Pick a useless super power

[Zombie Sodomy]

Switching sex at will.

Actually pretty useful as a disguise, but don't do it while masturbating or you'll get yourself pregnant.

 

[Angie7F]

keeping my dog furball free at all times

 

[BlazeRaider]

I now have the power to make anything taste like anything else! This effects nothing but taste. Hello~ ice tea flavoured water! WITH ZERO CALORIES!


...a man can dream...

 

[JagermanXcell]

The ability to speak to Dinosaurs.

Power to speak every language, but you have no tongue.

Time travel forward and forward only.

Transmute food and water into rock.

See dead people, but only when you're dead.

 

[Sovereignty]

The power to make a person's mouth slightly dry for 3 seconds.

The ability to see an outline of my own body in the dark. IE I can look down and see the outline of my hand perfectly even if I still can't see anything else in the room.

The ability to always fart silently.

My left elbow to be unable to be harmed.

The ability to determine what someone ate accurately based on smelling their burp.




There are tonsssss

 

[SecondPrize]

Microwave Precognition. I'm scary good at judging when the microwave will ding. I'm always up and moving toward it when it shuts off.

 

[tyytedde]

Aqua man's powers, I don't live near the sea, nor a river

Wait, I got a better one, the power to read my own mind

 

[Me55enger]

In light of recent Critical Miss discussion: The power of Brooding.

Also: I should point you guys to this, as it is decidedly topical:

http://www.rodolphesrevenge.com/comics/season_1/process_of_elimination.html

 

[UltraDeth]

Being able to determine the current warmth of a pizza from 5 miles off
Growing hair on my finger nails
Turd-Boomerangs (pretty Goddamn useless!)
Increase the speed of downloads by 0000000000000.000001%
Dust detection
Super-speed (only works if I'm Japanese on Shrove Tuesday)
Being able to determine how many blades of grass are in Wales
Comedy sound-effect every time I facepalm

 

[Infernai]

Clothes Beam: The ability to fire a beam from my fingers that will change the outfit of the one it's fired at.

At best, it's Stylish as fuck. At worst, kind of irritating.

 

[SpAc3man]

The ability to read at a rate of one word faster per minute than the average reader.
I would likely end up slowing down my reading pace. I read quite fast already.

 

[Zantos]

The ability to tell exactly what the last meal someone ate was, regardless of how long ago it was or anything that could hide or mask any trace of it.

I can literally not think of a single thing this could be useful for.

 

[mbarker]

Every time I snap my fingers a shiny penny appears in my pocket. My country is phasing out the penny.

 

[tsb247]

The ability to communicate with ants. I honestly can't think of a more useless power.

 

[piinyouri]

The ability to cut a straight line when using scissors on paper.

 

[Newby_Newb]

The ability to turn Coke into Pepsi.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

I'd choose to be able to project any image on any surface.

That way, I'd have no use for posters and I could post what I am currently interested in on my wall. I could also decorate the four walls in my room and give it a realistic theme from time to time (i.e. make it seem like the inside of my room is in Colombia from Bioshock Infinite, having things occurring in the distance).