Please help me.

[BiscuitTrouser]

This right here. This is the way to be.

I learned this lesson too recently and it really is amazing. Unfortunately to develop a resistance to rejection you need to get yourself rejected a few times first.

If this is the first girl you're interested in then it probably won't go your way. But don't be discouraged by that, by all means try and ask her out. A 1% chance of success is better than 0%, and it's a thousand times better than her calling the police.

I think the trick is, expect the worst but hope for the best. More importantly if she says no, comfort yourself knowing that you tried your best and move on with your life. No sense in getting hung up on someone that doesn't want you, right?

Go with the advice that a lot of the people have said on this thread. Ask her to do something at some time - movies are bad first dates though, they're obvious, you can't talk and if the movie sucks then the date can spiral out of control. I always think something during the day and non threatening, going to grab a coffee or some other such thing. You've only known the girl four weeks right? A good way to ask her might be saying that you think she's really cool and want to get to know her better.

If she says no, you know where you stand and you can safely move on to someone else. It might hurt for a while. No, actually it will. Be prepared for that. But if she was going to say no, then it was eventually going to hurt anyway, right? Might as well get all the crap out of the way early.

To summarise though, only you can know when the right time to act is. Ask her out when you feel the time is right.

Best of luck, anyway.

You know my motto... do i know you? Piggott secondary school? Seriously how do you know that... Maybe we are just really alike... anyway this guy knows what hes talking about, i dealt with rejection, my girlfriend of 2 years told me she didnt love me anymore, it hurt like a ***** but i think my fear of rejection is gone. I told me friend E that i loved her and she just texted for me asking just to talk to me for a while, that she needs my company. Take risks. They pay off, just be prepared to lose em. Guys right about movies, they suck unless its a light hearted comedy or a really non serious action (scott pilgrim was mine with E, rocked like hell). Anyway yeah man you have some good attitudes.

 

[UnwishedGunz]

Okay here's what's up. I'm a virgin, have never had a girlfriend before and I've never gone out on a date before.

Now we've got that out of the way, I'm gonna need some advice.
There's this girl I really like at my school, but I don't think that she thinks of me as someone who likes here.
She probably just sees me as some weird guy she talks to, has some fun with.
She is very pretty, I know of at least one other guy who likes her, and she has sort of a dark humor.
She likes it when people trip and stuff so she can point and laugh. That makes her sound like a ***** doesn't it?
Well she's not.

Please anyone? This plea for help especially goes out to the women/girls at the escapist since in my experience, guys mostly say: JUST F****NG KISS HER!!! SHE'LL GET THE MESSAGE!

Don't bother laughing at me, this was a last resort, I've been laughed at before.

dude, no offience but...grow some balls and just ask her out thats what i do, it works most of the time

 

[Sennz0r]

i know you specifically said in your intro it's the kind of advice you weren't after
but unless you make the first move you really won't know
in all the women i've been with i've never been certain if it was right to go for it
but if you don't it ain't likely she will
because they hardly ever do
even if they REALLY like you

and even if you get knocked back when you lean in for it
it's not like she'll just disappear out of your life or anything

I'm just guesssing you're from the US right? Or at least not from Europe. And definetely not from the Netherlands.

WE don't do that round here. We don't just kiss a girl without a heads-up or whatever. If she wouldn't like it, she would probably ruin my entire life on that school. That's why I'm so damn nervous. That and, I've never kissed a girl before.

actually i'm from England
and that's how it's done here
are you dutch then yourself?
it's all spur of the moment
you make hints you're interested first obviously
so they may suspect it's coming

I did mention that I am a TERRIBLE flirter simply because I never do it.
Yes I am Dutch by the way, our girls rock but they're hard to get for me.
And what kind of hints, I'm afraid I'm gonna need some examples.
(Told you I was bad at this)

Oh dude you're Dutch? Me too man, where do you live? I'm pretty sure there's some kind of way to deal with girls from different provinces

Honestly I highly doubt it's true, but I like what's been said already: Play it slow and steady. I take it you're in this for the long haul, not a quickie so whatever she likes about you now should still be there when you're making your move.
I wouldn't be able to tell you what kind of move to make exactly. If you know what she likes (and I hope you do by now), you could -as was suggested- talk about that regularly. If she likes a particular movie genre/kind of music start off a convo about some movie she might like coming out soon or a band playing somewhere that she might like, or some other kind of show. Then you have an angle to go see that movie/band/show with her.

That's what I usually do anyway. I'm no expert, haven't had a girlfriend myself but I'm pretty sure that has something to do with me being 'picky' as my friends call it rather than my ability to get a girl to like me/go out with me.

And don't worry. Even if it doesn't work out, just be understanding, stay friends. From that moment on the pressure's off because she doesn't expect you to put the 'moves' on her, which means you can hang out more casually and she can get to know you better. Who knows, she might really like you after a while and reconsider

Good luck on your endeavours, fellow countryperson

 

[Danzaivar]

Guaranteed to work.

 

[Broady Brio]

Not only are born in 1993 but in MAY too!

Same here. With same problem exactly. Minus the fact you have found someone you're interested to.

So I'm pretty useless here. I'll be leaving.

 

[gallaetha_matt]

You know my motto... do i know you? Piggott secondary school? Seriously how do you know that... Maybe we are just really alike... anyway this guy knows what hes talking about, i dealt with rejection, my girlfriend of 2 years told me she didnt love me anymore, it hurt like a ***** but i think my fear of rejection is gone. I told me friend E that i loved her and she just texted for me asking just to talk to me for a while, that she needs my company. Take risks. They pay off, just be prepared to lose em. Guys right about movies, they suck unless its a light hearted comedy or a really non serious action (scott pilgrim was mine with E, rocked like hell). Anyway yeah man you have some good attitudes.

I actually heard it a long time ago from a friend of mine and it just kind've resonated with me. Different secondary school though, I'm afraid. No, seriously I am afraid because my secondary school was an evil place - the source of all my neurosis, my hang-ups and my fear of the number six.

But, yeah - you do have to get your heart kicked around a bit before you can lose your fear of rejection. Truthfully, I'm still not completely over my rejectionophobia - but I'm working at it and I wished I knew ten years ago what I know now.

Or at least if I could've been as big as I am now ten years ago. A fourteen year old kid with the body of a twenty four year old man? I would've owned that school 6 times over... AH!

 

[thegermanguy]

hm, could be that someone here said similar things before, but i'm gonna give some advice anyway ^^
the most important thing is to spend much time with her, but don't push it too far. if you have fun while being with her, you are on a good way.
and if you think she likes you, ask her out...many people don't have a girlfriend for a long time because they are too afraid of the consequences of being turned down. so just do it.
to be honest, sometimes i have similar problems, but i try to work on it ^^

 

[Sennz0r]

actually i'm from England
and that's how it's done here
are you dutch then yourself?
it's all spur of the moment
you make hints you're interested first obviously
so they may suspect it's coming

I'm from England too and in my experience with my friends whenever a guy has just gone for it, they didn't like it. They said it gave the impression the guys just wanted the physical aspect of things, instead of actually talking to them first and getting to know them better. In my opinion it's just common courtesy to actually let people know how you feel first before trying to make a move.

Glad to see chivalry is not entirely dead across the channel

 

[technoted]

Buy a ghillie suit, hide in bushes, hope she notices and has a freaky stalker fetish.

 

[Imp Poster]

Now we've got that out of the way, I'm gonna need some advice.
There's this girl I really like at my school, but I don't think that she thinks of me as someone who likes her.
She probably just sees me as some weird guy she talks to, has some fun with.
She is very pretty, I know of at least one other guy who likes her, and she has sort of a dark humor.
Please anyone?

I am going to tell you a little secret. If you live America, our society has males initiate and start a relationship with females. So what does that mean? It gives you POWER to pick and choose any girl. Usually, girls will only be able to pick and choose from the guys who show interest in her. It is a transfer of power. Now, that doesn't mean females powerless or she has no choice in the matter of picking. Her tools is the power of suggestion, seduction, etc. to encourage certain guys she likes to give her his power of choice, to choose her.
So with this power, guys can talk to as many girls as he wants, thats YOUR power. But for girls, it is not that easy. She is limited to only the guys that show her interest so she won't be so easy just dismiss guys because evetually she may run out of guys that show her interest.

How does that work? Well, you need to SHOW her that you like her, NOT TELL. Girls aren't stupid, they can figure out you like them. But you need to show a clear message. A compliment helps, listen to what she is about and treat her accordingly. Once you show that message, you have the power to take it away which for some reason I find that bothers women even the ones that don't like you in that way. That is YOUR POWER. USE IT. IT GETS YOU GIRLS. Which is why I don't understand why guys can't get girls. It is like you are afraid of using this power. So what she rejects me, no matter how unique people want to be, we are in groups of the same kind of people. You just gotta find one and that's your POWER!

Now whether or not I should ask her out, well it is a something you have to feel. But once you transferred this power to the girl, she will let you know. And because she hasn't shown you anything doesn't mean no. Probably just means she is not sure unless she completely stops talking to you. Always start the conversation everytime you see her even if that means just hi(only until you ask her out). You may have to chase her abit. Some checks for whether or not I should ask her out, Does she touch you like pat you on the hand? touch your hair? gently pushes you? Others might be does she laugh at your jokes? Can you make her really laugh? Some such after awhile you will have your own questions to that matter on whether you should ask her out. I think the last thing a girl wants to be on a first date is uncomfortable more than usual.

 

[Sennz0r]

It's not going to work out. Follow these rules and everything should work out as it should:

RAK's Rules of Romantic Interaction

1) Unless explicitly proven otherwise, he/she already has a romantic partner.
1a) On the internet, unless explicitly proven otherwise, she is a man.

2) Even if they are not currently involved in a romantic relationship, they almost certainly are not interested in you.

3) Accentuate their negative traits. Talk to them, identify a feature which you find distasteful or annoying, and focus on that and how little you want to be associated with somebody with that trait.

4) If you cannot successfully identify a negative trait to focus on, accentuate your own negative traits. Find some feature of your own personality which is distasteful or annoying (but not vulgar or offensive) and accentuate that.

5) If you cannot bring it on yourself to act on Rule 4, it is not of critical importance; unless they're stalking you - in which case, you shouldn't have any moral quandaries about acting on Rule 4 - they will have accentuated your negative traits for you and recognised that they are not interested in you.

That sounds less like rules for romantic interaction and more like rules for interaction with people you don't like to make yourself feel better... or Gremlins.

Though I can see how it could work: Take your hopes down and smash them 20 feet undergound, after which you pour gasoline over them and burn them while you stare into the flames thinking of depressing poetry, all so you don't get just a fraction of that defeat when the girl says no.

Though I approve of having already given up before you approach a girl and ask them out or whatever your plan was (you have to be prepared to lose in order to win), I'm pretty sure what your rules are suggesting is just self-handicapping mixed with self-fulfilling prophecy, both being bad in any endeavour.

 

[Blindswordmaster]

Okay here's what's up. I'm a virgin, have never had a girlfriend before and I've never gone out on a date before.

Now we've got that out of the way, I'm gonna need some advice.
There's this girl I really like at my school, but I don't think that she thinks of me as someone who likes here.
She probably just sees me as some weird guy she talks to, has some fun with.
She is very pretty, I know of at least one other guy who likes her, and she has sort of a dark humor.
She likes it when people trip and stuff so she can point and laugh. That makes her sound like a ***** doesn't it?
Well she's not.

Please anyone? This plea for help especially goes out to the women/girls at the escapist since in my experience, guys mostly say: JUST F****NG KISS HER!!! SHE'LL GET THE MESSAGE!

Don't bother laughing at me, this was a last resort, I've been laughed at before.

Try spending more time with her, first at school and later outside of school. If she accepts and seems like she's having a good time, then try asking her out. Just take a little time to get to know each other first. Also, try some jokes. If she loves dark humor, go with that. And remember: always be a gentlemen. People say that chivalry is dead, prove it's not. Good luck and Godspeed.

 

[lacktheknack]

Send her love notes. If she starts ignoring you, then move on.

 

[Mr S]

i know you specifically said in your intro it's the kind of advice you weren't after
but unless you make the first move you really won't know
in all the women i've been with i've never been certain if it was right to go for it
but if you don't it ain't likely she will
because they hardly ever do
even if they REALLY like you

and even if you get knocked back when you lean in for it
it's not like she'll just disappear out of your life or anything

I'm just guesssing you're from the US right? Or at least not from Europe. And definetely not from the Netherlands.

WE don't do that round here. We don't just kiss a girl without a heads-up or whatever. If she wouldn't like it, she would probably ruin my entire life on that school. That's why I'm so damn nervous. That and, I've never kissed a girl before.

actually i'm from England
and that's how it's done here
are you dutch then yourself?
it's all spur of the moment
you make hints you're interested first obviously
so they may suspect it's coming

I did mention that I am a TERRIBLE flirter simply because I never do it.
Yes I am Dutch by the way, our girls rock but they're hard to get for me.
And what kind of hints, I'm afraid I'm gonna need some examples.
(Told you I was bad at this)

Oh dude you're Dutch? Me too man, where do you live? I'm pretty sure there's some kind of way to deal with girls from different provinces

Honestly I highly doubt it's true, but I like what's been said already: Play it slow and steady. I take it you're in this for the long haul, not a quickie so whatever she likes about you now should still be there when you're making your move.
I wouldn't be able to tell you what kind of move to make exactly. If you know what she likes (and I hope you do by now), you could -as was suggested- talk about that regularly. If she likes a particular movie genre/kind of music start off a convo about some movie she might like coming out soon or a band playing somewhere that she might like, or some other kind of show. Then you have an angle to go see that movie/band/show with her.

That's what I usually do anyway. I'm no expert, haven't had a girlfriend myself but I'm pretty sure that has something to do with me being 'picky' as my friends call it rather than my ability to get a girl to like me/go out with me.

And don't worry. Even if it doesn't work out, just be understanding, stay friends. From that moment on the pressure's off because she doesn't expect you to put the 'moves' on her, which means you can hang out more casually and she can get to know you better. Who knows, she might really like you after a while and reconsider

Good luck on your endeavours, fellow countryperson

I live near Utrecht and I wouldn't mind a quickie either, but I AM in it for the long run.

 

[iBananaCrazy]

Try this IF you have her number. If you talk to her outside of school by either texting, calling, or any type of way you communicate, then she must not think you're that weird or she wouldn't talk to you. Now if she shows ANY signs of liking you all, you need to do is either, if you with her during school, if your alone ask her if she'll go out with you, OR one day call her up and ask her the same thing..

It works, I've done it before.

 

[Shirokurou]

I usually doubt the truthfulness of such posts, but why not. But I'm bored, so...

If you do hang out and have fun together then it's way easier... Just casually on some hang out mention that you might have a crush on her and ask her to the movies or something.
If she agrees - nice.
If she doesn't... use any other advice listed here

 

[Sennz0r]

*snip*

Speaking as someone who has been in an alarmingly similar situation (and not have it work out) all I can tell you to do is to stick to your convictions; don't let anything discourage you from doing what you feel you should do. Also, try not to let it end like this [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.205822-The-Friend-Zone?page=2#6958113].

Wow, that story is infinitely sad. I feel for you man

I know where you're coming from though. I once mustered up the gall to tell a girl how I really felt about her too, and my heart got stomped on. I moved on, though I don't think I'll get to a point where I can admit feelings like that again, at least not in the near future.

OT: Don't do the quickie thing, not with someone you like. It'll only lead to complications and awkwardness.