Pokemon, for real

[Dr. Doomsduck]

Grabbing me a Wigglytuff, because I loved those since my pre-teen years.

Otherwise...

Chikorita
Geodude (with the intention of training/trading it into a golem)
Quagsire
Swablu (again, training it)
Mareep (Ampharos, here we come!)

basically, my team from heartgold/sapphire...with the exception of Umbreon, due to my lifelong wigglytuff dream XD

 

[SweetShark]

Well, if we want to be VERY realistic about this specific situation, we don't have the ability to select what we caught.

Also in reality, you wouldn't want to caught them and have them to fight only to see them surfer for your enjoyment. You will have them so give him a nice home to stay and keep him as healthy as possible, away from any kind of troubles.

Of course in reality the secret services, government, mafia, paid armies, gun dealers WILL somehow use them as a weapon especially if one of them manage to catch a Legendary Pokemon.

Then in the game come the X-com *cough* I mean different kind of scientists groups to test their abilities by torment, drown, hit, stab and in the end butcher them to study their anatomy.

Finally we have the Hardcore Pokemon fans, furries, guro fans, Pokemon haters, Digimon fans, drug lords, psychos and many, many different kind of people they want to use them for their own personal and twisted dreams come true.

Oh hey! I caught Keldeo!!!

[I obviously I'm joking, so don't get my post seriously, ok ^^]

 

[acsoundwave]

We wouldn't be able to do anything because PeTA would be jerks as always and try to "protect" the Pokemon from being owned/trained by humans.

As for the serious animal welfare and environmental groups: they would move to protect the Pokemon from being exploited. At the very least, Pokemon could no longer DO BATTLE (at least not in the US, where it's illegal).

Then again, the Legendaries would likely wreak havoc through major cities around the world. Tokyo, for example, would look like...a standard kaiju film.

 

[Keoul]

Hey, we got pokemon
and this is craazzy
but here's our number
So join us maybe?

We are not some girl group trying to get a gay guy's number.
We will use nothing of the sort.
You are totally not joining.
Expect to pay triple for your pokemon when you come to a pokemon centre.
Good day to you sir.

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

Hey, we got pokemon
and this is craazzy
but here's our number
So join us maybe?

We are not some girl group trying to get a gay guy's number.
We will use nothing of the sort.
You are totally not joining.
Expect to pay triple for your pokemon when you come to a pokemon centre.
Good day to you sir.

Tssssk, is that a threat? don't make me call agent Jenny on your ass.

 

[ccggenius12]

I'd take a Magikarp. You see, each Magikarp lays 1000 eggs. Each of those eggs will grow into a Magikarp and each of those Magikarp will lay 1000 more eggs. That's 1000000 Magikarp. And if I sell all of those Magikarp at $10, I'll have $10000000 and will be able to buy all of the instant food in the world.
And of course, if people are smart and don't buy them, The inevitable Team Rocket plot to force evolve the world's Magikarp will result in my possession of an army of 1000000 lazorfish.

 

[azukar]

Well whichever Pokemon I grab, I'd probably then just watch the chaos. I mean, America is full of enough gun nuts already, without giving people potential access to instant earthquakes, hurricanes, explosions etc.


Or if Keoul's Team Zero is cool enough I might join them.

(Incidentally, I'd be looking for a Gengar, an Espeon and a Houndoom)

 

[Keoul]

Tssssk, is that a threat? don't make me call agent Jenny on your ass.

What's she gunna do boy?
"so uh please stop charging this guy quadruple at the pokemon center"
"no"
"well you're not actually committing a crime so okay"

I'm not exactly stealing pokemon here, just charging people for a service.
And now the fee for you is octuple.

 

[The White Hunter]

I grab Squirtle
A turtle that evolves into a giant Bi-Pedal Turtle with freaking cannons coming out of it's back.
Also since I have a head start I'll start the "evil team" of this world.
SAY HELLO TO TEAM ZERO
WE ARE NOTHING
WE ARE NO ONE
BUT WITHOUT US THE WORLD WILL COLLAPSE
TEAM ZERO, JOIN US PERHAPS.

I would like a seat of power in this team please xD
No, I won't use unevolved weak things and do stupid things like release legendary pokemon we caught!

OT: Piplup! It's adorable and becomes ARMOUR PENGUIN!
Then idk...
Weezing because Weezing is awesome and could sludge my enemies and waiters that scoff at their meagre tip.
Ampharos because it's adorable and highly diverse in it's capabilities.
Dragonite because it just makes sense to fly around on a dragon and he's easily my favourite dragon.
Aggron, because sometimes stuff just has to get heavy slammed to oblivion.
Quagsire. Because fucking hell I love Quagsire.

 

[thejackyl]

I would probably go with a team of Eevee's turned into their evolved counterparts. I'd have to be that one trainer that keeps like 10 pokemon on him, but only fights with the six he's allowed to.

I dislike HM Slaves for fighting, because they tend to lose some of their versatility. Hence I would keep a few extra around just for Flying, Surfing, Teleporting, etc.

 

[Keoul]

I would like a seat of power in this team please xD
No, I won't use unevolved weak things and do stupid things like release legendary pokemon we caught!

Good good...
Our world domination plan has 3 stages

One
Send several agents to achieve high profile positions in the pokemon center business.

Two
Begin destruction of infrastructure, and economy, those on the "inside" will attempt to remedy the problems, thus gaining trust. With both the public and high ranking individuals.

Three
Extremely aggressive takeover. Holding the Ceo hostage and taking control, Board members will also be taken hostage, death is acceptable as command will fall to the next in line, another one of our agents.
This attack must be sudden and decisive.
Once control is taken we begin charging for pokemon center use, thus making trillions.

WE'LL BE SWIMMING IN MONEY MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

Tssssk, is that a threat? don't make me call agent Jenny on your ass.

What's she gunna do boy?
"so uh please stop charging this guy quadruple at the pokemon center"
"no"
"well you're not actually committing a crime so okay"

I'm not exactly stealing pokemon here, just charging people for a service.
And now the fee for you is octuple.

Ohhh, except in this country we have obligatory health insurance, so as long as I'm paying enough according to the law, Me and my pokemon get health care.

Want to influence the law? You just admitted that you want create totalitarian system that punishes people for satiring your little club...Good thing no-one here cares about freedom of speech, because yikes, things might get ugly otherwise.

Also, I'm a girl.

 

[Eccentric Lich]

I'm a ghost trainer in the game, so I'd be a ghost trainer in life. I'd immediately start training and seeking out strong and like-minded trainers to start up a criminal syndicate.

Gengar would be like my starter pokemon, the one I'd always keep out in the open since it can hide in my shadow and strike whenever needed.

Chandelure is my destroyer. Whenever something absolutely must go up in flames, he's my guy. Need to escape? Create a wall of fire. Need to attack? There's nobody better.

Dusknoir because it's an awesome personification of death. It's moderately powerful but more importantly, it's durability allows it to march on in the face of any opposition.

Golurk for flying and smashing. And because giant robots are just really cool.

Spiritomb because I need a way to cover my weakness to dark and ghost and again, the cool factor.

Jellicent. Dat stache.

So pretty much exactly what I use in the game. With all ghosts, I'd never have to pay for food or any kind of care for them. Gengar feeds on lifeforce, Chandelure eats souls, and I don't think the others require anything. They're spirits. What could they need?

 

[Keoul]

Ohhh, except in this country we have obligatory health insurance, so as long as I'm paying enough according to the law, Me and my pokemon get health care.

Want to influence the law? You just admitted that you want create totalitarian system that punishes people for satiring your little club...Good thing no-one here cares about freedom of speech, because yikes, things might get ugly otherwise.

Also, I'm a girl.

Nuh uh uh fraulein!
Do pets have health insurance? nope.
Either way you won't get pokemon health insurance... that is unless you want to pay me some extra dough.
2 DOLLARs PER DAY FOR ALL THE HEALING YOU WANT.

Also in regards to your totalitarian comment. I am taking over one business, how is that in any way me taking over the world politically. I'm not controlling every aspect of peoples lives, just one aspect, THE PRICE FOR POKEMON CENTER HEALING MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Yeah I think you're thinking too far ahead, though now that you mention it totalitarian wouldn't be that bad......
-starts drawing up plans-

 

[The White Hunter]

I would like a seat of power in this team please xD
No, I won't use unevolved weak things and do stupid things like release legendary pokemon we caught!

Good good...
Our world domination plan has 3 stages

One
Send several agents to achieve high profile positions in the pokemon center business.

Two
Begin destruction of infrastructure, and economy, those on the "inside" will attempt to remedy the problems, thus gaining trust. With both the public and high ranking individuals.

Three
Extremely aggressive takeover. Holding the Ceo hostage and taking control, Board members will also be taken hostage, death is acceptable as command will fall to the next in line, another one of our agents.
This attack must be sudden and decisive.
Once control is taken we begin charging for pokemon center use, thus making trillions.

WE'LL BE SWIMMING IN MONEY MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

1) Can do!

2) Definately can do! I'll just encourage people to vote for conservative fools with no understanding of how basic macroeconomics works!

3) For this I shall bring the newfound horror that is legitimate Dragon Dance and Outrage MoxieMence...

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

Ohhh, except in this country we have obligatory health insurance, so as long as I'm paying enough according to the law, Me and my pokemon get health care.

Want to influence the law? You just admitted that you want create totalitarian system that punishes people for satiring your little club...Good thing no-one here cares about freedom of speech, because yikes, things might get ugly otherwise.

Also, I'm a girl.

Nuh uh uh fraulein!
Do pets have health insurance? nope.
Either way you won't get pokemon health insurance... that is unless you want to pay me some extra dough.
2 DOLLARs PER DAY FOR ALL THE HEALING YOU WANT.

Also in regards to your totalitarian comment. I am taking over one business, how is that in any way me taking over the world politically. I'm not controlling every aspect of peoples lives, just one aspect, THE PRICE FOR POKEMON CENTER HEALING MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Yeah I think you're thinking too far ahead, though now that you mention it totalitarian wouldn't be that bad......
-starts drawing up plans-

Too late, I'm already working the political system, the moment those pokémon start appearing and prove themselves as higher cognitive beings, NGO's around the world will stand up for their basic rights, practically begging the system to include pokémon. Next, pokéballs and enslavement of pokémon will be out of the window.

And before you know it Pokémon will, with their superior powers, force us to enhance THEIR lives by raising them, training them, worshipping them and hoping they won't destroy the universe on their whims.

ALL HAIL OUR NEW POKÉMON OVERLORDS!!!

 

[Therumancer]

So imagine that you got into a fight with a midget that somehow found its way into a best buy during a lightning storm and just as you toss the midget into the 3DS display with the pokemon black and white 2 demo, lightning strikes the store and the interaction somehow opens a wormhole and all the pokemon from all the generations get released into our reality. all them, from numbers 1-650 or however high it is right now and along with it, all the items you could imagine, potions, pokeballs, for some reason pokeflutes, etc. In the ensuing chaos you manage to grab 5 pokeballs, a couple potions and a starter pokemon. What pokemon did you grab and what do you do now?

Captcha: Falling Pianos

Well, the bigger question is which Pokemon did I gun down first and decide to stuff and mount given my new Taxidermy hobby.

Well that or how long did you last before the goverment just dropped an A-bomb on the site to contain the outbreak. Gotta Nuke 'Em All, it's the only way to be sure! >


In the spirit of things without the bad jokes, I'm hardly a Pokemon expert so I'd probably aim to see if I could get a whole team of shiny Mewtwos or other banned-from tourny play for being overpowered Pokemon.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

I'd take a Ponyta(Who I would name Zippo), and then catch whatever, and just chill, I mean as far as I'm concerned, if I have a sentient lighter that I can ride(asbestos saddle/flameguard), I don't think I'd really need anything else, though having a gyarados would be pretty swank, I'd like one of those too, even if I have to beat the shit outa stuff by switching magicarp with my lighterhorse hundreds of times ,in order to do it.

 

[guess who]

I'm going to refer to the pokemon I would want on my team by the evolution I would keep them at but in most cases I catch them at a lower state.

Magmar - Cuse I need a fire type and I can't think of one I like more than him.

Noctowl - Played gold more than any of the others and I always kept an owl in my party; fly and hypnosis in one is just too useful to give up.

Mageton - An electric type that's also tough as all hell, yes please.

Cloyster - My water and ice once again tough as nails.

Parasect - My grass and bug also my method of application for poison and paralyze

Espeon - my favorite of the eveelutions and psychic of choice

 

[Keoul]

Too late, I'm already working the political system, the moment those pokémon start appearing and prove themselves as higher cognitive beings, NGO's around the world will stand up for their basic rights, practically begging the system to include pokémon. Next, pokéballs and enslavement of pokémon will be out of the window.

And before you know it Pokémon will, with their superior powers, force us to enhance THEIR lives by raising them, training them, worshipping them and hoping they won't destroy the universe on their whims.

ALL HAIL OUR NEW POKÉMON OVERLORDS!!!

Nah I'll be fine.
I'm an evil mastermind remember? You're legal system is without a doubt a slow and lengthy process, in that time I would have already set up my business. If any government opposes my business practices I will either take them down or a complete withdrawal from the nation, leading to the unconciousness of thousands of pokemon without a place to heal.
And don't you worry, new centers will NOT be popping up, I've got every machine, every name, patented. Anyone even try to make a pokemon center will be sued faster than they can say "gotta catch'em all!"

Also bribing pokemon to gain favour with poffins and
WE TEAM ZERO WILL STILL HAVE POKEBALLS,
WE SHALL NOT BE RESTRICTED BY YOUR PETTY MORALITY!
THIS IS WHY WE ARE HERE
THIS IS WHY WE ARE NEEDED
WITHOUT US YOUR WORLD WILL FALL INTO CHAOS
YOU HAVE PROVED IT YOURSELF.