Poll: Am I a Bad Person?

[MasterOfWorlds]

I'd not have said it to the friends, but I'd have said it to my friends and family. I might have even made a joke or two. But I've been told I'm a bad person. Oddly enough, I've been told I'm a good person too.

 

[s0denone]

There were two things I wanted to say to this scenario:

1) I totally agree with your standpoint. There is nothing tragic about it, the girl that died should be awarded with a Darwin Award, though she doesn't qualify, since she was under the influence of alcohol. If you're stupid enough to be drunk at 11am, then you're asking for trouble.

2) If you're going to go around begging, you've got to accept that some people are not going to be as "gung-ho" and charitable about the whole thing. If I'd gotten myself into that sort of trouble, the support from my friends would be a great thing, but I would tell them that I don't deserve it, because I was an arse and got myself into the situation myself.

But I digress. What I meant to say was that at Xmas, there were some carol singers at my local supermarket over the festive period and as I went in through the door, one of their lackeys proceeded to shove a bucket under my nose, expecting seasonal goodwill and a few coins for their charity. I'm not an uncharitable soul, by nature, but if people are trying to force me to part with my cash, then I tend to dig my heels in.

I politely said "no, thank you" and the looks I got were horrendous. I may as well have walked into a nativity play at the local civic centre and drop kicked the baby masquerading as Jesus, for all the difference it would have made to their low opinion of me. What would they do to the Sikh family that were shopping at the same time, I wondered, as I made my way around the shop and attempted to find an alternative exit.

Yes, it was a nice gesture by the friends of those involved in the incident, but you are well within your rights to choose who (if anyone) you give your charity moneys to.

You seem to be misunderstanding the situation.
The moral conundrum isn't whether or not OP was "bad" in not giving money... But whether or not OP was "bad" for outright telling someone whose friend/family had just passed away, that their relative/friend deserved to die for being stupid.

You don't want to give to charity? Fine.
You tell grieving people, that their relative deserved to die? ..? You're extremely insensitive, without class, empathy or understanding of social norms.

Will you argue this? You seem like a sensible guy, judging from your post. Are you telling me that going out of your way to add to the suffering of others is "fine"?

 

[Kiefer13]

I pretty much agree with you. Drunk driving is incredibly stupid and I have very little sympathy for those that do it. If they were only putting themselves in harm's way, fine, but it's the fact that they're putting any passengers (who admittedly, are foolish enough to get into a car being driven by a drunk person) as well as totally innocent pedestrians and other motorists lives in risk too.

However, you certainly could have handled it a lot better. A simple "I'm sorry, but no. Hope they get better though." would have sufficed, and wouldn't have made you come off as a colossal douchebag (which is probably how you came off to the person who was, y'know, trying to raise money for their friend who was in hospital in critical condition).

[small]On a slightly off-topic note: I think it's fucking disgusting that you can be left in a coma and then wake up with a massive medical bill. Medicine should be about helping people, not squeezing whatever money you can out of people and then leaving them to die if they can't pay up.[/small]

 

[hurfdurp]

Society dictates you look all solemn and give money, but if I could choose from a variety of things to give money to, that one wouldn't be at the top of my list. Probably don't need to be so blunt to the friends though.

 

[spartan231490]

snip

yes because antagonizing someone whose friends have just been injured or killed by insulting them is not going to have any negative repercussions on you later on.

I myself have recently suffered a terrible loss in my life as my cousin and my good friend has recently died of heart failure. now people can insult me all day and I wouldn't really care but if anyone insulted him no matter what the circumstances were I would make them pay for it one way or another.

these people's friends care for them deeply and I matter how stupid they may have been, you can feel free not to donate to the charity but if you insult them at a moment of loss you deserve to get what's coming to you,

If they didn't want to have their friends intelligence questioned in front of them, maybe they shouldn't have gone door-to-door begging other people to help fix the problems that their friends brought on themselves with their own stupidity.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

Not bad, not wrong.

Just very inconsiderate, rude, and ignorant to say something like that to the face of someone that knows them.

There's a place for opinions and thoughts, this isn't one of them. Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and donate.

 

[Lazier Than Thou]

Bad person? No.

Jerk? Most likely. Asshole? Definitely likely.

Your main problem was that you pretty much failed the notion of tact. Forever.

Can you honestly claim that it didn't occur to you that saying those words wouldn't be well received? Really?

Quite frankly, if any of the girls' loved ones were there, I'm surprised you didn't get punched in the face.

So jerks and assholes aren't bad people? So what, pray tell, would be a bad person if not a jerk or an asshole?

 

[darksakul]

I got a lot of dirty looks and i was told i was being selfish. Does this mean im a jerk or would you have done the same?

It is not your responsibility for what happen or their well being. Nor is was it your responsibility to "baby-sit" three dumb and drunken teenage girls. You were a little to "direct" in answering truthfully, but THE TRUTH HURTS in this situation. The bad ones in this situation are the ones who did nothing to stop the girls from drinking and driving in the first place (especially in the snow). You should of asked their friends, where were they, and if they were with them why in God's name they did nothing to stop their friends from getting hurt and killed.

Honestly I would of told the friends of those girls to "Where the hell you, why didn't you stop them when you had the chance"? followed by a "get lost, it is none of my concern".

So jerks and assholes aren't bad people? So what, pray tell, would be a bad person if not a jerk or an asshole?

The People (the girls so called friends) who stood by doing nothing as their friends got drunk and killed, and the OP is the Bad one?

Being a jerk is not a crime or a sin, sitting by as you let some one throw their life away is.

 

[shroomie]

I wouldnt say your a bad person. I have refused to give money to genuinely good charities for people who are in bad situation due to circumstances they cant control, you may call me a douche or whatever you want if you wish, but I dont see how money can make a problem go away. Its not as if your donation would have instantly woken them up from the coma.

 

[game-lover]

Bad person? No.

Jerk? Most likely. Asshole? Definitely likely.

Your main problem was that you pretty much failed the notion of tact. Forever.

Can you honestly claim that it didn't occur to you that saying those words wouldn't be well received? Really?

Quite frankly, if any of the girls' loved ones were there, I'm surprised you didn't get punched in the face.

So jerks and assholes aren't bad people? So what, pray tell, would be a bad person if not a jerk or an asshole?

Um... well, it's just what it says on the tin. Just jerks and assholes.

I think there's a small difference between just being a jerk and having no value for human life for example. Or... the fact that this poster is here wondering if he's bad or not is a sign that he's not really. Otherwise, I doubt he'd care.

Most likely, he actually started feeling some guilt over what he said after the negative reaction he got.

 

[BrionJames]

You know, there are a lot of reasons for which most of us find the actions of the people of the Westboro Baptist Church (the guys who protest military funerals) disgusting, but probably one of the most disgusting things they do, is act without sensitivity towards the feelings of those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. So let me ask a question here, what have you really done? By saying what you said, have you prevented someone else from drunk driving? Have you saved any lives? Have you changed anything for the better?

Or have you just told someone who is probably grieving the loss of someone that they cared for, that the person who died, and the other two who were in a coma, was stupid?

I don't think you are a bad person. I've said more than my share of stupid insensitive things that I came to later regret. You have said something terribly insensitive to someone who is in a lot of pain. At the time, maybe you thought you were just standing up for what you thought was right. That's understandable. But as you think over it some more, I imagine that you'll come to really regret what you've done. You're asking if you're a good person, because you already know that what you did was wrong. You already know that what you said doesn't make anything better, it only makes someone else feel worse.

If the girls who are in comas live, they'll have to carry the burden of their actions with them for the rest of their lives. We've all listened to someone talk who was drunk driving and killed someone. They NEVER get to forget what they did. They already know. Their loved ones already know.

You don't have to give to help them. In all honesty, I might not have given either. But saying that they're stupid to the people dealing with the loss, saying that they deserved it. That's immature, and it does nothing but cause more harm.

I drink alone some nights, and think about the stupid things I've said that hurt others, think about how much I regret saying what I said, and how much I wish I could change it, even though I can't. I imagine I'm not the only one. And if I were a betting man, I'd bet that the time will come when you'll drink at night and think about what you said too.

Well put sir!

 

[doodger]

meh theres a time and place for honesty. this doesnt seem to be it, however

That, time three.

Still, you said true.

 

[Signa]

Not a bad person, but you lack tact. I lack tact too though, so I probably would have taken it a step further by berating them for supporting their loved ones after they killed someone and risked the lives of other innocents. I am of the belief that if you act like an idiot, you should get treated like one. Family ties are meaningless if they aren't going to give you that slap across the side of the head and ask "what the hell were you thinking?!"

Then again that's probably asking too much of some one who raised a kid poorly enough that they would consider drunk driving at some point in their life. Really, you could turn this completely on them for their ineffective parenting.

 

[Gitty101]

Well, you're right that they were in the wrong, but don't you think that was being a little mean? I think the third option in your poll says it best really ^^

 

[Hashime]

I would have done the same.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Nope. I think you were right. They payed for their consequences. Although you should not have been THAT in their friend's faces about it.

But you were definitely right.

 

[dkyros]

well yeah you were being a jerk, doesnt mean your wrong you could have just handled it with more tact thats all

Pretty much what I was going to say. Now being put on the spot I'm not sure any of us would have a significantly better response that would've allowed you to walk away without the people collecting money thinking any less of you.

 

[Shining_Pyrelight]

Well, you're not a bad person (at least, if you are then I am too).

Maybe wrong place and time to say that though, even if you were correct. But, those are normally the thoughts I just say in my head whilst I politely decline to donate.

 

[Coop83]

You seem to be misunderstanding the situation.
The moral conundrum isn't whether or not OP was "bad" in not giving money... But whether or not OP was "bad" for outright telling someone whose friend/family had just passed away, that their relative/friend deserved to die for being stupid.

Will you argue this? You seem like a sensible guy, judging from your post. Are you telling me that going out of your way to add to the suffering of others is "fine"?

When you put it like that, it might sound insensitive, but that's just a question of spin. They were asking for money first of all. The reason that people pay for insurance is so that should something like this happen, we don't have to worry about paying medical bills. (I'll be right with you guys on health insurance soon, since I live in the UK and they're taking that free system apart). Begging is degrading and even in their time of need, loss and grief, the OP only spoke the truth in that it was the girl's own fault that they were drunk, they went for a drive in more than just hazardous conditions and in one case paid the ultimate price.

At some point, the family and friends of the girls will have to admit that it was their fault and due to an incredible lack of foresight (drinking that early in the morning for one, going for a drive in the snow, for two), they deserved what they got.

He didn't go out after these people, singling them out and saying "hey, you were friends with those idiots that got drunk, had an accident and got killed or injured, aren't you. They deserved it!". He was minding his own business and had the bucket rammed under his nose, just like in my situation. Sure, it could have been handled better, but he's entitled to an opinion and while I might not agree with his voicing of it, I will fight tooth and nail for his right to voice it.

 

[Lazier Than Thou]

Bad person? No.

Jerk? Most likely. Asshole? Definitely likely.

Your main problem was that you pretty much failed the notion of tact. Forever.

Can you honestly claim that it didn't occur to you that saying those words wouldn't be well received? Really?

Quite frankly, if any of the girls' loved ones were there, I'm surprised you didn't get punched in the face.

So jerks and assholes aren't bad people? So what, pray tell, would be a bad person if not a jerk or an asshole?

Um... well, it's just what it says on the tin. Just jerks and assholes.

I think there's a small difference between just being a jerk and having no value for human life for example. Or... the fact that this poster is here wondering if he's bad or not is a sign that he's not really. Otherwise, I doubt he'd care.

Most likely, he actually started feeling some guilt over what he said after the negative reaction he got.

You're aware that one of the girls in this case died, right? Wouldn't that be a callous disregard for human life?

Look, I don't think this guy should have given money if he didn't want to. That goes against everything I believe in. But not caring about other human beings just because they did something stupid(which one of us, may I ask, hasn't done something potentially suicidally stupid?) is a disregard for human life.

What he said, in my opinion, is true and accurate. Doesn't mean he should have said it, but I'd call what he did(more specifically, what he didn't do) to be a bad thing, thus making him a bad person.