Companion]

The ability to command Dodo's.
Summon a Sponge
Hyper perspiration!
Transmute Gold into Pyrite
Rewind time, without remembering having rewound time thus creating a loop as the same sequence of events plays out forever.
Pink blood
Grow eyelids anywhere on my body.
Telepathic link with worms.
Summon stick insect.
Nails that grow twice as fast.
Break umbrellas at will.
Sense tea.
Deflect oxygen.
Shed teeth.
Retractable ears.

Capacha: FORGET THIS
That would also be a sucky power.

 

[Extra-Ordinary]

The ability to take tape off of stuff without tearing the surface off the thing that it's on.
Super-useful for those rare occasions but not exactly applicable anywhere else.

 

[omicron1]

The power to grow and shrink my waistline at will.

Actually really useful, but only to my own egotistical self. And it doesn't apply to other areas.

 

[Zombie Sodomy]

Not being able to get a nose bleed ever again no matter what.

Useless, but i get so many bloody noses it would save me soooooo much trouble.

I have that! If it saves you trouble, it's not exactly worthless is it? Losing slightly less blood than the other guy you're fighting would be nice.

 

[Slenn]

I would have the ability to make fashionable wigs made of real hair that's been dyed.