We all make mistakes dude what makes you a god? and besides you still dont even know the whole story.AccursedTheory said:
Poll: Am I Controlling?
- Thread starter Mr. Google
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What the hell am i supposed to say? go ahead see him and ill just be here confused and sad? She doesnt even want to see him shed rather be with me. She made a mistake she makes a lot of mistakes we all doWoodsey said:
Yes, you are controlling. As already said, a relationship is all about trust. She should be the one breaking up with you for doing that to her. You're treating her like something you own, not a girlfriend, that's terrible. And besides that you're referring to her actions as "retarded", quite frankly I'm surprised she didn't already break up with you because to be honest, you sound like a terrible boyfriend.
EDIT: And also, are you so immature you can't just reason with the guy?
EDIT: And also, are you so immature you can't just reason with the guy?
What makes me 'god,' apparently, is my ability to recognize my own mistakes and attempt to fix them. As you are still here, and not running to your gf's house to apologize and take back your 'Kingly Decree,' I can assume you do not possess the same skill set.Mr. Google said:
And I don't need to know the whole story. Either the boyfriend is going to physically harm your, in which case either the police or yourself should get more directly involved, or your afraid of loosing her, which makes what your doing pathetic.
EDIT: Congrats on 500th post!
Dude, something similar happened to me not so long ago. We have just recently broke up, but for the first MONTH of the relationship, she still constantly talked and saw him. She even had a lot of pictures of him(and sometimes her kissing) all over her room. I say, you're in the clear. I mean, if she really wants to go, she can. People should just realize that a relationship is a commitment. You need to fully trust her to make the right choices, but she actually has to make them.
*looks at title* Yeah, probably.
*reads* Yeah, just about.
Doesn't seem like you're really "in control", though. Which I imagine bugs the shit out of you.
Listen. You don't really trust her at all, do you? If that's so, why are you even with her?
Relationships are all about trust. That's why they suck so much when they turn sour. If you don't trust her, it's not really a relationship. It's regular (or not) sex where at least one party assumes they own the other.
And this "chioce" you are giving her? It boils down to "do as I say or I am leaving".
I want you to explain to me how this isn't controlling. Go on. Have a go. I fucking dare you.
*reads* Yeah, just about.
Doesn't seem like you're really "in control", though. Which I imagine bugs the shit out of you.
Listen. You don't really trust her at all, do you? If that's so, why are you even with her?
Relationships are all about trust. That's why they suck so much when they turn sour. If you don't trust her, it's not really a relationship. It's regular (or not) sex where at least one party assumes they own the other.
And this "chioce" you are giving her? It boils down to "do as I say or I am leaving".
I want you to explain to me how this isn't controlling. Go on. Have a go. I fucking dare you.
Fucking lol.Mr. Google said:
In all semi-seriousness though, this will definately not end well. My only advice is to just enjoy this 'relationship' for what it is and not to be too torn up when it finally goes down the drain. If it's any consolation, you'll be able to learn a great deal from it a few years down the line.
He's 15?stinkychops said:
Wow... I just wasted a lot of words in here...
Wait... no I haven't. You can almost drive a car for christ sakes. Relationship mechanics are not that damn hard to understand.
At 15, he should still understand the basics of relationships. While I suppose I've have to retract my 'pathetic' statement, I still stand by stupid.stinkychops said:
Im saying that if she wants to stay with me than she cant cheat on me. thats just a relationship not being controllingMonkfish Acc. said:
Thank you so much Stinky chops (I like your name btw) for understanding and not just going off on a rant and trying to be rational, You're right and in actuality this is my first real relationship. And I'll take your advice ill tell her that if she wants to talk to him then she can even though id rather her not and if i find out that she messed up again than were over. Is that good enough for u Theory???stinkychops said:
Not with anyone and i mean if shes hanging out with her ex boyfriend every weekend than i know something is going wrong at that point i would break up w/ her i dont care if she hangs out with any other guyDango said:
Actually, I'm in a constant state of anger. It has very little to do with subject matters, the people I'm talking (Posting, etc) to, or where I am, I'm always angry.stinkychops said:
Though, right now, I am a bit angry at myself for not age checking (Which I usually do in threads of this type), and angrier than usually now that I have to go to a mandatory party on MY weekend. If it made my post sound a bit angry, I apologize. Its a long standing problem with very little chance of ever being resolved.
Sounds like you've got the same dependency issues I had to work through. Dude, trust me, nobody's worth this amount of work and effort. If you can't trust her (and you clearly don't, for the reasons @AccursedTheory so astutely pointed out), get the hell out of that relationship and find someone else. That, or you can ride that sinking ship of a relationship to the bottom of the ocean.
That said, I don't harbor anywhere near as much contempt for you as most people in this thread seem to have. I get it, you're emotionally invested in this girl to the point where being without her would hurt, so cutting her loose seems like cutting off your arm to remove a gangrenous finger... but infections spread, my friend, and this is a deadly one. Take it from someone who was in your near-exact situation: you're going to be exploited, your trust will be abused, and she will have absolutely no problems with justifying her actions to herself and everyone she knows. You're not going to "save" her from whatever made-up impulses she uses to deflect accountability for her selfish actions, nor will she change her ways because you showed her kindness and understanding. The threat of losing you is inconsequential to someone who clearly has many other places to immediately turn to, so attempting to coerce her into a healthy relationship will never work (and that's before you take into account that "coercion" and "healthy relationship" should never be in the same sentence).
You may be thinking that I'm talking out of my ass because I don't know every minor detail about your relationship and that your relationship is special and defies classification... but you're likely just confused as all hell. My advice is to cut her loose before she gets tired of toying with you and intentionally hurts you in a big way, but if you're unable or unwilling to make that decision, no worries: I guarantee it'll be a learning experience. Best case scenario is that I'm wrong and you'll have a strained, tedious, and generally joyless relationship.
That said, I don't harbor anywhere near as much contempt for you as most people in this thread seem to have. I get it, you're emotionally invested in this girl to the point where being without her would hurt, so cutting her loose seems like cutting off your arm to remove a gangrenous finger... but infections spread, my friend, and this is a deadly one. Take it from someone who was in your near-exact situation: you're going to be exploited, your trust will be abused, and she will have absolutely no problems with justifying her actions to herself and everyone she knows. You're not going to "save" her from whatever made-up impulses she uses to deflect accountability for her selfish actions, nor will she change her ways because you showed her kindness and understanding. The threat of losing you is inconsequential to someone who clearly has many other places to immediately turn to, so attempting to coerce her into a healthy relationship will never work (and that's before you take into account that "coercion" and "healthy relationship" should never be in the same sentence).
You may be thinking that I'm talking out of my ass because I don't know every minor detail about your relationship and that your relationship is special and defies classification... but you're likely just confused as all hell. My advice is to cut her loose before she gets tired of toying with you and intentionally hurts you in a big way, but if you're unable or unwilling to make that decision, no worries: I guarantee it'll be a learning experience. Best case scenario is that I'm wrong and you'll have a strained, tedious, and generally joyless relationship.
OK, well that sounds fine, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with her hanging out with her ex-boyfriend every once and a while. And also, I just thought that you might want to tell us what kind of person she is, that might help us understand why you don't trust her... or make us yell at you even more, wither way you still should.Mr. Google said:
Oh, no shit!Mr. Google said:
Except that's not what you are saying. That doesn't even need to be said, it's a fucking given.
You are saying "if you see this person, I am leaving you".
Now, I am going to guess your irrational "BUT I KNOW I AM RIGHT INTERNET" handwave for this bullshit is because you know the two have a history of doing the horizontal monkey shuffle at the drop of a hat.
Why are you bloody with her, then? You don't trust her and, if it is as you say, you shouldn't have to. Leaving her is the pragmatic choice, here.
Of course, the idealist choice would be to try to shape up and not be a jealous control freak all the dang time, but the idealist choice is usually the stupid one of blind faith.
Go for that one if you like, though. I have no illusions that I have control over you. Or anyone.
Hmm uhm what do you mean by person uhm shes idk ill just try and say as much as i can and you pick out what helps. Shes outgoing (hyper) never shy to talk to new people, can never officially hate some one and goes crazy if someone hates her (cares way too much about what others think) I do trust her. I had 100% trust in her before she did that and now she just has to gain it back which she already has since she told me like 3 weeks ago what she did. she literally was balling when she told me and i could barely understand what she said so idk how to classify that but yeah. uhm if you want to know anything else just ask cause again im not too sure what you are looking forDango said: